Theo leaned back in his chair, phone in hand, shaking his head as he scrolled through the confirmation emails. He had just successfully enrolled Mike into law school, retroactively graduated him, and was now holding the official proof that Mike Spector had, in fact, been a proud alumnus of Kingston Metropolitan University for the last three years.
It was like the knockoff version of the prestigious Kingston Dominion University—close enough to sound respectable, and not yet notorious as a papermill.
Amazing what a six-figure “donation” could accomplish.
With that out of the way, Theo pulled up Mike’s number and hit call.
“Yeah?” Mike answered, clearly distracted.
“Hey, congrats, buddy. You’re a lawyer.”
There was silence.
“Excuse me?” Mike said flatly.
Theo smirked. “Yeah, just got your diploma. You’re officially a Kingston Metropolitan University. Class of three years ago. No need to thank me, it was a total team effort—meaning I sent a fat stack of money to the right people.”
“…That is the single most corrupt thing I’ve ever been a part of.”
Theo chuckled. “And yet, 100% legal. The wonders of higher education, huh?”
Mike exhaled. “Okay, so what’s next? I’m assuming I actually have to do something?”
“Glad you asked, future lawyer. You’re taking the bar exam next Friday.”
Mike blinked. “That soon?”
Theo frowned. “You’re the guy who’s been taking the test for other people. What, you need more time to ‘study’?”
“…Fair point.”
“Thought so.” Theo continued. “So, here’s the deal: we got you into the exam, but we still need to smooth out a few wrinkles before you can actually practice law. Mainly, the Law Society is gonna wonder where the hell you’ve been all this time.”
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Mike scoffed. “Oh, that’s easy. I took a sabbatical to ‘explore legal theory in practical applications’ abroad.”
“…That’s actually really good.”
“I know. I was gonna use it as an excuse long before I had this new fake degree.”
Theo nodded, impressed. “Alright, that takes care of your missing work history. Now, we still need to deal with articling.”
Mike sighed. “Right. I technically never interned anywhere.”
“Yep. So we’re gonna need a firm to ‘confirm’ that you did.”
A brief pause. Then Mike squinted. “…Theo. Please tell me you didn’t bribe a law firm.”
Theo grinned. “Bribe? No. Strategically allocate funds in exchange for a favor? Maybe.”
Mike groaned. “Goddamn it. Who’s covering for me?”
“Graves & Associates.”
Mike sat up straight. “Graves? The fixer?”
Theo smirked. “The very same.”
“Holy shit, Theo. Do you know what kind of law he practices?”
Theo shrugged. “Yeah. The super shady and very well-paid kind. That’s kind of the point.”
Mike let out a slow breath. “Okay. So I take the bar exam next Friday. If I pass, Graves signs off on my articling, and I get licensed without ever actually working a day in a firm?”
“Pretty much.”
Mike blinked. “That’s… genuinely insane.”
“And yet, still not the most corrupt thing happening in this province,” Theo said, stretching out in his chair like he wasn’t actively bending the legal system into a pretzel.
Mike let out a long, suffering sigh. “I should be morally outraged, but honestly? I just want to get this over with.”
Theo grinned. “That’s the spirit. Now go make yourself a lawyer, counselor.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Mike muttered, rubbing his temples. Then he paused, narrowing his eyes. “But just for the record, I could have done this legitimately.”
Theo gave him a slow, amused nod. “Sure. And you could have walked to work every day for the next five years, uphill, in the snow, instead of taking that car we handed you.”
Mike hesitated. “…Fair.”
Theo leaned forward. “Look, you could have gone the long, noble, fully accredited route. You could have taken out six figures in loans, worked unpaid internships, spent years fetching lattes for guys named Chadwick who barely graduated but has connections, and spent half a decade billing hours you wouldn’t get paid for.”
Mike’s face soured.
“Or,” Theo continued, “you could take the express route. Be an actual lawyer in two weeks and skip the part where you eat ramen for the next ten years.”
Mike exhaled, arms crossed. “Right. And I get a real paycheck too, huh?”
Theo smirked. “Obviously. Can’t have our top lawyer starving.”
Mike’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait—top lawyer? Hold up. Am I the only lawyer?”
Theo grinned. “Now you’re getting it.”
Mike blinked. Then, slowly, a grin spread across his face. “So what you’re saying is… I’m already the head of legal?”
“Technically speaking, yes.”
“And I can bill whatever the hell I want?”
Theo chuckled. “Let’s not get carried away—”
Mike clapped his hands together. “Theo. Buddy. This might be the greatest thing I’ve ever been a part of.”
Theo sat back, satisfied. “See? I told you you’d fit in.”
Mike exhaled dramatically and shook his head. “And to think, I was worried about ethics earlier.”
Theo raised a glass of water. “To personal growth.”
Mike clinked his coffee mug against it. “To getting paid.”
***
