It was time.

  Time to start language classes.

  What would they be like? Chama-Fish didn’t speak English. And I definitely didn’t speak blender-chewing-tireish.

  Simple solution? Aura.

  Chama-Fish began by lifting an object with all the seriousness of a professor unveiling an ancient relic.

  It was a rock.

  Oh. Fantastic. This is going to be riveting.

  He made a sound.

  That weird, wet grinding noise, like a blender slowly drowning in used fryer oil.

  Apparently, that noise meant "rock."

  "Great. This is going to take forever, isn’t it?" I said, as I tried dozens of times to replicate that sound with no success.

  Chama-Fish scratched his chin. Then, his big chameleon eyes lit as if a bulb turned on inside his alien mind.

  He pointed at Waldo, and, slowly spoke what I think was each letter of the word "rock" in his language.

  Right. Waldo was watching me learn. Even if the bastard was still giving me the silent treatment, I couldn't lose face in front of him.

  So, once again, I tried replicating the sound.

  Days passed. Thousands of failed attempts. One very loud scolding from Chama-Fish.

  And then… victory.

  I did it. I mastered the word "rock."

  I felt invincible. A genius. A cosmic scholar, fluent in Blenderese.

  I had trained my tongue, throat, and cheeks to produce that cursed noise, so learning new words was going to be a piece of cake.

  And, shockingly… nothing bad happened after that.

  No tragic breakdowns. No surprise monster attacks.

  Just hours and hours of language grinding, until finally, I could form basic sentences.

  And now, dear reader, I’m afraid it’s time. Time to say goodbye to the legendary name "Chama-Fish."

  Because his real name… was Abrak-Ith.

  Son of the previous matriarch of the village. Nephew of the current one.

  And when she kicked the bucket, his sister was next in line.

  Turns out, hundreds of years ago, the village used to be run by a patriarch.

  Key word: used to. Because the last one apparently nearly wiped them all out, until Abrak-Ith’s grandmother led a full-blown revolution, overthrew him, and established the matriarchy.

  Oh, and they gutted the old patriarch and ate him to celebrate. Yikes.

  Anyway, Abrak-Ith’s job was to explore what they called "The Bangalblab Desert."

  Or, as I liked to call it… the alien wasteland.

  "You go outside can," Abrak-Ith told me, wearing what I think was a smile.

  I lit up like a kid on Christmas.

  "Outside go I can?" I answered, trying way too hard to sound natural.

  Yes. We were literally talking like Master Yoda.

  But hey, you try pronouncing the sound of a blender chewing rocks at full speed, while the motor chokes on week-old fryer oil, while also trying to wrap your brain around the grammar structure of an alien language in just a few weeks.

  The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

  Oh, and on top of that? I’m translating all of this into English just so you can follow along. You’re welcome.

  It was time.

  Time to step out. Time to live among the villagers. Time to socialize.

  To exchange knowledge.

  Their knowledge of survival, energy, and alien culture…

  And my sacred duty…

  …to teach them the important things.

  The Dark Souls saga. All of its lore.

  The masterpiece known as Mother of Learning.

  The core pillars of human civilization, obviously.

  Y'know. Stuff like that.

  I walked out onto the village street alongside Abrak-Ith.

  Oh, how beautiful.

  Villagers walking and talking. Kids darting around, tossing mud balls like their lives depended on it.

  The temperature? Perfect. The breeze? Dry and cool.

  And most importantly… I wasn’t naked. I wore the same style of clothing as the others now, custom-fitted to my peak human physique.

  And, thank the cosmic gods, my little buddy was finally contained by actual cloth pants.

  …Wait. Where did they get fabric, anyway?

  Oh, right.

  Those cosmic anus creatures. Turns out they produce thread. You just harvest their slime fibers and boom, clothing. Alien wonders.

  After a few peaceful minutes, we ran into two villagers.

  One looked older, with skin like dried stone. The other… shorter, lighter in color. Female, maybe? His daughter?

  Abrak-Ith nudged me.

  "Introduce yourself," he whispered.

  Alright. Showtime.

  I ran through every phrase I’d practiced in my head.

  Come on, Keegan. Don’t screw this up.

  "It’s-a-me… Keegan Carter… from another world… me coming…intentions peaceful... learning?"

  Nailed it.

  I started trying to ask their names, throwing in a few polite gestures for good measure...

  But Abrak-Ith yanked me by the arm like I’d just set the house on fire.

  "Promised him to marry his daughter, you just did," he whispered, eyes wide.

  Oh.

  Oh no.

  I glanced back at the old man.

  His eyes were wide open, like he’d just won the cosmic lottery.

  Shit.

  "Me… what do now?" I croaked, desperate.

  I couldn’t marry an alien I’d just met. I wasn’t ready to be stripped of my innocence by someone alien female with six arms and four legs...

  …Wait. That actually didn't sound so bad.

  No. Focus, Keegan. Damn it.

  "Me speak to him. Solve problem this I will,"

  Abrak-Ith announced, sounding way too confident, like he was absolutely winging it.

  He turned and started speaking to the old man.

  They exchanged a few grunty words I didn’t understand.

  Then the old man laughed so hard he nearly doubled over, gave his daughter a light, casual slap on the back, and walked away like nothing happened.

  Abrak-Ith turned back to me, flashing that six-thumb thumbs-up again.

  A full-body shiver ran through me. Why did that still feel like a threat?

  "To walk we continue," he told me.

  We toured the village, while he told me the history of his people.

  Thousands of years ago, the one they call "The Precursor" arrived in the wasteland.

  Seeing the conditions of the terrain, he began traveling, exploring the entire planet in search of a place to settle.

  But when he finally found one... he was already too old.

  So, naturally, he decided to leave a legacy.

  Using the power of aura, he split his soul and body into hundreds of fragments.

  These fragments grew, evolved, and eventually became what they call "The Ancient Us."

  Then came the first settlement, the first generation...

  Who then... uh... kinda... procreated with each other.

  Wow. That’s… yep. That’s incest.

  But hey, it's not like humans were any better, right? Go ask Charles II if you don’t believe me.

  Centuries passed. They grew, they thrived, they formed their own language…

  But then… they stagnated.

  A savage, tribal society, stuck in place for generations.

  Abrak-Ith’s voice lowered as we walked.

  I noticed his aura flicker, like he wasn’t sure if he should tell me what came next.

  My steps slowed.

  And then…

  He spoke.

  Softly.

  "One… helped us."

  My chest tightened.

  "To you… very similar."

  I could feel my pulse quicken.

  "Two legs… two arms… one head…"

  He paused, his gaze heavy on me.

  "Hundreds years ago."

  I froze.

  What?

  "From the one, remains there still are. But wait until Moon Festival we must, to reach place."

  Oh.

  I could finally get answers.

  All I had to do was wait for the Moon Festival.

  Which, by the way…

  Happened once every ten years.

  And if you’re wondering, a wasteland year’s about a year and a half on Earth based on my not-so-scientific calculations.

  So… fifteen Earth years between each festival.

  And when was the last one, you ask? Two wasteland years ago.

  Just my luck, huh?

  The universe just loves to dangle the carrot and then...

  BAM!

  A cosmic slap across the face. No warning. No mercy. No lube.

  Abrak-Ith noticed my emotional freefall.

  He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and flared his aura.

  "Worry you must not. A lot of things still there are to do. Time, everything at its."

  Sure, buddy. Easy for you to say. You don’t even have to wait in Earth years.

  We kept walking through the village.

  Abrak-Ith kept talking, telling me the history of each building, each path, each stone.

  But my mind… my mind was somewhere else.

  A human. Here. Centuries before me. How?

  How the hell did they end up there? Expelled like me?

  I barely heard a word Abrak-Ith was saying.

  Finally, I scratched the back of my neck, swallowing my frustration.

  "Uh… Abrak-Ith. Sorry I am. Listen to your stories… like twenty last… I did not. I… distracted was. To rest I need now."

  He paused.

  Then, with a knowing nod, he lifted just one thumb this time.

  That felt… weirdly comforting.

  I walked back to my assigned house, my head pounding with questions.

  Who was that human? Why were they here? Was there a way to find out sooner?

  The headache hit harder with every step.

  As soon as I got inside, I collapsed face-first onto the bed. I needed to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t shut up.

  There was so much to think about…