Word Count: 3639

  Martius 18

  Finn dejectedly watches us from his top bed as we pack our things.

  "Sebby, I thought I was coming over to your pce this break. You've forgotten me. Yesterday, I had to call my dad to pick me up instead."

  Sebastian rolls his eyes, "You come over to my pce every year, Finn. I want to see Verdelune alone this time."

  Finn grumbles under his breath before moving his gaze to me. "Damien, where are you going for break? You and I could ditch Sebastian together and go on a city hike. I've got sooo many things to see, plus you'd be hidden real well in the crowd." he boasts.

  "Ah, my apologies, Finn. I will be visiting home to arrange wedding pns with my Mother," I say, not taking my eyes off of my suitcase.

  He looks between both of us, displeased.

  "Both of you are party-poopers," he huffs.

  "Shouldn't you be packing too? Your dad's private jet is coming in an hour," Sebastian mutters, growing annoyed with Finn's moaning and compining.

  "Nah I'll make him wait," Finn replies.

  He slowly moves down the bunk dder with his eyes locked on the blonde, "Keep him on his toes, you know?"

  He creeps up behind Sebastian and suddenly leaps onto his back. Sebastian jolts upright with a startled yelp, and I press my lips together, trying not to ugh.

  He punches Finn's shoulder with a roll of his eyes.

  "Enjoy your city hike," he says before leaving to go grab our Vacating pamphlets from the main office.

  The door creaks closed and Finn leans on the metal frame of the bunk bed, crossing his arms.

  Sliding the small knapsack out from under my bed, I reach inside. My fingers brush against familiar items until I pull out a green, rectangur square.

  Damien's passport.

  Its surface feels smooth yet worn under my fingertips, and I pause, tracing the crinkled edges absentmindedly. This was one of the few remnants of him salvaged from the crash. One of the only things that truly belonged to him. After a lingering moment, I tuck it gently into the suitcase pocket.

  Finn watches as I put my towel in my bag and I gnce back at him.

  "Hey," he says, looking at me with those blue-gray eyes.

  "Hello," I reply.

  "So, wedding pns, huh? Guess you really are going to marry Leonard," he says, uncrossing his arms.

  The words cause my back to prickle, but I don't respond.

  He approaches silently before kneeling beside me on the ground, "I know I sounded like I was joking before, but we really could go on that city hike together. It could take your mind off the whole thing if it's bothering you."

  "I..." I mumble. "I have to go back."

  He looks away and sucks his teeth with a sigh, "Figures. Parents are like that, huh?"

  He stands up and walks away to retrieve his suitcase from under his bed. But as he pulls it out, I catch the hesitation in his eyes and his resolve faltering. He looks less like someone preparing to fly and more like someone itching to run.

  "Do... you want to go home?" I find myself asking.

  Finn doesn't respond and his back is turned to me, making it impossible to read his expression. This is unusual. He always has something to say, even if it's a quip or a distraction. But this? It feels like a deliberate wall.

  The wheels start to click as I piece together everything that I know about him and it all begins to make sense.

  Of course he stays with Sebastian at this time of year. It's not just for fun; it's to avoid that house. A house with parents who pick apart every move he makes, only sees his faults, and shipped away the only person he truly loved.

  And now I've taken his pce.

  I've occupied the one trip he looks forward to all year. He might not know that's why Sebastian is headed to Verdelune, but that doesn't erase the fact that I've dispced him. They're best friends, but I don't think even Sebastian knows the truth about what happened with Finn's sister. To Sebastian, Finn's constant presence probably just feels like his usual pyful clinginess.

  "Why don't you visit Laoise?" I say.

  The words just fall out of my mouth without thought and I immediately grasp that it isn't my pce to mention her name.

  He flinches and I hear his hands tighten on the Velcro of his bags.

  "Damien..." he starts.

  But I don't back down. Sebastian doesn't give up on me either when I say things are too painful to face. He presses on the unhealed wounds I've tried to hide because he knows that's the only way they'll finally start to mend.

  I stand up to face him.

  "Why...Why don't you! If you keep putting it off, you'll never get answers. You don't know how she feels. She's probably wondering why you've never come visit. She probably... misses her little brothe-"

  "Don't talk about things you don't understand!" he yells at me. "You don't know her! You'll never know her."

  Taken aback, I stare at Finn with wide eyes. I've never seen this side of him before.

  I grip my sleeve and look down to the floor.

  "I'm sorry," I say.

  Silence envelopes us.

  "You know what, I think I'll be early for Dad this time. Make his day," Finn mutters coldly before grabbing his suitcase and walking out the door.

  I watch him leave, the door smming behind him as I flinch.

  My hands tremble.

  I slowly realize that when his voice rose, it stirred the memories of Father's yells. Thoughts of Damien's fear, Mother's silence and my pain push to the surface and crash against my mind.

  My grip tightens on my arm.

  'He's still lost in that ocean,' my head murmurs as I try not to let the memories break me down. 'But someday, a boat will find him.'

  The tremors finally subside and leave me feeling more anchored, though the unease still lingers.

  After another few minutes pass, Sebastian returns and looks around curiously. "Where'd Finn go? He needs to sign the vacancy paper."

  "He's making his father's day," I say idly as I zip up my suitcase.

  Sebastian gnces at Finn's empty bed before rubbing his forehead exasperatedly, "Guess I'm forging it again."

  ~

  I can't help but stare wide-eyed at the enormous structure in front of me as my hands clutch my suitcase for stability.

  I never thought I'd encounter a structure bigger than St. Reginald's Academy, but now I'm standing beside Sebastian in front of the airport about to take my first commercial flight.

  The jump from the controlled world of school to the chaotic buzz of this area feels surreal, and yet here I am, even though I couldn't even concede to Lucas' pleas for me to visit Caelum City all year long.

  Walking inside, we check in for our flight while I fsh Damien's passport to the burly-looking attendance clerk. We move past the halls as we make our way to the gate where our pne would be waiting.

  "Everything is so shiny," I breathe.

  "Guess this beats your private jet flight, huh?" Sebastian chuckles.

  The crowd here is much rger than the student body of St. Reginald's Academy and yet I know that there still aren't as many people as there could be.

  Aurelia-Fields is very strict on who can leave the country and who can't and most people fall into the tter. But Sebastian's father has family living outside since he was of mixed race, so therefore Sebastian is a dual citizen and has freedom to leave the country for short periods of time.

  This paired with the fact that Verdelune and Aurelia-Fields are only divided by a border on the map made it much easier to get approved for travel. And now, I would be tagging along with him as a plus-one.

  My first time out of this country...

  The attendant speaks over the loudspeaker, "Boarding is now beginning."

  I watch as the other passengers rise and I follow suit as Sebastian walks behind me. We find our seats on the pne and settle beside one another, but the sheer size of the craft sends a wave of anxiety through me. This is the exact type of contraption that sent me to the celr all of those years ago and ter took my father and brother's life. I let out a breath, shaky and fragile.

  'But...'

  I look over to see Sebastian grab a book from his hand luggage for us to pass the time together. I smile when he looks down to check on me.

  'This time I have someone I know beside me.'

  I lean on his arm as he opens up the novel.

  'And he promised that he would stay by me.'

  ~

  After two hours of travel, we arrive in Verdelune and take our luggage from the baggage cim.

  As we walk out of the building, the air feels much the same as it did back in Aurelia-Fields.

  We step through the airport doors to meet the chauffeur that Sebastian's family arranged for us, but I'm suddenly bumped by someone rushing past the crowd.

  "Sorry, kid!" a soft voice ughs.

  "Uh! I..." I stumble.

  She tilts her head curiously, as if in thought, before hearing her name called and continuing her run. I'm left standing still, feeling as though I've been hit by a lightning bolt.

  It's a woman and she's grinning from ear to ear.

  A sunhat graces her head and her hair blows in the wind as she runs up to a man and kisses him. Small kids hug her tan legs and she rubs their heads.

  A soft, "Oh," is the only sound I can manage.

  Sebastian watches my bewilderment with a smile as a bck car pulls up and the driver steps out to grab our luggage. As we travel through the crowded streets, I glue my face to the window.

  There are girls of all kinds—some in school uniforms walking side by side with their male peers, women haggling for fruit at the market, children ughing as they push each other on swings at the pyground. The air feels warm, alive with the preparations for Verdelune's annual Vernal Festival.

  I don't manage a single word until we're in Sebastian's Aestival home.

  "There are so many..." I mumble.

  "Women. I know." he says, taking off his loafers and switching them out for sandals.

  "I've never seen another girl before! Other than Mother, of course. They're all so beautiful," I say, awe spilling from my words.

  "Just like you," Sebastian adds casually, and a smile tugs at my lips.

  "Come on, we've got things to do today," he says as he heads to his room to change out of his school clothes.

  Looking around, I walk into the spacious bathroom and change out of my uniform into one of Damien's outing clothes. I haven't had a reason to wear them until now. Standing before the mirror, I observe the button-up shirt and the baggy pants that hang off my small frame.

  My thoughts wander to the schoolgirls I'd seen earlier, their hair pulled back into perfect ponytails, their bright eyes and sunkissed skin glowing under the sun. Washing my face, I scrub away the dried herbs that I apply daily in an attempt to mimic Damien's tan. The herbs peel away like a snake shedding its skin to reveal the pale, almost sickly whiteness beneath—the result of years spent inside.

  'I look nothing like them.'

  Staring at my reflection in the mirror, a sudden wave of jealousy rushes in, sharp and bitter.

  'How is it that they, just a border away from Aurelia-Fields, get to live lives so different from mine? Why do they get to smile, ugh, and pretend their lives are as free as everyone else's?'

  The thoughts threaten to consume me and I feel the urge to sink to the floor. My soul wants to scream and curse everything that's held me back, that's kept from this type of happiness.

  All those years, spent like a housepnt in a corner...

  'It'll only be a week here in Verdelune and soon, I'll have to return to that prison of a country to live another life I didn't choose as Leonard's wife.'

  A thought, just a small one, floats into my mind, a fleeting idea that promises something more. But it's gone before I can grab onto it, interrupted by a knock at the door.

  "Hey, Camille? Are you ready yet?" Sebastian calls.

  I keep the sniffles from leaking into my voice and straighten up.

  "Yes! I'm coming out now."

  I take a final gnce at myself in the mirror before walking out.

  ~

  "I told our driver, Julien, to leave us be today. It'll be nice to walk around the shopping district together," Sebastian says nonchantly and stretches his arms behind his back as if I won't notice the subtle tension in his shoulders.

  "I hope you're not pnning on spending any of your money on me," I warn, raising an eyebrow.

  "Me? Spend money? No way," he huffs, gncing away with a dramatic roll of his eyes.

  I watch Sebastian closely, trying to gauge whether he's telling the truth. But as we continue walking, I find myself keeping my gaze low to avoid the eyes of those around us.

  It's hard to tell if they're just going about their day, or if they can sense that something isn't quite right with me. Sebastian's expression softens slightly, but there's still a small frown pulling at the corners of his lips as he watches me.

  Our first sightseeing stop is a packed clothing store hidden inside the market. There are pretty blouses, skirts, bows, and dresses littered everywhere. The colors almost seem like they're glowing in the afternoon light.

  "Wow..." I breathe.

  "Choose one," Sebastian says with a grin.

  "Me?" I look back at him shocked.

  "I told you that I'd buy you a dress."

  I cross my arms annoyed and whisper, "Sebastian, why do I have to keep reminding you that I'm undercover?"

  "We're in Verdelune, Camille. Not Aurelia-Fields. No one will recognize you," he pushes back with a grin.

  I shift on my feet uncomfortably.

  "Just grab a dress. Please. I have another thing that might help," he says and looks away slyly as he shoves his hands in pockets.

  I watch him curiously but he refuses to let any more words slip, so I decide to look around the shop.

  They're all so wonderful but my eyes decidedly settle on a pink dress. It's double yered, made of cotton and linen with ce frills at the bottom's end and perfectly round sleeves that cut off at the top of the arm showing off the skin beneath it.

  It's beautiful.

  And though I don't want Sebastian to spend any money on me, he notices me staring at it and insists on buying the dress. I give in seeing how much it's written on his face that he wants to do this for me.

  Taking off Damien's clothes in the dressing room, I slowly put on the outfit. I twirl around in the mirror watching myself in amazement and not before long I hear a knock on the door of the changing room.

  "Hey, Camille," Sebastian whispers. "Can I come in?"

  "Huh?" I blush, shocked by his request.

  "A-after you've worn the dress, of course," he quickly tags on.

  Hesitantly, I move to the door and push off the lock, allowing him in.

  "Super sorry, uh, I just wanted to give you my surprise," he murmurs, scratching his red face.

  Sebastian brings his satchel to the front of his chest and reaches his hand in. I watch in gentle curiosity but my eyes widen when he takes out his gift.

  In his hands y a long brown wig. I pick it up and compare it to my hair in the mirror... it's my perfect shade.

  "I thought you might be worried about going out in the dress with your hair this short, so I bought this after you told me that you were coming with me to Verdelune. My dad probably gave me a weird look when he saw that charge come through," Sebastian says with a soft ugh as he lifts his gaze from the ground to meet mine.

  I run into his arms as tears start welling up in my eyes, "Thank you so much, Sebastian."

  He pats my head gently, "...Of course."

  Turning around, I net up my natural hair and pce the wig on, adjusting it until it looks like the hair that used to grow out of my head.

  Looking in the full-body mirror, I see a person I haven't recognized in months. Damien isn't completely gone, no not entirely, but there's a new Camille staring back at me.

  For the first time in my life, I truly see myself... and it makes me want to smile.

  "Wow," he mumbles. "Just wow."

  My eyes twinkle at his reaction.

  He shakes his head with a smile, "I'll give you some time. Come meet me when you're ready."

  Sebastian walks out and though I want to be right next to him, my feet hesitate to follow behind. The door shuts behind him and I stand alone in silence. After leaving this room, I'll be subject to the dangers of the outside world again. Time will start and my anxiety will return. But, Sebastian promised that I'd be okay and I trust him.

  Most of all...

  Closing my eyes, I pce a tender hand over my heart.

  "I think I trust myself," I murmur.

  So I hand Sebastian the dress and once he finishes paying for it, he passes it back to me in the stall. Once I come out again, Sebastian stretches out his hands to meet me which I happily hold.

  As we leave the store he says, "You look beautiful," and I blush.

  We walk down the market streets together and I can't help but stop at every booth to look at each glittery trinket. My pink dress twirls behind me like a conduit of the wind as I fly deeper and deeper down the road, ughter on my tongue.

  Every once in a while I lose Sebastian in the crowd, but I don't have to look around for too long before he appears again. And yet, even as he floats in and out of my field of vision I realize that I'm not so nervous.

  I feel free.

  I'm in a dress, with my hair, walking down the street as myself.

  Truly myself.

  "I want to get so many of these books!" I giggle, trotting back to Sebastian.

  He gets a glint in his eye so before he can speak I pce my hands over his lips.

  "Without your money. I'll figure out how to get them myself."

  We both ugh.

  "You know, my family has a little history with Verdelune," he mentions off-handedly as we walk side-by-side.

  I look at him curiously, "Tell me about it!"

  He chuckles, "Are you sure?"

  "Yes." I answer quickly which makes him snicker more.

  "Okay, okay... do you know that my grandfather was actually born out of the country before he came here?"

  I look at him shocked, "And he chose to be a citizen of Aurelia-Fields of his own volition?"

  "Yeah," Sebastian chuckles to himself. "It's an age-old story. My dad likes to tell it over dinner all the time."

  "He was first over there as an intern on a news trip to report about life inside Aurelia-Fields. While visiting an affluent family, he met their unmarried daughter. He was only sixteen, but the moment he saw her he fell in love. At least that's how my dad says it."

  Sebastian shrugs to himself, "After they left, he came to Verdelune and found someone here that could make him fake Firudian documentation. Using that, he came back into the country within the year and married my grandmother."

  "Wow..." I say in admiration.

  "We consider the family that helped our grandfather to be close friends. That's why Dad went through Aurelia-Fields' decades-long application just to leave the country. And it was all so we could share beer every Aestival with the second generation of my grandfather's helper."

  "Hm?" I tap my chin. "Beer? Isn't drinking alcohol at seventeen illegal-"

  "Hey! Look at the sun? Going down fast, huh? Let's keep walking," he chuckles quickly as he pushes me along.

  Martius 25

  Sebastian and I spend the week running around the shopping district, eating foreign food, and going on walks. If I could, I'd stretch these moments out for the rest of my life. On the st day of our trip, the day of Verdelune's Vernal Festival, we walk down from his home to watch the parade. Confetti and candy wrappers flood my eyes as I watch stilt-walkers and fire breathers march down the roads completely enraptured.

  Eventually, the sun starts to melt into the sky painting our skins orange and purple as the night begins to come. Sebastian squeezes my hand as we turn to walk back up to his Aestival house.

  "Camille!" he calls out to me as the night market's streetlights begin to glow.

  "Hm?" I hum as I turn around and leave the candy apple vendor to run up to him.

  He points upwards.

  "Do you know what the best thing is about being a public couple in Verdelune?" Sebastian says, looking at the starry sky.

  I follow his gaze, stars capturing my eyes, "What?"

  Then I feel warm lips on my cheek.

  "I get to do this."