Word Count: 1964

  tw: sexual abuse

  Novembris 29

  Lucas hands me an ice pop as we sit in the bleachers watching the baseball boys file in from their respective csses. Training would start in a few minutes and he will soon join them below.

  I lick the grape fvored popsicle quietly.

  Showing off his tongue which has been dyed red, I show off mine which was a deep purple. He grins and I look away. A moment ter, he looks towards me again and ughs gently to himself.

  "Now I know why you didn't want to come to Caelum City every time I asked."

  I nod to myself, reluctant to meet his eyes.

  Every time I showed even a modicum of kindness that could be interpreted by him as an act of reciprocal love, he would smile with such painful sincerity that it shattered me inside.

  "One day, I'll take you out of this pce, Damien. I'm sure you're tired of seeing only this school every day. You don't have to worry, I'll walk beside you in Caelum City so no one will know the truth. You can keep pretending."

  As he speaks I remember my conversation with the sun.

  'There's no pce in this world for me. I have to stay hidden.'

  "We could go to the arcade there and I'll teach you how to py Pong. It's really fun," he trails off and looks down to the field where people have gathered.

  "Did you hear back from any of the scouts?" I whisper.

  He grins, "I did, actually! I guess you were my good luck charm that night."

  Taking a bite of the st bit on the popsicle stick, he stands up with fervor.

  "I got a lot of offers already. I'm not even a senior yet... I bet Dad is pretty proud."

  Happy for his success, I smile.

  "But, I don't really care about that."

  He steps down from one bleacher and bends his knees to look me in the eyes since I've been looking down our entire conversation.

  I flinch and nervously put more popsicle in my mouth.

  "Hey, Damien..."

  I watch as a blush appears on his cheeks and he grins.

  "What if... what if I said that I loved you?"

  A shock of frost rockets through my veins as I hear the words leave his mouth.

  "How would you react?" he ughs.

  'You don't even know my name, Lucas! Father never said those words to anyone before, not even Damien who once was his favorite person in the world and I bet he never loved Mother. How can you say that so easily? To me of all people?' Millions of thoughts race through my mind as I stare back at him stunned.

  He gnces at the team below to make sure that they were distracted before discretely pcing a hand on my cheek.

  "Watch this."

  Those are the only words he says before he suddenly leaves and walks down the bleachers. Purple liquid drips down my hands as I watch him in shock.

  As practice starts, I try to decipher Lucas' words, my feelings, and look for what he asked me to watch all at once. It's batting practice. The boys are practicing how many homeruns they can hit in a 30-minute interval. Once one person misses another person rotates to take their pce. The same rules would apply to the pitcher if the batter were to hit a homerun.

  I watch as it's finally Lucas' turn to bat.

  The first ball is thrown and Lucas easily hits it and sends it flying into the stadium nets. The second ball is thrown with a curve by a new person and he hits it with the same fervor. The boys cheer at the dispy. Here comes a screwball from Bastien and... there it goes into the nets on the far side of the stadium.

  And that's how it continues for the next nineteen minutes. Homerun after homerun. Mounting shock after shock. Surely he'd miss now? Surely he's getting tired?

  But each swing threw those doubts out of everyone's minds. The coach has taken off his hat watching in disbelief as another ball hits the net from Lucas' bat. I watch as his sweat pools on the base below and the dark imprint on his bat gets more visible with each hit. But he doesn't lose that grin on his face.

  The boys behind him waiting for their turn sit on the ground watching in awe. There's only one more hit until he beats the record for this practice set nearly fifty years ago with a score of 29.

  Before the st ball is thrown he gnces at me and smirks before sending the st ball delivered by the coach himself into the net breaking the record at 30.

  With the victory, the boys tackle him in a dispy of mania, roaring their approval as the dust settles on their suits. Laughter and screaming filled with joy and fire erupt from their throats.

  I grip the melted stick in my hand.

  'Why... why even now when my first friend just accomplished something amazing, do I feel so-'

  "Damien!" Cyrus yells, waving me down from the bleachers.

  "Get down here and celebrate!"

  At his call, I quickly grab my bag and hurry down the bleachers.

  As I make it to the fence separating the boys from the crowd area, Lucas is the first one to meet me there.

  "Did..." he says, breathing heavily. "Did you see that? I... huff ... did that for you. I love-"

  The other boys make it from behind and push him into the fence.

  "Damien, did you see that! Luke broke a St. Reggie's record! No, probably every academy's homerun record! He's absolutely insane."

  I manage a grin.

  "It was... great," are the only words I am able to get out.

  But still, Lucas beams.

  The coach retires Lucas early since the rest of the team hadn't trained since he overtook the base for so long. With his things in hand, he walks past the fence to join me.

  We walk quietly side by side.

  I know what he's hoping I'll say, but the words catch in my throat. How could I lie about something so significant, looking him straight in the eye?

  As we walk to the backdoor leading to the dorms, he does a quick gnce around before stealing a sudden kiss from me.

  I stare at him in shock as the words leave my mouth without a second thought, "In daylight?"

  He chuckles, "I'm sorry. I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. I won't do it again."

  Looking down, I bite my lip anxiously as we go open the door and enter the dorms.

  ~

  Lucas sits on top of my desk and looks over as I do my homework as usual, but it's hard to stay focused as my mind swims with a feud of emotions boiling inside me.

  Finn and Sebastian are uncharacteristically out right now and I can tell by his stare that he wants to risk another moment now that we're alone. So despite my distraction, I stare at my paper with intense focus so he can't find an opening to suggest it.

  We're locked in this stalemate of conflicting interests until finally we hear a knock at the door.

  "Come in!" I say, a little too fast.

  And in walks the one other person I didn't want to see today. With a grin, Leonard walks over to Lucas and I.

  "Baseball kid, leave. I need to have a private conversation with Damien."

  Lucas reluctantly stands up knowing it wasn't smart to defy this brute in any way.

  "I'll see you ter, Damien!" he tells me brightly before leaving.

  As the door closes behind us, Leonard repces Lucas' space on top of my desk. Pcing his rge hand on my work, he keeps me from using it as an excuse to ignore him.

  Reluctantly, I gnce up, and meet his gaze staring sharp and unwavering at me.

  That's when I know that Sebastian must have told him everything. As he searches my face for answers, I'm willing to bet he's never been this still in all his life.

  "So... you're my bride, huh?" he mutters.

  Shock stuns me as he suddenly pulls his fingers through the ends of my hair. The hair on the back of my neck prickles as my body involuntarily locks up like a caught mouse. The pencil between my fingers falls from my hands.

  "I'm not sure why you're here and I don't really care. You can do whatever you feel as long as you're not doing something that will dishonor my family. Your dad was a pretty important guy, so this marriage is a really big deal to them," he continues.

  I don't respond.

  I'm not sure what I can say that won't sound impertinent. I can't keep the same attitude I had as Damien speaking to him anymore. We were never on equal standings before, but now, with my secret exposed? The difference is even more chasmic.

  "Are you going to grow out your hair again?" he asks fiddling with the ends of my strands.

  "...If you would like me to." I mutter, despondent.

  He smirks and it grows into a grin.

  "Yes, I would love you too! Ah, this new version of you is much better!"

  He starts to ugh. It's a deep sound that comes from the pits of his lungs.

  My gaze fixed on the desk, I move my hand to habitually grip and rex my grip on my pencil over and over.

  "Hey, Camille," he whispers in my ear.

  My blood runs cold hearing my true name spoken aloud for the first time in months.

  "Hey... since we'll be married in half a year. It's okay to get a headstart on practice now, right?"

  Suddenly I feel his lips on my neck. Goosebumps erupt on my skin as my eyes widen in shock and my arm shoots up in reflex. Without care, he holds my face towards him with one hand while using his other to hold back my arm. It wasn't like Lucas' careful kisses.

  He bites my lip as if he is a vampire trying to sap every st bit of my energy.

  But I let him.

  I let him put his hands under my shirt and over my waist even though it feels like acid on my skin.

  And though it doesn't go further, the sensation lingers on my body even long after he finally leaves.

  I curl up in bed as Finn and Sebastian enter, chatting, working on homework, compining, and eventually drifting off to sleep.

  I remain there for hours, frozen in pce until night falls, before slowly getting up on tender feet.

  Walking past the sleeping boys, I feel my legs sway beneath me, as though I were nothing more than a fleeting apparition.

  I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the lights, and lock the door.

  Finally, I slump down on the cabinet.

  'Alone,' I think as I curl up on the white tiled floor.

  The illumination from the ceiling reflects into my eyes as tears stream down my cheeks. Even then, in that cramped house where I had never seen the entirety of the sun or horizon... I was never alone.

  Sitting here on the cold floor now, the hollow ache in my soul grows as it steals the light from my eyes. At least then it didn't hurt so much just to wake up and realize that I was alive.

  And even though I'm surrounded by more people than I've ever seen and will ever see in my life...

  I hold my chest with my arms.

  'I still feel so alone...'