Journal, Day 8

  Hauled the decomposing body out of my only water source today. Prob should have done that earlier. Barely had the strength to do it. Took ages to dive down and pull it out. Wasn’t human. Some lizard person. Dressed in loose, dirty white robes like one of those desert people back home, bedwetters or bedwins or something. Made the dead guy heavy as fuck, all that wet cloth, so I had to strip him under water before I could even drag him up the bank before burying him out in the sand beyond the trees.

  Didn’t help that that little bitch of an electric scorpion kept popping out of the sand to chase me. Wish I had the strength to throw the corpse at it.

  Good news, though. I now have clothes.

  The clothes of a dead lizard person who’s been rotting under water for who knows how long.

  And that’s exactly what they smell like.

  Journal, Day 9

  Think I’m getting used to the stinky-feet fruit that smells worse than I do. Or eating only a handful means it harms me less. Water filter seems to be working a bit too. Only spent half the day shitting liquid today. Still starving, thirsty, and dizzy at the slightest movement. Sand is about as pleasant a replacement for toilet paper as you’d expect. Bit raw down there now. Body is sunburned so bad everywhere that I would be constantly crying tears if I hadn’t already been voiding all the water in my body via other means.

  But more good news!

  The palm trees are home to killer tarantula-style spiders the size of my hand. NOT including their legs. Cuz giant scorpions weren’t enough of a challenge. Why not include something that suddenly drops out of the palm tree you were sitting under, wraps its hairy legs around YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING HEAD and then proceeds to bite the back of your skull over and over until you manage to rip the damn thing off, which wasn’t easy because of course its legs have talons, and then you throw it on the ground as hard as you can, which does nothing and try to stomp the assassin bug to death only for it crawl up under your brand new clothes and take another bite out of YOUR BALLS!!

  Why does every living thing on this planet try to eat my balls????

  Finally killed the piece of shit but now my balls are bleeding. Not to mention the wounds all over my head. Washed them in water that a guy died and rotted in. Super clean. Can’t wait to see what kind of horrible infection this leads to.

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  This world sucks.

  Journal, Day 10

  Wounds are very itchy.

  Sunburns hurt like hell on fire. Buried myself under some wet sand to get away from the sun. Much cooler.

  No spiders today. But am considering burning down all the trees just in case there are more, even if it means losing all my shade and food source. Because fuck spiders with a leg span like an umbrella.

  Saw the scorpion eyeing me from across the oasis. Just eyeballing the fuck out of me with it’s, like, dozen eyes glinting in the sun with promises of murder. Cuz that’s not creepy as shit.

  Barely get any sleep at night cuz of that little prick. Keep waking up, afraid it’s stalking me. Moving around the oasis, hoping to avoid it. And any friends.

  So tired.

  Journal, Day 11

  Muahahahaaaa!

  Journal, Day 12

  Yesterday was a day of glory and death!

  Not my death, though.

  Suck it, isekai world!

  Wondered if the dead guy had anything else on him, so I took a dive in the oasis. Rooted around in the mud at the bottom and came up with a spear. A freakin’ spear, baby!

  Guess who showed that lightning-throwing scorpion from hell who’s the boss? Hint: it wasn’t Tony Danza. Guess who danced all around the oasis like a lunatic, making all kinds of noise, taunting it until it came up out of the sand in an explosion of rage and lightning, expecting to kill my sorry ass only to get a face full of sharp bronze? Guess who stabbed it in the face until it had no face? Stupid, faceless, lightning bitch who kept shooting lighting bolts in my ass. Yeah, that’s who’s dead. BECAUSE FUCK YOU!!!

  But wait. It gets better.

  We’ve all seen pics of people eating weird stuff. We’ve all laughed at the idea of eating a scorpion. Well — I did it.

  There’s a big, flat black rock on the edge of the oasis that sits in the sun all day long. Gets super hot. You splash some water on it, and it hisses and pops like a frying pan.

  I cut the stinger off. I don’t think it’s poisonous, but why chance it? I mean, if that thing had both lightning and poison, I’d be pissed. What kind of insect gets OP powers, while I get sunburns, bug bites, and dysentery? So unfair.

  Anyway, I tried to clean it. Took some guts out. I have no idea what’s edible. But I’m so hungry, I’d eat just about anything. Fried the scorpion on the rock for a good long while. Till that thing was turning black. I’d rather eat charcoal than get yet another bacterial infection. Not like I’ve had enough of those, right?

  It tasted like half-burnt seafood chicken. Yep, really disgusting.

  I miss my wife’s cooking.

  Journal, Day 13

  Woke up with severe cramps in the middle of the night.

  Explosive conclusion to the scorpion saga.

  Journal, Day 14

  The patch of desert I’ve been ass-watering is really starting to smell.

  I hope that doesn’t attract nasty monsters or something.

  Doom flag. Because I hate myself.