Ep 130. I Am Not Your Mother. (3)

  Hours slipped by as Serenis and Karas both listeo Aymeia’s haphazard recolles.

  Some were memories from a distant past; some were ret. Some, no one could tell – not even Aymeia herself.

  Irospect, the former deity’s story made little sense: her memories prised of a mix of her own and Vulka’s, or at times, some pletely ued entity. She often stumbled on her own words, uo decide on how she felt about various issues.

  This was especially evident when Felicir’s name came up: being her former teacher and friend, the human girl Aymeia had always appreciated his presence. But to Vulka, the Reaper was nothing but a despicable, heartless enemy.

  Indeed, Aymeia was responsible for sending the Reaper to Serenis in the first pce. But despite her evident memories, she could hardly uand why she’d relied on Felicir for help, or why she’d sent him to kill someohat could’ve been her own mother.

  With two flig notioing within her mind, there was little coheren Aymeia’s words. And the more Serenis listehe more her certainty grew.

  ‘…This isn’t Vulka.’

  The memories Aymeia possessed were real: some were ohat no one else could’ve known besides the dragonlord’s only son.

  However, those memories were often corrupt, or inplete. Even though Aymeia could recall Serenis, she couldn’t recall the existence of there being a sibling; she could recall one elder, but not another.

  She could recall how they’d parted. But not how they’d met.

  “…But…what is there to recall about our meeting? You were always there. Children don’t normally remember meeting their parents for the first time, right…?”

  In response, Aymeia received a cold stare from Serenis.

  “You know what you should not…a, you know not what you should.”

  First, Aymeia’s cim was only true among human children. Dragon hatgs teo spend the first few years within their egg, and maained memories of their hatg day, as well as how they’d ‘met’ their parents for the first time.

  Sed, the retionship Serenis had with Vulka wasly a typical parent-child retionship. And even though the dragonlord had old him certain things about their retionship, she didn’t doubt for a moment that her clever child would’ve figured it out on his own.

  But because they were never said by either of them, certain aspects of their parental retionship had always remained unsurfaced. There was no explicit memory to expin who they were to each other, and Aymeia – only being in possession of Vulka’s explicit memories – was incapable of reag the same realizations he had.

  Hence, when the former deity’s series of recolles came to an end, perhaps it was only natural that Serenis would remain adamant in her denial.

  “…I will say it again. I am not your mother, and you are not my child.”

  “…”

  When Aymeia lowered her head in disappoi, a hint of rem the dragonlord’s sce.

  But before she could act upon it, Karas finally broke his long sileer watg their iions finish.

  “Iing. Seems her egos have fused.”

  “…Fused?”

  As Serenis turo Karas, the professor nodded in response.

  “It’s only a theory, but…on rare occasions, a sedary ego will surface alongside a preexisting ohin one soul. Wheher are successfully erased, the two will fuse, and the individual’s sense of self bees lost betweewo. Symptoms are as you see: i memories, and a flig self-image. Though I suppose in this case, it’s due to a divinity’s influence.”

  Serenis listened ily as Karas expined his ‘theory’ – which wasn’t so much a theory, with a secret advisor telling the professor exactly how things had happened inside his head.

  And said advisor wasn’t being very helpful at the moment.

  ‘Felicir, is there no fix to her state of being?’

  ‘To tell you the truth, I had high hopes when our hero took away her divinity. I thought removing her divinity would revert her back to normal.’

  ‘…And it didn’t, did it.’

  ‘No, that it did not. And therefore, I’m out of ideas.’

  “…”

  While Karas struggled with the voiside his head, Serenis was struggling to meet the former deity’s i gaze.

  She, too, had experienced what it was like to hold the star deity’s divinity. It wasn’t difficult to grasp how the girl’s state of mind had to e to pass.

  ‘…That wasn’t a dream after all, was it?’

  Had Zion not protected her within her unscious, the star’s memories may very well have flooded Serenis’ mind. She may have lost herself amidst its crashing waves, ain herself again.

  ‘You would’ve fared better. I’m sure you wouldn’t have needed help as I did.’

  After a short silence, Serenis quietly whispered a name.

  A name she dearly missed.

  “…Vulka.”

  “Huh?...Yes?”

  Watg the star deity respond to her son’s he dragonlord’s disfort only grew further.

  She wasn’t speaking to Aymeia to begin with.

  She was merely calling out into thin air – menting the loss of her son to no one in particur.

  If only I could, I would bring you back.

  If only I could, I would tell you how thankful I am…and how sorry I am.

  But I’ll never be able to. Not anymore.

  As saddening as it was, Serenis’ son had long passed away. She’d seen his remains with her very own eyes, and she’d recimed the legacy he’d left behind.

  Hehe lost girl before her was not her child. Aymeia was no different from a broken instrument, pying hat it was never meant to py; it was small wos sounds would e out torn and unpleasant.

  “…”

  On the day Serenis awoke in this body for the first time, she’d wished that her son would be at the valley to greet her again.

  When she’d realized that he’d passed away, she’d wished that he’d return to life somehow. Just like she had, through another inexplicable miracle.

  ‘…But this is not how I wished for it to be.’

  Steeling her heart, Serenis drew a deep breath before she would speak again.

  “…Aymeia. Do you recall how you became a deity?”

  “I…”

  Aymeia’s voice faded into silence as she failed in f her answer.

  It was a hazy memory, blurred beynition. She couldn’t recall much detail, but there were certain things she hadn’t fotten to this day.

  “…I wao help him.”

  “? Help who?”

  “…Felicir.”

  Aymeia couldn’t believe her own words. But the Reaper’s grinning face was all she could see in her memories.

  “I’m not sure why. I hate him, I always hated him, but…for some reason, I wao help him then. I didn’t know it would end like this…”

  Aymeia warily eyed the dragonlord, afraid that she’d receive another cold gaze from her. But Serenis was instead nodding her head, her eyes refleg more of remorse than pt.

  ‘…Vulka probably hated him. But you clearly did not.’

  Aymeia had been born a human; if she had been born a dragon, then Serenis would’ve noticed it from the start, one way or another. And if she was born human, then there was no telling what sort of retionship she would’ve had with the Reaper during those days.

  Though, now, the girl was nothing more than the First’s mockery of the sed dragonlord.

  Normally, that would’ve been enough reason for Serenis to remove the girl from her sight. If the First would mock her kin from beyoh, then she would gdly kill him as many times as it would take.

  But there were also reasons to stay her hand.

  As matters stood, Aymeia was heless a dragonkin in the present; the fact that she’d respoo the dragonlord’s speech was the only evidence Serenis needed.

  Further, none of it had been iional: Aymeia had never inteo mock the dragonlord’s son, and she’d never inteo steal their memories. She’d never intended herself to bee the maddened, fused individual that she was.

  Ohousand years ago, a human girl had wao help her teacher in distress.

  And she hadn’t the mind to think aire millennium ahead in making her decision.

  “…”

  Serenis closed her eyes, refleg over her own sce. She tinuously asked herself what the other lords would have done in her pce.

  Some would’ve elected to kill Aymeia without a sed thought.

  Some would’ve resorted to punishment. Some would’ve sold her to aribe like livestock, or exiled her from their tribe. Some may not even have cared about such defects.

  But her son would probably have ughed, noting the ued twists that fate had to offer him.

  He would’ve taught and reprimanded Aymeia about why she shouldn’t attempt to imitate his being. And he would’ve dissuaded his mother from res to violence, proteg the peculiar girl as fellow kin.

  Finally, he’d shrug it off afterwards.

  tent, and unbothered.

  ? ? ?

  When Serenis had first announced her io turn a blio Aymeia’s state of being, Karas let out an internal sigh of relief. Had Serenis decided to resort to violehen he would’ve been ered into a choice of breaking the Reaper’s ditions, or having to defend Aymeia against a literal demonlord – her of which were too appealing.

  But Aymeia herself seemed er than she was before.

  In fact, Serenis’ annou seemed to worsen her mood. The former deity’s strained gaze met the dragonlord’s as her eyes begun to well up.

  “…If I’m not your child as you say…who am I then, really?”

  “…”

  Despite Aymeia’s flig memories, Vulka’s were, ironically, still the rgest portion. But now, that was being denied by the very persohought to be her own parent.

  A, her supposed mother could not give her an answer.

  Serenis didn’t know who Aymeia was; the peculiar girl was just a human-turned-dragonkin who’d tally happeo possess her son’s memories through the divinity they once held. The dragonlord knew nothing about the girl’s personal life.

  Instead, the answer came from someone else.

  “Asarda’s guardian.”

  As soon as Karas broke his silence, Serenis and Aymeia both turheir eyes towards him. The professor awkwardly cleared his throat in respoo the sudden attention, adding on a few extra details.

  “Well, that’s…what the Deity of Stars is said to be, anyhow. Aymeia is worshipped by Asardans as their guardian, and it’s said that she oversees their nd and well-being. It’s also said that she alters the steltions to guide those who are lost.”

  Serenis meekly nodded her head. She couldn’t care less what humans made their supposed deities out to be, but what Karas was saying did sound like something a tale that mankind would weave.

  Instead, the fused one was Aymeia herself.

  “…I am?”

  “Yes. Yes you are. In faow that I think about it…”

  The professor then turo face Serenis, gesturing towards his chest.

  “Serenis. I believe you’re currently in possession of Aymeia’s divinity, yes?”

  “…?”

  Serenis instantly narrowed her eyes at Karas’ ued remark.

  “…How do you know that?”

  “Huh? Oh. Uh, well…”

  The professor soon realized his mistake – while Felicir was busily ughing inside his head. But he had no time to pay the ughing spirit any mind, rushing to make a pusible excuse.

  “Well…Raizel took it to deliver it to you, and I haven’t heard either of you mention it since. I was curious if anything had happeo it.”

  Serenis’ frown somewhat loosened as she listeo the professor’s reply.

  “Oh…I see. I was w how it’d suddenly appeared. I suppose she did deliver it to me then. Though, this time…I happeo absorb it.”

  “Ah. You…absorbed it. That’s different, yes? You normally opt to destroying them.”

  “…Circumstances were dire. I had no choice.”

  “Haha. I see, I see. Iing.”

  After faking both ughter and i, Karas took care to sciously calm his breathing.

  ‘Good heavens. I better watch for that.’

  ‘Or…you could simply tell others that I’m with you. And that I tell you things.’

  ‘…Felicir. In case you aren’t aware, that would likely get me killed.’

  ‘My point.’

  ‘And in case you aren’t aware, my death trao your demise.’

  ‘…My bad, I take it back. Live long and prosper, sver.’

  After calming himself to a suffit degree, Karas once again cleared his throat to eborate on what he’d initially meant to.

  “Then, Serenis, that being the case…you don’t seem influenced by it like Aymeia or Lavnore were. Did the divinity have no impa you?”

  “…It did. Had circumstances been any different, I may have lost my mind as well.”

  “Is that so? Could you eborate on how you managed?”

  “…I held onto the present. And I destroyed the divinity’s memories.”

  Karas took a few seds to absorb the information, nodding his head at the new knowledge. He then looked towards Aymeia from the ers of his eyes, studying the former deity from head to toe.

  “I see. So, in other words…you were able to retain yourself by reinf former memories, while rejeg the new.”

  “I…suppose.”

  “Then there may be hope for our deity yet.”

  The professor then fully turo face Aymeia. He stretched out his arm, gesturing towards the mountains in the distance – and the frozen nds beyond it.

  “It may be possible for Aymeia to yet regain herself. Serenis, since you’ve already taken the liberty of rejeg her newer memories, we only o reinforce the old.”

  “…And how do you pn to do that? We hardly know of her past self.”

  “Ah, quite the trary. You fet that history is my main area of study. Although more ret records speak of Aymeia as a deity who’d long disappeared from the star, there are older records that depict her as a benevolent guardian of Asarda’s people. Specifically, there are tomes about…”

  As Karas began his short lecture, even Aymeia’s eyes lit up with i. Even though he was merely speaking about her own self, her mind grappled with the professor’s words, desperate to recall the things that he eaking of.

  Unfortunately, she couldn’t remember most of it. But all of it felt heless familiar.

  They were memories she’d lost – memories she’d once held dear.

  “…So, in fact, we do know quite a lot about her past. And surely at such points, she was still of her own mind. Her former memories may reawaken in the presence of her nd and people.”

  As Karas drew his clusion, the first thought Serenis had was how pusible the professor had made it out to be.

  But her sed thought was how unwilling she was to carry the pn forth.

  “…I see your point, Karas. But I fail to see why I should go to such lengths to help a divinity.”

  “She no longer is, is she? With her divinity lost, I thought she’s closer to a dragon than she is a deity.”

  “…”

  “Though, I do suppose there’s no reason for a lord to help every single one of their kin. But should we succeed i Aymeia tur self, she may be able to offer you information about the remainiies – something I know you would be after.”

  Serenis let out a resigning sigh. She spared a brief gowards the puppy-eyed girl before turning back to address Karas.

  “…There’s o vince me to help my own kin.”

  “Haha. It’s the thought that ts.”

  “What of yourself, then? Why are you going to such lengths to help this girl? She is her kin nor acquaintao you. I don’t see why you’d suggest such time-ihods to help her state.”

  “…”

  The professor mused upon the dragonlord’s question – or rather, upon how to deliver a ving lie. But u time where he’d been caught pletely off-guard, he was well-prepared this time around.

  “…There’s a multitude of reasons. For one, I’ve ample time right now – a luxury I could scarce afford during my days at the institute. Any history schor would wele the opportunity to study a deity’s past in their presence, and I am no exception. It would also be worthwhile to deliver the news of Akeia’s fall to Asarda: the people are wont to believe us if their guardian is present. And, stly…”

  The professor spared a brief gowards his student. Light was just starting to stir awake, rubbing her eyes as she arose from Ilias’ side.

  Soon after, Karas finished his statement with a visible grin.

  “…I was taught that passion goes a long way in life.”