“Blademan?”
“That’s right!” replied the man made of blades.
“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get this way?” Kip asked.
“If you can believe it, this is the result of a wish gone wrong! The poor human sap that I was, I made a wish to be the ultimate weapon. Wouldn’t you know it, they turned me into one. Embarrassing really. All of my friends and family thought me a freak! My own son couldn’t hug me without bursting into papercuts. But I persevere! Now! You all said you needed a mob boss?”
“Uhm,” Kip turned around and looked at Jasssper, he whispered in his ears, “The ultimate weapon. Cast aside by humans. This guy could be what we’re looking for.”
“A little too perfect sire.”
“Aye,” Kip said, then turned to blademan, “It is for a substitute position, we hope you can understand that. How did you hear of us?”
“A man by the name of Davorin mentioned you. Prince of darkness, I guess. We crossed paths and he sent me in your direction.”
“Comes vetted,” Kip whispered to Jasssper.
“What human kingdom are you from, may I asssk?”
“I’m from the colonies out past the Moonsea. Interesting place, but not a fan of bladed men.”
“Is that a name the wish granter gave you? We’d be happy to call you by your original name if you’d prefer,” Kip said.
“Blademan is fine. My original name was Jason. Jason Blademan.”
“Your original name was Blademan?”
“Blademan.”
“Blademan. And now it’s… blade man?”
“That’s right! Would love a tour of this labyrinth.”
“Uhm… yes!” Kip said excitedly, “Have you any combat experience?”
“Yes siree,” Blademan said, “Every person who’s ever seen me has tried to kill me and I’m still here! Hold on, I have their ears in my bag. Let me just..” Blademan tried to maneuver his knapsack around his back to his front with the broadsides of his hands. The strap rubbed against his shoulder too hard and snapped off. “Ah, shoot. Hold on,”
Blademan reached down and attempted to open it, but instead punctured a hole in the sack, “Okay… I got it!”
Blademan fetched out a chain of ears, mostly human, some not. There were so many that you could hardly see the gray of the chain, “There we are! Looks good, doesn’t it?”
“Really good,” Kip said, “Some are pretty big, even. Can… I see a demonstration of your work?”
“Yes!” Blademan said, “Is there something you can point to that I could kill? The bigger the better. I saw a giant spider outside. What about that guy?”
Blademan pointed at Jasssper. Jasssper squirmed, pointing at himself and shaking his head.
“Let’s take a walk!” Kip said, “There is a Frogliath that took over a cave in the swamp that we have been meaning to deal with. Would that be acceptable for you?”
“Abso-lutely!” Blade man said. As he saluted, he accidentally sliced into the wall of the labyrinth, “Whoops.”
The frogs croaked in a discordant harmony, rarely seen, abundantly heard. Kip, Jasssper, and Blademan had made it past the lovely forest enough to get to the swamp. As the smell of rotten eggs had started to take over the normally lovely smell of pine from the forest, Kip’s, and Blademan’s feet got progressively more plodding, while Jasssper’s coiled strokes became invaluable.
“Sorry about the smell,” Kip said, “There are a lot of natural gas wells here.”
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“No need to apologize, all my senses are neatly tucked behind two inches of steel as my head is a blade.”
Kip and Blademan chatted for a while but soon the combos of people reshuffled and Jasssper was next to Kip. Blademan shuffled behind, his legs struggling to make it through the mud. Jasssper whispered into Kip’s ear, “My lord, We must be careful of the interloper’s presence. I fear he spells danger.”
“Oh, Jasssper, That’s just your untrusting nature. This is a friend of Davorin’s! And he was ousted by humans. If his wish was to become the ultimate weapon, well, maybe he could be a wonderful addition for the Dark Lord’s army! This could be my first good step forward as Dark Lord.”
“My lord, do you know Davorin to be so kind to strangers?” Jasssper asked.
“Jasssper, I understand you’re wary, but he’s a good candidate. Let’s see what he can do before we judge.”
“As you wish, sire,” Jasssper said as he slithered forward.
“Kip,” Blademan approached Kip, “Ugh, hard to get through this mud. I just wanted to thank you for giving me a chance. I’ll be honest, when I heard the acting dark lord was a kobold, I was a little suspicious. But I see it now. You care about the monsters others don’t. That’s what makes you the perfect candidate.”
Kip shined at the compliment, “Why, thank you, blademan! I’m sorry to hear your family couldn’t be around you anymore.”
“Yeah, thanks. Honestly, though, the kid was cramping my style. Hard to be the ultimate weapon when you have a child with such a soft skull. Maybe I’ll meet him again one day! Try and hug him again.” Blademan hugged the tree but accidentally sliced through it, toppling the tree backward.
“May I ask,” Kip said, “How can you see?”
“The vibrations rattle my skull and give me a more heightened sense of the area around me.”
“Okay! We’re here!” Kip said as they approached a burrow of pact mud and earth big enough for even Zeke to crawl through.
“Do we know he’s in there?” Jasssper asked.
A low croak bounced off the walls of the muddy cave, escaping and taking over the swamp. The sound caused the snakes and even some crocodiles to reveal themselves as they swam away.
“Ahh. Big guy," said Blademan as he knocked on his head, “Well.. time to get to work.”
The warrior rushed in, his steel legs wading through the mud. He suddenly turned on his side and jerked his torso forward, lifting his legs up in tandem. He started spinning as fast as a wheel, skirting along the water toward the cave mouth. He reached the mouth, breaking the spin and leaping into the cave headfirst.
“Hi-ho!”
A large pink tongue shot out of the darkness and wrapped itself around blademan, pulling him in.
“Drat.” Said blademan.
The pink thick rope pulled him into the darkness and all Kip and Jasssper could hear was the faint sound of Blademan saying “double drat!”
From there, it was a battle of pure sounds. Acrimonious noises from both sides. The frog ribbited and jumped around. Blademan would curse and shout at the frogliath. Kip stood outside in the swamp, hanging out with Jasssper.
“So, do you have any other family here?” Kip asked.
Jasssper shook his head, “No. I am all alone. What about you?”
“Grew up here. Brothers all work in the labyrinth. Mother works in laundry.”
“Sssee her often?” Jasssper asked.
“Yeah. Dinners and such.”
“Very niccccce.”
Kip and Jasssper stood there for a minute, no one saying anything to the other. Kip was not keen on asking Jasssper about his mother if he said he was all alone. Jasssper felt that he had made enough of an effort with Kip and they could now comfortably sit in silence. Only, it wasn’t comfortable silence with Kip. It was aching silence for him. Meanwhile, inside the cave things raged on. Clanging of blade on rock. Slashes, and of course a river of blood drained out. Blademan fought on inside and while the croaking grew more violent, the blademan fought even harder. Blademan hacked and slashed, and eventually, there was one last frightening croak before the swamp settled back to its regular programming of insects, crickets, and frogs of normal-sized ribbits.
“Do… you think that’s it?” Kip asked.
Jasssper said, “Could they both have died?”
“I… can hear some footsteps coming out of the cave.”
The footsteps Kip heard were actually from two blades dragging through the water, slightly tired from the frogliath he had just slain. Blademan walked out, his cowl and clothes covered in blood, his bladehead, bladearms, and bladelegs all covered in blood and on his sharp shoulder he carried the remains of the frogliath’s legs.
“Anyone order frog’s legs?” Blademan dropped his bounty on the ground.
“Oh my lord!” Cried Kip, “You really did it! You defeated a frogliath by your lonesome! Isn’t that wonderful Jasssper?”
“Truly, sire. Makes you wonder why someone so highly skilled would possibly want to become a mob boss.”
“He’s right!” Kip said, “You would be a welcome addition to the Dark Lord’s army! We might even use you on the front lines! Honestly, with Davorin out to lunch, we could even use a new floor lord!”
“Wow. That sounds pretty good. Can I ask? Am I officially part of the Dark Lord’s army?”
“Careful.” Jasssper hissed.
“Yes! Yes, a thousand times, yes! I can’t wait to show you around! We’re going to put you to work right away!”
“Wonderful. I’m officially part now, to confirm? You’re the acting dark lord and you’ve made me an addition?”
“Yes!” Kip said again, “Yes, it’s official!”
“Grrrreeeeat, that’s going to be great. Hey Kippo?”
“Yes, Blademan?”
“I invoke the dark charter, buddy. I challenge you to a fight for the throne.”
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