No wait, I can still feel everything.

  My body feels like lead, my eyes seemingly unable to open. I try to move my arms but something’s holding me down. There’s nothing but silence. Did I pass out and get sent to a hospital by some miracle? Slowly I move my arms, something audibly snapping as I stand up. As I do a sharp pain stabs into my brain.

  “God my head’s killing me.”

  Struggling, I open my eyes and see…see wood? Panicking, I examine myself. I’m back in that wooden marionette but for some reason I’m actually person sized now. My body is a hazelnut brown with the joints exposed partway. As for my face, there’s nothing. It’s completely smooth, more-so than the rest of my body. Maybe god is letting me see my second son one st time before I go off to hell.

  Looking around I see an aged b, the exit being directly across from me. Moss lines the cobblestone walls, gold wires and gss tubes flow from the roof to a rge silver circle pattern carved onto the floor where I think I was tied down. Rotted wooden desks with strange tools line the walls, empty racks hanging or on the floor. Glowing crystals act as bright lights on the high roof, shining on the root filled floor. Exploring I find several torn and damaged papers, small cracked gems scattered across the floor. After finding nothing worthwhile I walk out the broken down door and head up a flight of stairs.

  I guess I was underground. Hmm, it’s weird, usually he’d be here to welcome me. Maybe throw an insult or two for taking so long before giving me a hug.

  After a few minutes I reach the top, walking out into the center of a giant crater.

  “…what happened here?”

  All around me is ruins. Within the massive crater I’m in the burned dregs of a brick castle lie scattered randomly. In front of it is a towering corpse, a giant dragon big enough to smash a small mansion with one stomp. Smaller monsters and broken dolls surround me, hundreds all over the dead dragon's body. Their hands piercing its rotted scales as loose flesh hangs from its chest and head, most dolls gathered inside its mouth.

  Looking around…I see corpses. My son’s people's corpses. The bitten and chewed remains of human butlers scattered across what might’ve been a basement, each holding each other close. The charred and exploded remains of goblin alchemists and the burned and melted remains of lizard folk who fought to kill. The remains of stabbed and armored beastmen still holding their weapons, some eternally pierced into their enemy. A foul smelling pit of cruel death fills my eyes.

  God I need to vomit.

  Last time we talked my son had become a king. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be around for a lot of his ter life. In the st five years the days I saw him became more and more distant. From nightly to every two days to weekly to monthly before I just stopped dreaming of him. I still remember how proud he was to show me his golems…how proud he was of his people. Ignoring the sudden heaviness in my body I climb out of the crater.

  This…what happened? I…I need to know.

  It’s a war zone. Other dragons of all kinds and titans lie dead sprawled across the remains of a massive city, matching broken golems holding them down. Ash and soot cover the ground, leaving the area a mix of pale white and grim bck. The only thing left completely intact is a wooden statue just outside the crater edge.

  Trying my best to ignore the curled up corpses around me I move towards it. It’s a struggle to climb out but after a few minutes I’m in front of it. It’s as tall as ten men and as wide as a small house. A wooden statue on a stone base depicting my son wearing a schor's robe holding a book, surrounded by small featureless yet childlike figures of various sizes. A small puppet loosely sits in his chest pocket. On the base several unknown symbols are carved. As I try to read them they start to twist and contort, eventually turning into english.

  Here Lies Oliver Ran Myers

  Father Of Democracy, Keeper Of Equality, A Blind Kindness, And Bringer Of Immortality

  When The World Was Ensved He Fought For Freedom

  Born-06-36-2116

  Deceased-02-12-2213

  Cause Of Death-Old Age

  Remembrance Quote-

  “Time is a blessing we spend every moment. I choose to spend mine following the philosophies taught to me by my father. Kindness, blindness, and follow through. Though life started lonely I met someone who brought the guidance I needed to follow the light without stumbling. Should he come home I would welcome him with open arms, as this link must be protected. So, should he return home, do for others as you've done for me. Our time was a blessing well spent and for my people. Follow the right path, even if not the same steps those who teach follow”

  …Do for others as you did for me?

  He has the first name as my earth son…at the start it was nightly visits…then the time apart grew. I may have raised him early on but near the end It was like I had abandoned our time together…in the end I wasn’t even there for his death. Despite it being beyond my control our time became nonexistent. Looking around at the ruins going beyond the horizon I remember everything. It hurts so deeply. Memories blend as a mind numbing headache overwhelms me.

  I remember comforting them the first time I saw them get hurt.

  I remember how scared I got then.

  I remember how happy I was to be called dad.

  I remember the first time I had to trick them into eating healthy.

  I remember sending them off to school for the first time every year

  I remember the first time meeting their friends

  I remember the first time I had to scold them because of their friends

  I remember the first time I felt pride at them for doing right by their friends

  I remember when they got their first job

  I remember everything and it hurts knowing I couldn’t say goodbye to either of them.

  Even in another world I make the same mistakes…second opportunity and it ends in another argument. Do for others as you did for me? WHAT DID I DO OTHER THAN FAIL YOU!

  I've always been quick to get annoyed, back when I first started parenting on earth I would try my best not to scream but sometimes it was all too much. I hated myself after every time even if it was needed at times. I wanted to give the one kid I had the life I never had. A safe and happy home and I did, but as an adult I failed. He was gay, so I tried to be supportive. I’m fully aware I was awkward as hell but I tried my best, at least he was comfortable enough to open up with me at all.

  Then he started dating. He got lucky and found his lifelong partner on the first try. I hated him though. He was always just so snarky and rude, acting as if just because I'm old means some views are set in stone. Admittedly, he was right at first. Who doesn’t know how to change a tire? Then…my son got cancer. Me and his then husband pretended to get along in front of him at least but I guess we were bad at it. I’ll never forget our final argument.

  At that point the cancer had spread too far and his death was certain. His bones were nearly completely visible and his skin looked so loose. Despite his appearance he always found a way to joke about it, his favorite being to say you could py his ribs like a xylophone. If you need a mirror just look at my head he’d say. He was always so strong, even when he y in his bed looking like death could hit him any moment

  “Hey dad, you hate josh right.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Hey dad…do you hate that I’m gay?”

  Looking at his weak frame I feel a chill overtake me. The thin bnkets covering his small frame seem almost too heavy for him. Sunlight peers through the gss windows, shining some warmth into the cold room.

  “Of course not…I just, I never knew what to do.”

  “I know, you always threw everything mom’s way whenever you didn’t know. It’s a miracle she stayed so long, still I’m sure she was happy.”

  “I know…I miss her too.”

  And so silence ensues for a few minutes before my son ends it.

  “Hey dad. Can you promise me something?”

  “Anything.”

  “When I die, make sure Josh is well taken care of. I don’t want him falling back into bad habits when he's been clean for so long.”

  “That’s…sure okay.”

  “Good. I need you to promise me to stop saying you're an idiot. You're too old to be saying things like you don’t know. I get your trying your best but I need you to try harder, kay?”

  “Huh?”

  “Dad, you're a coward. The way you tossed things aside always annoyed me but you always tried to do me right. Promise me, please, when I die. Stop it. Stop saying you don’t understand and stop saying you tried your best, no more overthinking either. You didn’t…are you sure you're okay with me being gay?”

  Just as I feel my thoughts rush into my head I see him struggle to sit up. Panicking I stand up and walk to him, grabbing his hand and nodding as hard as I can. Seeing me like this he sits back down and gives me a weak smile. He used to be so big, now even a child can push him down. Suddenly, Josh walks in. He looks at me and frowns before sitting down.

  “I promise on both. I promise okay so just y down. I have to go here but I’ll be back tomorrow okay.”

  My son looks at me and frowns, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. I lied, I just needed to step away to think. I failed him so badly he thought I hated he was gay. Josh walking in was just an unfortunate coincidence. He probably thinks I left because of him but the truth is I don’t want either to see me cry. I’ll just tell him tomorrow. As I leave I hear him speak up.

  “You better apologize tomorrow! I’ll be waiting, same with josh.”

  He died that night.

  He died thinking I’d sooner avoid Josh than talk with him.

  Around me lies the ruins of my other world son’s kingdom. We ended on a bad note. Screaming at each other, him upset that I would only see him once a month and me upset that we were wasting our limited time on this. I was hoping we could make up…but again I missed my son's death. I see corpses around me. Broken homes and ashen ground. I see the kingdom he was proud of invaded and desecrated.

  It Hurts.