Kate knew that her destination was close, because she kept getting lost. The grove, where the Goddess kept her heart, was farther in, but the surrounding forest was still under her influence. Like the grove, it paid no heed to the seasons, and twisted around itself to keep intruders out. The grove was paradise, and the forest was the armor around it.

  She passed over the same stream a half dozen times. Made marks in the trees that covered themselves with moss as soon as she turned her back. Tried to map her route and could not make sense of the shapes seconds after she drew them. The forest was keeping her away, muddling her mind even in woods that Kate knew so well. She hadn’t expected to meet this resistance. This was where she was supposed to be, wasn’t it? The lingering hope that the Goddess was the one calling her here was fading away.

  If it wasn’t the Goddess, then something else was drawing Kate back. It made this all so much more complicated. She’d blindly followed the pull of magic that was leading her back without ever stopping to consider if what she was doing was the right thing. If the Goddess didn’t want her here, then there was no reason to expect that she would be allowed in.

  But something was pushing Kate back, so she’d investigate and try to learn why she was here. It would just take more force, and caution, than she’d hoped for.

  Her first time into these woods, a fawn had guided her way. It dipped its head, letting her get close, within arms reach. Then, when she tried to touch it, it danced away from her. She followed and it waited, another dozen feet ahead. They pyed this game through the woods, until Kate was delivered to the Goddess. The fawn twirled its neck around the Goddess’s legs, hiding itself in her skirts while She spoke to Kate with her own words for the first and st time.

  Now she was lost, treated like a stranger. The woods were quiet, not even wind brushed the leaves into animation. She looked for the sun, finding it through the canopy. It was early in the afternoon, the sun would be in the… The sun could guide her in… a direction. She couldn’t think it, something so simple and it was obscured in her mind.

  If her mind wasn't able, she could use something simpler.

  She removed a gss bottle from the bottom of her pack, where she'd put it with the hope she wouldn't need it. Under bags of dried food, trinkets and charms from friends, and nestled against a spare winter coat, with a scarf wrapped around the neck for protection.

  It was a deep blue-green color, like the ocean on clear summer days. The contents, when poured out, stuck together like a massive dewdrop. It shivered when the st drops from the bottle sunk into the mass. It looked and moved like water, but anything that became suspended in it would stay static until the dewdrop lost its form, which took half a day. With care, she stepped into it. Her heels stopped an inch from the ground.

  It took bance, and months of practice, but Kate stayed upright. Now, a smaller vial and a dropper. This she kept in a case, alongside other votile ingredients. This one stung her eyes to open, magic and alcohol evaporating as soon as it touched the air. All she had to do was add three drops of the shiftbax tincture, and the dewdrop would spring into motion. She tipped it over, watching the drops, careful to avoid her feet.

  The shiftbax diffused into the dewdrop, until the whole thing started to roll under Kate's feet. It was her own invention; brewed with leyfox marrow to make it sensitive to magic. Add in the shiftbax and it would slide towards the biggest source of magical energy nearby, and there was no bigger font of magic than the Goddess. Unlike Kate, it couldn't be tricked, because it didn't have a mind.

  With her direction decided for her, Kate hovered onwards towards her former home.

  A few hundred feet farther in, she was suddenly wracked by guilt. Nauseous and uneasy guilt. It was forced upon her, dredged from the pits of her memory. The Goddess’s next trick to try and keep her away.

  She was an intruder, no different than the men she'd once chased away. Gone away and come back a monster. It was all going to fall apart. Her entire body was tainted. She was given divine purpose and one rule to follow. Stay. What maiden of the mother ever saw the ocean? Walked down city streets tainted with depravity? She cursed and drank and forgot herself, forgot her body, forgot that it was a precious gift.

  No, this guilt was easy. It ran well worn paths down her mind. It hurt, hurt more to know it was being forced upon her, but it was not overwhelming. This was another distraction. One Kate was ready for. She'd brought potions to calm the mind. Had kept them at hand. Two were on her belt, but she didn't reach. Maybe she did need to suffer, for a moment. Pay the ferryman.

  Kate moved on. It was exhausting work, to think every awful thing about yourself, so she didn’t notice when the pressure eased, and she continued the assault alone.

  Under the sea of guilt, there was sadness and confusion. A part of her had always believed she could return. Would be allowed to do so. To force herself in like she was— it didn't make sense. Yes, she had broken away, broken every tenet, but her connection to the Goddess remained. A constant feeling in her gut no matter how far she went, or how many years passed. It fueled and bolstered her, adding to her magic every single time she worked it.

  Why keep her away but leave the magic?

  At least now she could find out. Crouched low over the dewdrop, Kate added two more drops of tincture. She'd be there before dark.