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  SpoilerIdentity death, rape, self-harm

  [colpse]seventeen

  [21 november 2022]=-=[monday]=-=(1351)

  It’s the first day of Thanksgiving break. The day is nearly perfect, fall in Louisiana always being mild. Evan Fields pulls out of his driveway in the brand new Charger his father just got him for helping his team make the state pyoffs while maintaining a perfect GPA. He bsts some turn-of-the-millennium nu metal with the windows open as he drives through the subdivision in which he lives. His destination is about two miles away, the home of Megan, one of the cheerleaders at his high school. She’s the little sister (by only a few minutes) of the cheer captain, Melissa (who is fucking the quarterback; they’re twins!)

  She’s agreed to go out on a date with Evan. He seems interesting to her, surprisingly level-headed for a high school boy, especially a football pyer. Sure, he wants sex, like all high school boys seemingly do – except for those few freaks who don’t get any – but it seems like he’s actually interested in getting to know her before he fucks her. That’s a nice change of pace. So he’s decided to wine (with energy drinks) and dine her a bit, then take her down to the kefront of Lake Pontchartrain to talk a bit… and then get his dick wet.

  Everything seemingly goes as pnned for him at first. Megan’s home and willing to go out. She hops into the Charger, then he hits Highway 22 and heads to the next town over, across the river, to one of the local four-star seafood restaurants.

  He does end up getting stuck at the river, though, as when he gets there, the drawbridge turns to let a couple of fishing boats by. “Ugh. I hate this damn bridge,” Evan says as he idly revs the engine in neutral as he waits.

  “Those boats are tiny!” Megan compins as she takes the opportunity to touch up her makeup. “I don’t know why they had to open the bridge for those.”

  “Whatever, babe,” Evan says. “It won’t take long.”

  It takes about ten more minutes for the bridge to swing closed, then Evan starts driving toward the restaurant. A huge-ass seafood ptter awaits him; he can’t fuck on an empty stomach, after all.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (1419)

  Back at Megan’s house, her father is meeting with a man from Colorado about business. “I have to thank you again for my wonderful family, Mr. Levin,” he says. “It’s hard to believe my daughters used to be boys, you’d never know it. They project the perfect image for me to further my political career… a supermodel wife and cheerleader twins?”

  “I’m gd you approve, Jesse,” Levin says. Both Megan and Melissa are two of his projects – former twin boys of a political rival of a fellow member of the party to Jesse. And Jesse’s wife is said political rival – or was. Some surgeries, brainwashing, and altered records ter, and Jesse’s suddenly had the same supermodel wife for 18 years, a doting, submissive Christian woman who is pregnant with his “third” child. And the twin boys are now perfectly normal Southern girls, cheerleading through high school to find promising men to serve as wives into adulthood. “You were right about the boy,” he adds. “He looks just like her, except for a few things that are easily fixed.”

  “Way I see it, sir, you’d be doing me a favor by making him disappear,” Jesse says. “It’d ruin me with the MAGAs if my sweet, innocent daughter was dating a carpetbagger’s son.”

  “Indeed,” Levin says, smiling. “Have to keep the base happy, after all. I’ll call the restaurant. It’s about time for Evan to have an allergic reaction. Who knew he was allergic to raw oysters?”

  “Shame that, having a shellfish allergy in Louisiana,” Jesse says.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (1437)

  Evan and Megan are at the restaurant. Megan is sipping a tea, while Evan is chowing down on a massive seafood ptter meant to serve three people. “Coach said I needed to bulk up a bit for the pyoffs,” he says. “You sure you don’t want any?”

  “Oh, I’m sure… Coach is compining about my weight, especially since I’m one of the flyers,” Megan says, ughing. In reality, she had gotten a text telling her not to eat anything meant for the table from Levin, and she knew better than to disobey him.

  “Coach Cordelle doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Evan says, smiling. “You’re perfect as you are.”

  Megan blushes. If only Evan wasn’t from a family of northern investors who swept into the area after Hurricane Katrina, he could well be The One. Shame, that. Daddy wouldn’t approve. The only reason it’s gotten this far is because Levin wants him.

  “See? You know I’m right,” Evan says as he eats one of the raw oysters. He immediately starts choking.

  “Evan?!” Megan says as she starts to panic, right on cue. She knows the truth. The chef poisoned the raw oysters, at Levin’s behest, with a chemical that causes a reaction that outwardly mimics an allergic one. No one at the restaurant would know the difference. The only difference is that it would paralyze him and not kill him. He would still be awake as everything unfolded, but unable to react in any outward way. She immediately calls the non-emergency line for the local fire department. This is by design.

  The paramedics that pull up three minutes ter would know the difference as well… except Levin had paid off the fire company to py along with the charade. There’d be no record of the frantic call Megan made, looking like the perfectly concerned girlfriend. The ambunce would not be heading to a hospital. Evan would not be getting help.

  He would never see his parents, his friends, or Megan again, if everything went to pn. The ambunce would turn down a back road, and Evan’s paralyzed but painfully aware body would be moved to a luxury car with bcked out windows, to be smuggled to the airport down in Kenner and flown out of the country.

  As far as the official records would state, however, Evan died of anaphyxis from a previously unknown allergy to oysters.

  He would be missed, sure, but no one would ever go looking for him.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [25 november 2022]=-=[friday]=-=(0928)

  As the paralytic starts to wear off, Evan wakes up. He realizes he has no idea where he is. He tried to scream for Megan, or anyone to help him, but his voice didn’t work at the time. He tries to speak, but while he can mouth out the words, no sound comes out.

  “Ah, you’re awake,” says a man standing against a blinding light, so his features can’t be seen by Evan. It’s Levin. “Welcome to your new home. Don’t bother getting up. You can’t feel or move anything below your chest, and your arms are bolted down to the table.”

  Evan tries to speak again.

  “Ah-ah, no. Your vocal cords are paralyzed too. I just had a lot of work done on them, and I don’t want you ruining it,” Levin says. “Needless to say, you don’t have to worry about dear Megan. She’s pying the girlfriend that the dearly departed left behind, gathering a lot of sympathy. She’ll eventually find the right man and settle down with him and obey and serve him like a proper Christian wife should. As you will one day. Evan Fields is dead, after all, so you will require a… new identity.”

  Evan’s eyes open wide. What does this guy mean that he’s going to serve someone like a proper… a proper wife? But that can’t happen, he’s a boy!

  Another person, this one wearing scrubs and full protective equipment, perfectly obscuring his identity, walks up and holds up a syringe. “It’s ready, sir,” he says.

  “Excellent,” Levin says to the doctor, before turning back to Evan. “Luckily, I have the perfect new identity for you. Someone who used to be very dear to me abdicated it. But she was disobedient and changed her name and disappeared. I gave her the name she abandoned, so it’s only fitting that I should be allowed to reuse it.”

  The doctor injects Evan with the syringe, and he starts to go under again.

  “Don’t you think so, Tiffany?” Levin asks as everything goes bck.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [11 january 2023]=-=[wednesday]=-=(0544)

  In the intervening time since Levin expined his pn for Evan, he’s been kept in various states of drugging with mind-altering and pain medications as needed while he has been put through many different surgeries, then further kept drugged so he couldn’t interfere and would heal properly. He had been given facial feminization surgery with some very specific aims. It wouldn’t be enough to alter him to look female; he would be altered to look like one specific female once the swelling went down. He had been given full genital reconstruction surgery, using the most advanced techniques at the time it was done. Expense meant nothing for this. It went so well, that even the most qualified OB-GYN would believe him to be AFAB, with a hysterectomy and biapsty in his past. An estrogen pellet was inserted under his skin – he had no idea where – which would continually feed female hormones into his system for upwards of eight months before needing to be repced. His voice had already been altered into a female range, with his capacity for volume reduced slightly.

  His records were also altered. In a legal sense, Zell’s history as Tiffany was stripped away, especially since ae had gotten the name change done in a jurisdiction that sealed the old name records. So it was actually fairly easy for Jason to attach the records of Tiffany Zelda Levin to Evan.

  As Evan wakes up, he is completely naked, strapped to a bed held up vertically, stuck in front of a mirror. “What… what is this?” he says in a voice that is not his own.

  “Good morning, Tiffany,” Jason says as he walks in.

  “I’m not…” Evan tries to protest, but Jason immediately sps him in the face, before giving him an injection with a tiny syringe. There’s one of Roderick’s potent aphrodisiacs inside, meant to help Evan along toward accepting what’s coming. After all, if it feels good, the st thing you want is for it to stop.

  “I will not have you being disobedient again, Tiffany!” Jason says, sternly. The gaslighting is already starting. He’s attempting to convince Evan that he’s always been Tiffany. Of course, he knows it won’t work immediately, but he has plenty of time. While he could use Soviet mind control, psychological torture, or just pin hypnotic commands to try to erase the Evan identity, he wants to do this the old-fashioned way – acclimating “Tiffany” to her new sex by demonstrating exactly what that new body part between her legs is for. He unzips his pants, and he’s already as hard as a rock.

  “No… that can’t…” Evan says as he tries to close his legs, but they’re cuffed to the bed and thus opened ever so slightly, just open enough to allow access to his entrance.

  His eyes open wide as Jason starts to slip himself inside. “This… this can’t be happening, I’m a boy…” he protests, before being spped in the face again.

  “Quiet, girl, it’s time for you to learn your proper pce!” Jason says harshly as he begins to thrust.

  This can’t be happening… he couldn’t have… I don’t… I don’t have the parts for this… but he’s inside me all the same… Evan thinks as Jason continues to thrust back and forth.

  He’s inside me and… and it feels… it feels…

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [14 august 2024]=-=[wednesday]=-=(0143)

  As Jeri watches, worriedly, Evan is in the infirmary bed, moving in his sleep like… like he’s being fucked. He’s moaning in a way that signifies confusion and pleasure, as if whatever he’s feeling should not be feeling good, but it does.

  She hasn’t slept since talking to Morgan earlier. Despite how Evan was acting earlier, Jeri doesn’t want him to break, or fall apart, or… or die… she wants him to make it through somehow. If that means she has to stay by his side, so be it.

  She’s afraid to wake him up. She doesn’t know what he’s dreaming about. It could be something from the past that he’s trying to process. It could be a nightmare. Waking him up could well be counterproductive. So she waits, and watches.

  Evan continues to writhe and moan in his sleep. Whatever he’s dreaming about has him extremely aroused, so much so that a wet spot is forming on the bnket over his crotch.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [11 january 2023]=-=[wednesday]=-=(0603)

  Jason finishes with a grunt of triumph as his seed floods Evan’s new vagina. As he withdraws, it starts to leak out, slowly.

  Evan is crying. It felt so good, and he didn’t want it to stop but it was wrong and he’s just realizing his virginity was taken in the truest sense – he had never fucked a girl when he still had his cock, and thus now he’d never know what that would feel like. Instead, he’d had it taken as a girl would, and he enjoyed it and wanted more… no, he had to try to resist these feelings… little did he realize there would be no resisting with Roderick’s aphrodisiacs in his system.

  “There, there, my sweet girl, it’s okay to cry,” Jason says with mocking concern. He knows damn well Evan’s crying because of the abject confusion of everything involving the act, helped along by the aphrodisiac. “All that’s happened is that you’ve learned what your future husband will expect of you in the future,” he adds.

  “I… this is wrong…” Evan whimpers as his mind starts to clear after the act.

  He’s rewarded with another sp.

  “Tiffany, you will learn to stop disrespecting your father and to obey in all things!” Jason says sternly. “You are a girl and have always been, and you will conduct yourself as such!”

  “I’m not… not a…” Evan says through a whimper. He’s lost so much strength since November, between having no testosterone in his system and not being able to move and exercise. Gone is the lithe, deceptively strong form of the star running back, repced by a weak body that couldn’t even cope with the rigors of cheerleading. He can’t fight back at all except with his words, and they just get him abused in the end.

  “I’ll prove that you are,” Jason says as he cleans himself off and walks toward Evan again. He’s hard again and ready to go. This time, he lowers the bed to a horizontal position and straddles Evan, before probing at his entrance again with his rigid member. “If you weren’t a girl, Tiffany, could I do this?” he asks as he begins to thrust again.

  “I… I don’t… I don’t know, sir…” Evan says, crying through his confusion. He hasn’t had time to mentally recover from the first rape, and now it’s happening again…

  “You know what I like to be called,” Jason says as he thrusts away. “It’s what every good girl calls her father.”

  This is sick… Evan thinks as his eyes continue to well up with tears. He’s doing this while calling me his daughter… what did he fucking do to the real one?!

  “Tell me what you want,” Jason says.

  “…Please fuck me, Daddy…” Evan whimpers. Inside, he breaks even more. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t stop him. I… all I can do is take it… like a girl…

  “Yes, sweetie?” Jason says, smugly. He has all the power here and he knows it.

  “Please, Daddy, fuck me like the girl I am…” Evan says, still crying. He doesn’t mean a word of it, but maybe if he pcates this monster’s ego, he’ll stop and leave him alone for a while…

  Jason moans deeply and continues to thrust deeply as he grabs at Evan’s breasts. “If you insist, Tiffany.”

  This startles him, both that he has breasts, and that having them touched like this is the most amazing sensation ever next to having his pussy filled. His pussy. He can’t believe he thought of it like that, but it’s his new reality, one he has zero hope of ever escaping.

  Eventually, Jason releases his second load of the night into Evan. He then pces a sex toy inside of Evan’s neovagina so the semen can’t leak out.

  He’ll have to y like that until Jason sees fit to remove it. Knowing Jason’s seed is inside him like that just breaks him more.

  The worst part of it all is that the second time around drove poor Evan to orgasm as well.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  [14 august 2024]=-=[wednesday]=-=(0355)

  Jeri finally fell asleep at some point, only to be roused now by the sound of loud whimpering. “Evan?”

  Evan is ying on the infirmary bed in the fetal position, continuing to whimper. “I can’t…” he says softly. “That bastard killed him…” He’s awake, but he’s in the midst of a fshback. “All I can be is Tiffany… all that’s left is Tiffany; he took the rest away… he fucked it away…”

  “Evan, no…” Jeri says as she gets up. “You’re still you. He’s dead. It’s safe to be you again. You can be Evan now.”

  “No… it’s not safe…” Evan sobs as he turns away and curls up tighter. “I can’t ever be him again… Daddy said so…”

  Jeri reaches and hugs Evan. “Evan, you’re having a fshback, snap out of it…” she says, starting to get desperate.

  “Stop calling me that, all I can be is Tiffany, he said so and I have to obey… or he’ll punish me again…” Evan says. He can’t pull himself out of the fshback. It’s just too vivid and real for him right now. He isn’t here, he’s back there. And a part of him can never leave.

  Jeri grits her teeth as she tries to figure out a way to snap Evan back to reality. She finally gets the idea to try to pinch him, hoping the pain will snap him back without harming him too much.

  Evan shrieks slightly and gets less tense. “Huh… what… what happened?”

  “You were stuck in a fshback,” Jeri says. “Do you remember your dream?”

  “I… I was dreaming about how I ended up kidnapped… and how he… he…” Evan starts to say, before crying again.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?” Jeri asks. “Maybe talking about it will help release its hold on your mind.”

  Evan wipes his eyes. “It was the first day of Thanksgiving break back home in Louisiana. I’d just gotten a car, I was 17, and I was on top of the world…” he begins.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (0722)

  Jeri had sat and listened to Evan expin everything that had happened to him since that fateful day in Louisiana, up to what had led him to finally give up his identity while Morgan was present at the Levin compound in eastern Europe. She was filled with a mixture of horror, fear, disgust, and finally relief that Jason Levin would never do this to another young person ever again.

  “It was so easy to just be Tiffany at that point…” he says, softly, trying to speak from his chest, but all he accomplishes is sounding like a girl trying to talk like a boy. “And then it all stopped. He stopped raping me. He stopped physically assaulting me except rarely. He… he actually treated me like a daughter and… and I was so twisted up inside that it ended up being all I wanted. To be his girl. Daddy’s girl.”

  Jeri leans over and hugs Evan tightly. “I’m so sorry you had to endure all that. He did all the surgeries to me, but he never… never raped me, nor did he fuck around with my head like he did yours… I guess he hadn’t gotten around to it since he was busy raping Bke.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Jeri…” Evan says. “I…” He leans into and returns the hug. Is this how girls express companionship? It… it feels nice. But… but that’s all it feels. I’m so close, I can feel her breasts against my body, I can smell her scent, and… nothing… nothing… He starts to sob again.

  “What is it, Evan?” Jeri asks.

  “You’d think I’d be feeling something from this… I’ve never been this close to a girl before, and yet… it’s doing nothing for me…” Evan cries.

  “Hon, even lesbians can get this close and not immediately devolve into passionate sex,” Jeri says. “Estrogen also affects how those kinds of feelings manifest. You can’t know how you really feel about girls until you get in a situation where those sorts of reactions are expected…”

  “I have to know…” Evan says, wiping tears away. “All I’ve ever fucked have been guys. I’ve never been with a girl… could we...”

  “Evan, I…” Jeri says, worried. She doesn’t feel those sorts of feelings about Evan, because he has a feminine body now, even if he still identifies as male, and she likes men. “I… one, you’re still in the process of healing from insane amounts of trauma, and two, I like men…”

  “But I’m a man, mentally…” Evan says, not understanding.

  “I know, but...” Jeri says. “I know you're a man. But I can't get past your body being so feminine, it just... it does nothing for me in that way. I'm sorry...”

  “...Oh…” Evan says, before lowering his head into his hands and sobbing loudly. “I’m sorry, I’m such a fuck up…”

  “Evan… you’re not a fuck up. You’ve been fucked up by everything you’ve gone through,” Jeri says.

  “I… you’re trying to be my friend, and I’m just fucking everything up, asking for a fuck like that… maybe I’m better off…” Evan says.

  “...Don’t finish that sentence, Evan,” Jeri warns.

  At that point, the infirmary door opens and Amélie walks in, carrying a tray with two ptes of food on it. She’s still doing the maid thing, since she’s compelled to. “Am I interrupting?” she says in a moderate French accent.

  “No… no you’re not, Amélie… what time is it?” Jeri asks.

  “7:46,” Amélie replies. “I have your breakfast.” Each pte has a bacon, egg and cheese croissant, a hashbrown, and a cup of breakfast tea on it.

  “That’s an awfully American breakfast; did you cook it?” Jeri asks as she takes one of the ptes and hands it to Evan.

  “Non,” Amélie says with a frown. “Miss Kelly ordered me to let her paid staff do the cooking this morning. She only is allowing me to bring the food to you and the others. Also, these croissant sandwiches are an affront to proper cuisine.”

  Evan starts to eat.

  Jeri takes her own pte. “I’m sure Mrs. Jourgensen is doing it for a reason,” she says.

  “Possibly, and I am loathe to disobey, but… I don’t feel right if I’m not acting in service,” Amélie says.

  Jeri takes a bite of her food.

  Evan finishes his croissant sandwich, though he looks reluctant. “This was microwaved…”

  “As I said, an affront to proper cuisine,” Amélie says. “And the hash brown was deep fried. I don’t understand American tastes sometimes… I must bring Madame Bke her food. Good morning, madame, monsieur.” She curtsies and turns to leave.

  “That… happened,” Evan says.

  “Yeah. Feeling any better?” Jeri asks.

  “Food helped some,” Evan says. “I need to apologize to Bke… I didn’t mean to be so hurtful to her yesterday.”

  “No, you did,” Jeri says. “But you were trying to express how you felt and you… you just messed up. It happens sometimes. I’ll go get her. Miss Danni doesn’t want you leaving this room until you get on your testosterone.”

  “Fine…” Evan says softly.

  --={@~~~@}=--

  (0803)

  Jeri is walking back to the infirmary with Bke in tow. “I honestly think we made a bit of a breakthrough in pinpointing the types and amounts of trauma he has,” she says, regarding Evan. “He still has a long way to go, but…”

  There is a loud scream from the infirmary.

  “Evan?!” Bke asks as she starts running.

  “Shit! I wish I had a damn headset right now…” Jeri says as she follows.

  As the two enter the infirmary and walk back to Evan’s bed, they find him wincing in pain as a rge puddle steams on the bed near and around his pelvic area.

  “Ev, what did you…” Bke asks as she walks up and checks under the sheet.

  Evan’s crotch is covered in first and second degree burns from spilling the hot tea on himself. He starts to scream in pain again. Thankfully, it’s not as hot as it could have been. The burns could have been a lot worse.

  “Where the fuck is the doctor?!” Jeri shouts as she looks around. She finds a phone on the wall near the main entrance to the infirmary. As she picks up the receiver, she notices a list of a few extensions next to it. There are ones there for Kelly and Danni printed out, and one for Morgan scrawled near the bottom. She calls the one for Danni.

  “It’s early, what happened?” Danni asks through a yawn.

  “Evan burned his crotch with some hot tea on purpose,” Jeri says.

  “Motherfuck. I’ll be down there in ten minutes,” Danni says, annoyed. “I need to get dressed and come down from above ground.”