Journal, Day 1

  Fuck Truck-kun, and fuck the four wheels he rode in on!!!

  Journal, Day 2

  I was murdered by a gods-damned truck, reincarnated into another world, and I didn’t even get a t-shirt.

  Seriously. No underwear either. I’m fucking NAKED!

  There are bugs, and it’s super hot during the day and super cold at night, and if I ever find out who did this to me, I’m gonna kick the deity right out of them!

  Journal, Day 3

  My third day here. No OP skills. No stats page. Just abandoned, naked, at an oasis in an empty desert with nothing but sun, sand, and tiny insects biting my balls whenever I sit down. BECAUSE I’M NAKED.

  Guess how sunburned I am. Go ahead. Boiled lobsters look less red than I do everywhere. It’s all I can do to try and find a shred of shade and follow it all day as the sun moves through the sky.

  Oh, but I have the ability to record a digital journal in my head. That’s a big fuckin’ help. Thanks system or god or alien assholes who did this to me. Really helpful.

  Go fuck yourselves.

  Journal, Day 4

  I’m in a desert. It’s hot. The only water is in the oasis. It’s super clear, but everyone knows you don’t drink unfiltered water because you can get sick. So I avoided it, hoping I might figure something else out.

  I didn’t. No help has come along. No travellers. No sexy goddess descending from the heavens with an apology and gifts of OP skills for screwing up. So I did it. I drank the water this morning. I couldn’t help it. I was too thirsty.

  I guzzled about three litres before I noticed the corpse rotting under the water.

  Staring right up at me.

  Scared the stuffing out of myself. You never, ever want to look down into a pool of water and see anyone or anything staring back at you. It’s just wrong. Terrifying.

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  Also, I have spent the last two hours shitting water. Cause it was polluted. Because fuck my life, right? I deserve this.

  It started with cramps. Nothing too serious. Then it worked its way through me with dramatic speed. I barely got a hole dug in the sand outside the oasis in time before I had to squat over it, and I swear my entire insides must have been liquified because — it just kept coming. Every time I unclenched, it was like turning on a tap full blast, a power jet of brown water. I’d think the ordeal was over, stand up, get about two steps, then dash back to the hole and fire off another high-powered burst of bad water.

  How can my body even have this much water inside??? Where’s it all coming from???

  I hate this place.

  Journal, Day 5

  I’m running on fumes. I’m absolutely starving. I’m so dehydrated. I shouldn’t drink the water because some dead thing is lying at the bottom of the pool. But I need water, so I keep drinking it, even knowing what will happen.

  I spent the afternoon shitting more water. My ass feel like a garden hose.

  Fuck it. Maybe I’ll just curl up and die.

  Journal, Day 6

  Not dead yet. I guess. For now.

  Still shitting water. Getting weak without food too.

  I spend so much time out in the desert away from shade over my little latrine holes that I dragged a few palm fronds out there to make an umbrella-type enclosure. I was sent to a new world, and the first thing I did was build a toilet. Behold, my grand empire. Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.

  I wish I could boil the water, but there are only a couple of dozen palm trees and some bushes here. Without the shade, I’d fry to death in the blazing sun since there’s not a cloud in the sky. Not that I have any idea how to make fire without matches or a lighter.

  Getting pretty tired of passing water out of my anus. I mean, it’s so bad, I haven’t even peed in two days. It all comes out the other hole.

  Figured I’d try to filter the water. There’s all this sand, right? I made a cylinder out of rocks and palm fronds, about a meter tall. Filled it with sand and poured the water through. Caught it with a fallen palm frond at the bottom. Of course, the water is brown and muddy, but…I think I’m shitting less water after drinking it? A little? Sand doesn’t taste so bad.

  There’s some kinda coconut or breadfruit thing hanging from some of the palms, about the size of a bowling ball. It’s purple and hairy, like a testicle being clenched by a dominatrix for too long because she really doesn’t like you. A few rotted ones on the ground. Fruits, not testicles. They make durian smell like the world’s best perfume. It’s a bit like the worst smelly feet with an undercurrant of HOLY FUCK THIS IS STUPIDLY DISGUSTING!

  But one fell out of a tree today. I have been desperate for food. I spent probably an hour trying to crack the dumbass thing open on a rock. Finally did it. Really gorgeous pink and blue flesh inside with little black seeds like in a dragonfruit. Ate some.

  Flaming diarrhea. It burned. Yeah.

  Fuck my life.

  Journal, Day 7

  There are scorpions in the desert.

  They’re the size of chihuahuas.

  Their crab claws are as big as a child’s hands. Whenever they close, it sounds like a huge pair of scissors snipping shut. That’ll make your skin crawl.

  Oh, I can tell this is some bullshit fantasy or sci-fi world for sure now.

  The dog-sized scorpions fire little lightning bolts out of their huge stingers. And they really FUCKING HURT!!

  I did three laps around the oasis before this one gave up chasing me. Still naked, so I’m flapping in the wind the whole time. Ever try sprinting in sand with a sunburned penis? Awesome good time. Promise. If any gods are reading this, you should totally go try that right now.

  Eventually escaped the scorpion. Wouldn’t come into the water to get me, thank cheeses sliced. So here I am, starved, thirsty, and treading water.

  I can see the corpse under me. It’s still staring with sightless eyes.

  Good times.