The Way I Am [Parody]

  {It is highly recommended to listen to the original first in order to understand the delivery of the song. That said, if you're under 18, don't listen to Em or me. I may not swear, but I'm just as filthy}

  {Original Song: }

  Sonic and Joshua are walking down the street as hoards of fans harass them.

  Fans: Sonic!!! Yeah!!! Sonic!!!

  Joshua: These Guys'll Trample Us!

  Sonic: Grab On!

  He grabs onto Sonic, who runs them to a trashy apartment far away.

  Joshua: Thanks, man. They always like that?

  Sonic: Sometimes worse. Love me. Hate me. My fans are always crazy. Try to, but can't chase me.

  Joshua: I should write that down.

  Joshua pulls out his phone and types away.

  Sonic: Wanna get lazy. Make my mind hazy as I tell Knuckles, “Blaze me.” Wanna go somewhere they can't trace me, yell “Race me,” or try to bite me like I'm tasty. Maybe being racey and Shady ain't my only way of escaping.

  Sonic opens a window, stands on it, and looks at the street below.

  Joshua: Hey, Man! Get down from there!

  Sonic: Gonna put physics to the test, landing on my chest. They say I'm blessed. Got 99 lives. What's one less?

  Sonic lets go of the windowsill and leans forward as the music starts up.

  Sonic: … J, you mixin' this beat? You hearing this treat? Turn it up a dB. Gotta give this message real neat.

  Joshua: All good now?

  Sonic: Yeah. Yo! This song is for anyone...

  Screw it.

  Just listen.

  Sonic: I sit back with my back on this sack of Sonic-knick-knacks that I need to make me some money quick-i-ly to escape poverty. 'Cause, you see, I am-I feel poor to the core. Need to soar, but I'm sore. So, I swore! 'Cause, I've been cursed since my birth to make works that don't work!

  Joshua: But, it sells!

  Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

  Sonic: That don't help my own self to believe that this tension I'm dispensin' in these sentences is gettin' this stress off my chest peaceably! I'm coming back for the rest of y'all meanfully!

  Joshua: But, at least have the means to see when you see a “T” on a car in the street, the nobody who owns it ain't a deity, got no money in millions, and you can deal with him/disagree legally!

  You: I thought you were my friend!

  Joshua: NO! I don't know you! And, No! I Don't Owe You aNOther paROdy!

  Sonic: I'm Not! Mr. Cringy! I'm Not! Your Best Friend, Dink!

  Joshua: I'm Not! Mr. Stingy! I Can! Be over-spending. So, if you tricked me, my bank account's empty! Impatience is in me, and if you contend me I'll Make You An Ending!

  Sonic: Sirens blare in the air. I don't care. I ensnare you. So, cuff me, I Dare You! I'll pay for your fare too! I'm tired of nightmare groupies. Don't mean to seem mean as I steam and crush Dream, but that's all you make me.

  Joshua: You gettin' this scheme? 'Cause-

  Sonic: I Am! Whatever You SAY I Am! If I wasn't, then why would I Say I Am?! In the paper, the news, Everyday I Am! (Ha!) Most people won't even play my Jam. 'Cause, I Am! Whatever You SAY I Am! If I wasn't, then why would I Say I Am?! In the paper, the news, Everyday I Am! (Ha!) I know, you don't get my jam.

  Joshua: Sometimes, I wanna kill father-

  Me: (No, I don't!)

  Joshua: For how little he bothered!

  Me: (Stop It!)

  Joshua: Don't wanna be coddled, or bottled, to spare you from daggers. Just wanna feel like I Mattered!

  Me: (Yeah)

  Joshua: But, I'm Shattered! And, at last, I rearrange all the glass so that even I'm Mathers!

  Sonic: My controversy is a monstrosity, so you can cancel me and my media immediately. I'll finger you out of the crowd, give you a dinger, knock you out now! Put me on Springer! Give you the Ringer! Call you dumb, mind is numb. You been rung. Suck My-

  You: Um. Don't say that.

  Sonic: Eat My Scat! How 'bout That?! And, you already knew that you full of poo too. All this crap that you do. “Don't talk about shootin' ya goo.” You don't care about the rest of my stool, just let it stew like a stew in the backroom of the school. View of me is askew, so you accuse me of stuff I don't do. But, I ask you, where are your parents at? Stare at me, rappin' brash. Sit at home, wearin' trash. I'm kickin' ya nappin' knack.

  Joshua: And, Now it's a tragedy! NOW, it's so sad to see big White House plans that leak NOW that the wigged white old man's not weak. And, I KNOW that it's terrible, but the coverage is unbearable. So, let's get above it and tell 'em all to shove it! 'Cause-

  Sonic: I Am! Whatever You SAY I Am! If I wasn't, then why would I Say I Am?! In the paper, the news, Everyday I Am! (Ha!) Most people won't even play my Jam. 'Cause, I Am! Whatever You SAY I Am! If I wasn't, then why would I Say I Am?! In the paper, the news, Everyday I Am! (Ha!) I know, you don't get my jam.

  Joshua: I'm so sick and tired of rolling through mires. Like tires, I'm wired! Rather drop my Dark Souls down a hole. Get this cult to see the bull it's filled of. Now, it's built up, it'll kill cucks, it still sucks!

  Sonic: You criticize and talk like I'm people. I know I'll never top Bad Meets Evil. Filled with this funky frustration at my vile vocation! Need a vibrant vacation in a new nation, make real relations without evil evocations to bring sweet salvation to my brain's static station so I can make creative creations set in loony locations! But, I gotta deal with extreme expectations and many molestations from idiots without early education hiding in popping populations, dealing damage to my reviled reputation without informed information or concrete conversations! I need reliable representation to fight dastardly discrimination. How do I get it? Through mind manifestation?! With an intense imagination?! What I really need is even dim determination!

  Joshua: Then, there's those trolls with the goal to make a hole in your soul. “YOU! Can't be Shady! Your lines are just grating! Kanye one day, maybe!” That guy that you wreckin' and deckin' just ain't me! Say that I'm wack. I say that I'm Back. I'm on the attack. Stabbin' your back with the pad that I stack my raps at!

  Sonic: Heart's deep in the pit that's in my stomach, 'cause I'm thankful for every fan that I get, so I don't wanna spit without solid facts standin' by it.

  Joshua: But, I can't write a skit with you laughin' a bit, So That's IT!! I'm Done And Outta This Chick!! 'Cause of yo vile and rotten responses. This bile has gotten me nauseous. It's nonsense, obnoxious! So, say that I'm evil, like mister Knievel, as you say “Slay” in your sleigh in a rainbow parade. Your charade ain't that great. So, pray for me pain. It's okay. I'm insane! But, for you to stay sane, put it back in your brain that-

  Sonic: I Am! Whatever You SAY I Am! If I wasn't, then why would I Say I Am?! In the paper, the news, Everyday I Am! (Ha!) Most people won't even play my Jam. 'Cause, I Am! Whatever You SAY I Am! If I wasn't, then why would I Say I Am?! In the paper, the news, Everyday I Am! (Ha!) I know, you don't get my jam.

  As the music comes to a stop, Sonic looks down at the streets below with watery eyes as Joshua holds his arm, keeping him from falling further.

  Sonic voiced by Slim Shady

  Joshua voiced by Eminem