Maxx

  —

  I truly loved the wide open plains of Kanto.

  There was just something about the way the grass flowed in the breeze, forming beautiful, ever-shifting patterns. The way the irritating insects would form into huge swarms, visibly being blown about like a Gastly…

  The smell! It wasn't a great smell, not by any means, but it smelled wild, free. Not that there was a shortage of wild areas, go thirty minutes off any Route and you find true wilderness, but it smelled vibrant out here, especially after the minor rain shower last night!

  Not to mention the sounds! The cries of Rhyhorn, the chittering of various insects and Bug types, the sound of wind blowing through the long grasses, the low sound of what I swore were a flock of Spearow in the distance, they all blended together into a background noise that I dearly would have loved to have as a personal sleep track.

  You could feel the Tauros herds in the distance occasionally, too, the weight of tons and tons and tons of life just crushing everything in its path. You could feel the sun beating down on you relentlessly, far from any relief shade may bring. You could feel the sky, so vast and close and open above you.

  At the moment, I also felt pants-shitting terror.

  All I had wanted to do was take some photographs! Maybe to catch a Pokemon, but I had a single empty Pokeball! It was my 'just in case you make a friend' Pokeball.

  Never used.

  It really didn't look like I was going to get the chance to, either.

  Arcanine teeth were very pointy. And hot. I could see the fire flickering in its snarling mouth, heat radiating off of it in a visible wave. It was a wonder the short, cropped grass here in a Tauros herds trail wasn't in flames. It might have been the insane amount of dung and urine everywhere, honestly. Wondrous, filthy Pokemon…

  Why?!

  I mean, I know that Pokemon aren't just going to ignore a human! I wasn't that stupid! I reeked of Ultra Repel! Why was it so close, anyway! And why so MAD!? I wasn't an expert, but Arcanine were almost always relatively… They weren't nice in the wild, but they weren't vicious. They ignored puny, frail humans.

  We didn't have a lot of meat.

  So why did this one look like I had killed its children in front of its eyes? It wasn't even the time of year for Arcanine to have pups! It wasn't starving, either! It looked very healthy, actually! I was in the plains! I wasn't exactly boxing it or its children in!

  WHY!?

  "H-hey, listen, I-I d-d-don't want to fight! Or d-die, which is w-what I would do!" It just snarled again and began to step closer to me. Why was it so mad?

  Wait, why is rock rising around me? Forming a fucking dome?!

  The Roar from behind me literally jarred my control over my own body. I vaguely remembered there were tiny crystals on hairs in your inner ear for balance. Those crystals had just vibrated, and it was so disorientating I fell to my knees in the darkness I suddenly found myself in, not quite vomiting, but so very close. It felt like on TV, when someone got hit by a Sonic Boom. Even through the Protects the characters had, they still showed the screen wobbling and fuzzy.

  I had no idea that it was a real thing from sonic attacks, though! Through stone!

  I felt myself lift off of the ground as the earth quaked. Then it quaked again. Then again, and I began to realize that I wasn't feeling some sort of Move, attack, or landslide.

  Those were footsteps! Fast footsteps!

  The boiling ocean of butchering, slow-roasting DEATH that rolled over me was more than enough for me to freeze entirely. I was actually very grateful for it at the moment, truly I was.

  I was so tense that my pants were still clean.

  The walls started to glow with warmth. I desperately closed my eyes as an insane amount of heat washed over me. I could feel the intense heat, my sweat-soaked shirt quickly becoming dried and stiff with salt, even as the moisture seemed to hiss out from between my tightly squeezed eyelids. It was an oven in here! I was going to bake to death!

  This was not on my list of 'Ways you will die going to the plains alone'!

  Then it was over.

  The stone shell surrounding me audibly flowed back into the ground, cool air rushing in. Cooler, it was still the plains in summer…

  I opened my eyes, sure I was about to have a heart attack, and beyond the small hellscape of cracked and blacked earth in front of me I saw something impossible.

  The Arcanine was dead. Very dead, actually, considering it didn't currently have a head, just a gushing stump. I watched the body slowly collapse to the ground as I finally saw my savior.

  It was almost two stories tall and lightly smoking as it lifted its head up, a truly gigantic example of its species. I knew that most species would produce an Alpha after a period of time, but I had never seen one before. Most people hadn't. Alphas were more or less the Champions of their local species. They fought humans and other species to protect their own species, and few Alphas had ever been successfully captured. Well, capture wasn't impossible for most Alphas. It was getting them to obey the species they probably defended against that was the real issue. Most ignored them, treated them like a natural disaster to avoid. Like a hazardous part of a trail, just mark it down and avoid it.

  I didn't even know it was possible for a Tyrantrum to be an Alpha! They were a prehistoric Pokemon revived from fossils! How would they even-

  Oh shit!

  The Galarian Crown Tundra Preserve!

  The one place in the world where prehistoric species were reintroduced to the wild! One of the deadliest places on the planet! It had to be from there!

  She!

  Because I had seen that video, just like most people had at this point. I mean, it was old news, but still insanity! A child not only surviving the Preserve, the Lowlands, but doing it naked except for skins and somehow enamoring the Tyrant Queen into being her Pokemon! This was her!

  She crunched on the Arcanine's head, and I almost hurled from the sound of its skull popping. It was far higher pitched than I would have expected. She chewed a few times, then tossed her huge head back to swallow it. When her head came back down her eyes were staring at me.

  Fuck.

  She's eaten forty three people!

  She began to stalk towards me, but I couldn't move. Not that it would have done me any good whatsoever, but I would have preferred it to the weak feeling of acceptance I felt.

  Her snout came right up to me, not two feet from me, never stopping her stare. Her mouth parted, barely, and I whined.

  Then she chuckled.

  She chuckled!

  The Tyrant Queen was chuckling at my perfectly reasonable terror!

  "T-T-That's kind of r-rude, b-but thank y-you! Y-Your the Tyrant Q-Queen, right?" She stopped her chuckling, smiled viciously at me, exposing teeth I had zero desire to see now or ever again in the process, and nodded.

  "W-Well, seriously, t-thank you! I w-would have b-been eaten!" She laughed at me, a single loud 'ha' that sounded more like a rockslide than anything else. Then she opened her jaws and undulated her tongue before closing her mouth.

  I didn't soil myself, but it was a very close thing!

  "W-well, I am g-going to go h-home and n-never come out here again, unfortunately! Arceus above, thank you for s-sending the Tyrant Queen!" She was giving me a strange look, and she squinted her eyes at me briefly before starting to scan around. She looked at me, then scuffed a foot on the ground.

  Oh!

  "I walked out here, actually! It's way too expensive to buy a car… I really just wanted to take some good pictures." She tilted her head to the side, and despite myself I chuckled.

  It still felt like that ocean of what I had to assume was aura was trying to butcher and roast me, but it was… far away, in the background of my mind right now. I wonder if that was her reigning it in somehow, or if I just broke some sort of fear response in my head.

  Considering I wasn't stuttering anymore, or even beginning to, I was leaning towards something being broken.

  Forever.

  "I managed to take a few decent ones before this, if you want to see?" Her head came down to almost rest on the ground, and I pulled my camera out to hold in front of a single huge eye.

  "Sorry the display is small, it's mostly for menus and options, not actually viewing the photos. Still… Here's a herd of Tauros crossing a river. They generally send their males upstream and downstream while the strongest females bunch up and charge through the river, disrupting any aquatic ambushes while the children and elders follow them. They never really stop, either, they just hit the river at different times, and usually come out the other side still clumped up nicely. Bet they taste good, huh?" She grinned at me. I was vegetarian, but I had heard they were amazing.

  "This is a herd of Rhyhorn facing down a Nidoking family. Notice how the Rhyhorn are trying to surround the Nidorina? Nidorino, too… Why do they have separate names? Anyways, they're trying to contain any poison attacks the Nido line throws at them with their armor, keeping them distracted, while this second group goes after the fully Evolved parents. They don't actually want to kill them, they just want them gone from their territory… Which is hard to manage sometimes, considering Rhyorn are dull Pokemon for the most part, and they forget their territories all the time. Sometimes they forget their packs! They will wander right into a nesting site, forget that this isn't their territory, and then try to defend it! Stupid Pokemon, really, but very loyal. Pretty fast, too, people ride them, especially for races." She scrunched up her face momentarily and I barked out a laugh.

  "Let me guess, too hard and spiky?" She nodded, still grimacing, and I couldn't stop the chuckles that came out of me. They certainly didn't look appetizing.

  "Here's a very upset Scyther. I actually gave it that apple it's eating… It was supposed to be my snack, but when 'scythe' is in their name, they get my fruit. See how it's just sitting on a rock, scanning around? I'm relatively sure that it was a male defending his territory, as the females generally have far too much common sense to sit on a rock in the sun for hours guarding grass." I found out what a real laugh from the Tyrant Queen sounded like.

  The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

  And felt like.

  "This is the head of an Arbok emerging from the grass. You can't see anything else, because I was too busy running for dear life. Those things eat people!" She actually stepped back, lifted her head, and bellowed out a laugh before coming back down to the ground.

  Yeah, I guess that might be funny, when you've eaten people!

  "This is a herd of Ponyta led by a Rapidash drinking from a small pond. Notice their flames are blazing? It's partially a defense mechanism, just in case there's something in there that thinks they look tasty, but it's also fear. I mean, they still need to drink water, but if they fall in? It's not Water-typed energy, so it wouldn't actually hurt that badly, even if it felt unpleasant and put their flames out temporarily, but if their flames are blazing, they can dry out the muddy banks so they don't stumble forward. It also lights the water up, but I honestly think they're just freaking the hell out even as they drink what they require to live. It's ridiculous, honestly! Look at that Rapidash! It looks terrified of a muddy pond!" She laughed, then licked her lips.

  Yeah, I could see that easily enough. Ponyta were said to be extremely delicious. I mean, again, vegetarian, but they sold for a premium. They were so cute though…

  "The last decent photo I managed to take today, a Dodrio. Horrible things. This one was sleeping, but as you can see, one head was still scanning around. Based on the expression, that was the mean one. It varies between individuals, but usually they have a nice head, a mean head, and an insane head. The insane head is the one they grow when they Evolve, and it actually forces a bit of cooperation between the first two, to make it shut up if nothing else. Thankfully they don't eat humans, because they can outrun cars, and keep it up for hours. Three hearts, you know…" She just looked mildly interested in this one, but ehh. It was a great shot, really, but I didn't like it much either. It was just sleeping, not that interesting.

  I let my camera drop back to my chest, and she stood and rolled her neck briefly before giving me another piercing stare. I think that was just how she always looked at stuff, though?

  She very lightly stomped the ground, pointed at me with one of her arms, then spun, before throwing her arms up in the air, pointing at the sun.

  "I mean, it'll be close to dark, but I'll make it back in time." She shook her head and lightly growled at me, then crouched. Put her head almost on the ground.

  Opened her mouth.

  Undulated her tongue!

  Stared at me.

  Then she grinned.

  —

  "This is actually quite a bit worse than I anticipated, my Queen! I would like to get out of the royal carriage, please!" The chuckle I heard emerge from directly behind me was highly amused at my choice of words.

  I wasn't.

  I was just using humor in an attempt to save my sanity!

  Apparently I didn't have a choice in the matter, because she was going to take me! Where? Who the fuck knows, but she wasn't eating me! I almost wished she would at the smell, not to mention the saliva, but I was more focused on the view, small as it was.

  I was able to grab her teeth and peer forward as I lay on her tongue! It was the most horrid experience of my life, but it wasn't as scary as that Arcanine had been. I mean, it was actually far, FAR more terrifying, but I knew she wouldn't actually eat me. Not that she hadn't eaten humans before, but… oh Arceus I'm just making it worse!

  I could tell she wasn't going fast for her at all, and even still, her lips sometimes vibrated with the speed, not to mention the whistling of air through her teeth. The plains blurred under her feet, and it was only thanks to the Protect that even now surrounded me like a second skin that the inertia hadn't turned me into red paste the first time she had made a hard turn.

  For no reason!

  Just to hear me scream, and to laugh at me!

  She slowed, and I noticed out of the corner of my eye (and her mouth, let's not forget where I am!) a herd before she was turning for them. Not of Tauros, no, but a herd of Kangaskhan! She was running right for them!

  NO!

  They are a protected species!

  Thankfully, I didn't need to worry. She instead gradually slowed, eventually calmly walking up to the herd. So very calmly. They were calm too?

  What?!

  Considering how they all grouped around her and began to chat, I assumed they knew each other. Somehow.

  She bent down and rolled me out of her mouth before turning away, and I crouched there on my hands and knees for a moment. I wasn't out of breath, but I felt like I should be. I felt a nudge and looked up.

  A Kangaskhan baby! Oh my Arceus! It is so precious! I smiled at the baby, turning around warily to see the reaction of the parents. A singular Kangaskhan looked at me and idly waved an arm at me! Like it didn't care that I was there! Then again…

  If they trusted the Tyrant Queen for some reason, I guess they trusted me? Not like I was going to look a gift Ponyta in the mouth!

  I immediately stood up in excitement, the baby watching me with wide eyes.

  "Hi! You're so cute! Ever heard of a photograph, or gotten one taken before?"

  —

  "Hey Leto, what's up? Personal or request hunting for ya, today?" Who's Leto? Wait, that's a human! I'm saved!

  "Help me! She's not going to eat me, but I want OUT!"

  "Wha- Leto! Did you-! Oh! Oh boy, don't let him out yet, Leto! We need pictures!" What!? No!

  The deep chuckling that vibrated me was not appreciated. Her head lowered, and through the gaps in her mouth I could see two red-faced Rangers. Not angry red, oh no. They were trying so hard not to laugh. I think the bald one might actually have an aneurism if he doesn't just laugh!

  "I have to say, Leto, this is a new one! Saving a human?! I mean, I assume it was from the headless Arcanine corpse in your arms, huh?" A nod that I didn't appreciate. Wait, corpse in her arms!?

  "What the hell?! I thought you left that behind! When did you even pick it up?! Both times?! You carried a corpse in your arms and made me ride in your mouth, you damn Tyrant?!" The chuckles grew much louder at that.

  "You've seen the video, right? You're calling her Tyrant. You heard her trainer say she carried her in her mouth." I glared at the bald man in the view between her teeth.

  "She won't carry her trainer or her baby Tyrunt either. We've got the pictures, Leto, if you want to let him out?" They certainly had! Assholes!

  They didn't even use a good camera!

  Then I was finally free, again, covered in saliva and reeking of rotting meat. The Rangers were finally laughing so hard, restraint broken by the full sight of me. There was another one now, actually! There were three, and it had to be the entire staff here at the Ranger Outpost I found myself at. Little more than a large stone hut with a viewing tower and a garage, like most of them, but more than enough to serve as a base of operations here in the plains.

  "Leto, wanna show him what you would rather put up with than carry someone?" She laughed and stuck her tongue out. I followed the Ranger's finger as he pointed.

  "Tyrunts have very sharp claws on their feet, but she refuses to carry anyone. Look at the scar tissue." I did, and I was horribly fascinated. Her whole tongue, well, the front half of it, was crisscrossed by lines of thin scars!

  "I never actually asked, but I think it has to do with your scales, right?" He was looking up at her. She pulled her tongue back in and nodded. I looked at him in confusion.

  "Look at her scales everywhere else. It's hard to, because she has all those rocky plates, being part Rock type. The only place she has true scales is her stomach, and I have to assume they are much softer. It's her vulnerable place. Turn on her in her mouth, she just chews. Turn on her in her arms, close to her heart with thinner scales? Makes sense to me… I mean, she knows they won't hurt her, and couldn't, but it's instinctive… Plus, I get the feeling she just enjoys tormenting humans. Her Tyrunt obviously doesn't care, but most humans with sanity don't want to get in there. Not even her insane daughter!" The Tyrant Queen, Leto apparently, growled at the Ranger, lips peeling back from her teeth, but he just chuckled at her.

  "Yes, yes, you could eat me. I saw the video of you eating that poor guy not ten minutes after he left Freezingpoint, too! Was I wrong?" Excuse me, what video?!

  He didn't even flinch as she brought her snout directly in front of his face and grinned. Then she shook her head, never breaking eye contact.

  "Not like it makes much difference. I bet you could take a Hyper Beam to your stomach and not take much more damage than if it was to your back, or even face." She nodded at him with a wide smile. Then she turned to stare at me.

  Oh!

  "So, she started, ah, rescuing me after this, but do you have the contact information for her trainer? She took a photo and wants to share it."

  The Rangers all froze momentarily, then they were surrounding me. They never actually touched me, though, considering the saliva! I wiped my hands off on the grass and pulled my camera out of its thankfully water/saliva-proof case and began to scan backward from the last photo, a Kangaskhan baby.

  "Leto took a picture! No fucking way! Wait, is that a baby Kangaskhan?! You're not even allowed t-" I raised a hand, but I think it was Leto's light growl that made him stop.

  "I was being carried, I didn't exactly have a choice! I thought she was going to attack them, actually, but they just… talked! For like twenty fucking minutes while I stood there, saliva drying on me!" What appeared to be the Head Ranger, the bald guy, looked surprised at that and turned to Leto.

  "You just… chatted with a herd of Kangaskhan?" She nodded, and I could see the headache forming behind his pained eyes.

  "Wait, why? Just… chatting? What do you have in commo- Oh! Childcare tips, chatting about your insane daughter and their adorable little babies?" She eagerly nodded her huge head, smiling wide.

  "Yeah, that somehow doesn't surprise me at all… Thanks for taking care of those poachers the other day, too, by the way." What!?

  "Excuse me, what? She did what?" They all grinned at me, even the damn Tyrantrum.

  "Poachers are always targeting the Kangaskhan herds, and Leto here knew that the large, unmarked van she saw shouldn't have been there. She came and got us fast enough. Sent her back with the outposts Rotom Phone, let it record the evidence, verify they were poachers, then it gave her the go-ahead. She disposed of them for us in no time, no cleanup necessary other than the van. It was really convenient, actually. Leto here even won an award! It's basically just 'the Rangers love me', a Meritorious Service Award, but still."

  What the fuck?!

  Why were they so casual about that? Everyone was just nodding and looking proud of her! Wait, am I insane? Was that a normal thing to do to poachers? I mean, poachers, especially out here in the plains, were dangerous! They could easily start Stampedes that killed people, destroyed smaller towns, but still! Letting Leto, apparently, eat them was just normal? No, no, that's impossible. These Rangers are the insane ones!

  Right?

  "I think that puts you up to an even fifty, right? Well, that we know of. You still won't tell us how many you ate, will you?" Just casually asking with a wide smile?! Like it was funny?! She was smiling so widely and viciously as she shook her head.

  "Yeah, kinda figured that. Over a hundred?" The grin never flickered.

  "Well, anyways, you said Leto took a picture? Sorry, I saw the Kangaskhan and got a little… heated." I shook my head at him.

  "Don't worry, I understand! Like I said, I was terrified she was going to hunt them! I was ecstatic to get these photos, they just ignored me for some reason, basically." The female ranger started chuckling and met my confused gaze.

  "Kangaskhan are The Parent Pokemon. They treated you like a lost child Leto had found, letting their kids play with you and keep you entertained while they chatted." My face felt hot as amused gazes turned my way.

  "That… That also reminds me? One of the younger adults, ah, liked my photos? And kind of wants to help me take some and not die?" I raised my hands as their glares began to form.

  "I didn't catch her! I'm not a poacher! But I mean… if it's her choice… I mean, she really liked my photos, and she was nice, and she really wanted to, and the herd said it was okay…" They were still glaring, but barely. The Head Ranger was actually beginning to smile now. It looked a little… sharp, though…

  "Well… if that's the case, then yeah… Yeah, sure. I'll drive out there to check with them myself, of course, register you so you don't get flagged as a poacher, but sure, sure… if you let Leto take you back to the herd." I felt the blood drain from my face.

  "You have got to be fucking kidding me!?" Everyone was giving me vicious grins. What the fuck, why are you all grinning the same, humans and Tyrants?!

  She's not even your Pokemon!

  Why are you all so in sync?!

  "Not at all! Technically, I don't have to allow you to catch her… Okay, I would still let you, I'm not going to stop her if she really does want to go with you. I'm not a monster." My mood brightened for all of two seconds.

  "I don't have to give you a ride, though. I think there may be some obscure rules about allowing civilians to ride in Ranger vehicles, unless they are being taken back to an outpost or a city." I glared at his shit-eating grin.

  Fuck it.

  Done it once, twice technically, at least this time it will be my choice, and I will get a friend! I mean… I'm also going to be getting a powerful assistant who seems to enjoy my photos, and the idea of taking her own. One who will help keep me safe in the literal wilderness that I have so far been lucky enough to survive. Barely.

  Honestly, I want the friend more.

  "Fine! Fuck it!" He smiled so widely. Then he looked at my camera.

  "Oh yeah, so…" They leaned in to look.

  "I guess Leto liked my pictures, so she wanted to take her own. I mean, I held it and she clicked the button with her claw, but close enough." They were all smiling widely, happily as I finally scrolled to the photo taken right before Leto… scooped me up. The only photo I hadn't taken personally, today.

  They were silent for a long moment.

  "Well… I think Erin will like it?"

  "It deserves a title."

  "It deserves more than that."

  —

  Erin

  —

  "Mom, why did I receive a photo of a headless Arcanine corpse posed sitting on top of a rock in the middle of the plains? And why is it apparently titled 'Modern Savagery from a Prehistoric Queen'?"