Twenty-four, Lotus Heart

  It's as if I've fallen into an endless, bewildering dream. The beautiful sound of the maiden is before me, and the elegant ladies, Cao Jieyu and Huihua, are all here. Struggling, entwining, and tearing apart, I'm trapped in this turmoil, unable to escape. Mother... I want to go home. Mother, I'm so tired, I don't want to wake up, why does it hurt so much?! A bitter, warm liquid is poured into my mouth, forcing me to awaken from the dream.

  It took a great deal of effort to open my eyes. The red silk bed curtains and canopy, all adorned with auspicious floral patterns symbolizing many children and good fortune, were in the bedroom of my palace. My body felt a momentary softness, finally back in my own palace.

  As I glanced sideways, I caught sight of a bright yellow strip shining like the sun, and my heart felt a little relieved, tears falling uncontrollably.

  He saw me wake up and was also surprised, holding my hand tightly and saying: "Xuan Xuan, you finally woke up!"

  The queen behind him also let out a long sigh of relief: "Thank goodness! It's all right now that you're awake! You've been unconscious for three days."

  I took a breath, accompanied by a sharp and piercing pain like being cut with a small knife. The pain gradually brought me back to my senses. It seemed like I hadn't spoken in hundreds of years, and it was extremely difficult to open my mouth. "Fourth brother... you're back..." Tears flowed before words could, as if wanting to pour out all the grievances and physical pain suffered since parting ways.

  He panicked, hastily wiping away my tears: "Xuan Xuan, don't cry. I've already wronged you!" His eyes were filled with deep regret and sorrow. For no reason, this gaze made me feel afraid and terrified.

  A thousand fearful thoughts flashed through my mind. I didn't dare, but finally reached out and carefully placed my hand on my belly, where inside was the precious treasure I cherished.

  But almost overnight, what was originally a slight bulge returned to its flat shape.

  I nervously glanced around, and every face was filled with such a sorrowful expression. Precisely, I had already smelled the faint scent of blood that lingered in the air, a dark red smell that even the thick herbal aroma couldn't cover up.

  My fingers stiffened and curled up - I don't believe it! It's gone! It's no longer in my body!

  I don't know where the strength came from, but I almost sprang up straight. Everyone panicked and rushed to hold me down, afraid that I would do something stupid.

  My heart is filled with intense sorrow. I'm almost wailing, clutching the front of his robe tightly. Xuan Ling holds me tightly, but remains silent. After not seeing him for several days, his eyes are bloodshot, and his pale stubble makes him look even more haggard. Jing Fei wipes away tears beside us, urging strongly: "Sister, don't be so heartbroken! The Emperor is also heartbroken. The imperial carriage had just arrived in Cangzhou when such a big thing happened, the Emperor rushed back overnight."

  Xuan Ling's eyes were filled with endless sorrow, choking back unspeakable pain. He had never looked at me like that before, nor held me like that. Such deep and profound grief and despair, as if what was lost was not an unborn child, but everything he cherished and loved most in the world. The successive losses of his children, at this moment his heartache seemed even more than mine. Xuan Ling tightly hugged me, his expression seemingly desolate and helpless, he gazed at the Empress, almost to the point of collapse, weak to the extreme: "Is Heaven punishing us?!"

  The queen was deeply shocked by these words. However, after a moment, her gaze became firm and strong. The queen quickly wiped away her tears and walked steadily to the front of Xuan Ling, half-kneeling on the couch, holding Xuan Ling's hands in her own. The queen looked at Xuan Ling calmly, saying word by word: "Your Majesty is the son of Heaven, and Heaven will not punish you or your descendants." She paused for a moment, then comforted and affirmed Xuan Ling, saying: "If there really is punishment, it would all be my fault as a concubine, and have nothing to do with Your Majesty."

  I was too bewildered by his words, and had no time to think about it, nor did I want to understand. Xuan Ling seemed to have received great comfort, and his face slightly improved. I cried with a stifled voice, my hair roots were all sweaty, and my body shook violently.

  The Empress said: "Your Majesty, this is not a time for sorrow. The loss of Consort Gui's child was not a natural disaster, but a man-made calamity."

  The queen's reminder suddenly brought me back to my senses, and the scene in the Mingxiu Palace was vividly before my eyes. I couldn't help but feel a surge of grief and indignation, and I exclaimed, "Your Majesty, natural disasters are unavoidable, but can human calamities not be prevented?!"

  Xuan Ling's face was as gloomy as iron, he glanced around and coldly said: "Where is the villain?!"

  Li Chang hastily stepped forward and said: "Lady Huihua is kneeling outside the Tongli Palace gate, waiting to be punished."

  Xuan Ling's expression was as cold as ice, and he said, "Send her over!"

  As soon as I saw her, I had no more tears. I gazed at her coldly, gritting my teeth with hatred, my eyes blazing with fury, murderous intent surging up to my head. If I had an arrow in hand, I would certainly shoot it through her skull to vent my anger! However, I couldn't, and could only clench the corner of the quilt tightly in my fist.

  The lady Hua also had a pale face, with tears and scars all over her cheeks. She didn't dare to look at me, and as soon as she came in, she knelt down and sobbed uncontrollably. Before Xuan Ling could even speak, she had already cried out: "I am guilty! But that day, Guigui Pin offended me, I just wanted to teach her a lesson, not intentionally trying to harm her and cause her miscarriage. I didn't know it would turn out like this! Please forgive my ignorance, Your Majesty!"

  Xuan Ling's face turned pale as he took a deep breath, his forehead veins bulging with rage. "You're ignorant! Huan Huan is already four months pregnant, didn't you know?!"

  Madam Hua had never seen Xuan Ling so furious, and was frightened into lowering her head and weeping silently. Jing Fei finally couldn't bear it anymore and spoke up: "Madam just said that Guifei's sister is already four months pregnant, the fetus is stable, that's why she's not afraid to kneel."

  Lady Hua was extremely frightened, she knelt down two steps and fell at the feet of Xuan Ling, hugging his legs and crying: "I am ignorant. I also lost my head that day, thinking that kneeling for half an hour should be fine..." She suddenly stood up, pointing at Zhang Mi who was standing beside her and scolding loudly: "How can you be a doctor?! She is already four months pregnant, how could she have a miscarriage after kneeling for just half an hour?! You must have given her the wrong medicine, now you're blaming me!"

  Zhang Yi was intimidated by her tone, and hastily said: "The noble lady has symptoms of fetal movement, which is due to the weakness of the maternal body, but it's normal. The only thing that's not quite right is that the noble lady is too anxious, so her pulse is unstable. This is nothing serious, as long as she gets plenty of rest."

  Xuan Ling shouted at the top of his voice to Empress Cao: "Shut up! She is too careful because you suppress her everywhere. If you can tolerate others, why has it come to this?"

  The voice of Lady Hua dropped to a low whisper: "I heard that the virtuous imperial concubine had knelt for two hours before Xiao Yue, so I thought half an hour wouldn't be a big deal."

  That was such a distant past, Xuan Ling had no time to recall, but the Empress Dowager was stunned, and then she pursed her lips and fell silent. Xuan Ling only said: "Consort Xian disrespected the late Empress Dowager greatly that day, so the late Empress Dowager punished her by making her kneel down and apologize. How could you, who knew that Consort Hua was pregnant with the imperial heir, dare to mention yourself in the same breath as the late Empress Dowager?!" He paused for a moment, his tone growing heavier: "How dare this lowly woman compare herself to the late Empress Dowager?!" Lady Xi Hua knew she had misspoken and was so frightened that she didn't dare say another word.

  Xuan Ling's anger grew, and he glared at her with disgust: "I see that you are not ignorant, but rather extremely ruthless! If Guifei really had a fault, why didn't you punish her earlier? Why did you wait until the hottest part of the day to do so? It's clear that your heart is as venomous as a snake or scorpion. How can I tolerate someone like you by my side?"

  The Empress Dowager was so shocked that she fell to the ground, her face as pale as earth. After a long while, she burst into loud wailing, grasping tightly onto Xuan Ling's robe and refusing to let go. She cried out: "Your Majesty! I admit that I don't like Consort Hua. Since she entered the palace, you haven't been as affectionate towards me as before. Moreover, I've heard that the Zhennan clan in the court often clashes with my father and brother, causing much discord. My father and brother are people who have made great contributions to the country, how can they be bullied by their juniors?! Even I, the Empress Dowager, cannot tolerate this!" She became more and more agitated as she spoke, her eyes fixed intently on me.

  The empress, both angry and sighing: "You are really muddled! In the imperial court, no matter how many controversies there are, we in the harem cannot get involved. Moreover, your father and brothers have disagreements with the noble concubine's father and brothers, you should be more harmonious. How can you still stir up trouble and make things difficult for Noble Concubine Gui because of personal feelings? It's all in vain that the emperor trusts you so much, letting you take charge of the affairs of the six palaces."

  The queen said a word, and Xu Ling's face darkened. By the end, Xu Ling was almost pale with rage.

  The Empress Dowager had always been overbearing, and she never put the Queen in her eyes. She didn't even look at the Queen, but instead turned to Xuan Ling and cried: "I am not satisfied with Guan Gui's behavior, but I really didn't want to harm Guan Gui's child!" She cried so hard that she was heartbroken, "I have also lost a child before, how could I be so cruel?"

  Upon hearing these words, Xuan Ling's eyes, which had originally been filled with disdain and contempt, suddenly softened. He felt a mix of emotions: pain, guilt, sympathy, pity, and wariness. After a long while, he spoke sorrowfully: "What you do not wish for yourself, do not impose on others. You have also experienced the pain of losing a child, how can you bear to inflict this on Guan Gui Bin...?" Xuan Ling shook his head repeatedly, his voice filled with sadness: "Even if you did not intentionally harm Guan Gui Bin's unborn child, the child is still gone because of you. You cannot shirk your responsibility. I will no longer tolerate people like you who are as cruel as a snake and scorpion!" He called out to the Empress: "Go and inform the six palaces that Mu Rong Shi's title as Madame is hereby abolished, her noble rank stripped away, and her authority to manage the six palaces revoked. She is demoted to the position of Concubine. Without imperial decree, she will not be allowed to appear again."

  The queen agreed, hesitated for a moment: "Then should we go and tell the empress dowager?"

  Xuan Ling waved his hand wearily: "The Empress Dowager's child is gone, and she was already heartbroken. Now that she's ill, it's like adding insult to injury. Let's just put it aside for now."

  The queen softly responded, "As for the Empress Dowager's side, I will take care of everything myself. Your Majesty can rest assured."

  The Empress Dowager was as if struck by lightning, her hands still tightly grasping the legs of Xuan Ling. Just as she was about to cry and beg again, Xuan Ling kicked away her hands with one foot, coldly laughing: "What wrong has Guifei done? What wrong have the six palaces' consorts done? Do you want to accompany Guifei in being exposed under the scorching sun?! You can go kneel on the brick ground outside your own palace gate for two hours!" He turned around and didn't look at her again, until she was dragged away.

  Xuan Ling said: "You all go out first, I'll accompany the noble concubine."

  The queen nodded, "Alright." And advised me: "You take good care of yourself, after all, your own body is important. There's still a long way to go." Then she took the crowd out, and the hall suddenly became quiet.

  He gently held me in his arms and softly sighed, "This time if it weren't for Sixth Brother rescuing you from the Miao Xiu Palace and sending someone to report to me in time, who knows how bad things would have gotten!"

  I was stunned, recalling the day he took me away from the palace with his firm embrace. My heart skipped a beat as I realized it was really him. But I quickly regained my composure and gazed at Huan Ling, tears streaming down my face, and said indignantly: "It's already come to this, what else can be done?"

  Xuan Ling gently comforted: "Don't be sad, you're still young, once your body is healed, we can have another one."

  I remained silent for a long time before speaking: "May I ask Your Majesty, did my child die in vain?" I paused, and a hard, bitter hatred seeped out from the depths of my bones: "Why not kill this wretched woman to vent this anger?!"

  His eyes were filled with gloom, and after a long sigh, he said: "The court is in a difficult situation, and for the time being, I must consider the Prince of Yuzhang and the Murong family."

  A chill ran down my spine, as if I couldn't believe it, a sense of despair rushed to my throat, and before I could think, the words slipped out: "She killed the emperor's own child!" I sat still as stone, with only tears silently falling down, stringing together like pearls.

  Tears soaked his clothes, he just silently held me, his eyes filled with a deep sadness that seemed to be an endless abyss, staring at me blankly. After a long while, he said: "I couldn't keep our child... I... owe you an apology."

  I've been by his side all these years, and this is the first time I've heard him speak to me like this. With a tone of exhaustion and sadness, he used the word "I" to refer to himself, something he's never done before. He's the most revered person in the world, but at this moment, he's as weak and heartbroken as an ordinary father who's lost his child. His eyes were filled with deep sorrow and longing, and his pain was so profound that it stirred up my own grief. He didn't use the imperial "we" to refer to himself, which shows just how deeply hurt he is. I couldn't bear to say anything more, and I buried my face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Those were my tears, and they were also a manifestation of my endless hatred and pain... Xuan Ling stroked my back and said, "Why did you have to listen to her that day? Why did you have to kneel when she told you to, why did you have to accept your punishment?" He paused for a moment, his tone tinged with resentment towards Empress Jing: "Empress Jing was there too, why didn't you ask for her help?"

  "The Emperor knows the nature of Consort Murong, how can Concubine Jing persuade her? It's not like a dead servant like me can resist. Moreover, at that time, it was better to obey than to disobey, otherwise, it would give her an excuse to coerce me."

  I said with sorrow and helplessness: "Then, Your Majesty, why did you give her such great power to assist in governing the harem? You clearly know she has a cruel and vicious heart, didn't what happened to Brow Sister that day serve as the best example?"

  Xuan Ling was pressed by my questioning and after a moment said: "Are you blaming me?"

  I shook my head: "How dare I." Cried until exhausted, physically and mentally drained. Xuan Ling's tears had not yet dried, but he was also exhausted.

  A deathly silence filled the imperial palace. He solemnly swore: "I swear, our children will not die in vain! — I will surely bring you justice."

  "I gazed at him calmly: 'Then when? Please give me a definite answer, Your Majesty.'"

  He silently said, "There will always be a day like this."

  I hung my head in despair: "The pain of losing a child may fade with time, but Mu Rong Fei is always before my eyes. How can I swallow this? And Your Majesty, you will not forget the affection of the past!"

  He was speechless and only said: "Xuan Xuan, for my sake, endure a little longer - don't make it difficult for me."

  Filled with disappointment. I no longer look at him, gently turning my body around, hot tears unknowingly falling. A warm and wet patch on the pillow. I, crying myself to sleep.

  In the summer of 1414, I was almost always immersed in sorrow, unable to extricate myself. The scorching heat and the bitter smell of herbs were deeply imprinted on my skin and memory, impossible to shake off.

  My Tangerine Palace is in a state of silent stillness, no longer with the vitality of the past. All the symbolic decorations that represent many children and good fortune have been removed, lest I be reminded of my sorrow. The palace maids and eunuchs walk with careful movements and soft voices, fearing to disturb my melancholy thoughts.

  The harem was also quiet. The empress handled the heavy affairs of the harem alone, occasionally assisted by Empress Jing, but such opportunities were rare. With Empress Dowager ill, Empress Jing took charge of all matters related to the Tongming Temple's prayer ceremony, as well as managing the funeral affairs of Empress De and Crown Prince Xun, and daily prayers. Huafei, no, now she should be called Murongfei, her rank had fallen from being the first among the three consorts to a mere lady-in-waiting, subordinate only to the empress, but now she was ranked after Empress Jing, at the end of the three consorts, and didn't even have a title. This made her lose face greatly, and she rarely saw anyone, living in seclusion within the palace, just like Princess Duan who avoided the world.

  Although Xuan Ling didn't care about her, he also didn't dispose of her and continued to treat her with luxurious food and clothing. The matter of my miscarriage was thus lightly brushed aside.

  Every day I regret, why couldn't I humble myself and beg for mercy in the Mu Xiu Palace that day, just to save my child. Why did I have to be so stubborn and refuse to give up? I even regret why I had to gain favor, if I was just an ordinary palace maid, unknown and silent, how could she hate me so much and put me to death? Such regret accelerated my disappointment and disgust with myself.

  At first, Xuan Ling came to see me every day. But my depression and tears made him unbearable to look at. This mutual hurt and suffering was too much to bear. Finally, he let out a long sigh, turned his sleeve and left.

  "Empress, it's no good for you to cry and grieve like this. It will do harm to your body. If you don't take care of yourself now, when you get older, you'll be prone to tears at the slightest thing. I heard from an old palace maid that the Empress Dowager was just like that before she fell ill."

  I was weak and gasping for breath, barely managing to say: "The Empress Dowager's blessings are profound, how can I compare?" As I spoke, I fell silent again, tears streaming down my face.

  "Let me wipe away your tears for you. I'll speak the truth in a gentle tone: 'Your Highness, crying like this will only bring up painful memories when the Emperor arrives. If things continue like this, I fear the Emperor won't even want to set foot in Tongli Palace again. What good would that do for Your Highness?'"

  I muttered to myself: "It's only been a month since I lost this child, and not even 100 days have passed. Can I, as a mother, really put on makeup and wear bright colors to curry favor?"

  "Your Ladyship, upon hearing this, was stunned. 'You are still so young, as long as the Emperor still favors you, we have nothing to fear about not having children. Your Ladyship must relax and take care of yourself for the future. Please do not torment yourself like this.'"

  In my hand is a baby's bellyband that I had originally embroidered with joy to give to my child. The crimson pomegranate red thread and apricot yellow base color, embroidered with the pattern of pomegranate flowers blooming in hundreds, every stitch and line filled with my delight as a new mother and my deep affection for the child in my womb... Now, the bellyband remains, but my child can no longer come into this world.

  I stared blankly at the exquisite embroidered bellyband, and two lines of clear tears fell silently. My usually strong and competitive heart also turned to dust.

  Such lingering and repeated melancholy and indignation have made my body increasingly weak.

  After I had a miscarriage, Zhang Mi resigned from his position at the Imperial Hospital due to old age. This time, it was Wen Shi Chu who came to take my pulse. He looked, listened, asked and palpated, then suddenly fell silent, with a hint of surprise on his face.

  I waved my hand and ordered the palace maid to withdraw, saying faintly: "Isn't there something more improper about this body of mine?"

  He furrowed his brow in deep thought for a moment, then carefully asked: "Has Your Ladyship ever used musk?"

  "Musk?! I was shocked, "Zhang Taishan said that the palace is forbidden to use this thing during pregnancy, how could the palace use it? Even now, where does the palace still have the heart to use perfume?"

  He pursed his lips tightly, as if thinking about how to express himself: "But the queen's noble body indeed has symptoms of having used musk, only the amount is very small and not easy to detect." He suddenly raised his head, his eyes gleaming brightly: "Your Majesty?!"

  My heart tightened, and I thought for a long time before shaking my head and saying, "This palace doesn't have any." However, when it came to perfume, I suddenly remembered something. In recent days, I had only smelled the scent of perfume in one place. So I called out to Liu Zhu in a low voice, "Go to the Imperial Household Department and think of a way to get some 'Huan Yi Xiang' that Consort Murong usually uses."

  Li Zhu went away, and Wen Shi asked again: "Is the princess suffering from insomnia for a long time?" I nodded quietly, he sighed silently and said: "The illness of the noble concubine is all because of excessive heartache, five internal blockages, and liver fire deficiency. Forgive me for speaking bluntly, this is a heart disease."

  I remained silent. His eyes were filled with sympathetic warmth and concern: "Drinking too much medicine isn't good either. How about drinking lotus heart tea instead?" He explained to me in detail: "Lotus heart tastes bitter and is cold in nature, it can treat heart heat, has the effects of reducing fever, dispelling summer heat, clearing the mind, calming restlessness and eliminating fire energy, can also supplement spleen and kidney, nourish heart and calm spirit, treat red and swollen eyes."

  I suddenly looked up and smiled wryly: "Lotus heart, it's a very bitter thing."

  He gazed at me for a moment and said, "Yes. I hope that Lotus's suffering can alleviate the pain in your heart."

  I turned around, with an unspeakable sorrow in my heart.

  "Ask the lotus root, how many threads are there? For whom is the lotus heart bitter?" he whispered. "The double flowers whisper to each other, it's just the children of old times. Do you still remember this song?" I nodded, and he continued: "When we were young, Brother Zhen took you to the lake to row a boat, you stood at the bow with your hair in two braids, holding a bunch of lotus flowers in your arms, singing this very song." His voice gradually became low and bewildered, as if immersed in the distant beautiful memories: "At that time, I thought that when I grew up, I must marry you. But you have the wings of a phoenix, how can I, a small imperial physician, tie you down?" He turned his gaze to me, with a look of tender love: "But seeing you like this today, I would rather have tied you down tightly back then, than see you in this state now."

  I was originally listening quietly, but he became more and more excessive, forgetting my identity with him. There was an inexplicable anger surging in my heart, and suddenly I stretched out my hand and swept it away, the silk brocade pillow on the bed was thrown to the ground by me.

  He fell silent, but I was shocked. I took a deep breath and said: "Wen Taiyi spoke too much today. What identity do you have to come and talk to me about such treasonous words? You are the imperial physician, and I am the emperor's consort, nothing more. I appreciate your kindness, Wen Taiyi, but if I hear such words from you again, don't blame me for not considering our years of friendship!"

  I spoke in one breath, and I panted repeatedly at the bedside. Wen Shi Chu was both heartbroken and ashamed. I raised my head, and suddenly stopped speaking. By the brocade curtain, I don't know when, Mei Zhuang was already standing there, her face as white as the white jade bangle on her hand.

  I saw her and couldn't help but feel anxious and ashamed, with dizziness in front of my eyes. Wen Shi Chu's feelings for me I had never told anyone about, let alone now that I was the emperor's imperial concubine, this kind of thing was even more taboo. Being overheard by Mei Zhuang like this, although I had always been close to her, it was still an embarrassing and awkward matter. Unconsciously, I blurted out: "Sister Mei..."

  She slightly coughed to cover up her expression, but her face still didn't look good. It seemed she wasn't willing to encounter such a scene either, so she said: "You should focus on resting and taking care of yourself." After finishing speaking, she turned around and left.

  I know Mei Zhuang wants to avoid suspicion, but when she turned around and saw Wen Shi standing with his head down, looking depressed, she became even more annoyed. She forced herself to calm down and said in a steady tone: "If you want to harm me to death, such nonsense can be spoken every day, and there are many people waiting for an opportunity to frame me. Lord Wen, we've known each other since childhood, but I don't know whether you're helping or harming me."

  He was in pain and ashamed, and hastily retreated, saying: "You... Madam, don't get angry, your body can't withstand anger now, I won't say anything else."

  I was already ill and had been annoyed, my brain felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and soon I fell into a daze and fell asleep.

  I woke up to find the sky already darkening towards evening, and Liuxiu had also returned. She helped me take my medicine and rinsed my mouth with water, saying: "Old Man Jiang said that this was only given to us because we were favored, and that the Emperor instructed that this incense could only be used in Moling Palace, not in any other palace." As she spoke, she handed me a small box containing the "Huan Yi Incense" for me to see.

  I heard this and thought to myself. Then I opened the box, took a look, closed it again, and said: "Go invite An Mei over, tell her my body is feeling a bit better, I'd like to have a chat with her."

  Liu Zhu returned quickly, but didn't see Ling Rong's figure. Liu Zhu said: "Ji Qing said that An Mei Ren went to the Empress' palace to pay her respects and will come over later."

  I slightly raised an eyebrow and casually said: "Is she feeling better? Rarely willing to go out for a walk."

  The night was quiet, but the continuous croaking of frogs in the night was still piercing and disturbing. Ling Rong sat in front of me, picked up a small amount of incense with her fingernail, took a light sniff, closed her eyes and concentrated on distinguishing: "There's Artemisia argyi, Chinese angelica, Valeriana, Agastache... Sandalwood, Litsea cubeba, Cinnamomum camphora..." She sniffed again carefully, but didn't say anything more. Suddenly, her beautiful eyes flashed open, and her expression was shocked and uncertain.

  "What's wrong?"

  She hesitated for a moment and then said: "And also musk."

  As expected, I finally put my mind at ease. Murong Fei has been favored for many years but hasn't borne a child, which is the real key to this matter. It seems that Xuan Ling's suppression of the Murong clan and the King of Runan's power was something he had long desired. It's hard not to admire his meticulous planning.

  However, the sorrow and resentment in my heart grew more and more, initially it was just a thin mist of sadness, gradually thickening, and I became trapped within. My heart kept trembling, why did I suddenly become restless in Murong Fei's palace, why did I kneel for half an hour and then have a miscarriage? Although my body has never been good, but how could I know that there was no blessing from Xuan Ling's "Huan Yi Xiang"?

  Xuan Ling, Xuan Ling, you have to guard against her, who would have thought that she also hurt my child!

  She looked at me with a cautious expression and said, "Sister, did you get this thing from the palace of Princess Murong? I felt something was off that day when we were in her palace, but at the time it was just a suspicion and I couldn't carefully distinguish it. Moreover, my sister's words are light, how could she dare to casually bring it up? Musk is originally precious, and according to my sister's view, this should be musk from the body of a high-quality musk deer, and it's a top-grade one. This kind of musk deer only exists in the great snowy mountains of the northwest, extremely rare and expensive, its medicinal properties are also stronger than ordinary musk...

  Ling Rong didn't say anything more, but I understood that women shouldn't use musk frequently. Long-term use of this substance can prevent pregnancy, and even if they do get pregnant, it often results in miscarriage or stillbirth. So although I naturally like burning incense, I absolutely avoid musk and don't dare to touch it at all.

  I remained silent for a long time before telling her, "The imperial physician said that my body seems to have symptoms of having used musk, but I haven't used any fragrances since I became pregnant, so it's strange."

  Ling Rong thought for a moment and said, "This musk is very potent and can penetrate the human body thoroughly. Sister stayed in Miao Xiu Palace for half a day that day, I reckon it's from there, so there should be signs of using musk."

  I nodded slightly, not commenting further. After chatting casually for a few sentences, Ling Rong said: "Sister's facial scars have almost recovered, and that small box of scar gel is almost used up, right?"

  I smiled slightly and said: "There's just a little left. It seems that sister's Shu Xin cream is indeed effective."

  Ling Rong smiled beautifully: "Sister's flower-like face, how can it be easily damaged? Little sister is just doing her best."

  I heard that her voice was much better than before, and she didn't seem to smile: "Your throat is much better, will the Emperor summon you again?"

  Ling Rong lowered her eyebrows, and the two cherry lips, although trying their best to curve into a beautiful arc, still looked dull. "Sister has always been favored by your majesty, but now that she's ill, even the emperor doesn't come often. As for me, with my delicate nature, how could the emperor possibly remember me?"

  Her words were unintentional, but to me they were like a dagger to the heart. I am sick with sorrow, and tears fall when we meet face to face; even seeing each other only brings more heartache. The ladies of the harem smile and welcome Xuanling as if he were a fish swimming in the river, so why must he keep coming to this sorrowful place?

  Ling Rong saw the great change in my face and was flustered: "Sister is talking nonsense, don't take it to heart." I naturally didn't want to provoke her self-blame, so I smiled and glossed over it.

  She also said: "Today, when I paid my respects to the Empress Dowager, Her Majesty also sighed and said that the Emperor actually liked her sister very much. It's just that after her sister suddenly lost her child, the Emperor was afraid of meeting again and hurting each other's feelings, so he didn't want to see her sister often."

  Seeing me lost in thought, she advised: "Sister, cheer up. As long as you forget this matter and welcome the emperor with a smile, the emperor will also be at ease."

  But how can I forget this matter? The underlying color of my heart is ultimately melancholy and gloomy.

  Annotation: (1) Tou Juan Dai Zui: In ancient times, when a queen or concubine committed a serious offense and asked for punishment, they would follow certain rituals. Generally, they would remove their hairpins, scatter their hair, take off their luxurious clothes and change into plain attire, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. In the most severe cases, they would also bare their feet, as ancient women attached great importance to their feet and considered it a humiliating punishment. It is equivalent to "carrying thorns to plead guilty".

  (2) Tóng Mén Zǐ: Musk is used in medicine, especially the granules condensed on the gland are of the highest quality, and the term is called Tong Men Zi.