“Crap! I can’t be late again!” I screamed as I launch myself from the security of my blankets, flinging my poor cat, Mr. Muffins, to the ceiling as he screeched with fear. Good thing they always land on all fours otherwise you were about to be reading the next lines about a grown man crying because he killed his best friend.

  Of all days the days to be late, I thought to myself as I wrestled with the toothpaste, it just had to be the Monday that Mr. James said I’m fired if I’m late one more time!

  “Ahhh fresh breath!” I said while smiling. As I made my way from the bathroom I notice Mr. Muffins in the corner, scared. I tried to apologize but he hissed at me as if he didn’t know me.

  “Oh quiet, I’m sure you still have all nine of your lives!” I said to him as I grabbed my keys and locked my door. I quickly make my way out to the parking lot but I was frozen in shock. My car was gone.

  Who the HELL would steal such a piece of shi-

  “AHHH!” I screamed as I was forced to jump out of the way as the garbage man nearly took me out! “YOU ALMOST HIT ME!! LOOK WHERE YOU’RE GOING NEXT TIME!!” I yelled but, the truck was too loud for him to hear.

  Well, I look down at my watch. If I run now, I’ll be able to make it right on the dot! I said to myself as I began sprinting toward work. I’ll show you Mr. James! I’ll show you just how on time I can be! I thought as I laughed to myself, such a menacing laugh.

  As the generations pass people are increasingly more stupid than last. Not only was I almost flattened by that garbage man, the few blocks I had to run I was almost hit twice while crossing the road. And I ALWAYS look both ways! I mean, my entire life I’ve always been the person who seemed invisible to others. Always the last anyone thinks about, always the last to find out huge news in the family and friend circle, always the last to e invited or even picked to be on the team. So I’m not complaining, I’m used to this type of crap but damn, today is getting ridiculous!

  “FINALLY!” I struggled to breathe as I gasped for air, wiping the sweat from my brow. “Oh. No. Crap, cramp that’s a cramp. I need to work out more. I’m out of shape.” I let out a huge sigh of relief. “Two minutes to spare!” I try to open the door, but it’s locked! I begin to panic as my two minutes is quickly about to turn into FIRED. I push, it won’t open, I pull, still nothing! I’m struggling and now sweat and tears flooding my face.

  I notice a strange black box by the door, that’s strange that wasn’t here on Friday? I thought to myelf, scratching my head in confusion. Someone walked up behind me and the black box made a beep, the door opened and I slipped through behind them before the door closed. I’m in!

  I rush to my cubical and just as I make it, I see Mr. James walking up to me. He looks like he had quite the weekend, maybe too much drinking. He looked pretty run down. I gulped as he looked at me, then he looked at the clock over my seat, he looked pretty pissed and for good reason as he looked at where I was supposed to be seated, which I was not there. I then looked at my watch, crap! One minute late. I notice someone already sitting at my cubical.

  Before Mr. James could even open his mouth i “I know, I know.” I said to Mr. James before he could even open his trap. “I’m fired.” I hung my head as I turn around and left.

  As I look up to the sky I couldn’t help be think about how disappointed my ancestors would be. These people hunted and gathered their own food while braving and surviving the harshest of Wisconsin winters. And I can’t even make it to work on time, a job I live literally two blocks away. I’m finished. I have nothing left, no job, no car. My girlfriend abandoned me. At least I still have Mr. Muffins and my Super Nintendo at least.

  I’ll just kill some time on video games once I get home. Gather my thoughts, and start job searching tomorrow. I could almost hear the voices in my head let out a sigh of disappointment, probably wishing to be assigned to someone much cooler than me. Like a fireman, or a DJ who plays late night shows and has a six pack of solid steel abs. Hell, someone who simply matches their socks for a change! At least you have a full head of hair! I heard it say.

  “Oh shut up!” I replied to myself. MYSELF I’ve really lost it now, talking to myself.

  As I finally reach home, I notice at the corner of my eye a girl I’ve never seen before. She was sitting on a bench in the parking lot of my apartment complex, reading. Enjoying the weather, the nice cool breeze gently lifting her beautiful long black hair with pink streaks from her face. We locked eyes for a second, but it felt like eternity. Her green eyes almost pierced through my soul, my heart raced for a split second. Her fair skin shined from the sun light revealing her sharp profound cheekbones and a face that’s somewhere between judging you and bored at a comedy club. She’s dressed mostly in black, bot your stereotypical “gothic” chick but her oversized hoodie, doc martins and ripped jeans that shows she’s wearing fish nets underneath. Not saying she is, but if you asked if she was into witchcraft, she would totally swear she wasn’t even though her pentagram necklace states otherwise.

  She’s hot. I think to myself. I smile and wave as I pass by, but just my luck, she turns and looks the other way. Defeated once more, my head now hung lower, I walk towards my house. As I finally make it to the top of the stairs, I notice my door is cracked. Shaking my head, I already know what’s coming. I open my door, my TV is gone. Only cords remain where my Super Nintendo used to rest. Of course, of all the days to be robbed. Today would be the day. I feel something running against my leg, it’s Mr. Muffins.

  “Hey there buddy.” I say as I kneel down, “you just let them take everything didn’t you?” He looks at me and meows. “I should have got that guard dog like mom told me to.” I said as I sighed. I then quietly make my way to my bedroom, and shut the door, knocking out to try and forget this day ever happened.

  Stolen novel; please report.

  The next day I wake up feeling as if I had just slept 20+ years of stress away, the kind of sleep that corrects your bad posture and even finds a way to build that 720 credit score you’ve always dreamed about. You know, the type of sleep you only read about in poems. As I yawned and groaned with satisfaction I feel Mr. Muffins next to me.

  “Mr. Muffins!” I said while running the sleepies from my eyes, “I think I’m going to start working out now that I’m, funemployed. Perhaps yoga, or whatever it is people do on purpose to be sore.” As my eyes adjusted, filtering the sunlight as it passed through my bedroom blinds I realized something was off. Cold. The smell of wood very close to my nose.

  I blinked.

  I’m on the floor.

  I sit up straight as the wooden floor creaked and I analyze my surroundings. Everything’s gone.

  “Who the HELL comes back for seconds! How the HELL did I sleep through being robbed a second time?!” I screamed in anger. I frantically search the rest of the house. Couch. GONE. The dinning table I never once used. GONE. The ceramic duck my mom gave me for my birthday I was too guilty to toss in the trash was even gone.

  “Who the hell would duck nap that ugly ass thing?” I couldn’t believe my eyes, it really is all gone. Like GONE GONE.

  “Oh hell, they even stole my food, who takes expired food anyway?! Mr. Muffins stares at me from the hallway hissing.

  “Seriously, Muffins, when were you going to wake me up while the Great Furniture Heist was in progress? They striped me of everything but the hardwood floor!”

  Just my luck, what else could go wrong? I could literally just drop dead right now where I stand and that wouldn’t be the worst thing thats happened to me within the last twenty-four hours.

  “I need fresh air.” I said to myself as I slip on my sneakers and march out of the house. “Or a snack. Revenge mostly, but a snack first to get my head straight.”

  As I make my way downstairs I notice that same girl from yesterday, in the same spot. Same clothes which was strange. This time she stares deeply at me, lifts herself ho from the bench and B-lines to me. I get nervous, is she coming to talk to me?! Oh my god I’m scared! What do I say what do I say. I haven’t even brushed my teeth, I am such a mess my breath probably smell like shhhiiiii-

  “Hey! How are you?” The strange girl asked me. Standing with her hands cuffed behind her back, sunlight shimmering from her beautiful eyes as if she’s casting her witchy spells upon me. A warm sensation overcomes my entire body, my legs feel like wobbly noodles. There is no way a girl of this caliber, miles out of league is even interested in speaking to me.

  “Uhh the time is now 9:30 am.” I awkwardly reply while turning my head to the side so she couldn’t see me slowing slipping a piece of gum into my mouth. Confused, she looks me up and down and gently laughs.

  “For one, I didn’t asked you the time, two you’re not even wearing a watch. I was actually going to see if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee with me. See I’m new here in town and you seem like you know the what’s what around here.” She said, brushing the hair from her face, laying it behind her ears.

  “Oh yeah.” I coughed and cleared my throat. “I totally can!” I look cautiously around. “Are you, joking with me? Like you want to grab coffee now?”

  “Yes dork! Now let’s go because I find someone else.” She demands while grabbing my arm, dragging me off to her car.

  Over coffee she introduced herself as Luna and we began talking, and not just awkward small talk about the weather and what not, like she was genuinely interested in my life. What I was like as a child, who my favorite super hero was growing up. The music and movies I liked. I even shared about my job, well former job that is and just how bad the last few days have been. These talks are the talks you have after the 3rd bottle of wine, but with her it felt natural, like talking with her was actually healing my soul. She explained to me that she is a freelance writer who writes about strange happenings around the area which I found incredibly fascinating. She’s originally from California but moved to St. Croix county to research and investigate the strange stories surrounding Willow River. I was always told as a kid the weird things people claimed about that place, something about how the Crane family is cursed and has blood ties to witchcraft and black magic. Honestly, just bedtime stories so kids don’t sneak out at night.

  She started to ask me more and more about it, at first I thought oh great and here I thought this might have been a date, she’s just trying to get more information about all that junk from me! But then the conversation quickly turned to my love life. I told her about my ex girlfriend that we had recently broke up, though recent I was finishing it difficult to remember the events leading up to it. She seen I was getting a little upset and then I felt her warm touch. Her hand resting on mine. A warmth i haven’t felt it what seemed like many years. She explained she knows how I feel as she recently broke up with her fiancé. A year started to fall from her cheek, I quickly brushed it away. We locked eyes, her beautiful green eyes licked onto my ugly ass brown eyes.

  I leaned in for a kiss.

  But she pulled away.

  I immediately felt an overwhelming wave of embarrassment crash over me like a hot, steaming awkward rush of emotion.

  “I-I’m sorry, Luna,” I stuttered while stumbling over my chair, fumbling to plant my butt back into my seat like gravity itself attempting to whisk me away from this moment. But she just sat there. No slap. No storming off. No yelling at me about personal boundaries or calling me a disgusting pig-all that I deserved it I’m being honest, but she just sat there, blinking.

  Her eyebrows raised like I’d skipped the kiss and gone straight to proposing marriage and naming our future kids after our favorite Star Wars characters.

  “Well,” she finally said breaking the silence. Clearing her throat. “That was new.” She said, blushing a little, which somehow made it worse.

  “What’s new?” I asked nervously, “a guy you just met going in for a kiss? Was it too soon? Too weird? Was it the way I leaned in? I’m sorry I’m rambling. I’ll just go.”

  “Leo,” she interrupted with a gently laugh and smirk. “You’re a cute guy. And I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. Like, you’re really funny and weird in a good way and to be honest, we have like 99% things in common.” She said while brushing her hair behind her ears. Those cute ears. “But.”

  I stood up from my chair. “No, it’s okay. It was too sudden, I misread things I didn’t mean to invade your spa-“

  “Leo.” She interrupted me, placing her finger on my lips. “Stop talking. It’s not that I’m not into you, you’re hot.” She said as she leaned in close to whisper into my ear.

  Well this is new, I thought to myself. My heart pounding so violently it could have been the cause of the great earthquake of ‘89.

  In a very small quiet, seductive voice she says in my ear. “It’s just, I only date the living.”

  “The living?!” I reply in shock. “Like the nightlife kind of dudes, the bad boys? Bartenders?”

  She let out a long sigh. “Leo, you know you’re dead right?”