ChaoticArmcandy

  I stumbled away in a numb haze and slumped against the wall by the stairs. The self-loathing was cresting inside of me like acrid bile. I could not fathom how badly I had failed to keep faith with my only friends. There was clearly something wrong with me—something inside of me that was anathema to loyalty and trust. I deserved anything—whatever happened to me, from here.

  A wave of emotional pain rolled through me, moving up my throat and I bit down hard on my bottom lip to keep myself from disintegrating into tears. As the pungent, metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, I forced myself to take a deep, shuddering breath.

  I couldn’t just stay here. I needed to get back, return to Monarda and—and do what I needed to do. I ground my teeth, willing my thoughts to resolve, to rise from their gritty obliteration of panicked grief and harden into some kind of functional structure I could rely on.

  I staggered upright and rounded the balcony of the stairs to begin my descent—

  And froze as the door to the staff supply closet swung open, and a figure stepped out with a casual quickness that was hauntingly familiar. I barely caught myself before I blurted her name—but it wasn’t Monarda.

  This girl was taller, with the same olive skin, her long fall of dark curls unbraided. Her mouth was a grim ssh, and her cool, hard eyes were fixed on me.

  I hesitated and she moved in a sudden blur, seizing my wrist and locking it at a sharp angle, then stepping close and smothering my gasp of pain with her other hand.

  Before I knew what was happening, I was pushed into the closet in a headlong stumble. The tension on my wrist released as she pulled the door closed behind us, but her other hand was still cmped tightly over my mouth.

  I struggled feebly, but my heart was so crumpled that it was hard to summon any instinct for self-preservation.

  “Easy, girl,” she muttered in my ear. “I’ll not hurt you. Much. Unless you’re lucky. You must be Ellie, hm?”

  I gave a muffled groan and tossed my head without much conviction.

  “Fishy little bitch, aren’t you?” She said conversationally, twisting her hips in a way that stole even more of my bance. “Not hard to catch, but slippery to hold. My sister’s irked as hell. I think she likes you. Will you be silent, or must I gag you?”

  I nodded sckly, finally going limp in surrender, and she must have believed me because her tight grip dropped away.

  “I was coming back anyway,” I said weakly. “I promise. I-I’m ready to do what you want.” I swallowed, and managed to steady my voice. “I’ll stay. I’ll turn myself in.”

  She eyed me doubtfully, and must have seen something, because her gaze softened a little and she gave an exasperated sigh. “Why the merry goat chase, then? No, don’t answer that, it will just provoke me.” She maneuvered me a few steps to the side. “Get on your knees.”

  I obeyed dully, my insides marinating in resigned despair.

  “Pull that crate in front of you away from the wall. Do as I say, girl. Good. Now see the trap door? Lift the edge of it up—come now, I haven’t got all day—there.”

  I stared down into the narrow shaft I had just uncovered. Circur metal rungs, embedded in the brickwork of the wall, descended into the musty gloom.

  “I’m Emilia, by the by,” the girl standing over me said briskly.

  I blinked as she clipped an orb of blown gss carefully to her belt. Suspended inside was a jittering thread, the end of which flickered and stabbed in my direction. A dowser.

  “Come on.” A nudge between my shoulder bdes. “Down you go.”

  ~ ~ ~

  I descended the shaft into total darkness. Above me, Emilia’s boots scraped the rungs of the hidden dder as she followed me down. I felt the narrow walls fre out and open into some kind of chamber, and then I started as my next step found solid ground.

  I sidestepped to get out of the way and nearly jumped out of my skin when an alchemical light flickered on to illuminate Monarda. leaning against the far wall, arms folded.

  She didn’t look happy to see me.

  I winced and held out my hands pleadingly as she started grimly forward, shoulders set. “Look, I’m sorry I tricked you,” I blurted. “You can take it out on me ter, I promise. Just please, wait until I, ah…”

  My voice went high as my throat tightened on the st few words, and I squeezed my eyes shut tight in an effort to keep myself from falling apart and dissolving into tears. There was a maelstrom of grief hammering at my throat, trying to get out.

  I forced it grimly back down. No. Enough flinching. Enough fear. I was out of time.

  Next to me, I heard Emilia drop the st few feet and dust herself off.

  There was only one road left to me. If I didn’t take it, I knew I would never find a way to live with the pain of my betrayal. I took a deep, shuddering breath, and felt a snap freeze of cold determination flood me, steel me, set me.

  I opened my eyes to meet Monarda’s searching gaze, and exhaled everything that would get in my way. “I’m ready. I’ll behave. I’ll follow orders. Whatever you want. Just, please, let me do this, first. I won’t fail you.”

  Monarda looked to her sister, not giving any sign that she’d heard me.

  “She was on the third floor alright,” confirmed Emilia, her tone far too meaningful.

  A chill shot through me. Had Emilia guessed whose room I’d just been? I stared between them in growing arm.

  Monarda turned to me, sighing. Her eyes were regretful. “Ellie—”

  I had betrayed Mi.

  I was absolutely as worthless as I felt. Lower than dirt.

  “Please,” I cut her off, begging now. “Turn me in. Or if you can’t trust me to keep my mouth shut, turn my body in. It really makes no difference to me. Just—just let me be the one.”

  Monarda cocked her head and regarded me coolly. “And if I told you it was too te for us to trust you to wear the mask? If I told you it had to be the knife?”

  I stared at her, my heart staggering, my lungs caving. So that’s the way it was. Everything Monarda and Aralia had told me earlier meant nothing, then?

  That meant all my bridges were in fmes.

  I was alone.

  I swallowed. There was no question of running. If I could give Mi a fighting chance, I would. For her to be caught in my pce was unthinkable, so shameful it was nauseating. I forced myself to nod.

  Steady eyes the color of smoked amber measured me, unblinking. “You would choose the way of the knife? Of your own free will?”

  I closed my eyes. I must not cry, I must not break. “Yes.” My voice cracked in a tight throat. “I must, if you must. Just…do it now?”

  Would it be quick?

  I hoped it would be quick.

  “Please, Monarda,” I begged, barely clinging to the ragged edge of self-control. I didn’t dare open my eyes. I was so scared. “Please, just do it.”

  There was only silence.

  I opened my eyes to see Monarda gnce at her sister. They exchanged a slight nod, and both turned to look at the door, which I betedly realized had been left ajar.

  Then it opened the rest of the way, and Aralia Cordivar walked in.

  ChaoticArmcandy