"Not very exciting is it?" The couple stood staring at the machine.

  "Not very exciting? What were you expecting, this here is a mechanical tour de force," Sarah looked over at her partner gesturing towards the newest kitchen gadget she acquired.

  A brand new food processor, the newest and freshest model. Their old one broke down a few weeks ago and Sarah had been on a manic hunt for a new one ever since.

  "Well sure but... you know with a name like, The Culinary Wizard TM, you'd think it would, I don't know, at least look a little fshier?" Marianne looked down at the machine, spinning it around to fully take in, what was to her its ckluster glory.

  "Okay sure, but it's all about the accessories! Look at these, I don't even know what half of these do," Sarah proudly procured a series of bdes and gizmos and shredders. She may not have any use for most of them *now*, but now that they do have a bde that serves both to slice meat and perfectly cube vegetables, perhaps they figure out how to incorporate it into their cooking.

  "I just don't see what was wrong with the basic model, or hell even just getting the same one we used to have?" Marianna frowned as she became further confused by the peculiarities of the processor.

  "You just can't see the bigger picture here,"

  "The bigger picture?"

  "Yes, exactly. Our culinary journey is about to be wizened," Sarah procimed, taking on a slightly deeper voice.

  "Babe, you can't just use the slogan as a justification for the purchase," Marianne finally relented her investigation.

  "What?! Of course I can," Sarah feigned offence. "If it's good enough for the company to use it sure as hell is good enough for me to use."

  "I don't think that's how that works,"

  "Pshhh, nah... You're way over thinking it," Sarah said, looking over at Marianne. "You may not like it now but I'm sure it'll grow on you."

  "Fine, but when this thing finally turns out to be not all that, don't come crawling back to me," Marianne gave a shrug before folding her arms.

  "I won't because I won't need to," Sarah snatched the machine off the table and moved it over to the counter where an outlet was more conveniently pced, plugging it in. "Just watch this puppy turn our sad vegetables into beautiful sad."

  Sarah popped open the fridge and retrieved a wide selection of foods; lettuce, broccoli, peppers, ham...? for some reason, Sriracha, asparagus. Very quickly Marianne stopped being able to track what Sarah was pulling out of their fridge.

  "Sarah, you literally just pulled out a bunch of garbage," Marianne was too exhausted with conversation to keep going much longer. Somehow though Sarah was still giddy with energy beyond belief.

  "It may be just humble garbage now, but once I put through the incredible Culinary Wizard it will become a true and proper dish fit for a king!" Sarah threw the ingredients into what the company called the machine's "cauldron".

  "You're an idiot," Marianne sighed.

  "But I'm your idiot," Sarah replied back quickly. "Alright it's cooking time!"

  Sarah closed everything up and pressed the button causing the bdes in the food processor to begin whirling around inside the "cauldron". After a few seconds the bdes became stuck on something and smoke could be seen pouring out from the bottom of the processor. Sarah simply stood there frowning deeply.

  "Perhaps, there may have been a very, very small chance, you may have been right," Sarah said defeated.

  "I know,"

  Marianne nudged her girlfriend out of the kitchen and onto their couch. She slipped her phone out of her pocket and began scrolling through a few food apps.

  “We’ll just order take out tonight or something, deal with that mess out there ter,” Marianne said, gncing over at Sarah.

  Pasta-Gal