"Mono/Dialogue"

  'Inner thoughts'

  Narration

  [Message/communication apparatus]

  Date: 21st December 1080

  Location: Safehouse Omicron, County of Toron, Victoria.

  POV: Nyx

  I woke up on the floor… drenched in sweat… and blood that made its mark along the corner of my mouth… my eyes were hazy but never have I seen such crity for years… My eyes trailed along the cold wooden floor, further reinforced by the freezing winter of December.

  There I also saw a pool of both blood and bckish venom… my venom… they had coaguted and dried… this will be very hard to clean up. I expected the worst, but I was na?ve and arrogant… Dad would be sorely disappointed with how much false bravado I put up.

  I also take note of my left hand, completely chaffed off skin and there are even signs of flesh breaking… I tried touching it with my other hand…

  “FUCK! AH!” A part of my flesh fell off… it just fell off… It stung, like getting a chunk of your flesh being bitten and torn away like a piece of meat… I quickly repressed the pain but it did little to quell my tears, so I could only suffer all by myself; quietly so.

  Not wasting any more time, I pulled a nearby box with medication in it. Quickly tending and bandaging it, my flesh would regenerate in time… further increasing my suspicion that I might as well be an alien… I had seen people with simir wounds, they never recovered… but I did… what the hell am I?

  Lethargically I roused myself up, my throat burning in pain and discomfort while my body was being assailed by exhaustion. Before I even managed to sit back up, I vomited more blood… this one is fresh… My vision grew hazy again… but I persevered…

  This is just the worst possible outcome of my routine outside of mercenary work and or doing other activities, normal activities to be precise. Training can also work in easing my mind, sadly it appears that I had gone way too far.

  I’ll have you know that even I would get sick of seeing blood 24/7… it will be too stale or even tasteless to see it so often. Thus I elected a healthier off-time of doing nothing other than normal stuff… with Arts training in the mix….

  “Welp, enough of that…” Grunting painfully, I start stumbling forward into the bathroom, I just toughen it up because what else can I do? Feels like someone is boring a hole through my lungs to make things worse. I just stick along the wall for something to hold onto, can’t afford to exacerbate my wounded arm despite my regeneration and the process itself being slow.

  I still don’t understand how I didn’t smell unpleasant despite being drenched like this. I don’t have biology css in my repertoire of past life experiences, thus my knowledge of that kind of stuff is limited.

  The bath never takes long, I never needed to since a simple rinse here and there would be sufficient due to my strange body… Helps that my battlefield habit is too hard to let go of… I don’t want to stay too long here while being wounded to boot….

  Not to say I can’t indulge in a slower and more rexed bathing, it is just that I really need to recuperate and… analyze the video recording.

  Yes, I always keep a video recorder on to better understand what the hell happened yesterday, specifically what happened during my Arts training. It was annoying at first, but you gotta do what you gotta do, not much room to compromise there anyway.

  The most troublesome part after bathing is my hair… it is really a hassle to spend half an hour grooming it. I had become self-conscious about how I styled my hair, weirdly enough. Should I cut it? I don’t know but I’ll let future Nyx deal with that.

  After all that was done, I returned to my bedroom to pick my clothes for the day, just a pair of dark green shorts and a T-shirt, yes my fashion sense needed some more work. I take some extra measures by covering my wounded hand with more bandages that have been doused with antiseptics.

  Now fully clothed, and bandaged up, I just made a simple meal of frozen leftovers yesterday.

  “Let’s check my test fuck-up from the recording…”

  [Arts training Number One-Hundred-Ninety-Three, conducted in Twentieth December Ten-Eighty. Focus: Reciting poetry with arts, this is going to be the seventeenth attempt and hopefully succeed like the fourth attempt… 1/16… or less than 7% of success… Poetry will provide more flexibility for field application.]

  The video recording starts with me taking several deep breaths and adjusting both tone and pitch to be as natural as possible. One thing I discovered was that it took a really tight concentration to flow out my Arts along with the sound.

  Here is the problem, the sound is intangible and I’m having a hard time grasping its exact… how do I expin this… shape? Form? Manifestation? I will need a Leithanian for this… My training was based upon the understanding of how nguage's core value is that of an idea and context of meaning.

  The brain will search for this idea where the context of the situation will give way to meaning, sounds easy enough right? Well, that has some credence I guess.

  Language is always fluid, words of love can be turned into contempt and insult. Utterances for provocation can be turned into adoration and respect… Thus nguage can be used for whatever regardless of what it supposedly means according to the lexicon.

  I ended up having a hard time manifesting it with my already occupied mind hard at work on concentration… I tried to channel my Arts into something more… real, not just a mental form of manifestation… I just can’t however.

  The next scene pyed out where I tried to recite poetry. Just merely halfway through the first line, I immediately vomited blood. It goes downhill from there and so much more…

  My body can be seen to be going paler every second it continues on...

  Even kneeling with part of my face covered, I can see just enough where my eyes fluttered open with tears streaming down…

  The most disturbing thing is that… I can’t scream out in pain, only stuck in a kneeling position and coughing up even more blood all the while venoms start dripping like a broken faucet…

  My movement turned rigid. Hell, I can even see something akin to frostbite symptoms showing on my fingers… the now bandaged arm… Well, at least the physical manifestation made some headway… yay for silver linings…

  Then I started to spasm uncontrolbly, and not long after that my whole body colpsed immediately… There was that… I just y there, unmoving for god knows how long… Speaking about how long…

  “Hah… what time is it?”

  I check a nearby clock and see that it is… 4… in the te afternoon…

  “Fuck me, being unconscious from evening to te afternoon the next day… way to go Nyx, way to fucking go…”

  ‘I got knocked out and wounded to boot… thankfully I had notified those who might be looking for me that I won’t take a job during winter for a while… Else, I would have surely alerted my enemies with my apparent weakness while also putting myself in debt for pretty much everyone to whom I tried to reach out…’

  This has been going on for months… but it only got worse some 3 weeks ago… Should I really just shelve it? My Arts is potentially powerful, but it put such an agonizing strain I might as well not to, yet I’m still unable to hold back my curiosity on what lies beyond my understanding.

  Nothing is more frightening than the unknown…

  These sorts of training’ side effects and defects never happened in Kazimierz, only some mild discomforts here and there… but never to the point of being wounded so badly to then passing out cold.

  At first, I thought this was normal since Dad said that te arts training can be very complex and straining. Perhaps I just colpsed due to exhaustion, which was what past me said… I really want to punch the past me…

  What’s worse is that… I never told Dad about these defects, I don’t want to worry him… but he deserved to know how badly I fucked up. I would rather get yelled at than keep burying too many secrets with him…

  ‘I’m still on the fence in regards to telling him about my past lives…’

  My hands are trembling when I scrolled through the contact list… I’m a real goddamn little bitch to be afraid of telling the truth… What would he think about it? Will he be afraid? Will he hate me? Will he avoid me? Will I… will I… lose his affection? After all the things I have seen and gone through, why am I afraid to be ostracized now?

  The moment I found his contact a viscous lump of bile pushed itself out from my throat, I just colpsed back into the couch… and coughed up some more blood… this time… the blood was bck…

  Date: 22nd December 1080

  Location: Wdirosa, Kazimierz.

  POV: Immanuel Vittorio

  “The snow is always gentler than Deity Gryphenburg… I wonder how he’s doing…” I just stood near the window as I stared at the lush greenery now bathed by the soft touch of whiteness that bnketed the nd.

  My Tenure as one of Notarial Hall’s Field Agent and most importantly the Decimae Executor, Laterano equivalent of Grand Inquisitor, had made me well versed in worldly matters. Legal proceeding is of utmost priority but also maintaining Sankta’s will and order.

  Decimae Executor was an archaic personal title of mine, it made me more distinguishable as an Executor. I had more power, influence, and autonomy compared to the modern Executor of concurrent generation.

  The pope had bequeathed me another task, namely helping with the foundation of the Lateran Legati and also as a form of test of Lateran diplomatic effort. It means socializing and networking with personages of power, sometimes more than just personages of power.

  I know several acquaintances and I also had 4 old friends… 2 of them had long died and the other pair is now somewhere in Ursus. They’re a pair of brilliant generals, one of them can turn the tide of battle on his lonesome while the other can turn a routed army into a deadly hammer of earthshattering proficiency.

  But only a few could hold a candle to the retired Azure Grand General of Great Yan. She was the one who could command an entire nation as easily as moving her own fingers. I was young back then, and I maintained my hubris with a polite exterior.

  I still can remember the day that Azure Grand General was delighted with me standing up against her minor query, despite the overpowering pressure she exuded, where I stood tall and firm for I was carrying Laterano’s name, and in all honesty, my youth was a rather wild one.

  She asked my name and I refused, further igniting her interest so she challenged me to a drinking game and the loser must deliver their home's finest wine each decade as long as they are able… unsurprisingly I lost against her… Yes, unsurprisingly, that word made sense if you knew who she was.

  I lost but I held out long enough for her to be impressed, thus when I finally obliged to honor my bet and then gave me my name, no longer as the Decimae Executor, she promised me that she will always remember it and any descendants or those I considered family is always welcome to come visit her personally, anytime.

  The brashness of my youth was truly contradictive… on one hand, I can double as a diplomat, but on the other, I can shoot just a well and no slouch if I need to literally dirty my fists.

  ‘I’ll never understand what Yvangelista XI was thinking back then…’

  “Well, the festive mood will soon be here.” I swept my eyes away from the gentle white and straight towards the pza where Knights, Vilgers, and even some mobile city citizens were present. These people said that they were my daughter’s fans and admirers… just what was she doing back there? I approach them while hiding the fact that I am her adoptive father.

  Regardless of how, it was pretty amusing when I inquired them about what they think of her, my adoptive daughter, Nyx, and the answers were… wild but still within my expectation…

  Ranging from how despite being mercenary, she can easily pass a model to the fact that she had shown up in exhibition matches and tournaments all the while teaching her brand of self-defense martial arts.

  I was also mortified that my daughter had injured several of her own fans, to which I apologized on her behalf as her Arts teacher. Bizarrely enough, said injured people wore their injuries like badges of honor. Still doesn’t excuse her conduct thus I contacted her through my terminal and scolded her.

  She was utterly meek and never once interrupted me, and if she was physically present, she might be looking downward like a scolded child. Well enough of that, time to back to the present.

  New Year is coming soon, I’m not too keen on celebration but I suppose this one is an exception where I would, if able, be attending the occasion. Housewives made hot pots and also tended around the vilges, the men and women of militia corps doing work here and there in maintaining order along with the Knights who gdly provided assistance.

  The knights have more or less become one of us too, to the point that they offered us to move into their mobile city which is also a fortress. We declined such a generous offer, but it was appreciated.

  Wdirosa had changed drastically over the years, Nyx was truly a blessing for this vilge. I can vividly recite every single word of hers back when she had just arrived. Something tugged my heartstrings then and there…

  Her teaching and practical outlook on the subject of life had started to bear fruits, and for the st 3 years, several young’uns had decided to take their fate into their own hands.

  Nyx had trained all who wished for it to always be cautious while also maintaining the need to hide one’s own emotions when negotiating or making decisions. She had hammered caution and competition for the best result for everyone, but I had spotted several fws in her teaching.

  First and namely, she put herself as a standard of excellence unintentionally. It did make her pupils excellent but it also caused some to lose heart and their self-esteem put into question all by themselves. Her sheer presence and the mask she put on only increase the intensity of her intimidation.

  The next is her utterly cynical outlook on life like the word mercy for enemy sounds so incomprehensible to her. She’s been better from what I know at the present but back then she stubbornly reasoned that letting an enemy get away would only cause headaches further down the line.

  Her nigh-draconian teaching style, which varied from mildly gentle for kids up to being totally unforgiving and ruthless for adults, was good for soldiers, but for vilgers, it was too much. That was the first time I called her out for it, even though annoyed, she always heeded my words and put them for consideration… Result? Her training has been 30% less brutal…

  The war had left a deep scar on us, especially the veterans who took an active part in the 72’s defense. Many were traumatized by the war, Nyx tried her best to act as a temporary therapist, and she is clearly unsuitable for it.

  It was surreal seeing her try to be everything at once, but she only has complete mastery regarding combat or organization… I had suspected her to be an Elder Race too, but she never said anything about it and I won’t push for it.

  When the Silvernces came around to honor their favor on her, at st, we received the much-needed mental counseling. My adopted daughter is brilliant but I fear she would burn herself to ashes if she can’t take things slower.

  Other than that, let me tell you about several notable people who had sprouted and matured off their shells under her tutege years ago.

  Jan, the reserved and easygoing d, had turned into a much more fitting persona as the de facto and de jure leader of this vilge. Her style of teaching him, something Jan wholeheartedly admired, made the boy sharper against nuances, double meanings, and how emotions are a type of resource.

  She was impressed when Jan managed to force her on the back foot during a debate 5 years ago. Although hidden well, I can feel that she was mortified with Jan already surpassing her in politics merely 15 days after his first lesson.

  Then we have Lina, the sweet little girl who had become a rather… outgoing and… outspoken person. Since Nyx had left the vilge, she had become depressed for the first few weeks. However, all changed abruptly when she suddenly barged into the chapel looking for me.

  Gone was any trace of the shy girl, gone was her reserved nature when it meant she could reach her goal. Lina begged me to teach her how to write and speak other nguages, which I obliged since it is rare for such a little girl to show such eagerness.

  There was… obsession seeping through her but that shouldn’t be bad, definitely… supposedly… hopefully… well the next one is none other than Radek’s daughter and Jan’s sister.

  It won’t do to talk about people of interest here without including Nelka, the girl had grown to be a capable secretary despite having attended no formal education bodies or institutes. We had gotten word that she is now working in the Adeptus as a civil retions officer.

  She never said anything bad about working there, but I have my own network that reported her to be thoroughly underestimated and even discriminated against by the mobile city denizens, after knowing she came from the countryside and worked as a civil servant in the city.

  My network had concisely reported to me that she didn’t care about what people had been telling her. It’s one thing if it was constructive criticism, but another matter entirely if they tried to undermine her for no other reason than because they could.

  Those who tried to threaten her learned firsthand that she is formidable in more than one way. She knows how to detect danger, that’s the most important part. Being targeted 24/7 for months 8 years ago by Ursus marksmen had made her adept at protecting herself. Her cunning hidden nature had sprouted most excellently, the bastard knight assassins can’t touch her without incurring the wrath of both Adeptus and Nyx. Not to mention that she knows how to conduct business such as cleaning up bureaucratic messes, fending off intrigue and deceit, cohesion inspection, and so on.

  She is on track with being promoted to secretary for Grand Master Ioleta Russel. It is both the power of personal capability and connections, heh… world always spins around like that…

  Then my PT rang and with due haste, my arm reached out to it. Picking it up, I can see that Nyx is calling me… Strange, she usually called me during New Year's Eve only, it is me who always fussed and contacted her frequently too… She never gets annoyed, which is a delightful present in itself.

  “Ah Nyx, anything the matter?”

  [Well… I guess there is one…]

  “Really, then tell me. Believe in your Dad.” I can hear her chuckle on the other side.

  [Always does, I’m always a good girl who listens to her Dad, right?]

  “Debatable, but I suppose so.”

  [Awwww… well, the problem is… my arts…” My eyes shot up in worry.

  “Something wrong with it? Didn’t I advise you to not overstress it during training?”

  [Yeah… that’s the thing… I… hah… the duration of how long I can keep my chant up had become very inconsistent.]

  [Look, Dad, I can sometimes go up to 3 stanzas of 4 lines, even finishing the whole thing… but now there are also days where even a single sylble will knock me out cold…]

  [The tter had grown more frequent… I even… I even c-c-coughed up blood yesterday…]

  “You what!? Cease your training immediately, you should not use your arts for at least 4 months at that point…”

  [… Understood, I’ll le-]

  “How long has it been? Don’t lie to me, something this severe won’t happen overnight.”

  [… 3… 3… months…]

  “Why didn’t you tell me, earlier?” I made my disappointment known, it is a harsh approach but she won’t listen otherwise.

  “Arts is not something you can temper with haste, it will take time. Forcing it will only damage your internal organs, blood vessels, and even brain. Arts usage is always about tampering with reality and affecting it with our own design, but that always comes at a price… yours just so happens to be on the more extreme spectrum.”

  I exhaled a little to recompose, then I continued this impromptu lecture of mine. She can take care of others but when it concerns herself, she just replies with ‘I’ll do it ter, don’t worry’. I swear her nonchance will be the death of me.

  “It is admirable to better yourself, toiling for your goal with blood, sweats, and tears are truly wonderful as a code of conduct… but you’re not a machine… Even when your physical stamina is like that of an ocean, your mental finesse and I will not sugarcoat it, is below average… You’re advising others to not charge blindly in the dark, then what are you doing right now? Aren’t you being unreasonably hypocritical?”

  […]

  The silence is enough for an answer, I don’t know what she is doing below the surface in Victoria to make her neglect her own well-being. Not only is it counterproductive but also dangerous for someone in her occupation, all it takes is one bolt in her head to make me see her cold body on my doorstep by the morrow… if I’m lucky and her enemies feel merciful…

  “Listen to me Nyx, all road that leads to hell always has good intentions along the way… You’re halfway there… And I beg you as your father and nothing else… I don’t want to lose the only daughter, one thing I can’t help but only dream to have before, in my life… ”

  [… Alright, Dad…]

  There was silence, but not long after I heard a chuckle from the other side. It started quietly then it picked up a pace until she finally ughed for real. I stay silent, partly worried and partly confused…

  [Heh… hahaha…]

  “?”

  [That felt nice… as always…. I needed that… thanks dad…]

  “What do you mean?”

  [Your’ scolding… your’ worries… just knowing that someone cared for me… it is beyond even my most ridiculous dream… I have never known who my parents were…]

  A mirthless ugh was soon heard, full of euphoria and ecstasy… ced with painful agony…

  [The only thing I can remember is that I killed and survived the moment these accursed legs of mine managed to walk… Well, when you think about it a monster doesn’t deserve to have anything else… right? Haha…]

  “…”

  [I mean, can’t you believe it!? I just gutted several scums 3 days ago and tie their innards around their necks! I might be able to work as a ghost for a horror film. Hahahaha! When their fellows come to investigate they find their friends just hanging around the woods and just chilling!]

  “…”

  [Or that one time I managed to smash several underground syndicates against each other and watch as they tear themselves apart! The expression on their faces, when the one that was attacking them was on their side, was worthy of awards! I can even recall a man who unknowingly stabbed his own brother in the back and ended up sobbing amidst the melee!]

  “…”

  [God! I’m such a vile monster, even I don’t want to fight me you know that too, right Dad!? There was also that bitch who dared plead innocence despite lynching her own neighbor and fgging false accusations. I just enjoyed seeing her accidentally slip off the cliff when we pyed tag!]

  “…”

  [Or those decrepit-shitstain-cunt-goblin-subhuman-moron-cabron-fuck svers… I… I HATE THEM…. Heheh… hahaha *sniff*… HAHAHAHA! *sniff* HahahahaaaaaaaaaaAGHHHHHH *sobs* AAAAAAAAA!]

  I can hear her cry for real, she is crying out to me… I mustered the softest voice I could… hearing her cry like this… I just can’t…

  “Nyx… listen to me dear…”

  [*sobs*…]

  “Take a rest from mercenary activity for a few months, it’s not going to be worth it. You have your reputation to uphold, but you always said you didn’t care right? So why now? Shouldn’t you instead focus on whatever you have in mind steadily?”

  [… *sobs* …]

  “You must be thinking you can’t, right? Then let me rephrase it. You’re more of a hazard to everyone around you at the moment, that’s the st thing you wanted, am I understood?”

  […]

  “That’s my girl, now you just y down and rest. Don’t let the current situation further the cloud that pervaded your mind and judgment, the fact that you’re still capable of guilt and shed out emotionally proved your true self, a human.”

  [Dad… the… truth… please…]

  “You had gone too far yes, but you had also done this because everything you had seen warranted so… but it will be better for you to not overdo it anymore, it was a good coincidence that you lost grip when you talked earlier. Imagine how bad it would be on the field?”

  “You have your friends, what was his name again you keep telling me… ah yes Arkell Thomson, why don’t you confide with him? You had been helping people, no one said anything about you can’t reach out to help for yourself.”

  “Now, rest. I’ll not take “no” for an answer, young dy, understood?”

  [Heh… yeah… yeah… thanks dad… love you…]

  “Love you too.”

  With that, the line was disconnected.

  “Goodness me, she is actually, really, spoiled for attention… hmm… I suppose if she wanted one, then she would have one.” Then I stood up from where I sat and headed right to the pza, the lively atmosphere gave me a wonderful idea of what to do.

  Arriving at the pza, I immediately look for Jan. Once I see him, I beckon the d to come here at the moment.

  “Need something from me Chapin Immanuel?”

  “Say, can you call Nelka for me? I’ll do the talking, don't worry.”

  [END OF CHAPTER]

  Author’s Note:

  Sup, this is me, myself, and I, the author who… uh… that thing…. Nah I forgot… Meh, if I forgot then it wasn’t all that important anyway… maybe…

  Now we are back on her arts development and training which was on the back burner… Nyx failed horribly and her mental state is… as you can see.

  Update as usual… I hurt my hand a little…

  Ciao.