Dear Diary,

  Can't say that I'm thrilled about my own performance when it comes to teaching. Or scouting. Or really, anything but healing, even if that seems to just be cleaning up the messes I make. Okay, Apollo made the earlier mess, but if you look at it from a really fucked up perspective I prompted him to start shooting. Also, I'm now in possession of most if not all of his former power, so it kinda behooves me to fix what he fucked up, right? That's definitely something I need to think about and figure out. Maybe talk to Mom and Dad about it. Then again, from what I remember Dad telling me way back in the day, things that can kill Gods dead aren't exactly common, and I'm the only one who actually gains the Domains of the Gods I kill. Hell, I even take stuff from Deities I injure; until I fixed her nose and arms, I had Diana's sense of smell and mad archery skills.

  Thing is, and I don't know if this is a result of having a day off with my Murder Mittens Maenad Maid Marie playing tonsil hockey and other even more adult games and thoroughly christening our big round bed while we had it to ourselves, but I'm not dissing myself for performing below where I'd like to be. Seriously, I've had fuck all in the way of training when it comes to scouting. Same goes for teaching. At best, I'm parlaying street kid skills into something approaching incomplete incompetence. I'm particularly proud of the fact that I can listen to the hunters and Chloros without getting a bug up my ass. Yeah, I made the decisions about shit, like when to follow, when to turn back, and when to jump ahead, but That much I have been trained in, at least a little, by Marshall duBois. If I'm the leader, it's my responsibility to make decisions. Not only that, but making any decision is way better than not making a decision at all, especially if you're acting against opposition. It's kinda the abstract equivalent of being a moving target, at least that's how I think of it.

  Shit, that gets back around to the conversation I've got coming up with Saffron. Ultimately, even if I'm mostly just a figurehead, shit kicker, and walking Mana battery, I'm the one who decided 'lets do an Alliance', then put my Kitten in charge of it. So at the end of the day, the year, the century, the universe, I'm the one who has to take responsibility for it. Of course, I've got to do that with a brain which, when I thought 'take responsibility', made me want Murder Mittens to squeal that out every time I put another bun in her apparently large capacity oven. Yeah, I know we're already gonna be as married as we can be without the addition of additional spouses, but it makes my lady bits tingle thinking about it, because she's hot, I'm dumb, and she has Skills like you would not believe.

  So when everybody got home last night, Marie carried me downstairs, ignoring my protests that I wasn't injured and could walk just fine on my own. She didn't even put me down once we got to dinner; just sat down on my chair, handed herself a big bowl of bear stew, and started feeding me. That put a thought in my head, and I whispered. "Mittens?"

  She filled my mouth with stew again, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Yes?"

  "Wedding night." She filled my mouth again. "Singular you." Her eyebrows went up, and she filled my mouth again. "Honeymoon too."

  That got her to stop with a look somewhere between surprise and disagreement on her face, until Saffron, who had Siobhan feeding her not unlike Marie was doing to me, said, "Co-Location is discommended during pregnancy, lovely Marie."

  "No."

  "Yes, I'm afraid so. I would say 'only in emergencies', but given your response to any danger to the Alliance is only slightly less zealous than Tabitha herself, I'm afraid that for the safety of our future daughters, you'll be singular until they're born."

  Her face fell, and I took that opportunity to steal her spoon away, scoop up some stew, and slip it into her mouth when she opened it to argue. "See? You're just gonna have to be one you, totally focused on baby baking."

  I'd never seen Marie pout before. Totes adorbs. Also, just a little bit terrifying, since she is in fact seven and a half feet of muscle, claws, and fangs. She turned the pout on me and said, "You."

  Dunno how I translate from Marie to Tabitha, but I do. "Okay, okay. You tell me what I need to do, and I'll get it done. Heck, if it's something you do every day I might even get in the habit of doing it! Might take over and leave you with nothing to do for the rest of eternity except churn out endless litters of kittens."

  "Kitchen!"

  I rolled my eyes and giggled. "Okay, okay, nothing to do but make me sandwiches while barefoot and as pregnant as I can make you."

  She snorted, nodded, and growled out, "Good."

  We took turns feeding each other the rest of dinner. Fresh loaves of dark bread, more stew, blanched vegetables, and at the end, which I think had to be so the kids didn't fill up on them entirely, baskets of onion rings, the good crunchy battered kind.

  As we led the children upstairs, Saffron drifted over, Siobhan trailing behind, holding her other hand. She hopped up into my arm, kissed me, then made a face. "Blech. Onions."

  "You taste of them too!"

  "Yes, but I don't taste of onions and fish."

  "Hey, onions and fish go together!"

  She smirked up at me. "Do not."

  I tugged Marie closer to me, turning my head to face her as I did. "Prove her wrong tomorrow night?"

  Marie slipped around in front of us, scooped up Siobhan, and slipped back around to where she'd started. Since Saffron never let go of her hand, that meant I had Saffron's arms around me, which suited me just fine. She looked down at Saffron, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Absolutely."

  Of course that's when our tiniest tyrant crowed out, "yay! Fith fowah dinnah tomowwow!"

  Interesting responses from the rest of the kids. Alex seemed about as thrilled as Saffron. Daya and David seemed to side with her. Maze, on the other hand, looked just as jazzed as Menace, and Ria and Lindsey looked to be differing flavors of curious; Ria as Maze whispered something in her ears, Lindsey more looking at Marie, nodding, then proceeding as if fish for dinner was a normal thing. Right about then I remembered that fish was kinda 'poor people food', not just that but 'really poor people food'. Struggle meals. The local version of eating free saltines and ketchup packets and pretending it's thin crust pizza.

  Screw it, I'd had fish here a few times, and it wasn't any worse than back home. Several steps better when Marie made it, really.

  As the four of us snagged two showers and started our pre-soak scrub down, I nudged Saffron to get her attention. How does Tuesday look for our meeting?

  She frowned. Could we possibly do it Wotansday? Lord Lancaster intends to sequester himself in prayer that day, and that means he'll be particularly difficult to juggle the day before.

  Not the day after?

  She grinned up at me. I have it on good authority that the Patron Goddess of the Alliance wishes to converse with him that day, which ought take the edge off any machinations his Patron suggests to him.

  I laughed out loud, not even bothered by the mouthful of sudsy water it got me. Lancaster, One-Eye, ain't none of 'em got shit on my Kitten.

  You know it. She turned to where Siobhan stood behind Marie, who'd knelt in front of her, scrubbing Murder Mittens' hair. I believe Tabitha needed to speak with you regarding a few things, are you free at all tomorrow?

  Siobhan tried to fake pout for just a moment, then broke down giggling. Oh, no, my day of overseeing the Infirmary will be interrupted by my Mistress, who will no doubt have her way with me until I'm completely incapable of performing either set of my duties.

  This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.

  Aw, c'mon. I'm not gonna... I really do have some questions for you. Health and welfare of Cadets related questions. Oh, and, um, I realized right then that Saffron might feel some kinda way about me going to Siobhan for questions about religion and morality. Fuck, I still needed to ask her about some of it, and it seemed stupid to have two religious types and not ask both of them religion questions. Some other stuff, too? Like, religion and right and wrong stuff.

  Siobhan chewed air for a few seconds, then shorted out a laugh. I was about to say how as you're the Goddess, I ought not lecture you on morality.

  Of course you won't. She doesn't need a lecture, she needs questions answered. I can think of none I'd rather have answer them.

  Well, that kinda answered my question about how Saffron would feel about it. Siobhan blushed, turned her whole attention to furiously scrubbing at Marie's hair, and after a solid thirty seconds of that, thought, thank you.

  Marie brought the discussion to a close. Welcome.

  After spending Monday lying around with Marie, I didn't think I'd need a long soak, but apparently I needed it more than I thought. Shouldn't have been surprising, what with me pushing through for a week, followed by curing a surprisingly large town, then fighting the Direst of Bears to a standstill until Vulcan could turn its insides into soup. At one point, as I lay there half asleep, a certain Murder Mittens showed me exactly how sneaky she could be. Some little part of me worried about the kids seeing and asking questions, but mostly I was just too sleepy to care. Fuck, I'd think I dreamed the whole thing, except what she did with the others in my Maw wasn't sneaky in the slightest.

  Woke up somewhere close to my normal time. Waited around until Siobhan got up, then kissed the others and followed her to the Infirmary.

  "So, shall you be distracting me all day long then?"

  I smiled at her. "Me just sitting here is distracting?"

  "Yes."

  I snorted. "Tell you what. You get done enough of whatever that you won't have a pile of work waiting for you tomorrow, and then we'll go have lunch or something and I can pick your brain."

  She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and wandered off to work. As I leaned back and watched her, a familiar pleasantly cranky voice said, "You sure you can take care of all of them?"

  I half turned my head to look at Grandma Aetos. "Nah. That's the trick of it. I don't have to. Siobhan makes sure we're all healthy. Marie keeps us fed and dressed. Saffron organizes everything and, y'know, makes the world one worth living in. I just kill the shit out of anything that threatens any of them."

  "Not Marie?"

  I snorted. "Yeah, my Murder Mittens, she dangerous, but nah. Anybody harms a hair on my pretty kitty's head I'mma go ham on them."

  She nodded. "Good." We sat there sharing a comfortable silence for a while, until she nodded again and said, "good," a little more firmly.

  "You feelin' okay?" She just looked at me. I snorted quietly and said, "Okay, anything wrong other than bein' old?"

  She smiled and shrugged. "Not any more."

  I reached out, and she took my hand. We sat there like that until just before lunch, when Siobhan came over. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She turned to Grandma Aetos. "Can you take things from here?"

  Grandma Aetos nodded, Siobhan's hand slipped into mine, and I stepped the two of us to the little café over by the riverfront. I don't know if the owner remembered me leaving a tip, or recognized me and just kept his cool more than most, or what, but he brought us tea and sandwiches while we sat there watching people and ships go by.

  Kinda blew my mind a little seeing some of the ships, too. the Questing Tentacle had at least two sisters in port, and I was pretty sure some of the other big ships at the docks had modifications to look a little like her too. I definitely saw two new looking drydocks across the river in Camden Yards with very familiar hulls taking shape.

  When she'd finished half her sandwich, Siobhan dabbed her lips clean with a cloth and said, "so, what did you want to talk to me about?"

  Some of it's a little private.

  Well then, can we speak of the non-private things here first? It's chilly, but the view is lovely.

  "Okay. Um. I guess I need to ask about how we're supposed to report it when we find out two Cadets are having sex."

  She looked a little surprised, but replied, "oh, that's normally something we discuss at the weekly staff meetings."

  I blinked. "Oh. Oh, shit. I've totally been missing those, haven't I?"

  "Ah..."

  I chuckled. "Out with it. You know the worst that'll happen is I get creative with how I get your heart rate up later."

  "Flirt."

  "I thought that's what I was doing?"

  She giggled. "I meant you're a flirt."

  "Is that a complaint?"

  "Hardly."

  "Well then. Staff meetings. Out with it."

  She sighed, shook her head, and said, "Headmaster Miles specifically did not override Sister Trease's request to exclude you." I tensed up, but she continued. "I asked him about it. I may have been... less than completely polite. He... he apologized to me, and indirectly to you. He felt that... how did he put it? The meetings would only bore you, and likely drive you to doing something unintentionally disruptive, which would completely negate the purpose of you covering for Marshall duBois."

  I surprised myself just then, because I didn't immediately get bent out of shape. I thought about it for a bit, reaching my hand out to lace my fingers through Siobhan's. Funny, I realized right then that her fingers were the tiniest bit longer than mine, even with me being at least half a head taller than her. "Y'know? I ain't even mad. He's probably right." Then I snorted, realizing that yes, I was still me, when I said, "Trease is still a bitch though."

  Siobhan nodded. "She totally is."

  "Okay, so let them know Cadet Carroll Citron and Cadet Hildegarde are having sex?"

  Siobhan spewed the tea she'd just taken a sip of all over the table. "No!"

  "Yep. Seems like."

  "They... they don't seem very... ah... friendly with one another."

  I shrugged. "Yeah. Pretty sure it started out as hatefucking. Like, mutual rage boners and shit. I, uh, might have encouraged it inadvertently."

  Siobhan facepalmed. "How?"

  "I told them to work their animosity out of their systems and work on getting themselves capable of coordination, the way Heroes are supposed to be. I think they maybe took one of my suggestions a little... I don't want to say 'too literally', because that shit worked, but, um... Yeah."

  Siobhan just shook her head. "Well. I'll let the Headmaster know. Is there anything else?" Anything we can discuss here?

  I shrugged. "I kinda want to know if I fucked up too bad. Also I'm a little worried about the mental health of those two and Cadet Vickerson."

  "Go on?"

  "Well, I mean those two just seem to be rampaging masses of aggression; that can't be healthy."

  She smirked at me. "I recall another Cadet who was described that way at times."

  "Really?" She nodded. "Well, fuck."

  "Later."

  I snorted. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, Cadet Vickerson... I think she's been pushing herself a little too hard. Couldn't tell you exactly why. Just a feeling I've got. Also, I'm gonna be pushing her even harder over the next couple weeks. She's got a lot of potential, and I want to make sure she develops it as much as she can while I'm training her. But I want to make sure she's not pushing herself too hard while I'm pushing her, if you see what I'm saying?"

  Siobhan frowned, and I realized most of it was just her fundamental distaste for violence, but she still nodded. "I'll find an opportunity to speak to her. Perhaps meditation?"

  I snorted. When she looked the question at me, I said, "just don't suggest that to Citron and Hildegarde. They'll get into an argument about who meditates better or some shit like that." I Mimicked Hildegarde's voice and said, "I got innerly peaceful faster," then did the same with Citron's and said, "obviously my inner mindscape became more peaceful than yours, because you rushed."

  That got her giggling. I dropped a big handful of coins on the table, because my Ice Pop laughing made me happy, and stepped us both to the Bedroom. She flopped backward onto the bed, then looked at me in the mirror and said, "so, I'm to be your entertainment for the afternoon?"

  I smiled down at her and sat beside her feet. "Not right now? I... wanted to talk about shit that's happened. About whether I ought to be the one feeling guilty about shit. Or feeling responsible. Whether those two things are the same thing. Y'know?"

  She'd rooched around until she lay with her feet pointing toward the head of the bed, her cheek resting against my thigh. "Go on. Tell me. I'm... I'm no elder with vast fonts of wisdom, but I can listen, and I'd be honored to do so."

  "Promise me you'll tell me what you think?"

  "Will that help you?"

  I nodded. "Yeah."

  "Then of course I promise. What wisdom I have is yours, Tabitha Diaz.

  "Well then, buckle up, Siobhan Darling, because I've got a bunch of shit to talk about."

  So for the rest of the afternoon I talked about the shit I'd done, the shit other people had done in response, and whether or not any of it was stuff I should be tryna fix, stuff I should feel guilty about, stuff I needed to avoid in the future, or just shit other shitty people did, which still meant I had to clean it up, because a surprising amount of being an adult is just cleaning up shit. Weird thing, time flowed oddly there in the Bedroom. We talked for minutes, for moments, for hours, forever. Eventually I realized I'd been going in circles more than usual for the last little bit.

  When I said as much, Siobhan smiled and said, "you have."

  "Why didn't you stop me?"

  She pulled herself up just a bit, hugging me around the waist. "Because you needed to realize that yourself."

  "Wish I could do something nice for you letting work pile up to let me natter."

  I felt her bite her lip. I put my arm around her and stood, stepping us both to the top of the West Tower.

  Where we waved to the kids playing in the Courtyard.

  "Drat," she pouted.

  When the kids turned away to keep playing, because two moms up on the tower apparently wasn't as interesting as seeing how big of a dirty snowball they could pelt one another with, I pulled her to me.

  Then let her slip just a bit as the Maw yawned beneath us. "You didn't think I'd leave you hanging, did you?"

  "You never do," she sighed, blissful with anticipation.

  Turns out she was wrong. She was completely capable of performing Concubine duties. Before, during, and after I had my way with her.

  Infirmary duties, not so much.