Winter came. That cold, freezing winter I dreaded so much. No power of my own could stop it. It came with all its unpleasant dreariness. I had created an intricate branch system in my home to help distract me from my loneliness and continue my strength training. I brought heavy rocks to lift. I overstocked my cache, filling my small ground storage room to the brim. I tried cooking over the eternal fire, but it tasted horrible. Perhaps the enchanted fire was only meant to warm my home and not my stomach. I settled with my salt-preserved fish after that unpleasant experience. I looked at the small jars of marmalade and honey with desire, savoring the memorable flavors in my mind, but withheld myself from enjoying any until the true depths of loneliness set in. I ate the bread immediately, as Lillie suggested, stating that it is best to be eaten within a few days. It filled my stomach, but the yeasty flavors brought some sadness. Usually, I was eating bread while sitting next to Lillie, listening to her stories, feeling the heat of the sun on my skin, and watching the bees buzz around the meadow. I closed my eyes, imagining myself in this setting. I could not feel the warmth of the sun, not while I sat on the stone floor. So, I stood up and sat on my bed while I munched on my bread.

  Still doesn’t feel the same…

  My bed was a stone platform covered in animal pelts. I had been given them by my parents when I was a youngling, at least, the pelts were already there from my recollection. It was enough to bring some cushion to the carved stone, enough to wrap myself for extra warmth if my wings were not sufficient. At least, while eating bread, I could feel some sort of comfort, but nothing in comparison to the blanket I would lounge on next to Lillie in the meadow. It was nothing compared to the heat of the campfire we would make together or the delicious sensations of eating cooked fish that slowly roasted over the flames. As a Teragane, I could live cold environments, to some extent. At least, that was how we lived, and I knew nothing different.

  However, this coldness was different from what I was used to bearing through. The cold feeling of loneliness, the feeling of missing out on good times spent somewhere else, with someone who brought me warmth, with someone who brought me joy.

  The beginning of the winter season of settling into my mountain home was torture. In the past, I had rarely thought of my future or my time of rest during the freezing months. In contrast, this winter was different. I often thought about how I had wished it would end. I busied myself with my strength training, vigorously counting my food supplies to account for the proper sustenance for my gradual hunger needs. Normally, during the isolated time on the summit, I would sleep a lot or sit in deep, mindless thoughts of nothingness. Nothing particular, just lost in my own mind, which was quite stagnant most of my life. I could easily stare into the blue light of the eternal fire for who knows how long. During that winter, I had other ideas to think about. I tried settling in front of the eternal fire, watching it bounce within the confines of the iron cauldron, and I examined the different shades of blue and white.

  It reminds me of how enchanting Lillie’s skin was just a year ago. Not necessarily blue, but I could definitely see some hues of cooler colors underneath the gray. Oh, especially when the sunlight kissed her skin. And now her hair is so white! I wonder what is making her change so much. Maybe that is normal for her kind? Hmm, I wonder why? I wish I could ask her right now!

  I stood up and began pacing my home as I fought the restlessness and torturous thoughts. Looking at the blue fire only brought more questions and unpleasant feelings of anxiety. My mind raced as I wished to be near Lillie once again. I wanted to talk to her; I wanted to ask her questions.

  I can’t keep going like this. I will run a groove in the ground!

  I jumped around my cave, flying towards the branches I had installed into the stone walls. I had found some bones in the woods that I used to create carved notches in the walls that could secure the large branch ends, wedging them between the narrow edges of the staggering walls and ceiling. It was hard work, but my efforts were rewarded. My cave-like home was small on the surface, but the ceiling was tall and narrow. I could easily fly up to the branches, hang from my legs, and slowly lift my body upwards in a curling method, similar to how I performed the action with tree branches in the valley. Sometimes I would even hold the heavy stones to add more weight, challenging the limitations of my body. The only way I could get out of my own head was to exercise, to strength train, and then think about Lillie and the life I would provide for her when I was ready. I theorized my abilities to continue, my experience with pushing the giant boulder over the cliffside, and how I thought I would be strong enough by the next time I saw Lillie. I committed to utilizing that winter as my final form to becoming strong enough. By spring, by the time those snowdrops began blooming, and the snow was melting, I would be flying Lillie up into the treetops.

  Then, she will be so happy!

  As I crouched in the exit tunnel leading out of my home to watch the grey sky grow dark, I imagined Lillie’s smile and the warmth I would instantly feel. I fantasized about how I would heroically tell her that she never had to return to her hard life. I imagined her embracing me, crying with happiness, and how I would easily lift her from the ground and soar throughout the sky with her in my arms. I envisioned this dream until I fell asleep most nights, then I would dream about the beautiful scenario. When I woke, I would continue the fantasy—the fantasy of living a life with Lillie.

  As I ate my cold food, I imagined myself bringing fish to Lillie, us cooking it over the fire in our homemade fireplace, Lillie tossing random spices and salts onto the fish, adding honey and berries she had gathered from the forest. I imagined all these things and how our time together in the meadow would become a daily routine where we never left and happily lived. I immersed myself in the fantasy of never saying goodbye to Lillie and imagined her skin returning to its original stormy hues, her hair turning brown again, and that lovely green sparkle returning to her eyes.

  Oh, Lillie, wait until you know the future we will have together.

  ***

  “Greetings, Sable,” Cami said to me as I arrived at his home. Before winter started, Cami had finally agreed to visit, inviting me to his home first. For a moment, I thought about Kora and Deruk. However, after the bear-watching and river incident, they would act skittish around me. Sometimes I saw them flying down the mountain, only to watch them abruptly change their flight path in another direction. I tried to disregard this on a personal level, fully understanding that they had every right to live their traditional, independent lives. Perhaps they did not appreciate me teasing them about their obvious affection. How could I know? I never did find out.

  Feeling tortured from my endless thoughts, I noticed the winter storm had died down, allowing me to venture out to visit my friend. Cami’s home was similar to mine in some ways: an eternal fire for warmth, a stone bed with animal pelts, and a small storage area for food. In contrast, he had a shelf full of ancient books written in a Teragane language, meant only for the Sage. He had a few other tools for tattoos, black powder for ink, and other ritual aspects. I noticed bones and other types of ornaments that I did not recognize. His home had a distinct smell of burning herbs, which he kept on a small wooden table. The mysteries behind the Sage were kept a secret, and I knew that it would be disrespectful to ask, but I was often too curious to not at least peer around his interesting items on the shelf.

  “It feels good to stretch my wings,” I said upon my arrival. “The weather finally changed for the better.” Cami was bent over an ancient book, sitting at his small wooden table, his wings folded stiffly behind. As usual, he examined me, raising his eyebrows once again while noticing the changes in my body, and his judging expression turned into an obvious frown.

  “Feels good to stretch my muscles, too,” I said as I moved my arms from the layers of my cloak, flexing my biceps.

  “Your strength training. It seems…” Cami’s voice trailed off as his eyes watched me remove my cloak. His eyes narrowed while I threw my damp cloak onto the ground near the fireplace.

  “Seems what?” I asked then shook my hair, casting more drops of melted snow onto the ground. Cami looked down at the small droplets, then his eyes wandered around my body. I could only assume that he was attempting to find the right words, perhaps a correct lecture—perhaps an insult. I hoped he would only admire my physique, but I anticipated his obvious disapproval.

  “It seems like you are gaining weight,” he said with a grimace, then turned his attention back to his book.

  “Yes, I have been eating more, but my training is making me stronger. A lot of the extra weight is muscular, I assure you.”

  “But, why? For what purpose do you need extra muscles—extra weight? As an avian—as a Teragane—extra weight can put stress on your flight abilities. It can be dangerous for—” Cami paused and started rubbing his forehead as I stepped closer to the table he sat at. “You can be vulnerable in your condition.”

  “But how?” I asked and leaned against the table. “I am stronger. I can take on the extra weight and still be at my peak capacity. My wings grow strong every day. I am more powerful than ever!”

  “Sable, the Sage will not approve. They will recognize your physical challenges as a threat to your survival.”

  “I don’t care. It’s not a challenge to my survival. I am surviving just fine. Actually, I’m thriving!”

  “Thriving? What does that even mean to you?” Cami looked up at me with narrowed brows, and he closed the large book with a loud thud. He began to nervously tap his slim fingers on the leather back while his eyes focused on exemplifying his disapproval.

  “I am doing alright,” I replied with a firm voice but a smile. “I like being strong. I like what I’m doing. It gives me happiness and allows me to do something when I’m bored. It gives me motivation. I promise you that my extra weight is not putting me in danger or at risk. I appreciate your concern, but you really don’t need to express such apprehension towards me.”

  Cami stared at me as he rested his narrow chin in the palm of his hand, and I stared back while I leaned against the table. Only the sound of the crackling eternal fire echoed in the room as we continued the intensity of our fixation. The blue light danced on the stone walls and on Cami’s light brown face. His skin seemed lighter than usual, as if he was barely in the sun during the warm seasons. In fact, I wondered how little he left the mountain, especially with how many books and papers he had stacked on the shelves. His lecturing only made sense considering his devotion to the Sage.

  Questioning our way—the way of the Teragane—was not customary in our culture, let alone openly discussed. Although there were no absolute rules against becoming stronger or gaining weight, the very mere fact that I was pursuing something outside of my basic survival instincts is what Cami felt concerned about, at least, I assumed. I was challenging the status quo of our natural way of life as a Teragane. What our parents taught and what a Sage claimed as tradition, is what decided our fates. Our lives were independent, yet we silently lived by traditions passed on to us. We were encouraged to stay within our colony and observe our friendships from a distance, but only to remind us of our obligations as Teraganes. We were taught how to survive, take only what is necessary, and abide by the natural ways of this life. There were never any open discussions. There were never ideas freely expressed. However, I knew I no longer wanted to be normal. I wanted more in life. I wanted the life I was currently building and aiming for. A life of strength and warmth. A life with Lillie.

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  “Well, I guess happiness can be part of life, too,” Cami finally said then exhaled heavily. “I do not understand how this” —he gestured towards me— “can make you happy. But your cheerful demeanor is evident of your progress and I’m glad you can finally appease your boredom.”

  “Yes,” I replied while grinning widely. “Sometimes happiness cannot be fully understood, but, over time, its comprehension reveals itself. May you also discover the true warmth of happiness.” Cami examined me thoroughly, once again. This time, I finally sensed a glimpse of acceptance. The light of the blue flame revealed a change of demeanor as his brown eyes softened, and his lips curled into a smirk.

  “Well, whatever happiness you are pursuing,” he said, “it looks good. But don’t say that I didn’t warn you about the disapproval from the Sage during the upcoming visit. May you be prepared for their inevitable criticism.”

  “Don’t worry so much,” I teased, and straightened up from my leaning position. “I can handle the scrutiny of a Sage. I have been practicing with you all these years.” He narrowed his eyes, and his grin vanished as he scowled. I couldn’t help but chuckle, feeling presumptuous with my sarcasm, heedless of my friend’s appreciation.

  Cami eventually took an interest in my strength building routine, particularly after he openly expressed his concern. I was glad that he accompanied me when he felt brave enough to venture outside of his winter-isolation. I was happy to no longer be alone and have the company of a friend. We did not talk of the others, acknowledging the fact that spending time together during the winter was already impermissible. The previous year of my random ankle tattoo—and, perhaps, my presumptuous attitude—already helped Cami accept that I was obviously different than the others. However, he was chosen as a Sage-in-training, indicating his life would also be different and set apart from the rest. If all the Teragane people were isolated, the Sage were completely detached. They held onto nothing except their traditions. The books of the Sage were also passed down through the generations. As Teraganes, we only knew one rule: abide by the Sage’s Word.

  Why was Cami chosen? I couldn’t say at the time. He did not even know, suggesting that he would only learn after his final conversion. So much of the secrecy was preserved by whatever concepts the early tribes indicated. Regardless, that winter spent with Cami visiting each other was pleasant, even if it was our last moments together on the mountain summit. For, we would never meet again on Hira.

  We stayed in silence most of the time, meditating, thinking, or just quietly eating. Sometimes I would strength train while Cami would read a book or write lines upon paper. He did not mind anymore whenever I removed my tunic while I exerted my stifled energy, although he often glanced whenever doing so, swiftly adjusting his crimson scarf whenever I caught him staring. I knew it was only a matter of time before his final conversion into the world of the Sage. I did not know what to expect, but, at the moment, I did not care to think about anything other than my own endeavors. Cami kept me company and was pleasant to be around, except for his occasional comments about my untamed hair. Regardless, he admired my abilities. I did not mind his quick glances or disdain for my grooming habits—or lack thereof. I admired his dedication to his studies, often overlooking his shoulder, attempting to read, although failing when only observing the squiggly lines that made no sense to me. This often made Cami laugh. For once, I felt seen and accepted by my own kind, even if he were far from one to be accepting if he only knew everything about me.

  One afternoon, I decided to open a marmalade jar, to which Cami seemed surprised I could even own such a delicacy. Intrigued to share something from my secret life with my one friend on the mountain, I revealed my precious jar of berry mixture in hopes to enlighten him just slightly about who I really was outside of the way of the Teragane.

  “What have you done?” he exclaimed when I brought over the jar.

  “Try it, don’t ask,” I said while pushing it near him. I dipped a single finger inside, then slurped it up in a second. He followed, expressing utter confusion, but the emotion of great excitement covered his face as the sugars of the berries made their grand excursion onto his taste buds.

  “Sable,” he gasped while his brown eyes widened. “How? What?”

  “From a friend,” I said cheekily. We said nothing else about the matter, but perhaps that single jar of marmalade kept Cami’s interest, which led to him asking for a small taste whenever he visited. Our times together became more frequent, and his taste buds continued to desire the sweet taste of marmalade. I was happy to share the sweetness of Lillie with someone else, even if Cami did not know it was directly from her.

  Maybe, just maybe, Cami can meet Lillie this spring.

  ***

  On the day of my Aging-Ritual, the Sage came to my home with Cami following behind. The Sage’s bone-mask, resembling a Great Horned Owl, had several markings along the forehead. Their great, black wings folded calmly behind them as they appeared to float towards me. A cold wind rushed as their lengthy cloaks and ceremonial robes dragged across the floor. They wore many bone-ornamental necklaces, full-length gloves, and leather belts with various tools connected, and they smelled strongly of herbs.

  “Sable von Hira,” they said with a deep voice. “You have passed over the great mountains for the 17th year. It is time for your marking.” I bowed, removed my sleeves, and sat on my knees in the middle of the floor, folding my wings. The chilly floor shot a shiver up my spine, but I refused to show any emotion or reaction, like expected. I was accustomed to pain, pushing my body to its limits, and the coldness of the mountain. I was in my 17th year, and I knew I was closer to becoming “fully grown.” There was no exception to acting in compliance to the Sage.

  I could feel the coldness of the Sage pass by as its cryptic figure settled into marking my left arm. Cami silently watched from behind, observing with dedication while he wore his ceremonial robes and carried the bowl of ink. From the corner of my eye, I saw the Sage look around my home, observing the branches I had installed towards the ceiling. I shot a glance at Cami, who also followed the Sage’s observation.

  Sweat began to pile on my forehead, and I gripped my trousers at the thigh. My eyes wandered down to my arms and torso, and I noticed the bulging veins on my arms as my hands grasped at my clothes, and I quickly relaxed my hands in attempt to hide my sudden nervousness. My body had changed drastically from the previous winter, and I was bigger and more muscular, obviously showcasing my dedication to my strength building. I sensed Cami’s nervousness too. Suddenly, all my apathy towards potential criticism rose within my chest. Was it because of my physical changes? Or did I fear the Sage questioning my reasons for my strength training?

  I thought of a simple response, one that did not evoke anything leading to the truth about my desire to be with Lillie. Perhaps my strength training was only for the necessary reasons of defending myself to prevent a bear attack since my enclave had such beasts residing in the forests.

  Yes. I am just attempting to grow stronger to ward off bears.

  “You must soon begin your understanding of the upcoming mating-ritual,” the Sage suddenly said.

  “What?” I exclaimed louder than I anticipated and sweat began to drip down my sides. While my heart pounded, I gripped my trousers once again, and the Sage deeply sighed.

  “Yes, 17th-year Teraganes seem surprised to start learning of their required obligations as a full-grown,” they explained while still tapping the needle upon my shoulder. “Even though the ritual does not happen until after you’ve reached the age of maturity, you must begin your learning of its nature. In spring, a Sage will visit. They will educate you about the mating-ritual, where you will be instructed about procreation with a designated mate.”

  “Okay,” I answered with a steady voice, but I was fearful that the Sage could hear my own heartbeat as it drummed within my chest.

  “Well done.” With a final tap of the thinly carved bone piercing my arm, the Sage finished the tattoo. The scent of burning herbs and fresh ink filled the air, but the atmosphere was stifling as I continued to sweat. The Sage rose to their full stature while grunting, then moved past me, sending a whirl of their scents around as their cloaks drifted.

  “Sable von Hira,” I heard them say from behind me. “Until next winter. Always return to the mountain. Anticipate a colony-trainer in spring. In the meantime, remain vigilant in your previous training as you prepare for your next phase in life.”

  I heard them leave my cave with Cami following like a shadow. I sat motionless, feeling cold but numb from the overwhelming thoughts whirling in my head. I had expected a lecture, perhaps a stern criticism of the changes in my body or questioning about the branches overhead. I anticipated their strict criticism—perhaps even a long lecture about my muscular body being a threat to my survival, as Cami had warned. But this?

  What? I’m not even fully grown! Why must I begin? Next phase of life? Designated mate? Procreation??

  I wanted to melt away. I had no intention of mating or reproducing with any of my own kind. I wanted to be with Lillie, living in the trees near the cliffside meadow. I had no space or thought for anything else. At that moment, I did not want any more tattoos nor anything else to do with my own kind. I was sad living this lonely life; I was done accepting the concepts and rules of the Sage that didn’t even make sense at times. I did not want to always return to the mountain. I only wanted the life I lived in my imagination—my fantasies. That is what I wanted.

  Then, I thought of Cami. I was beginning to really enjoy his company. His openness to visit me and enjoy the marmalade enthralled me. His curiosity was awakening; perhaps he would continue to allow his mind to open up about different possibilities. He seemed accepting of me, finally. Perhaps there was still a life for me here on the mountain.

  I’m still young, and the Sage said the ritual doesn’t happen until later. So, there is no use worrying about it right now. Right?

  The next day, I flew to Cami’s home, and he greeted me with an unusually distant demeanor. I had brought the last of the marmalade and some fish to share, and he moved an animal pelt to the floor in front of the eternal-flame. I sprawled out, feeling annoyed by the ritual from before, but grateful at least to not hear any lectures from Cami about the disapproval of the Sage about my changes in life. However, as I bounced my foot, savoring the last bits of marmalade, Cami cleared his throat and stiffly adjusted his wings.

  “I am leaving tomorrow,” Cami said, and I twisted my neck with widened eyes.

  “What?” I exclaimed, causing him to flinch, and I lowered my voice. “Leaving? Where?”

  “You know I was chosen; I was chosen to become a Sage.” Cami spoke in a pensive manner. He stared at the eternal fire while holding his notebook on his lap. He had been sketching a bone-mask, but, at that moment, his slim fingers sat idle.

  “Yes, but not now—really, now?”

  “Yes, tomorrow.”

  “You’re so young; where will you go? And why so—”

  “This is how it is done,” Cami interrupted me with a cold, distant tone.

  “But, why? I was just told about the mating ritual this upcoming spring! How? We are only in our 17th year. Why should we learn before we are even fully-grown? How can they choose you and take you away? Cami, please, how is this—”

  “This is how it is done,” he interrupted me again with his stoic voice. Cami’s brown eyes stared widely into the blue fire. He seemed unnerved and did not even touch his hair, although I thought it already perfectly placed. He swallowed as he clenched his jaw and hardly moved. His slim fingers pressed hard into the notebook that he gripped, causing the color to flush from the ends. I stared at the empty jar of marmalade sitting between us. Then, I looked at his notebook sketch of the bone-mask—it was the shape of a Barred Owl.

  “At least tell me where you will go,” I pleaded while grabbing his arm.

  “I cannot,” he replied as he placed his cold hand on my own. He gripped me tightly, still looking sternly ahead.

  “Will I see you again?”

  “No—at least, not as you know me.”

  “Why?”

  “This is how it is done.” Cami slowly moved his face to finally look at me, but only for a moment. He quickly turned his head away and removed his hand, and began combing through his hair, perfectly setting each wavy lock in place. “Promise me one thing?”

  “What?” I asked after letting go of his stiff arm.

  “Actually, two things,” he said. “One: don’t forget me. For I will never forget your friendship. I will never forget our childhood together on this mountain, nor the river, or the others.”

  “I will never forget you and all that you speak of—I promise.”

  “And secondly.” He turned to look at me again, his grimacing face obviously displeased. “Please start combing your hair.” Then, he turned away and began adjusting the crimson scarf around his neck. He stroked the fibers with his forefinger, and I began to wonder how he came into possession of something that looked familiar. I had never seen another Teragane wear a scarf, only Lillie.

  Did he also make friends with a forest-dweller? Or was there someone else? No—probably the Sage. Cami is devote to their practice. He would never, right?

  We spent the rest of the evening in silence. I realized there was no arguing. Cami would leave, and then I would be alone again. He would go on to become a Sage, lost to my friendship, accepted into a world filled with rituals and rules. Cami would become one of them. He would wear the mask, and no one would know him by his first name ever again. He would become the cryptic Sage. He no longer would visit to eat with me, not even for a jar of Lillie’s marmalade or to scold me about my lack of grooming. Any hopes of him knowing me better suddenly vanished; any fantasy of my two friends meeting completely dissipated. Even though he went out of his way to visit me and openly enjoyed my company and food, he was still a Teragane who would follow rituals and tradition until his death. He would always abide by the Sage’s rules, he would always do as they said, and he would always return to the mountains, only now as a devote Sage.

  And he did. He left the next day, and I was alone once again.