24

  Susie

  I was in Pre-Cal and occasionally, I would grab a look over my shoulder to Christian. This was the one class we shared together, and he was head down as he usually was. No doubt he was working ahead of the lecture on the next day’s, the next week’s homework assignments. Considering he was just a mere solid B student in this class, he always had his homework done long before it was even assigned. More time getting the busy work of the real world out of the way meant more time he could spend Somewhere Else.

  After class, not caring what people would think of me for talking to him, I approached Christian, “How are you holding up?” I said, nervous, a bit worried, a bit concerned. This was before everything got so messed up. Before the last remnants of the same pity I had for Christian that Cody had were obliterated by way of that monster’s actions. I put my hand on his shoulder. Not in a flirty way, just in a concerned way, like a mother with concern for her poor unfortunate boy.

  “I’m fine,” Christian sulked away from me, pulling his shoulder out from under my hand. He looked away. He avoided any threat of eye contact with me.

  “What’s the Quadratic Equation?” I asked, calling back to the focus of Raymond’s lecture.

  “Susie, I got all the homework done to cover me for the next two weeks, I don’t need-”

  “What is Quadratic Equation?” I asked again, desperate to make sure Christian was at least keeping one foot in this world, the real world.

  Christian rattled off his answer to me, and damn it, he was right, “Is that enough? Should I tell you the difference between Sin, Cos, and Tan? Or maybe how recite Pi to seven decimals, I’m the smartest kid in this class, I don’t need to pay attention, I know what Mrs. Raymond is trying to tell us, I don’t need anything here, I’m fine,” Christian said, a bit of scold in his voice. To think that this meek boy could talk to a girl like he was now. In his snap I saw that confidence that Cody and Brad were so proud of him for gaining Somewhere Else. But unlike them, I saw the danger that kind of reckless confidence could have on a man in his situation.

  “Okay,” I closed my eyes, held my books to my chest, trying hold myself as I took a deep breath, “I understand, that this world can suck for you,” I said.

  “Yeah, it sucks,” Christian grimaced, “Do you have any idea what I’m going through?” Christian said, “In this hell I’m forced to put up with? Cassie came up to me and gave me a fucking Fedora, it even had a feather in it,” he looked away, “Guys are putting their thumbs to their foreheads and tipping their imaginary hats to me, everyone calls me a ‘gentlemen’ with mock and jest in their voice, I’m a laughing stock,” he said, “All the credit I got after knocking out that spawned in slime naive Gary might as well be gone.”

  Spawned in slime, that was a line from Beowulf, a line from a fantasy. Christian really had taken to using the language of a fantasy world no matter where he was, yet another red flag that he was, as we so often jokingly warned each other about, going native.

  Let me just take a minute, because in this part of the story it unfortunately looks like I was trying to help this man, and to my own detriment I was in the moment. Cody must have been rubbing off on me since that night Somewhere Else. At the time I saw this pathetic man as the kind of pathetic one would want to help. Like a beggar you just throw a dollar too to avoid hearing a sob story. Being that I was audience to Christian’s sob story after he did what he did, I can tell you that I would have gladly given all my gold to avoid hearing it.

  “Christian, remember what we talked about, about how you need to separate your experiences over there from what you’re experiencing right now,” I said, talking to him like a mom, “We all know that what you’re facing is painful for you, it’s less than two months, just put up with this for less than two more months and you’re free, how much gold do you have?” I asked him, “Tell me the answer in American dollars,” I said.

  “Over four hundred thousand,” Christian said, putting his head down.

  I was taken aback by that. I knew he was a lord. I knew he had a good deal of clout Somewhere Else as he spent every waking moment he could there. I knew he must have had a stock of coins, but that many, that shocked me. I collected myself, tried to hide my surprise at what Christian had been able to acquire, “See, you have enough for college, and after that you would still have a retirement account that could even dwarf most people’s parents,” I said, “Just power through this,” I said, he kept his head down, not even looking at me as I tried to reassure him, “Just power through this, this awfulness,” I said, “Power through it, and you can have the kind of life you deserve,” I said.

  In that moment I really did think that he deserved a life in this world. Of course, my opinion of him now is markedly different, he doesn’t deserve anything after what he did. The fact that he got nothing out of what happened, while I can see the cruel justice of the gods in it, and see that he deserved it, it’s weighed against the fact that that poor girl didn’t deserve it either. She didn’t deserve any of the awfulness that Christian brought to her. That poor girl. That’s still a bit later though, Cody told us that we can foreshadow that part of the story as much as we want, but he wants the actual moment where Christian made his choice to be under his control, under his narrative. We argued about that when he came to me for this project. I wanted to start right away by laying out Christian’s crimes. All of them. But I’ll honor Cody’s wishes, Cody’s a good enough man, with good enough intentions, to deserve that much.

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  “I don’t know if I can make it two months, I don’t if I can make it two weeks, this bullshit I’m under,” Christian took a deep breath, “Do you guys want to hit up Somewhere Else this weekend?” he asked. We had all spent two weekends away from Somewhere Else, Christian included. He, for now, was honoring our terms, that he only visits Somewhere Else if one or more of us was with him. “I just,” he sighed, looked down, unable to put his eyes to mine, “I just really want to go Somewhere Else, it’s a been a rough two weeks, my dad, my mom,” Christian sighed again, his shoulders lowered, he looked, defeated, he looked sad, he looked even desperate.

  I took a deep breath, and against my better judgment I said, “Okay, we’ll go this weekend, just make it to Friday, that’s not too much to ask, is it?” I asked him, knowing that I was looking at an addict desperate for his next hit.

  “I can make it to Friday,” Christian said, “I’ll pay attention in class, I’ll answer questions, I’ll get all my homework done like a good little boy, but god damn, I just need to go back, I need the weekend there, I need a week’s worth of time to recover from the horse shit I’ve been dealing with here, I need it Susie,” He looked back up to me, his eyes meeting mine. I could see in his eyes his desperation, his longing for Somewhere Else, “I don’t think I can make it to graduation if I can’t go Somewhere Else,” he said.

  “We’ll go, it’s okay, no one is taking Somewhere Else away from you,” I said, again there was that pity that Cody had rubbed off on me.

  “Can we have an adventure? I would really like to go on another adventure with you guys,” Christian asked, a smile coming across his face, a smile at the thought that he would be able to return Somewhere Else without worry of the three of us trying to rip him out of it.

  “I’ll find something simple,” he said, “Some simple adventure for us, we can earn a bit of coin, stock our coffers, we have a whole week if we take the weekend there,” he said.

  “Yeah, we’ll have an adventure,” I forced a smile, “I know it’s been rough for you, I understand that people are insensitive here, but you need to know that once you’re out of here, out of this building, when you never have to come here again, you’re going to be so much happier. When you’re not forced to be around these people that abuse you, I promise you Christian, you’re going to be so much happier, we all are,” I said.

  “Really, you and Cody are going to be happier once you leave, why? You two have everything here, have everything that matters in this building, and you have each other,” he said.

  “We don’t,” I blushed, as much as I didn’t want too, I blushed, “People don’t belong to one another,” I said, “Cody is my…friend, and I’m his friend,” I said, not wanting to reveal there was any more to our relationship then friendliness to each other, “Listen, you can find what you’re looking for here just as easily as you think you can find what you’re looking for there, you have four hundred thousand dollars, and a way to get even more, you can build a life here. I know it sucks,” I said, “I know it sucks, and that you feel trapped here, and I know it sucks that you, legally, are trapped here, I know that a simple mistake you made in the course of doing what you thought was right punishing you feels like just another reason to throw yourself into that world, but I promise you Christian, I promise, once you get to the other side of this awfulness you’re in, you can have a life. Christian, look at me,” his face was looking to the ground, I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to look at me face to face, “Look at me Christian, we will get you out of this, together, Cody, Brad, and me, we’ll see you through this, we’ll see you to tomorrow, and with what you’ve earned, here and Somewhere Else, your tomorrow can be so glorious if you just give this world a chance. Get out of school, and see what this world really has to offer,” I said.

  I looked down. Thought of some way to reason with this poor soul, I just said what I was thinking at the time, “Listen, I never had too many problems in high school. But Jr. High was a different story for me. I had a retainer, and a hard one at that. It gave me lisp that made me feel so out of place,” I laughed with nerve in my voice as I tried to shake off those less then great times, times I felt Christian thought he was experiencing right now, “My breasts didn’t start developing until halfway through ninth grade, so I didn’t have too many bargaining chips getting through grades six through eight. “My hair was this ugly copper color that clashed with how pale my skin was, at least it was before I found that darker almost blood red shade of dye that actually complimented my complexion,” I said. “I was called flat, I was called ginger, some girls even accused me of spitting on them as I talked through a lisp with that damn piece of metal in my mouth when I tried in vain to make time with the popular girls. I tried anything to improve my social clout. I can understand the pain you’re going through more then you may think. I understand how the constant teasing and the constant belittling can ware you so much you would never want to go to school again,” I said putting my hand back on his shoulder.

  “That said,” I turned Christian’s sulking face to look me in the eye, “I always believed that better days were on the horizon. Days when I wouldn’t have a retainer, days when I wouldn’t have to worry about braces,” I looked down. I was trying to bare my soul to Christian, trying desperately to show that he wasn’t alone. Maybe if I tried harder, maybe if I was better, I could have stopped him from making the choices he did. I blame myself for everything that happened, that’s the worst of it, “What kind of music do you like?” I asked.

  “I mostly listen to classical, you know, Beethoven, Mozart, Handel” he said.

  “Well, my favorite band is O.K. GO, that band with the video where they’re on treadmills, and in my hard times I took solace in this one song they have that says ‘This too shall pass’. I first started dying my hair when I was fourteen, over spring break in ninth grade, just after my retainer was finished with its dominance over me. I came back after winter break bustier and with a straight mouth, and I tried out for cheer leading, I made JV easy. I wasn’t picked for varsity right off the bat, but I made JV. That was good enough for me,” I smiled, and it wasn’t a forced smile. I smiled because I felt proud of myself, felt proud that I could accomplish something in this world.

  “This too shall pass, Christian, you can achieve things here too, Cody knows you can, we all know you can, don’t give up, not yet, please, don’t give up,” I said, squeezing his shoulder as the bell for next period rang.