CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Unexpected Last-Minute Twists“Sit down, Jamie,” said Pranav. “This is important.”

  “We’ve all… noticed something with your behavior tely,” said Sheri.

  “Even I’ve noticed, and I don’t know you as well as everyone else here,” said Rafael.

  “Jamie, I think the hormones are having a side effect on you. One we didn’t count on. One that we can’t expin,” said Erin.

  Jamie frowned and looked around. Why did they have to do this in the confessional room? With the camera crew filming?

  “Is this an intervention?”

  “Sort of,” said Sam. “Jamie…”

  Sam came around to kneel next to Jamie, took her right hand in Sam’s left, looked Jamie in the eye, and said:

  “I think the hormones are making you more Yiddish.”

  “What?”

  “More Yiddish. You’ve become more Yiddish since you started hormones. And the only expnation I can come up with… is that the hormones are making you Yiddish.”

  “That can’t be a thing.” said Jamie.

  “And yet, it is,” said Sheri.

  “You told me that you were just ‘kvelling1very proud’ over my addition to the crew,” said Rafael. “I don’t even know what that means!”

  “Unprompted, you called me a real ‘mensch2a good man’, and said that we should hang out for a ‘nosh3a meal’. When I suggested La Chaya Maya, you said that, quote, ‘it was a bit of a schlep4long distance’, and that we’d better get an Uber because if we walked, again, quote, ‘you’d schvitz5sweat yourself to a prune in this heat.’” said Pranav.

  Jamie’s face turned borscht6An eastern European beet soup. red in indignation.

  “Oy vey!7Son of a bitch! You can’t be serious. This is meshuggeneh!8Crazy! Fakakta9Fucked up!… okay, yeah, I can hear myself now, and you might have a point.”

  “So,” said Sam. “Expin yourself. In English, if possible.”

  Jamie shrugged. “I don’t know. I think… it goes back to Bubbe10Grandmother and Zayde11Grandfather.”

  The room groaned.

  “My grandmother and grandfather, respectively, who raised me. You know my name was Jamie - boy Jamie - before it was Jimmy. I think… part of it is… with people calling me Jamie all the time now, it’s like… I’m reconnecting with my old self.”

  Jamie took a moment to think about that.

  “Maybe it’s something more than that, though.”

  “How so?” asked Sheri.

  “The contestants and I were pying Shark Attack the other night… the home game, that is. And it was fun. But I found myself so easily slipping back into the “Jimmy Howard” character. The game-show host I wore as a disguise for most of my adult life. I’m not saying that it was entirely inauthentic. But it was… it was a yer I’ve become more comfortable shedding now.”

  “Interesting,” said Pranav. “And you being more comfortable shedding that yer – that might be an effect that the hormones are having.”

  “Stole my line, Pranav,” said Sheri.

  “What, like you’ve cimed a monopoly on Jamie’s psychological and neurological diagnosis?”

  Jamie shrugged. “Yeah, basically, I’ve only ever been one of two people. Jamie Horowitz, little Jewish orphan from the Fairfax District, and Jimmy Howard, game show host from Santa Barbara. This third person - “Jamie Howard” - I guess is taking… bits and pieces of the old me that I liked, and maybe trying them out with new bits and pieces that I like and… yeah.”

  “Dropping the filter,” said Rafael. “I get it. Like dominos. Happened to me too. ‘I suppressed this, what else was I suppressing?’”

  ***

  “I get no kick, from champagne. Mere alcohol, doesn’t thrill me at all. So tell me why should it be true…”

  Leia stuffed her head in between two pillows. She was feeling horrible after estrogen shot number three, and was not in the mood for Eine’s new obnoxious cheerful singing in the shower habit. When did timid, shy, wallflower Eine learn how to fucking project?

  “That I get a kick… out of you! Some, they may go, for cocaaaaaaaaaaaaine!”

  “Stop it! Stop it Eine! I can’t take it anymore. Let me sleep! Let me have a couple of extra hours of sleep, that’s all I want. We’re not filming a challenge today, why can’t I just sleep?”

  Leia heard the water turn off, and heard a whisper.

  “Sorry.”

  Eine quietly got dressed and headed to breakfast, being sure to close the door softly.

  Already the contestants’ breakfast table was thinning out. Today it was just Mara, Victoria, Jane, and Gucci. And the tter two were just sulking into their coffee, while Mara poked at some Choco Krispis.

  “I’m going to admit,” said Mara, “this contest is starting to get hard.”

  “No shit, Sherlock,” said Jane, rudely, followed by an immediate apology. “Sorry, I’m just… my temper is really short tely.”

  “We’ve noticed. We’ve all noticed,” said Victoria. “It’s the hormones. I’m sure it’ll hit me and Eine eventually. I mean, so far I’m doing okay, but I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. What about you, Gucci, how are you holding up?”

  Gucci just grunted. She didn’t seem like much for talking today, especially after she just thumped her head down on the table in front of her.

  “She’s taking it badly,” said Jane.

  Diana walked slowly into the room, still in her pajamas, barefoot and shaking.

  “Diana, what the hell, you alright?” asked Eine.

  Diana slowly shook her head no, then sat down, wincing.

  “Jesus, what happened?”

  “I woke up this morning… and… my nipples. My nipples were hard as rocks. They were so hard they hurt. Like… my nipples started imploding, that’s how hard they were. And I figured I’d just go warm them up in the shower. But the hot water made them hurt more. Then, I tried to put on some clothing. It was like sandpaper.”

  “Ooh, yeah, chafing nipples. I used to get those a lot,” said Eine.

  “Wait,” said Jane. “You used to, but now you don’t?”

  “It’s different now. I used to get chafing nipples when I swam in the ocean in La Jol. My t-shirt would pick up the salt and then my nipples would get chafed from rubbing up against the salt.”

  “I mean, I’ve gotten the nipple thing too, I just wait for it to go away,” said Victoria. “Wait, Eine, why were you wearing a shirt in the ocean?”

  “Didn’t want to get a sunburn.”

  “Why not go with sunscreen?” asked Jane.

  “Why not both?” replied Eine.

  “Because of nipple chafing,” replied Jane. “You said it yourself.”

  Mara looked around, at all the frowning faces, and had a little mini-epiphany.

  “You know who we all look like, right? Sour mood, frowning face, short tempers, exhausted all the time?”

  “No?” asked Jane. “Who?”

  “Rafael. Rafael used to be like this. When he was a contestant. Though, have you seen him tely? It’s like a lightbulb switched on,” said Mara. “I thought it was just because he was happy he got a new job, but no - it’s the hormones. It’s gotta be the hormones. Fuuuuuuck.”

  “No. I mean, painful nipple stuff I kinda understand, but do you really think estrogen is making us anxious and depressed?” said Diana. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Well, I don’t know,” said Mara. “But I don’t have a better expnation. And trust me, I’m all ears if you have one.”

  “The heat?” said Diana. “Or the social isotion from being in the Casa? The pressures of being on TV? Montezuma’s Revenge?”

  “It’s never Montezuma’s Revenge,” said Gucci, without lifting her head off the table. “Besides, that running gag has gotten old by now.”

  Diana looked around. “Say, where’s Leia?”

  “She’s decided to sleep in instead of getting breakfast,” said Eine. “She’s feeling really tired these days. I think she should drop out. I really hope she drops out. I feel so guilty about getting her into this mess. Yeah, you know what… I think it’s time.”

  “Time for what?” asked Jane.

  “I need to talk to the production team,” said Eine.

  ***

  “I’m shocked! Shocked I tell you!” said Erin sarcastically, when Eine came clean (and out of the closet) in the confessional chair.

  “Yeah, Sheri told us not to read too much into it, but you absolutely gave us egg vibes,” said Sam. “Hell, Daria - you don’t know her, but she’s the one who helped get us greenlit - even suggested that there’d be at least one egg hiding amongst the cast. Sometimes we send her the dailies and she tries to egg hunt.”

  “You’re not mad?” said Eine.

  “Why would we be?” asked Jamie.

  “Deception, betrayal, possible legal liability on account of that I knew I was a trans woman?” asked Eine.

  “The first two are great qualities to have in a reality TV contestant, and you identified as male. Even if it was a lie, even if it was a false identification, you identified when you checked the little box on the application form,” said Erin.

  “I mean, if you had lied on your NDA form, or your liability waivers, then you’d be in deep crap, but hey, it’s reality TV. Unexpected, st minute twists are a part of the genre,” said Jamie. “Congratutions by the way.”

  “Mazel Tov!12Good luck! Fuckin' A!” said Erin.

  “Oh god. Don’t you start doing it too!” said Sam.

  “Sorry!” said Erin. “Jamie’s kind of a mentor figure and I just… picked it up.”

  “Start what?” asked Eine.

  “Turns out one of the side effects of hormones is incorporating more Yiddish into your vocabury,” said Jamie.

  “Don’t worry. You’re fine, Eine. It seems to only affect trans female game show hosts for some reason,” said Sam.

  Eine thought for a moment.

  “You know, the more I hang around here, the more I feel normal. Like… don’t get me wrong, I’m weird, but I’m like, I feel less weird in comparison?”

  “To the contestants or to the crew?” asked Sam.

  “Both?”

  “So,” asked Erin. “How do you want to py this? We’re going to announce the next challenge tonight. Do you want to make an announcement before or after it’s described?”

  “No… you, uh, you don’t understand,” said Eine. “How much is the cashout prize worth at this point?”

  “About 7,300. Why?”

  “I’m thinking of dropping out,” said Eine.

  Stunned silence.

  “Wh– why would you… I thought you wanted to…” stuttered Erin.

  “I did. I do. But… what… what do I do after that? I mean, yeah, getting all this free HRT and maybe even gender affirming surgeries and everything… it sounds great, but when all is said and done, this is just… a show, right?”

  Eine fidgeted, looked down. “I’ve been thinking a lot. And I mean, it… seemed like a good idea. And then it seemed like a horrible idea. And then when I told Rafael it seemed like a good idea again. But it’s a bad idea, it’s a really bad idea.”

  What do you say to that? What could you say to that, thought Sam, when it absolutely was from the word ‘go.’ It was designed to be a horrible, excruciatingly bad idea from the moment of conception.

  But until that moment, when Eine was expining what her life was going to be like once she left the show, did she realize exactly how bad an idea it had been. She had given Eine exactly what she needed to live a happy life, for a time. But she couldn’t promise Eine that the happiness would continue.

  “Unless I win a crap ton of money, I’m still going to have to continue living with my parents, because 7,300 doesn’t go very far. That’s like, what, four months rent? And I don’t have a career yet. Heck, I don’t even have a degree. And yeah, I sometimes think I want everything, to go ‘all the way’ as Erin puts it, but… sometimes I don’t. And I’m scared.”

  “Look, I might be the only one who came into this knowing that I was a trans woman, but that doesn’t make me the front-runner. Victoria will go to extremes for fame and fortune. Diana’s just… so stupid and stubborn, I wouldn’t put it past her to just… do it out of meanness and spite. And Gucci? Who knows what the hell is going on with her.”

  “So I don’t… I can’t… unless I win this thing, and I mean, be guaranteed to win this thing, I don’t think I’ll win enough money to afford to leave my parents’ house. With them and my stupid sister and… and I can’t be Eine and live with my parents. I’m gonna go back to being Ethan eventually. And the longer I’m Eine, the more going back to being Ethan is going to hurt.”

  “You should talk with someone,” said Jamie.

  “I know, I should talk about this with Sheri, but I don’t see how that’s going to help.”

  “Not Sheri. Your friend.”

  ***

  “Leia?”

  “Murrrrbh.”

  “Leia, I kinda need you to get up. There’s something I need to talk with you about.”

  Leia blinked her eyes open. Eine was there. And she had a look that Leia knew from their years of friendship. The ‘I fucked up’ look.

  A long, borious sigh emanated from the lump on the bed.

  “I’m gonna need a shower. And a coffee. Multiple coffees, maybe.”

  “Okay. I’ll wait for you outside. I’ve been back and forth on something, and… I need to talk to you about it.”

  “Okay. Give me time to get up and get dressed?”

  “Sure. I’ll get you the coffee. I know how you like it.”

  ***

  Finally, Leia was dressed in a camisole, open tunic, some fre pants, and sandals. She headed out of her hotel room, and stretched out, as Eine waited outside, immediately handing her a coffee with skim milk, four sugars, and a pinch of cocoa powder.

  “I’m sorry. They were out of whipped cream.”

  “Thanks, Eine. God, I just ache all over. Especially in the boobur region. I headed into the shower and I thought a scorpion was attacking my nipples. Turns out they’re just really sensitive.”

  “Yeah, a lot of the contestants are having nipple problems tely.”

  Leia took a good hearty sip. Once there was a bit of caffeine and sugar, the neurological systems were starting to come back online, albeit slowly.

  “Gd to know I’m not alone. Christ this is taking a toll on me. How long until the red line?”

  “We’ve got two more shots this month, then a week at home, then two more shots and that’s the red-line.”

  “So, assuming they do a challenge and we make some money from that, we’re looking at, what, around 12,000 each?”

  “Something like that.”

  Leia, now somewhat a little less groggy, and a little more aware, took a look at her surroundings.

  “Eine?”

  “Yes, Leia?”

  “Why is Rafael and Camera Number Two following us?”

  The operator of Camera Number Two, holstered in the steadicam rig, waved with a free hand, while Rafael, newly minted interim associate director, nodded to them.

  “Just pretend I’m not here, gals,” Rafael said.

  “Yeah, the thing I’ve got to tell you. It’s going to affect the competition. And our friendship. Probably our friendship more than the competition. But yeah, we’re… we’re the dancing drama monkeys, and they’re paying us to dance… so… ook ook?”

  Leia sighed, accepting that information.

  “Are you thinking of dropping out early? Because I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t mind,” said Leia.

  “Yeah. Well, no. Well yes. Well, that’s part of it, but not all of it.” Eine led Leia into a side room with a couple of chairs and a coffee table, sitting down, motioning for Leia to join her at the other chair.

  When Leia was finally seated, Eine started rambling.

  “Okay, so… I didn’t know what this contest was until we arrived in the studio.” Eine paused.

  “It’s important for you to know that.”

  “Yeah, none of us did, Eine. What’s your point?”

  “I, uh, may have… misled you as to… why I wanted to participate.”

  “So you’re not doing this to get revenge on your sister?”

  “Well… actually, yes, that’s still one of the reasons why I’m doing this. But it’s not the only reason. I sort of had an… ulterior motive.”

  “Right. The money.”

  “Well, I mean, that is another one of the reasons, but… I mean…”

  Leia groaned.

  “Eine, I promise, no matter what you say, I’m not going to think of you any differently. You’re always going to be my best bud, my compadre, my bro. And if you made a mistake or something, or even lied to me, I forgive you in advance. Now… spit it out.”

  “Leia… I wanted to go on this show, because I want to be a woman.”

  Somewhere in the deep recesses of Leia’s brain, the little hamster that turns the rotating wheel that powers Leia’s conscious thought stopped for a second, to make sure that Leia heard that correctly.

  “Pardon?”

  “I, uh, want the HRT. And the surgeries. I’m trans. I’m a trans woman.”

  Leia knew what all those words meant, and at a very basic comprehension level, knew that what Eine was saying was very important. But anything beyond surface level comprehension was eluding her at the moment.

  “So, when you say you’re a trans woman, you mean… you’re a trans woman? Like Jamie. And Erin. And Sheri?”

  “Yeah. Like Jamie. And Erin. And Sheri.”

  “Oh.”

  Leia took another sip of coffee.

  “I take it this… you figured this out because you’re doing well on the hormones while everyone else is miserable?”

  “Not exactly. I figured it out before the hormones.”

  Leia nodded, sagely.

  “I see, I see. And how long ago would you say you figured it out.”

  “I’ve known I’m a trans woman since before we met, Leia.”

  Leia’s brain hamster keeled over and died.

  “Give me a moment.”

  “I’m so sorry, Leia, I–”

  “Ah, bup bup bup!” interjected Leia, holding up a finger. “I said, give me a moment.”

  Leia went back through her memories of Eine - of Ethan - of Eine, as… Ethne? Fuck it. Some of the weirdest shit was starting to make sense. The way that Eine would wear a shirt at the beach. The way that Eine didn’t want to tell her family about what the show was about. The way that Eine seemed to be very nonchant about the whole endocrine system hacking and potential cock-and-ball-ectomy. The way that Eine had a fucking name ready to go, Jesus Christ.

  At the time, she (well, he) just chalked it all up to Eine being, well, Eine. She couldn’t be more on the spectrum if she was a Roy G. Biv pack of Crayo Crayons used exclusively to write train schedules. But aside from this being completely out of left field, it was making perfect sense.

  “My god,” said Leia. “You’re a girl.”

  “Yeah,” Eine nodded.

  “And you’ve been a girl all this time.”

  “Yeah. I’ve been in the closet.”

  Eine waited for Leia to respond, but there was just silence. To break the tension, Eine said the only thing that came to her mind.

  “Surprise!”

  Leia tilted her head like a lost, confused puppy, and Eine sheepishly looked away.

  “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say,” expined Eine. “I just… the silence was awkward.”

  “Right. Okay,” said Leia. “Uh… this… is a shock, but you know, what the hell, congratutions on figuring out who you are? Or admitting who you are? To…me? I know there’s things here that I should be doing to support you as a friend, I just can’t remember them all now, so can we just pretend that I’m not, like, completely botching handling this revetion? Should I say I’m proud of you? Oh, Christ, no one’s ever come out to me before… and I’m not exactly at my best right now. Wait. Wait. Waaaaaaait.”

  Finally, the repcement hamster arrived in Leia’s brain, and the wheel started turning again.

  “Eine,” said Leia. “You are my best friend, and I’m happy that you’re finding your way to being your best self. I’m gd that you’ve been able to make this whole cockamamie reality show work for you. I can’t imagine how tough it must have been for you, all those years. Especially if it feels anything like I’m feeling now. Grumpy and sad and tired and depressed, and…”

  (“Brain fog,” Rafael whispered to himself, nodding.)

  “And I’m also happy for you and Rafael.”

  “Uh, what?” said Eine and Rafael in unison.

  “That other day in the hot tub, when I asked you if you were gay, and you said ‘no’, you were straight? Now I get what you meant. You’re straight. Straight for guys. And Rafael’s a guy. I get it.” Leia smiled.

  And then she frowned.

  “No, wait, I don’t get it. Rafael likes guys. You’re not a guy. You’re… a girl. Wait a minute, the math isn’t adding up right.”

  “You’re telling me!” Rafael interjected.

  “No, uh, Leia… I am a girl. And I am attracted to guys. Which makes me straight. Straight on a technicality. Straight with an asterisk.”

  “Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. I see how you look at women,” said Leia.

  “With envy?” asked Eine.

  “Oh. That… does make sense, now that I think about it.” Leia paused. “But that… still, hold on… if you were straight - like, straight for guys - you would still like… I mean, name one guy you’ve hung out with, one guy you had a crush on. I’ve never even so much as seen you look at another guy so long as we’ve been hanging out. And I’ve known you for what, three years now? And we’ve hung out almost every day in those three years. Name one guy - just one! - that you’ve ever shown any interest in.”

  The cameraman spent the next fifteen seconds of silence making absolutely sure that he would have Leia’s face in closeup and focus, for the inevitable moment when…

  “Oh,” said Leia. “Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”

  Naturally, they would bleep that out in post.

  ***

  “Hello, this is Marianne Harrison.”

  “Hey, Mom?” Leia said to the phone.

  “Len? Len! How are you doing in Mexico? You doing okay?”

  “I’m doing okay. Look, Mom, there’s a rule here that every time I don’t call myself Leia, I lose twenty five dolrs, but you can call me whatever you like. In fact, I like it when you call me, uh, L-E-N. You’re the only one who does. Just like Eine is the only one who calls me L-E-O-N-A-R-D. But yeah, if you hear me refer to Leia… that’s me.”

  “That’s good. Everything safe? Health wise? The other contestants aren’t making fun of you, are they?”

  “I’m giving as good as I get, Mom.”

  “That’s my little Don Rickles.”

  “Mom, I actually have something important to discuss. Are you sitting down?”

  “Len, what’s the bad news?”

  “First, you should know, Eine is here, you’re on speaker.”

  “Hello Mrs. Harrison,” said Eine.

  “Is that you, Ethan?”

  “Yeah, Eine’s going by Eine now,” said Leia.

  “For the contest, right.”

  “Not… just for the contest,” said Eine. “Mrs. Harrison, you can’t tell my parents or Kay this, but, uh, I’m a trans woman. Like, for realsies. And, uh, I’ve been in the closet for as long as you’ve known me.”

  A pause on the line.

  “Well, that expins a lot,” said Mrs. Harrison.

  “It does?” said Leonard.

  “I knew someone was taking my makeup samples. And I didn’t think it was you, Len.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that, Mrs. Harrison,” said Eine.

  “You’ve been taking my mom’s makeup?”

  “Just the free samples they give away, honest.”

  “And then there was that one time when we were just coming out of the pandemic when I was throwing away my old, worn polka-dot bra, and Eine said that she wanted to try to make two Covid masks out of it, and I said, ‘why not’ and I never did see those Covid masks…”

  Leia gred at Eine, who immediately went beet red.

  “My mom’s bra?” said Leia.

  “She was throwing it out anyway…”

  Leia shook her head.

  “Right, well, can Eine… stay with us?”

  “Can Eine stay with us? What do you mean?”

  “Mrs. Harrison,” expined Eine, “this whole contest is… it’s like hitting the lottery for me. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and… the problem is, if I go back home in a month or two, and they notice that I’ve… changed? My parents are going to freak out, probably kick me out of the house, or like threaten to, and I can’t afford college and a pce to stay and even with this reality TV show it’s not like it’s that much money and–”

  “Eine. Slow down. You’re telling me that you’ve been closeted this whole time because your parents wouldn’t approve?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you tried talking to them?”

  “When I was a teenager, I mentioned it to them. Well, no, I didn’t mention it to them. I mentioned it to my psychologist, and my psychologist mentioned it to them. I spent an entire summer in a camp for it. It wasn’t very much fun.”

  “Oh.”

  “I mean, it wouldn’t be forever. And I can just stay here in Mexico maybe while the show’s going on? And that could take up to a year maybe.”

  There was silence on the line.

  “Eine, I want you to know something. I am not saying no. I’m saying, I don’t see how. We barely have enough room in the apartment as it is. I mean, if it’s a matter of your parents kicking you out of your house, I’m not going to kick you out of ours, but you’d be sleeping on the couch every night.”

  “I thought about that, actually,” said Eine, bringing out a legal pad. “Now, I did some searching in your area on GardenRealty and, well, I could contribute to the rent using the prize money I already earn, and since the median apartment price going from a two-two rental unit in your general area to a three-two is about five hundred a month, currently, my cash out value is 7200, which, after taxes is probably going to come to 4,818, which isn’t that much, but we’re already up to 401.50 per month for a twelve month package. Of course, there’s another challenge they’re announcing today and if I don’t have to move back in with my parents I could really make a good run at it, but for the first twelve months–”

  “Len, please tell your girlfriend to stop infodumping.”

  “Mom, please don’t call Eine my girlfriend. She’s not my girlfriend. She’s my best friend, who happens to be a gi– and now she’s crying.”

  Sure enough, Eine was blinking back tears. Leia immediately went over to her and gave her a hug.

  “No, no, Eine, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it… I mean, you’d be a great girlfriend. You are a great girl. And a great friend, it’s just that, you’re not… I’m not…”

  Eine desperately clung to Leia, and that’s when Leia realized that Eine must have been feeling horrible for the longest time, and only now, when she felt safe, could she let it out. And it all came out at once, and what started as a trickle, became an ugly cry.

  “Mom, can I call you back?”

  “Sure, but, uh, Eine. Just… you know what, don’t worry about it. We’ll find a way to work it out. I love you, Len. And Eine, you are always welcome with us. You’re family.”

  “Thanks Mom. I love you too. I’ll call you back ter tonight.”

  Leia hit the button to hang up the phone, and just held Eine until she started calming down.

  And though it wasn’t like the torrent of tears and snot and ugly crying that were, what had to be years of pent up emotion and masks falling away from Eine’s face all at once… Leia felt herself shedding a few tears too.

  And not just out of sympathy. It was something else. She realized while holding Eine so close to her that the idea of Eine being her girlfriend? Well, obviously that wasn’t like, something that had to be decided right now, but, I mean, Eine was a straight girl, Leia was a straight guy. On paper, anyway, the math worked out.

  And… maybe the penis wouldn’t be as much of a dealkiller as she first thought. Or maybe it would. Or maybe it wasn’t a dealkiller when she was being pumped full of the wrong hormones, but would be when she went back on her body’s natural testosterone…

  Point is, this is all strange new territory. Probably best not to think about it right at this moment.

  This moment, Leia thought, was a time to let Eine cry like hell, and be there for her when she came out the other side of the whirlwind of emotions.

  ***

  “So, how are the contestants doing?” asked Daria.

  “Well, turns out you were right,” said Sam. “Kind of right. About there being an egg. Turns out Eine was a closeted trans woman all along.”

  “Clever girl…” said Daria. “Anyone else we need to keep an eye on?”

  “The ones handling the hormones best, other than Eine, and in order from best to worst, are Victoria, Mara, and Gucci,” said Sam.

  “I thought you said that Gucci was practically unresponsive at breakfast.”

  “Yeah, and we thought it was the hormones at first, too. But Pranav pointed out that gender dysphoria doesn’t usually cause cramps, sweating, and an elevated temperature.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Apparently, Gucci got a little hungry st night around midnight, and went out for a midnight snack. She got some street tacos.”

  “Street tacos.”

  “Yes.”

  “At midnight?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who sells street tacos at midnight?”

  “Apparently, people who don’t dare show their face in the daylight, lest the COFEPRIS agents shut them down for sanitation viotions.”

  “So…”

  “Montezuma’s revenge, believe it or not. Pranav gave her some Pepto and Tylenol and left her a whole bunch of sports drinks and told her to skip the next challenge.”

  “Damn. What about the others, Leia, Diana, and Jane?”

  “I think Leia and Jane are going to drop soon. Diana? Who knows with her.”

  “And how are things with… actually, maybe I shouldn’t…” Daria trailed off.

  “Don’t worry about that. Jamie’s doing okay. Though she’s sort of… recontextualizing herself right now. She’s started using Yiddish more.”

  “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

  “A good thing, I think. Feeling more comfortable in her own skin. Though it’s starting to drive me meshuggah13insane–”

  Sam stopped.

  “Oh no,” she said. “It’s contagious.”

  AnnouncementSpecial thanks to everyone who helped me edit/write this chapter!

  R.R. Rosecolour. MomijiZyllycatCassieth3saurus (for the dominoes line >:3)