Word Count: 3942

  Aprilius 12

  But everything won't be fine.

  Next month, it'll all be gone.

  Sebastian. Finn. Lucas. This school.

  This freedom I've tasted will soon vanish and be fleeting like grains of sand slipping through my fingers.

  The sharp beep of the pager echoes in my hand as I stare up at my bed frame's railings. The message is burned into my mind, read and reread a thousand times over.

  The final stages of Mother's pn have begun.

  I have to start pulling away from my peers, little by little, until "Damien" is barely even a presence at this school. This is so when he "runs away from home" at the end of the term, no one will be surprised.

  Then, I'll be a woman... ready to be wed to the Montgomery family.

  My eyes flit to the hanging painting on the wall. The stoic girl sits in her praying position, clutching her rose as the morning light illuminates her face.

  Staring at it, I sink my teeth into my lip, willing myself not to cry. Tears have become my constant companion tely and I'm so tired of their presence.

  'I don't want to... No, I can't go back. Please, don't make me,' my thoughts plead, whispering its anguish to the sun.

  But the sun only shines, its warmth distant, and its light unwavering. No hero will appear on the horizon. And time marches on, dragging me with it.

  With a creak of the dorm door interrupting my thoughts, Sebastian comes into the room with a smile. Finn hangs behind him pawing from his back in an attempt to grab the paper bag in Sebastian's hands.

  "Hey, Camille. We're back from Caelum City," Sebastian slips a free hand into the bag while using his body to block Finn. "I got you those candy apples you like so much."

  He pulls his hand from the bag with a triumphant grin, revealing two candy apple sticks glistening in the window light.

  I sit up from my bed as Sebastian bends underneath the metal bar and slides next to me.

  I turn away but not before he notices my puffy eyes and gently wipes them away with his thumb, hands still cold from the cool morning air.

  "I asked them to double-dip it," he mumbles with a smile.

  I slowly look up at him and he pats my head reassuringly. Reaching for one of the candy apples, I take a stick and quietly lick the sugar coating. His smile is warm and his attempts to bring small joys to our st days together fill my heart. But even with those efforts, I can't ignore the faint sadness lingering behind his eyes.

  Every time I look at Sebastian, I feel the heavy truth settle in... these moments with him will soon be gone.

  As time passes as I rot under another wooden prison, they'll just become memories... Fallible ones that weather and distort under the endless days, and eventually these precious moments will be no different than illusion and Sebastian's name will be nothing but a dream.

  I lean into him and he puts an arm around my shoulder.

  Finn looks at us solemnly before he climbs into his bed and takes out a pack of pying cards to distract himself with.

  "Camille," Sebastian's voice comes quietly as I eat. "I've been thinking a lot about something the past few weeks."

  "Thinking about what?" I ask curiously as I lick my lips.

  "A way to get you out of this... awful situation," he says, gaze fixated on his fingers twisting the second candy apple stick.

  I look at him with more focus now.

  "Why don't I... you know..." he mumbles, hiding his mouth by biting off a piece of the apple.

  "What?" I question, tilting my head.

  His face reddens as he moves his arm from my shoulder to hold my hand instead.

  "I mean..." Sebastian starts again, almost inaudible. "Instead of marrying Leonard, you could marry me."

  Finn lets out a cough that barely disguises his fervent interest in our conversation.

  I stare at him dumbfounded.

  Sebastian starts waving his hands wildly as he notices my expression, "I-I know it's early. It's just to keep you out of marriage with Leonard for now! We'd have more time to think of something permanent that way."

  I stand up frantically, panic surging through me as I step backwards. My blood runs cold at the thought of it.

  "I can't marry you, Sebastian!"

  He stands up, approaching me with imploring hands, "I get how crazy it must sound! But there's only a month left before you're walking down the aisle with that savage. I... I'm tired of sitting by and watching you get hurt. I'm doing something about it now."

  "I cannot marry you," I repeat feeling my fingers touch the wall behind me.

  'I don't want to be Leonard's property, no. But even more than that I can't be Sebastian's property. I trust him. I care about him. But just the thought... the thought of handing over the reins of my life from myself to a different guy. To have Sebastian carrying me around with a leash because the country demands him to. I can't bear it.'

  Sebastian stops in his tracks now standing in the middle of the room.

  He shoots his hands up and with a frustrated voice he says, "Okay! I'm not forcing you. Let's do something else then. Let's... let's get out of here! We went to Verdelune once, let's go there again but this time we'll stay. We'll figure it out!"

  An involuntary gasp escapes from my lips and I rush forward as my hands instinctively cover his mouth.

  "Sebastian, you know that we can't do that," My voice trembles.

  "Aurelia-Fields won't let two deserters leave the nation that easily. And there's nowhere to hide in a pce that close to this country. We'll be pursued every day until they find us and who knows what they'll do if they catch us? How will we even survive? We're only seventeen!"

  He carefully moves my hands from his mouth, his touch soft, but the pain in his eyes is undeniable.

  "So what do you want me to do? Am I just supposed to sit back and pretend I don't care?" His hands clench into trembling fists as his jade eyes flicker downward, unable to meet mine. "Because I can't. Not anymore, Camille. I like you too much."

  Even though his face erupts in red from his confession he keeps going exasperatedly, "I like your smile. Your face. The words you say. I like everything about you. Just knowing you're there across the room makes my day better. And now you want me to just sit back and watch you marry a man you hate? To be some bystander in your life? How am I just supposed to sit there like an object?"

  My hands fall to my side.

  "...I've done it all my life," I mutter.

  The room falls quiet.

  Breaking the silence, I say, "Sebastian, you've been trying to help me learn how to choose for myself. So today I am. I choose not to bring you down this hole I've dug for myself and this will be the final choice I make even if it kills me."

  Finn and Sebastian both stare at me, the tension thick enough to press the air out of my chest. But Sebastian doesn't say a word. His gaze lingers on me for a moment before he turns and walks out.

  The door closes behind him and the tension in the air remains longer than the sound of his footsteps disappearing down the hall.

  "Friend-to-friend... you were a little rough," Finn says as he gnces down at me from his bed. "He just wants to help."

  Resignedly, I fall to the ground and use my hands to pull my legs close to my chest.

  "I know he does... but this isn't as simple as running away into the sunset. If they find out that he's been helping me break all of these ws, he could get the death penalty."

  I stare down at my open palms.

  "Sebastian could die, Finn..." I whisper.

  "I had to say it rough so he could understand. I can't—" my breath catches, and I clench my fists, "I can't be the reason he dies."

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  "I have to solve this by myself."

  The silver-haired boy hesitates but eventually he nods.

  Without giving him a moment to find words to protest, I push myself to my feet and brush off the dust.

  "I'm going to go see Leonard," I mutter, my voice low but firm as I turn my back on him.

  "...Do you have a game pn?" he asks cautiously, the weight of the question halting me mid-step.

  My hand lingers on the doorknob in hesitation.

  "No," I admit softly before gncing over my shoulder. "But... I learned how to py it by ear from the best."

  I attempt a grin, but it wavers.

  Even so, he gives me a firm thumbs-up, strength and understanding shining in his eyes. And without another word, I turn and walk out the door.

  ~

  I weave through the returning crowd of boys from Caelum City. The weekend is nearly over, yet the usual sullen faces brought on by the prospect of returning to css are nowhere to be found. The term is almost over, and the freedom of Aestival waits just beyond these academy walls.

  The boys ugh, smile, and cheer as they flood the halls, their voices ringing with an unburdened joy that catches me off guard. For a moment, I'm reminded of the schoolgirls I saw ughing in Verdelune not so long ago. A soft smile tugs at my lips before I even realize it.

  Rounding the corner my eyes settle once again on the stairway that leads up to the fourth floor dorms.

  When I first met Leonard back then, I wasn't afraid of him. Honestly, the only thing that scared me during those first months was the fear of someone finding out my secret and what that would mean for Father.

  Beyond that, I didn't care. Not about myself. Not about what anyone did to me.

  I think back to the painting on the wall.

  But now... I have a new purpose.

  I want to save her.

  And suddenly, fear—real, overwhelming fear—is back and begins flooding through me after years of absence. I have a reason to live now, and the thought of someone taking it from me makes my hands tremble and my throat tighten.

  'How scary... I'd forgotten what it means to be truly afraid.'

  A deep breath fills my lungs and before my courage peters out, I begin making my way up.

  These stairs have always been forbidden territory to me. It's been a silent rule I've followed to steer clear of the older boys whose watchful eyes notice far more than my cheerful peers ever could. And of course, I didn't want to risk crossing paths with Leonard more often than I had to.

  And yet, here I am now willingly walking into a bear trap.

  As I climb up, a flicker of movement catches my eye and I stop to look out of the stairway window. Morning birds are at work, their beaks weaving twigs into nests that are settled in the tree beside the school.

  'I wish I had wings,' my head murmurs.

  But as I watch them for a moment longer, the thought passes and I continue my ascent.

  I open the final door, step into the hallway, and let my footsteps lead me further into the unmarked territory. The soft sound of my loafers hitting the floor melt into the hum of conversation around me.

  Tall seniors linger in small groups, their voices low but animated. There's a subtle shift in their demeanor, a sense of weightlessness knowing that in just a month, they'll leave this academy behind and step into the real world.

  University awaits some of them. Others will inherit their fathers' estates, find wives, raise children, and continue the cycle.

  A cycle with no end.

  As I pass by, I wonder if the flickers of weariness behind their eyes is real, or if the window sunlight casting shadows on their faces is tricking my perception.

  I look at the nametags at each door before finally stopping in front of the one beled, 'Montgomery, Leonard.'

  My heartbeat quickens when I look at the pte, but I steel my resolve and knock on the door.

  "Hello," I announce myself standing firmly on the ground beneath me.

  The other side is quiet for a moment before I hear the scraping of a chair leading way to heavy footsteps that approach the entrance. The knob twists and I wince.

  Though I had braced myself to face an angry redhead, my preparation falters as a bck-haired student appears instead. He leans casually on the doorframe as he stares at me.

  I stare back, my mouth slightly agape.

  I haven't interacted with people that didn't know my secret in so long that my mind immediately returns back to my mantra.

  "H-hello. My name is Damien D'Alembert. It's a pleasure to meet you-"

  "Hm? Damien?" A voice bellows from inside the room.

  The bck-haired student suddenly snickers before looking inside and pointing his thumb backwards, "Leo, is this squirt here for you?"

  This time the redhead moves to the door, casually using his hands to violently push his roommate to the side before stopping in front of me.

  He's wearing reading gsses, exam prep notebook still clutched in his hands as he stares down at me. The insides of my body squirm as I feel him analyze me.

  "Gabriel," Leonard says.

  "Hm?" his roommate replies, now nonchantly stuffing Caelum City roll bread in his mouth.

  "Get outta here," he growls.

  The person named Gabriel shrugs, "Whatever, see you ter."

  The roommate grabs his satchel and leaves. I enter and Leonard locks the door behind us. The sound makes my arms prickle.

  With a tired groan, he sinks into his desk chair and leans his face on his fist before lifting his gaze towards me. He looks me up and down before he smiles.

  "What? Did you finally miss me?" he chuckles.

  I start to feel my palms get sweaty, but I don't let the fear stop me from speaking. My voice is quieter than I want it to be, but it carries the weight of everything I've been holding in.

  "I..." I mumble. "I don't want to marry you."

  "Oh?" he hums before snorting to himself. "This should be good."

  I grip the hem of my bzer as I train my eyes down at my loafers.

  'I can't run away now. I have to try at least.'

  Repeating this time with vigor, I say, "By w, I can't call off the arranged marriage and neither can my mother. You have to be the one to do it because you're the groom. And I don't want to marry you."

  My eyes shoot up to his.

  "I-I'll fight you everyday, I'll make it horrible for us both. If I'm under your house you won't ever have peace. So choose someone else, please!" I plead.

  He stands up and steps closer. My heart begins to race with dread because his stance looks so hostile that it feels as if he may hit me.

  I squeeze my eyes shut as I tighten my fists, push my shoulders up, and look away.

  "You can hurt me all you want! But, I won't stop fighting you. I'll struggle against you until the day I die," My voice cracks but drips with determination. "So call it off."

  He's so close that I can feel his breath over my ear and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from shaking.

  Then, his voice comes low.

  "And what makes you think I care about my peace."

  My eyes fsh open and I meet his gaze as he backs away.

  He leans on his desk ughing sourly to himself, "I'm not stupid, Camille. You think I haven't noticed how much you hate me? You may have never said anything, but it was written all over your eyes. Since the day we first met."

  He wipes his face, his fingers brushing over his skin as he holds back an irritated grin.

  "And you're obviously not just doing this just because you don't want to marry me."

  He nods his head to the door.

  "You're in love with that blonde pipsqueak."

  I watch him without a word.

  "But hey! I don't care!" he shrugs. "This arrangement was never about love anyway. Cry and whine as much as you like, I'm not going to call it off."

  I start to raise my voice in protest but he motions with a sharp gaze that it's better for me to stay silent. There's malice in his eyes so I begrudgingly bite my tongue.

  "My father stands to gain a lot from this merging of wealth," Leonard continues. "What do you expect me to tell him? That I've suddenly decided not to marry you because you have 'feelings' for someone else. What a joke. You should know better than anyone else here that real life doesn't work like that."

  He gres bitterly at his crumpled exam prep book before letting his gaze drift toward the window. For a heartbeat, the distant yearning in his expression is unmistakable, as though he, too, would rather be anywhere else. It's just as I'd felt climbing the stairs, gazing out at the sky. We both want to be free.

  The tension in my shoulders melts away, and the fear coursing through my veins begins to drain, spilling out of me like an overturned gss of milk.

  'So even him...' my mind whispers.

  But the emotion flees from his eyes just as quickly as it came.

  "Trust me, if I could find a woman that actually liked me I would."

  He looks away from the window and gazes back at me, "But that's not the world we live in, is it?"

  For a moment, the air between us is still, but only for a moment.

  "Get out of my room. We'll be married by the end of term," he says, motioning to the door. "Whether either of us like it or not."

  I make my way toward the door, pausing for a single gnce back. Leonard is already seated again, staring at his exam prep book as if nothing had happened. The sight stirs something bittersweet in me, but I don't linger.

  As I step out I find that the hallway is emptier than before. My feet instinctively turn to start the trek back to my dorm room but I stop short.

  'I don't want to go back and see the boys' faces just to tell them that I failed,' my mind mutters.

  I don't ponder it any further but instead swivel on my heel and make my way to the back courtyard to spend the rest of the day surrounded by the warm Vernal air.

  Opening the door and sitting down on the marble, I look towards the sun. I could scream and curse it like I've grown a habit of doing. But I don't. I just watch it and I let it comfort me the way it knows best.

  "I told Sebastian that only I could save myself ...but I can't. Not if the world is against me," I whisper against my breath.

  I think about Lucas' wish to step out of his predestined life, Finn's wish to be with his sister, Leonard's wish to be free and...

  ...Sebastian's wish to be with me.

  "It takes more than one person to save another. It'll take us all to save the country. But no one is ready to see past the veil. No one is ready to fight."

  As the sun dips below the horizon I drag myself back to the dorm room, my steps heavy with exhaustion. When I push the door open, Sebastian is there sitting quietly on his bed.

  I can't bring myself to meet his gaze so I turn away and retreat to my side of the room.

  Colpsing onto my bed without a word, I curl up over the covers and clutch my pillow tightly to my chest. Time slips by in silence before I feel the bed dip behind me. Sebastian settles his body next to mine, his warmth chasing away some of the cold in my chest. He drapes his arms over my body.

  "Finn told me where you were... I'm guessing it didn't go well with Leonard," he whispers.

  He pauses for a moment, "...and I'm sorry for storming out. None of this was your fault, I get why you said what you did."

  Warm tears drip from my cheeks, pooling briefly on the pillow before disappearing into the soft fabric.

  With a shaky breath, I wipe them away using the ends of my palms.

  "I'm sorry... I've been crying all too much," I mumble.

  "Hah... I'd be much more worried if you weren't sad about the whole thing," he jokes, making me let out a choked ugh.

  I turn my body around to face Sebastian and I watch as a small smile graces his face. He pces a warm hand on my cheek, but I move closer to his chest and I hide my face in the fabric of his shirt.

  "I think I have no choice but to be married to Leonard," I sniffle. "It's bigger than both of us."

  Sebastian lets out a sigh, his fingers running gently over my hair. "Maybe I'll just pester that guy into letting me visit you then. After the billionth swirlie he gives me, even Leonard will have to give in."

  "You would take that for me?" I mumble with a small smile.

  "A million times. I'd start my life as a fish," he ughs.

  I let out a soft giggle and his grin widens as he looks back to see my face. But my smile disappears as reality starts to knock on the gates of my mind and I hide myself in his shirt again.

  "I wish... But if his family ever learned of our affair, the Carters would be shamed and bcklisted. His lineage is so powerful..." I mutter. "Your family line doesn't hold a candle to the Montgomerys..."

  Hearing that, Sebastian can't find any more words to say but instead of looking for them, he wraps his arms around me and holds me close without a word. And it's the best choice he can make at the moment because his hugs make even the worst of times feel survivable.

  And in the silence...right then...I could see the shackles on his arms.

  They were on mine too.

  These shackles bound not only me or just the women of Aurelia-Fields...but every man...every person living in this country.

  And no one remembers who holds the key.

  A thought floats through my head, one that was first born out of the country. It's a thought that's been quietly growing, but until this very moment, I hadn't fully realized its presence. I meet Sebastian's eyes as the words I pondered earlier find their way into my head again.

  'It takes more than one to save somebody.'

  "Sebastian?" I ask.

  "Hm?" he murmurs as he looks down at me.

  "Will you help me?" I ask, my words barely audible.

  And though he doesn't know my request, he smiles.

  "Everytime."