12. Bedtime

  (Sera)

  Showered and cozy in my sweats, I curled up in bed and watched a rerun of one of my favorite small-town dramas while Lina was in the shower. Absentmindedly, I smoothed my hair up into a messy bun while immersed in the wholesome show.

  I couldn’t remember how many chocolates I’d popped in my mouth, but I reached for another, stalling when the magi-tab vibrated on the bedside table. Lina had left it for me to use. I recalibrated the tab to my magic earlier, but I hadn’t gotten any important notifications since, only a reminder to pay rent to Zeyna and a scheduling notification from the bar.

  The message on the bright blue screen disappeared too quickly for me to read, so I picked it up to double check. As I suspected.

  Private | Hellion: Can we talk?

  The shower water turned on. It’d be another ten to fifteen minutes until Lina was back out and we could watch something together.

  Nibbling my lip, I stared at the message. If I agreed, it was basically forgiving him. We all knew it. Hellion was proficient at everything he did, apologies included.

  It wasn’t like I was worried about giving up or going back on my desires. Who was I to kick him out in the first place? It was his house. The only reason I was even able to do that was because I’d won some stupid bet that was—I checked the time, 12:23 AM—already over.

  What I was worried about was that I’d feel like the guilty one. He wanted to apologize for something he did wrong, so why did I feel guilty about it? Why did I think that I was being bratty and entitled? He broke my magi-tab; so what? He had more than enough money to replace it.

  Hellion had done so much for me over the years—they all did—that I didn’t deserve the right to hold anything over anyone’s head. I didn’t get to ruin their birthday celebration over petty grievances, and I didn’t get to be disappointed that Zeyna chose her brother’s side over mine.

  Maybe that was why I typed out the four letters I did: Yeah…

  How long was I going to be petty about it otherwise? I felt even more guilty being upset about it for as long as I had, knowing that he wasn’t happy with himself about it either. Drawing out the conflict was just one more reason to blame myself.

  He wrote back thirty seconds later: I’m on the balcony.

  Sighing, I got up, stomped on my sneakers and ventured out to the second-floor balcony. The night had gotten really chilly for late spring, but maybe I was just used to how insulated the city was, away from the water and stifled by all the buildings.

  Hellion, on the far side of the balcony, leaned on the railing and looked up at the stars. He, too, had showered before bed and tucked himself into a black sweater and gray sweatpants.

  I made my way around the patio furniture and stopped beside him at the railing, but I stayed a full arm’s length away. I tried not to look at him, gazed fixed on the open distance between us and the next house over. Nothing but grass consumed the space.

  “I’m sorry, Sera. And thank you for giving me time to think through how inappropriate my actions were.”

  His red hair, unstyled, came down over his forehead messily. It was in those moments that I remembered he wasn’t entirely perfect. He wasn’t Zenzatsu and Shaori’s prodigal son. He wasn’t the representative of their company. He wasn’t top of his class. He was just a guy.

  More than that, he was one of my best friends. He made mistakes, just like Zeyna did. Lina… I couldn’t remember the last time we’d fought. We were both too agreeable for that.

  “It’s fine.” I shrugged and looked away with a pout. “Whatever.”

  “Nope. It’s not fine.”

  Clearly it wasn’t, with the way I reacted. I regretted it. It was so awkward now, and I wasn’t sure we’d be able to get back to normal this weekend. Maybe it was better if he did go. We could act like everything was fine when I got back. Not act. By that point, everything would be fine.

  “I…” he started. “I’ll do better, Sera. I should’ve behaved better. There is no reason for me to act out like that. I have a voice, and I’m very capable of using it. I don’t want to be a man who lashes out or breaks shit—or hurts people when things aren’t going his way.”

  I chewed on my cheek. I didn’t know what to say. “I know you don’t. I know you aren’t.”

  “Today I was… I hate that I did that to you. You didn’t deserve it.”

  “It’s okay, Hellion.” I swallowed and cupped my cheeks as I leaned on the railing with him. “People make mistakes.”

  He nodded sullenly. “Sera… I want your life to be full of peace.” He smiled to himself. “I want to make your life many things.”

  I laughed softly. “I know…”

  “If I’m the reason you don’t have peace, please—promise me you’ll tell me. You have every damn right to be upset with me.”

  I turned toward him and just stared.

  Really? Did he really think he was the reason I’d ever go without peace? He was one of the three reasons I had any peace in my life at all—that I wasn’t miserable every single day.

  “Don’t be stupid,” I said.

  He smirked, but it was almost invisible in the darkness. Then he straightened and faced me.

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise. But… I can’t imagine it ever being the case.”

  “Right now,” he said.

  I assumed he meant I should tell him right now because he thought I wasn’t peaceful. But I couldn’t lie.

  I shook my head and sighed as I looked up at the sky. “I feel rather peaceful, I must say.” I smiled to myself.

  He stepped closer until there was only a foot of space between us. His palm rested on my upper back, but he didn’t make any other moves. I looked up at him curiously. Then he squished me to his chest.

  I groaned and tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let me. He squeezed tighter. So I relaxed into it and hugged him back.

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  “You know I can’t be mad at you for long, Hellion,” I muttered.

  “Satan has some mercy. I wouldn’t last if you stayed mad at me.”

  I rolled my eyes, but stayed in his embrace until he was ready to let go. The fresh scent of his sweater made me melt into him, my breathing long and slow. And his warmth… I closed my eyes.

  “Please be here with me,” he whispered.

  My eyes opened. “Hm?”

  “That’s what I should’ve said instead of breaking your tab.”

  “Oh,” I murmured. I know.

  “I came here for you. There’s no one I’d rather be here with. It’s been so long since we’ve gotten time like this—with classes and everything. I looked forward to being with you for the weekend, worry and distraction free.”

  And I had been distracted.

  “Somehow… I miss you all the time.”

  Yet we were together all the time.

  I smiled. He wasn’t asking too much of me, because I hadn’t had enough of him either. I still had room for more of him. But I didn’t have the time, not without sacrificing time with the girls or the time I needed for classes or studying or work.

  I truly wished there were more hours in the day I could give to him. I would’ve too. I didn’t need time for myself.

  Hugging him tighter, I murmured, “I’m here. We’re here. We’re not going anywhere.”

  “Thank you.”

  He never let go. I was sure I fell asleep in his arms for a while.

  I woke to a buzzing in my pocket.

  Ride or Dies | Zeyna: Be home soon.

  I slipped the glass back into my saggy pocket and looked up at Hellion. “Zey will be back soon.”

  He nodded his acknowledgment.

  “I’m gonna head to bed.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He smiled and gently let out a relieved breath, nodding.

  “Goodnight,” I said as I headed for the door.

  “Goodnight.”

  ***

  Lina’s heart beat serenely beneath my ear while my head rested on her chest. We were on our third episode of Off the River’s Shore, anticipating Zey’s return. But when she’d said soon, I was thinking twenty minutes max, not over an hour.

  We yawned in succession, and Lina rubbed her drowsy eyes. The big bright screen burned our retinas while we watched in the dark.

  “Any updates?” I asked, and Lina grabbed her tab from the blanket and clicked on the gray screen.

  “Nothing.”

  I read the screen before she turned it off. It was 2:16 AM.

  “We have to define ‘soon’ for her when she gets back,” I droned and lowered the volume of the magi-graph so maybe I could fall asleep for a minute or two until she returned.

  “The story better be good. I’m going to fall asleep otherwise.”

  “Same.”

  I rolled over and got comfortable on my pillow. But all the snacks Lina and I had brought up still waited on the table. They’d be stale by morning, so I groaned and got up. She didn’t comment when she noticed me pick up the tray.

  Downstairs was dark. The guys had long since passed out—or so I’d thought. Hellion spread across the short sofa, and I gasped when I spotted him. He scrolled on his tablet and looked up at me innocently.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Waiting for Zeyna.”

  I slid the tray on the island, and he told me he’d take care of it. I didn’t complain, but I felt awkward leaving him with my mess and nothing else. But also, I didn’t exactly feel comfortable stopping to have a casual chat after earlier. He must’ve suspected that because he went back to scrolling and didn’t pay me any mind.

  “Night,” I said again.

  “Night.”

  Awkward…

  I paused on the stairs. “Hey,” I called.

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you still honor a request from the bet?”

  “Sure.”

  “When we wake up, can you stop being awkward and be normal?”

  Hellion scoffed. “What? I’m the awkward one? You’re the one being awkward.”

  I rolled my eyes to myself, still halted on the first step. “How?”

  “How am I?” he shot back.

  I rounded the corner again and glowered at him. He smirked in the light of his red screen.

  “You’re acting wholly unconcerned about me now that we’ve made up. It’s weird.”

  “You’re acting wholly distant even though we’ve made up. That’s weird.”

  What did he expect? I wasn’t like a needy cat that rubbed up against him at all hours on any regular day.

  “We literally had one interaction. What more do you want?”

  “Exactly. We’ve had one interaction, so I don’t know why you’re calling me out for being awkward and unconcerned.”

  I gritted my teeth. Were we going backward?

  “You’re sounding cranky. Do you need some attention? Are you jealous that I’m cuddling with Lina?”

  He eyed me, ticked off but also patiently amused. “What if I say yes?”

  I strolled around the couch, and he followed my path until I paused before him, turned and sat on his stomach. I relaxed against the back cushions.

  His wings readjusted, stretching and flexing to get remotely comfortable. He wheezed inaudibly too, but said nothing. Neither of us said a word.

  I twisted on him so I could lay my head on the back of the couch and close my eyes. I opened them every so often, the red light ever-glowing. Through the glass, I occasionally caught sight of his text conversations and work documents.

  Again, I fell asleep. I didn’t know for how long. But I woke when the front door closed. I read the time through Hellion’s glass—2:56 AM.

  Our eyes met, but lost in the delirium of my slumber, I didn’t give it any thought to move from where I still sat atop him.

  Zeyna dropped something on the counter and flinched when she turned and saw us.

  “What are you doing…?”

  “Sera was terrorizing me, but she got tired.”

  I let out a tiny laugh to myself and lifted my head to Zeyna.

  She said, “This is an all-new level of weird for you two.”

  “What took you so long?” I droned and got off Hellion.

  Legs aching, I fell on her and let her support me up the stairs. She wasn’t expecting my weight and almost stumbled herself.

  “Two plus hours isn’t soon,” I continued.

  “I may have gotten caught up.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  I peered back down to the first floor when we reached the top of the stairs. Hellion had turned on a low light and began putting away our snacks.

  “Night, Hellion.”

  “Night, Sera.”

  Zey groaned as we ambled down the hall. Lina was also in the pitch-black on her tab when we entered the room. She peeked over her shoulder and sat up. I clicked on the lamp and slid under the covers, leaving Zeyna to unwind.

  Zeyna didn’t say much, moving about the room to pick up her things and toss them onto the sofa to organize later. She swiftly tugged an oversized shirt on, then went to the washroom to take her makeup off.

  She was in there for longer than expected, and when she came out, she hunched over and dropped straight onto the empty portion of the bed. Her eyes closed.

  “Well?” Lina asked.

  She opened her eyes but said… nothing.

  “She’s speechless,” Lina said and flopped down onto her pillow.

  “I am…” Zeyna chuckled awkwardly—half-heartedly too. I could always tell with her. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

  “So, his car,” Lina said, hoping to get something out of her.

  “Can I tell you about it tomorrow? I’m just so tired.” She yawned.

  Lina eyed me over her shoulder, a shared look. Something was up. We both knew it.

  “Okay…” I murmured. I got off of Lina and clicked off the lamp.

  In the darkness, Zey said, “I missed you both so much.”