“Lord Davilo!” Kip’s eyes darted between Jasssper and Stormbristle. said as he put the glass down, “To what do I owe the honor?”

  “To what do you think?! One of my best, brightest, and fieriest is no longer here. Plucked. Someone somewhere told me you had something to do with it, Kip.”

  “Ye-yes of course…”

  “So you admit it! You had something to do with it!”

  “Well… no! Not as such. It’s just that… he was there when the mercenaries invaded. They did it through an unsanctioned hot tub.”

  “Unsanctioned?” Davilo asked, “I checked the local registrar,” he dropped the papers that Kip had signed for the Duergar, “Does that look unsanctioned? Are you making the claim that they forged your signature?”

  “N-no, Davilo. I… I was mistaken when I signed this. I shouldn’t have.”

  “I’m incredibly litigious, Kip. The me is in the details. When I see a leader, a dark lord, struggling to fend off mercenaries and flip-flopping between having signed something and not… I get antsy.”

  “Should we leave?” Stormbristle murmured.

  “Stormbristle!” Kip exclaimed, “You’ve shrunk!”

  It was true, Stormbristle, a proud large cloudy boar, had been reduced in stature.

  “It appears the heat is causing me to dry up. May I go, Dark Lord?” Storm asked.

  “Yes! Please! Get some water!”

  “Try not to sign for a hot tub on your way out,” Davilo said, then looked at Jasper. “You should leave too, snake eyes. Unless… you’d like to find some frolicking nude couple and convince them to eat an apple for me?”

  “May I stay, sire? As your advisssor.” He asked Kip.

  “Yes,” Kip said, “Please, for the love of all that is unholy.”

  “No matter. My concerns do not concern you. I’m here for Sal.”

  “Lord Davilo, I don’t mean to be imprudent, but why is a Floor Lord going out of his way for one single subject?” Jasssper asked.

  Davilo shook his head, “Do you know that my floor has the least permadeath of any floor? I take great care in making sure all of my subjects are safe. Sal is no exception. Now, I need to know what you plan to do about this, Kip.”

  “Of course. It’s important to me we get him back as well. We’re working on a team as we speak.” Kip said, “We’ve just put the names together. Would you like to look?”

  Kip handed Davilo the paper. Davilo glanced over it before licking his finger and putting it on the paper. It turned it to ash instantly.

  “Oh,” Kip said, “I… suppose I should have laminated that.”

  “Look here, ‘Kip!’” Davilo said, “I don’t know anyone on that list! I’m going to be taking my own team and getting those bastard Mercenaries once and for all. My firebird says they’re only the next town over.”

  “W-wait!” Kip said, “If you do… the sixth floor won’t have a floor lord! We’ll be down two. We… can’t!”

  “Can’t?” Davilo squinted his eyes and turned to walk to the window, “Allow me to open this window and show you something.”

  Davilo walked up and grabbed the window, pulling it. It got stuck.

  “It’s a little loose, just jiggle it.”

  “You think this is the first time I’ve opened a window?!” Davilo asked. Davilo clutched the glass harder, so hard that it melted. Now in a more gelatinous state, he furled the window upward.

  “Look at that statue? Beautiful isn’t it? It’s of the Snake God. Xochi. Absolutely marvelous. Sculpted by the Coatl people. They don’t have hands or legs. They only have their tails. They lack digits. They’re forced to resort to minimalism. Abstraction. To you it merely looks like a thick stone that zigzags upward, but it evokes emotion! It zig zags yes but it points to the sky. Xochi, the god of snakes, was the god of deception but also the god of adaptability. He looked toward the sky because even though he had none, he never stopped praying for wings.

  “Beautiful,” Kip said, “I never knew.”

  “I walk by that ssstatue every day,” Jasssper said as he wiped a tear from his snakey eye. I love that statue.”

  “Zaza! Flame blast!” Davilo pointed his pitchfork at the statue, a searing line of fire shot out and slammed against the statue, melting it until it drooped and fell over.

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  “NOOO!” Jasssper screamed

  “Now,” Davilo said, “What’s this you said about, ‘can’t.’”

  “I… I’m not sure what that had to do with what I said?!” Kip asked.

  “You said I couldn’t! But with a might as powerful as mine… let’s just say that taking Sal back will be easy.”

  “Lord Davilo, there is no question about your strength. But we can not be making a full attack while we are down a floor lord and the dark lord. This must stay securely a stealth mission!”

  “Come, Kip. Look at that statue of a dragon. Beautiful isn’t it?”

  “Lord Davilo, can you assure me if you go you’ll handle the mission stealthily?!”

  “The attention to detail. Beautiful craftsmanship. Done by the Kobolds! Your people, Kip.”

  “I just need some assurance that you’ll handle the mission with aplomb.”

  “Led by the koboldic architect Spitter Mangoon. Made in secret on an island. His last piece before he went blind and mad from a bee-sting. One of one!”

  “Okay!” Kip said, “Okay!! I’ll let you go! Please just don’t blow up any more precious statues!”

  “I thought you’d see reason. Sign this.”

  He slammed a piece of paper down on Kip’s desk.

  “A release form from my position while I travel to get Sal back.”

  “Should… I have made Davorin sign one of these?”

  “You didn’t?” Davilo asked, “I’m sure it will be fine.” Was all he said before he pressed his finger twice on the release form.

  “Fine.” Kip said, “I’ll sign. But remember that this is a stealth mission. The team we are crafting emphasizes such. You will go with them. Not your own people. Please do not call any attention to yourself.”

  “As you wish Kip. I knew I always liked you.”

  “You remembered me?”

  “We’ve met before?”

  “Nevermind.”

  Kip took his quill and signed it, then placed some melted wax and pressed Dark Lord’s seal on the paper.

  Lord Davilo walked off and Kip and Jasssper noticed the room got a lot colder.

  “How did he know so much about statuesss?” Jasssper asked.”

  “I don’t know, Jasssper.” Kip said, “Storm? Can you come in here?” Stormbristle waddled in, tinier than Kip had seen him in years, “I need you to go with Davilo.”

  “What? But, my boy, he.. withers me. I can not be around him without him sucking up my air.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I know you’ll be weaker. But I need someone I trust to go with him. Do you understand?”

  The pork made of clouds sipped from Kip’s mug of water, slowly regaining his size, “I suppose if I must. But the last thing Davilo understands is subtlety. You get that right?”

  “I am hoping he will try very hard. Thank you, Storm.”

  “As you wish, Dark Lord.”

  And with that, Stormbristle left. Kip turned to see Jasssper still standing in Kip’s study.

  “It’sss jussst…” Jasssper said.

  Kip sighed and said, “Would you like to help interview new substitute mob bosses for me, Jasssper?”

  “Yessss, sssire.” Jasssper said, “At once!”

  “Okay, then. Come on.”

  Kip and Jasssper sat down at a desk in the center of Zeke’s normal outpost. They had a stack of CVs and a long line of applicants out the door.

  “Okay, let’s take the first one!”

  Sprocket was the first to walk in, “I am sprocket! I am the perfect person to move up in the ranks. For not only have I faced countless foes like Zeke has, but you have seen firsthand my bloodlust for power, so much so that it almost cost you your life.”

  “Right. That’s not really the plus you think it is, Sprocket.”

  “I… have managerial experience.”

  “Thank you, Sprocket. We’ll be in touch.” Kip said.

  A giant spider skittered into the room and settled into the corner, “Hi, I am Spidra. I’m a labyrinth spider. I hang out in traps and will eat invaders as they pass by. My friends told me I should apply for this position. They think I’ll be a great fit. A-and I do too! I’m a perfect fit because a lot of our intruders are human and humans are scared of spiders. Also, the more web I have, the harder it will be for them to move.”

  “Oooh,” Kip said, looking at Jasssper, he leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I rather like her. What do you think?”

  “Ahem,” Jasssper opened his mouth, “Why are you hiding over there in the corner, Spidra? Would you like to come to the center of the room?”

  “Uhm, Uh,” Spidra balked, “I can’t see very well. Could whoever said that please strum my web so I could get a better look at you?”

  Then Spidra turned around, and shot a big gush of web that landed nowhere near Kip and Jasssper’s table.

  “Thank you.”

  Jasssper gave Kip a look. Kip gave Jasssper a very subtle head shake as they interviewed the next pair.

  “So, I tell nothing but the truth,” Said one of the trolls.

  “And I tell nothing but the truth as well.”

  Kip shook his head with a grimaced smile, “Yes, but we already have you posted up at the front. You have your one riddle. I think it’s working for us.”

  “But we are adept at combat.” Said the one on the left.

  “Sorry, sorry,” Kip said, “Could you please hold up your id card? I’m not sure if… yeah, you’re the liar. So you’re saying you’re not really good at combat.”

  “He doesn’t always need to lie!” The truth troll said, “He just likes to.”

  “I can stop. I’m cursed. Nothing I say is ever a lie. You look good today, Kip.”

  “Thank you. Lie Troll.”

  “We can use our twin skills and fight them.” Truth Troll said, “We can even say things like… you’re not seeing double!”

  “I would say that too.” The Lie Troll said, “Because they are seeing double.”

  “I suppose that’s up to interpretation,” The truth troll said, “Because I guess on one hand, they are seeing double… but on the other hand… ”

  “Okay!” Kip said, “Thank you! But we’re very happy with you at your current position.”

  Kip and Jasssper went over the list of everyone they’ve seen.

  “Not good. Ugh, bad. Not strong enough. Lies too much.”

  Jasssper pointed with his tail at the picture of the troll on the right, “Hate the way this one talksss.”

  “That’s the Truth Troll.”

  “Goody two shoesss,” Said Jasssper.

  Kip shook his head and placed them in his hands, “Forty applicants. Forty. Every moment we don’t have someone guarding the labyrinth is another chance someone strong enough breaks in and… we can not let anyone get to the sixth floor.”

  “Sire, we musst not lose hope.”

  Kip rubbed the bridges of his eyes and took off his reading glasses, “You’re right, Jasssper. I must stay positive.”

  “Are these open tryouts?” They heard a sing songy voice come out through the other end.

  “Uh,” Kip said, “Yes. Right through here! I’m sorry, are you on the list?”

  In walked a person who was made entirely of blades. The door had collected webbing from an embarrassing incident Spidra had suffered before she left. It was now completely covered in web thick enough to pull a horse-drawn carriage. The man slashed it with his right blade arm, then slashed it with his left blade arm and walked in,

  “Hi! I’m Blademan. And I think I can do a lot for your operation.”

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