I never did promise to comb my hair. I couldn’t find a reason for an extensive purpose to commit to such a grooming act. My parents never exemplified this behavior, and I found it absolutely unnecessary since it would only get messed up from the wind currents. I also had no desire to be constantly adjusting it, and Cami was no longer around to annoy me about it. But I did commit myself to always remember him and our friendship, no matter how cruel the fates were by separating us.

  Alone again, I spent the remainder of the winter season completely isolated. I focused solely on my training routines and motivated myself with future fantasies. For a moment, with Cami, I thought perhaps there could be more to life within the colony. He was beginning to show interest in something different from our normal way of life. Cautious—yes, but he had always been that way since he was a youngling. Perhaps that was his regarded attribute that caught the eye of the Sage. Regardless, his apprehension did not overshadow his curiosity, and, for a short time, I had a strong sense of hope that he could be open to having more pleasures in life. I realized that, in his absence, it was a false sense of hope. Cami would become just like the others. The only thought I had left for my friend was the hope that he found the warmth of happiness in his new life, wherever that was. The mysteries behind the Sage and their rules seemed difficult to understand, but perhaps Cami would enjoy partaking in filling his days with more learning and enhancing his knowledge about our people. For, it seemed, at least, that was all he really cared about.

  Cami, I hope you can stay true to yourself and find some sort of joy in your new life.

  The rest of the winter season was spent physically alone. But, mentally, I was hopeful with ideas of the future I would create. Cami’s reassurance of my physical changes motivated me to continue my efforts. His recognition of my weight and muscles affirmed that my work was flourishing, which was obvious on a physical level. I felt strong; I could easily lift anything I wanted. I was still eating several times a day. Even in my isolation, I pushed myself to strength train until my muscles ached. During the visit of the Sage, I was worried about their disapproval of my body changes and muscle gains. I half-expected to be scolded, like Cami warned, but they never said anything directly. They observed my home but did not lecture—poor Cami looked terribly nervous. Perhaps instead, the Sage saw me as a strong Teragane, fit to achieve the next steps in life.

  I looked down at myself, examining my arms, my legs, and my abdomen. I liked what I saw; I felt good in my body. Feeling enthralled by my physical and muscular physique, I would fantasize about wrestling the bears, taking one by the arm, and slamming its body over itself.

  Then I would be torn apart by its sharp teeth.

  I laughed to myself at this humorous idea, fully knowing that the bears were literally twice my size. I allowed myself the pleasure of the fantasy of being capable of fighting and winning a wrestling match with a brown bear. Between the rampant imaginations and physical exertion, I busied my waking hours with such distractions. I did not want to think about my loneliness nor Cami anymore. He was gone, far removed from my life—all was said and done with or without my opinion. Even if he were to visit me as a Sage, I would not be able to identify him, nor would he be able to reveal his identity. At least, that is what I assumed. Throughout the visits of the Sage, their identities were never revealed, nor did I believe the same one would visit. Or did they? How could I know? If Cami were to come to instruct me as a Sage, he would be cloaked in robes and covered with the bone mask of an owl. Would I ever be able to recognize him?

  No…for, that is the purpose of the , isn’t it?

  I shook off the uncomfortable feeling of him visiting me and not granting me the pleasures of friendship. No—I removed such thoughts and regained control over my mind as I pushed myself to only focus on what I could control in my life, moving my body vigorously as I waited for the turn of the season.

  As the winter season of my 17th year was coming to an end, I began observing the weather and flying conditions, waiting for the right time to take my first descent from the mountain of the new year. I gazed outside my little home while standing in the exit tunnel, examining the grey sky surrounding the summit, deciding by my instincts whether or not it was safe to take a long flight. My home had been formed deep into the mountainside, carved by ancient peoples. The entrance was narrow but large enough for a fully-grown Teragane to enter and exit. The entrance was a tunnel that curved in and led upwards, where it would eventually open into the main living area. The curved and inclined tunnel kept the cold winds from entering my living space and allowed the eternal fire to retain its heat.

  I stood on the edge of the entrance to my home, looking around, breathing in the air, and smelling for certain scents. The winds were light, and the air was crisp, yet I felt a sense of heavier humidity. The ice against the rocks glistened from light shining through the grey clouds, and I noticed the prolonged dark days were decreasing. The cold air did not instantly feel threatening or pierce my inner ears with sharpness, and the rise in humidity indicated that spring was coming.

  It is time.

  I dropped from the edge, forming a nosedive, and plummeted fast alongside the steep ridge covered in ice. Then, I felt the perfect air current and extended my wings, adjusting into a glide. My extended wings were three times my arm span to the furthest tips of the black feathers that separated like a raven’s wing, but, in the open sky, I rarely had to think twice about their width at its fullest extent. The clouds were always thick near the summit, but as I descended further south, the skies became clear, revealing the valleys below. Snow still covered the area, but small patches of green poked through, and shimmering lights reflected from the rivers, indicating the ice was melting. It felt good to fly in the open sky again. I had only made quick trips to Cami’s home, for the path was only a few moments of flight around the mountain ridge.

  I wondered who would be sheltering in his now-vacant home. The traditional way of life among my people was never to disclose too much information, only on a need-to-know basis. I was positive that if I were to even ask, no one would tell me. Yet, at this point, who was there to ask? There was no opportunity for curiosity, questioning, or wonder, perhaps even no chance of friendship. So, why did Cami accept mine?

  Is that why he was always lecturing me? Was I too assertive to stay friends all these years?

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  As the concept of wonder and curiosity flooded my mind, I began to question how I even came upon these attributes after being raised by the traditions of the Sage. Then, I thought of Lillie. Because of her, these things were suddenly awakened in my mind. Perhaps, without Lillie, I would have never understood these concepts.

  Was that even possible? Does no one, not even the most isolated people, wonder just a little bit? Does one not instinctively wonder about the existence of one’s own reality?

  As a youngling, I was curious and often asked questions until my caregivers would tell me to stop. Curiosity seemed like a threat to others. Yet, I never let my inquisitiveness be completely abolished through rigid teachings. When I was younger, I was not as inquisitive as Lillie, but she also took a liking to me because I did display such wonderings and was open to exploring curious things. Granted, I was by no means as interesting and open-minded as Lillie was, but I could at least attribute to myself for exhibiting such curious tendencies. She did find me interesting enough to keep visiting and spending a great deal of time together. Or, perhaps, she just tolerated me when she visited the meadow by herself. Lillie, as I could recall, had many friends and family members and was part of a thriving village in the forest, yet she still took the time to be with me.

  That must be proof enough. Lillie would never waste her precious time on a boring, thoughtless person.

  I saw the familiar clearing, shaking off all the wild thoughts running through my mind, and angled my wings for descent. The meadow still had small patches of snow, but snowdrop flowers were evidently blooming. Although it was not yet time to meet with Lillie, I wanted to prepare the area for when the full moon came. I cleared away the fireplace and even entered the front of the forest line, gathering wood, and I realized that the looming forest no longer frightened me. I remembered Lillie telling me only dry wood would work for a successful fire, so I decided to bring home the sticks for the soggy wood to dry up before our first meeting. I did my best, gathering what I could find. Most of the sticks from the forest were damp and did not dry even after being placed in front of the eternal fire in my home.

  I decided to then dismantle my strength training setup, ripping out the branches from the walls and breaking them across my thigh and stone floor. The branches had fulfilled their purpose, being utilized as methods of strength building. Now, they would provide efficient firewood after staying dry during the winter. I visited the meadow, the riverbanks and the valleys as far as I could go in a day. I pushed boulders, threw stones well over my weight, and flew around carrying heavier rocks each time. The overexertion of activity made me hungrier. So, I looked for early signs of food. I knew the other animals would also be waking from hibernation and would also desire their first meals. It would become a scramble to find resources to satisfy the hunger pangs. I traveled far up the river to find better fishing spots. I discovered mushrooms, ones that thrived during the cold winter months. I still had plenty of food in my storage, so I only ate what I needed during the day, utilizing my stocked food for evening meals.

  Finally, the full moon arrived. I gathered some mushrooms I found in the valley, then flew to the meadow, waiting patiently for Lillie. I brought a large bundle of firewood and arranged it like Lillie and I had done before. I wrestled with the idea of starting the fire myself, but I was afraid it would burn too fast or would not be lit long enough after Lillie had arrived. I felt as if everything needed to be perfect before her arrival.

  So, I decided to wait. I did not want the fire to burn while she was not present. I waited and tolerated the cold so that I could enjoy the warmth of a fire with the girl from the forest—the one I knew I loved. I felt antsy and anxious to see her. When I finished preparing the fire area, I started pacing around it and my apprehensive mind began to wander. What if she does not come? What if she forgets? What if Lillie found another male friend?

  A male friend?

  What are these thoughts? Lillie said she would see me again in the spring. Lillie always comes when she says she will. I have nothing to fear. She will come. And why would I be worried about another male in her life? I’m sure there are already plenty that she is around…

  Lillie? Around other males?

  Why does it matter?

  Oh, it’s that stupid upcoming mating-ritual.

  I was beginning to understand the feelings of true anxiety and the pressure of other people’s ideals set before me. I knew nothing of the mating-ritual, but I knew there was somewhat an expectation that all Teraganes would procreate, taking on the task of raising a youngling at some point in their lives. I didn’t even remember my parent’s ages. They did not seem significantly old. But they were also not particularly young like me. Or were they?

  I had not seen either of my parents since I was in my early years of existence. Did they have more children? Were they expected to continue raising children, situating them on other mountain tops? I had no idea at that moment. It all seemed so foreign; my mind felt foggy, and the apprehension increased. Perhaps that is why the Sage informed me I would learn about this ritual before I’m fully-grown so that I would fully understand the traditions of procreating in our community. Then, they had said I would learn about pairing with a designated mate for procreation.

  I thought about Kora and Deruk. Cami acted so disgruntled that I pointed out their obvious attraction. Yet he did not lecture them or reprimand their behavior. Maybe that was naturally how life would evolve? Were the people in my colony supposed to eventually draw close together and then naturally pick out their mates? Cami was training to become a Sage and was most likely not allowed a mate. And me? I did not purposefully seek out another Teragane from the colony. Or is that even how it works? I had not seen the others in the colony since I was young. I remembered the others, but only as younglings, and rarely saw them in the territories. We were expected to avoid each other! Is that why the Sage called it a designated mate? Were there other Teraganes meant to be paired with from other colonies? I spent so much time focused only on building my own world that I could not comprehend how I could ever continue accepting the rituals of the Teragane culture.

  But, I didn’t want a chosen mate by the Sage.

  I did not want to learn about it. I did not want to think about the obligations I was expected to fulfill. I did not want to be visited by a Sage informing me—no—demanding me to be with someone else and then procreate with them. I did not want to be like Cami, informed to leave his home, say goodbye to his friends forever, and live by their standards. I did not want anyone else in my life to control me. I only wanted to be the master of my own life, and in that life I would choose for myself, and I would choose to be with Lillie.

  That is what I wanted. I wanted to see Lillie. I wanted to start a fire. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to smell the earthy scent of her hair. I wanted to feel her warmth on my chest and feel that comforting feeling within my body as her hands drifted around me.

  I wanted to be with Lillie.

  I wanted Lillie.

  What if she doesn’t want me?

  I paused my pacing around the circle of stones filled with dry kindle-wood ready to be ignited. I clasped my hand against my chest and my wings twitched as a cold wind blew through the dark feathers.

  What if she finds someone else?

  What if she already has?

  I looked up at the red trees of the cedar forest. Would flying Lillie up into the trees be enough? Would living in the meadow bring her happiness when others could offer her more?

  Was there more to offer her?