Balthazar had spent a great deal of time reading books. Some were about geography, some about history, and some were eveiaries. But out of all his readings, all the many creatures of myth, horrifying legends and stories, one creature always stood out to him as the most terrifying: the taxman.

  Half man, half tax collector, the despicable being now stood mere steps away from the crab, and he felt his blood run cold. Which was fairly normal, sidering crustas are cold-blooded.

  He wore a long green gown that reached down to his ankles, a hat with square edges, and a thin around his neck from which a thick badge of solid gold hung. His face was old and his cheeks saggy, like two droopy bags jiggling at every turn of his head. A pair of tiny round gsses sat precariously oip of his nose, far lower than his eye level, leading to him stantly having to tilt his head up to look through the lenses.

  The two Ardville guards stood straight behind him, their spears firmly held vertically against the sides of their yellow dyed leather armor, as the much shorter man leisurely perused the titles of the books on a nearby shelf, hands behind his back.

  Balthazar slowly peered through his mo the abominable creature.

  [Level 15 Tax Ior]

  “Well?” the tax ior said, gng at Balthazar. “I’d like to speak with the mert responsible for this establishment. Go fetch him, will you?”

  “I… I’m him. The mert is me. I’m Balthazar,” the crab said, hesitation taking hold of him, faced with his greatest of foes.

  “You’re Balthazar?” The short man asked, taking a few steps closer and giving the mert a better look through his gsses. “Goodness! You’re a giant crab! That is certainly… irregur. But ultimately meaningless, I suppose. Laws are ws. For everyone.”

  “Uh… you came looking for me but you didn’t know I was a crab, Mr…”

  “Abernathy,” the other answered. “And no, I’m afraid the report made on your activities did not include that fact.”

  Balthazar perked one eye stalk up in curiosity. “A report? On me?”

  “Yes. It would seem another citizen, Mr. Antoine, has filed a report on your unlised mertile activities here, ed you were dodging our fair tax on any business.”

  “Of course it had to be him,” the crab muttered with spite, before returning to a normal voice. “I’m surprised the accuser didn’t e along after rep me.”

  “Oh, do not misuand my words. The report was not filed today.” Abernathy pulled a small notebook out of his waist poud began paging through it. “In fact, it was made a little over a month ago. But, as is the nature of this hard work, sometimes bureaucracy means there is a waiting list.”

  The man zily waved a hand up, making Balthazar doubt hard work was something he was ever familiar with.

  “Regardless,” the man said, lifting his face from the book, his eyes slowly apanying the movement a sed ter, “we are here to talk about you, Mr. Balthazar. It has e to my attention that you have been running a business operation out of this roadside pond. Buying, selling, and trading goods to adventurers. All of this without a permit, a lise, prution, and most importantly, without paying your due taxes. What do you have to say for yourself?”

  Balthazar sidered whether it would be too te to feign ignorand revert to speaking crab only. He quickly cluded that would not help him much.

  “I, uh… wasn’t aware there were taxes on what I’m doing here,” the crab said, his mind rag for a way out of his predit.

  “Please, Mr. Balthazar, that excuse won’t work, not even for a crab. You seem to have no trouble grasping the cepts of trade and marketing.”

  “Well, what is supposed to happen here?” the apprehensive mert asked, eyeing the two guards behind the ior.

  “Before roceed any further, an iion of your establishment must be ducted. To evaluate the dimension of your business, your profits, as well as anything that might be out of order.”

  Balthazar did not like the idea of some ioing through his pd his things. Not o.

  A thought occurred to him. It was a long shot, given what he had learned about his Charisma and the ior being five levels higher than him, with who knew what level of Intelligence, but he had to at least try it.

  Puffing up his chest, his golden carapace shining brightly uhe sunlight, Balthazar spoke to the tax ior in his best attempt at sounding fident.

  “e now, Mr. Abernathy, look around. You tell this is an ho business I run, nothing out of order here. Also, what I provide to all our dear adventurers every day should t as a public service, and should be exempt from taxes. Just ask any member of the Adventurers Guild. They’ll tell you about my excelleation with them. To say nothing of my pristine record with the very guardsmen that stand behind you.” The two guards exged brief g each other while keeping their formation. “They will tell you how I even helped them cate thieves retly.”

  The iazed down at the golden crab from behind his gsses for a moment, seemingly unfazed.

  “Very impressive, Mr. Balthazar, but… no, I don’t believe any of that relinquishes you from the requirement of this iion.”

  The defted mert slumped down. It would appear his oppo was much too powerful for his crabby charm.

  “Now, let us not waste any more precious time, shall we?” Abernathy said. “I have many other important appois to get to today.”

  “I guess,” Balthazar begrudgingly agreed.

  There was little sense in arguing at that point, and he saw no oute of the situation that wouldn’t be ive if he resisted.

  The ior looked at a nearby wood table with multiple tris spread over it, waiting to be sorted. With one wrinkly finger outstretched, he slid it across the wooden surface before bringing it up in front of his precariously pced gsses to check for dust.

  The nerve of the vilinous fiend, to be cheg the crab’s immacute establishment like it was some u low category shop.

  Balthazar stepped around the pile of old worn-out shoes that was still strewn about on the floor and followed Abernathy as he looked around.

  “If you see anything you like,” the anxious crab said, “I’m sure we could arrange a good price for it.”

  “No,” the wrinkly man said, squinting his eyes at some small pieces of jewelry on a dispy, “I’m afraid that would go against the code of duct for an ior doing his job.”

  He was a stingy o would seem.

  “Tell me, Mr. Balthazar,” Abernathy started, tinuing his browsing, “what is your average daily profit here?”

  Balthazar gulped silently.

  “Oh, heh, you see, uh… that’s hard to say. I don’t really keep a t. You know, very hard to t money with pincers for hands.”

  “So you don’t keep a ledger,” the taxman said, giving him a brief gnce from the er of his saggy eyes. “Very irregur indeed. Certainly does not bode well for you.”

  As the small man moved around the ptform with the crab apanying at a close distance, a giant boulder with eyes sloroached from the side of the pond’s shore.

  With a smile, the golem waved one of his huge stone hands at the two of them. The two guards who were standing by the entrance quickly rushed in, spears pointed forward, ready for a fight, despite their clearly uain expressions and g each other.

  “Hey, hey, hey! Easy!” Balthazar hurriedly said, both pincers up in the air. “He’s my guard! He’s harmless to you. Not a threat!”

  “Friend?” Bouldy said, with a slight frown, as he stared down at the crab standing in front of the two pointy spears.

  Balthazar looked at Abernathy, who was staring straight up over his le the massive t being standing a few steps away from him outside the wooden ptform. Even if barely noticeable, his expression had the first sign of surprise he had given since arriving.

  Without breaking eye tact, the inaled back with his hand for the guards to put away their spears. They tucked their ons upright between their arms and chests again auro their previous positions.

  “So, a golem too,” Abernathy said, slowly l his gaze from the creature. “Do you have a permit for that?”

  Balthazar frantically signaled with his cws for Bouldy to go back to his usual spot. He khat as tempting as it was, starting a fight with a town ior and two guards would do nothing but bring a world of problems to his doorstep. Despite him not even having a door at his pond to begin with.

  “A… permit? For him?” said the incredulous crab. “You people require permits to have golems?”

  “Yes, of course. They are powerful and potentially dangerous creatures. If someone owns o o be vetted by the town’s authorities to ehey will not be a threat to the citizens. Were you not informed of the protocol by the one who provided it to you?”

  “Well,” Balthazar quietly said as he scratched the side of his face with a pincer, “he was a slightly deranged old wizard who vanished into thin air after we made the trade, so… no, he didly mention any of that.”

  Abernathy slowly shook his head as he pursed his lips. Reag for his waist pouce agairieved his notebook and a quill. With raised eyebrows and looking down at the pages through his distant lenses, he took several lengthy notes.

  The crab kept nervously tapping on the wooden floorboards, his ay growing.

  “Look, Mr. Abernathy,” he finally said ohe other finished his notes, “for the purpose of full disclosure, I think you should know that the one who filed the report that sent you here, Antoine, has a grudge against me. He is also the owner of his own general store in town, and sees me as petition to his business, so he has been trying to put me out of mine for a while now.”

  “I know Mr. Antoihe man said, back to leisurely strolling around the trading post. “I remember well how he got to where he is today. And the rumors about his… methods. He has quite the reputation for being very iving. I’m well aware of that.”

  “You are?” Balthazar said, growing hopeful.

  “I certainly am.” Abernathy stopped and faced the crab. “However, rumors are just that, rumors. There has never been proof of any misdoings on his part, not even from his former associates. So, unless you have some kind of crete evideo present, Mr. Antoine’s report is still perfectly valid and worthy of being looked into.”

  Balthazar exhaled quietly as the iazed at the tents of a crate.

  There had to be something, a weako his foe, anything that would help him, but the crab could not figure out what.

  “You clearly have a lot of supply,” the man said. “From my experience, I safely say you must be doing fairly well for yourself, Mr. Balthazar.”

  “Me?” the gilded crab said, pointing a silver pi himself. “Not really. Business is alright, but I’m not rich or anything. Just… getting by.”

  “Please, Mr. Balthazar. I have been doing this job for a long time. And I certainly know a Bag of Holding Money when I see one.” Abernathy gave a nod towards the bag tied to the side of the crab’s shell. “Just as I tell when they’re not too empty.”

  Foiled again, Balthazar chose not to respond. Despite all his speech, all his charisma, all his intelligehe old taxman had him beat at every er.

  “I believe I’ve seen enough,” the ior announced, ing to a stop in front of the crab. “This is a most unusual case, and only made more difficult by the fact you do not keep a proper ledger of business. Given the circumstances, I believe we will have to settle for aimation of the taxes you owe.”

  Balthazar felt his throat go dry before opening his mouth to speak. “And… and how much would we be talking about here?”

  “sidering the estimation of trades, the time you’ve been here, the unlised golem, te fees, and so on… I believe a sum of 3000 gold is owed to our town’s coffers.”

  “A sum of what now?!” Balthazar excimed. “That’s almost half… I mean, that’s a lot of money. You ’t possibly expect me to pay that!”

  The crab felt lightheaded. All his precious gold s, all the time and effort to gather them all. And now they were ing for them. Not lowly thieves, or even birds. No, it was the man. The taxman, to be more precise. It’s always the ones you should expect the most.

  Regretting his choice of not keeping all his moucked away off-shore—in his islet’s hole—Balthazar tried thinking what his move should be, but he felt difficulty thinking. All the turmoil of that situation was likely dropping his blood sugar levels.

  Taking a stumbling step to the side, the crab reached for a basket and flipped it open while the tax ior observed him, hands behind his back.

  “Mr. Balthazar, I’d reend against any attempts to stall the process of...” Abernathy's words trailed off as he took a long sniff, nearly making his gsses fall off the tip of his nose. “Is that custard pie I smell?”

  “W-what?” Balthazar said, his mouth stuffed with a generous k of pie.

  “My, that certainly is a divine smell,” the old man said, some of his former posure shedding away. “You’ll have to excuse me. It’s been quite some time since I’ve felt that smell. I’ve sworn off sweets by my wife’s demand. Health reasons, she says.”

  Realization slowly crept up the crab’s shell, and he g the half custard pie resting in the basket. As much as it pained him, desperate times called for desperate measures.

  “It’s as delicious as it smells, I tell you,” Balthazar said, as he swallout on his best smile. “You… would like a slice?”

  The words cut him on the inside as he said them, but he endured.

  “Oh, no, no, I shouldn’t,” Abernathy replied, with a clear ck of vi. “My wife would be furious with me.”

  “Oh, now, Mr. Abernathy, your wife is all the in town. We’re here. It’s just us. Nobody would tell a soul. Right, boys?” Balthazar leao the side, looking at the two guards who, once again, awkwardly g each other without a word. “Is a life without pie even enjoyable? Go on.”

  The crab grabbed a pte and offered a slice to the ior, who looked at it with gluttony in his eyes.

  “Oh, alright, fine, just a slice ’t hurt!”

  With an eagerness and joy that resembled the crab, the small man tore into the slice.

  After a few minutes of pure delight, the man hahe pte back to Balthazar. The gsses had e off, and his eyes looked almost on the verge of tears with joy.

  “That was delightful. Simply wonderful! I have to thank you for it, truly.”

  “Great! Gd you e,” Balthazar said, trying to sound cheerful about the pie he had just given away. “Say, given yreeable mood, there wouldn’t be any ce we could discuss the previous matter a little better?”

  “Now, now, Mr. Balthazar,” Abernathy said, wiping his eyes and putting his gsses ba. “That might have been a delicious experience, but I still haven’t lost my senses. I take my work very seriously.”

  The crab felt his shell defting once again.

  “However,” the man tinued, “I think, given the special circumstahat we could arrange for at least some… leeway. I will give you oo set your affairs in order, and then I shall returo discuss matters further.”

  Balthazar looked suspiciously at the ior before slowly nodding. “Right, I see. That’s very… kind of you. I’ll make sure I will be better prepared ime. And that we more properly discuss the situation, perhaps over some more pie.”

  “See that you do,” Abernathy said, turning to the guards. “Now I must get going. I feel incredibly sluggish after that, and ot wait to get bay offid… rest my eyes.”

  Watg the three figures leave, Balthazar sighed. That was a close battle, and it was not over yet. But at least now he knew what must be do was time to retaliate and deploy his secret on: pastries.