Twenty-five, Changmen Heng Ge Qi

  In July, the heat was even more intense, but the long-awaited sweet rain finally arrived under the joint prayers of the emperor and empress. A heavy downpour dispelled the unbearable heat and drought, bringing boundless blessings to the people, and also washed away the sorrowful clouds in the palace that had lost two children in a row.

  Thus, the long-silent silk and bamboo music sounded again in the imperial court's purple pavilions. On this day, after a heavy rain had just passed, the air was still filled with the fragrance of water that had not yet dissipated. Xuan Ling then announced to all the people in the rear palace that they would hold a banquet at the Chrysanthemum Lake Cloud Shadow Pavilion on the Longfang Island of Taiye Pool to celebrate. Perhaps the palace really needed such a celebration to dispel the gloom of successive deaths and misfortunes.

  Chrysanthemum Lake's Cloud Shadow Pavilion is built among ten miles of lotus flowers, with the special product of Silla - white wood - used to construct a four-sided pavilion facing the wind, where the fragrance of incense wafts through the crystal curtains as they gently sway in the breeze. The delicate bamboo blinds are half-drawn and half-rolled up, overlooking the emerald water and white lotus flowers, exuding elegance and refinement. Outside the pavilion, the sky is clear and the air is crisp, with ripples on the water just beginning to form; the shore is lined with fragrant angelica and orchids, lush and green, as one raises a cup of wine to toast in the wind, overflowing with joy and laughter.

  All the consorts present are of high rank and favored in the palace, naturally excluding Consort Murong who has fallen out of favor. Since I had a miscarriage with Concubine Tian, it's inevitable that the scene would evoke sorrow, so Emperor Xuanling rarely comes to our quarters, and his affection for me is also greatly diminished compared to before. As a result, under the circumstances where the favored consort position is vacant, all the consorts in their positions spare no effort to vie with each other to win Emperor Xuanling's favor. In my heart, although I understand why he is lenient towards Consort Murong, after all, it's not like I don't have any resentment at all. And apart from this resentment, there are also a few hints of self-pity and sadness.

  The hall was filled with flowers, red and green, amidst which the Empress's noble and elegant demeanor shone brightly; the Imperial Consort's gentle and harmonious appearance was a sight to behold. The Honorable Concubine Xin was bright and cheerful, her beauty captivating all who saw her. The Noble Lady Mei was serene and refined, leaving a lasting impression on those who beheld her. Cao Ronghua's eyes sparkled with modesty; Qin Fangyi's slender waist seemed as delicate as a bundle of silk threads. Liu Shenbi's eyebrows were like wisps of smoke, slightly furrowed at the center, evoking a sense of tender beauty. Du Tianbi's makeup was subtle and elegant, her cheeks flushed with a soft pink hue, stirring up feelings of admiration.

  My mood was not in sync with the vibrant scene, and I couldn't blend in. Wearing a pale silver-white dress, I simply styled my hair into a low bun, secured with a pearl-inlaid silver pin, and chose a secluded seat, becoming one with the crowd. When Xuan Ling saw me, his eyes held a hint of pity, but I still felt a pang, remembering the child I never got to bring into this world, my heart aching as I turned away to discreetly wipe away tears.

  The orioles sang and the swallows danced, filling the palace with fragrant breezes. Xuan Ling was only politely interested, without showing any great enthusiasm. The Empress saw that he was not very keen, so she spoke up: "Although it is customary to select new concubines every three years, the palace has recently suffered a series of misfortunes. If Your Majesty agrees, it's not impossible to make an exception. Why not choose some new people to enter the palace and keep you company?"

  Xuan Ling did not express his approval or disapproval, but still felt grateful for the Empress's kindness: "The Empress is magnanimous, I understand that, but at present, I don't have the mood." His gaze was slightly dim and introspective, "Moreover, although new people are good, it's hard to find a great person."

  The queen nodded and smiled soon after: "A new song has been composed in the inner court, I invite Your Majesty to take a look."

  Xuan Ling smiled politely, "I drank too much today, let's do it another day."

  However, the queen insisted: "The singing girls have been practicing for a long time and also want to help the emperor's excitement." The queen has always been gentle and never disobeyed Xuan Ling's meaning. Today, she insisted on her own opinion, which was rare. Xuan Ling had always been respectful of the queen, and at this moment, he did not want to go against her wishes either, so he said: "Good."

  The hall was quiet and silent, with only the occasional gentle breeze blowing through the half-closed bamboo curtains, carrying a faint scent of lotus flowers and water lilies. The distant weak chirping of cicadas added to the tranquility of the hall. After a while, however, a soft and melodious singing voice could be heard carried on the wind from the lake in front of the hall. The voice was very small, and if one didn't listen carefully, it would easily pass unnoticed. But upon closer listening, the song was found to be gentle and elegant, like the morning songs of the oriole birds perched on treetops, with a unique charm that moved people's hearts.

  The singing voice gradually approached, but it was a small boat, and on the boat there was a slender woman with a delicate figure. The woman slowly rowed the boat towards them, her face covered with a pink gauze, wearing a light pink dress that shimmered like cherry blossoms in early spring, as if she could make people's hearts ache with tenderness. However, who was she? Everyone looked at each other in confusion, full of doubts and anxiety.

  As soon as the woman appeared, although people only heard her voice without seeing her face, everyone in their hearts knew that such a moving singer was far superior to the wonderful voices of the past, and it would be impossible to compare with her. She would be the greatest rival for favor. However, her singing was so captivating, those resentful and jealous words could never be spoken.

  As she drew closer, her singing voice became clearer and clearer, and it was a song that every woman in Jiangnan would sing, "Lotus Leaf He Tian Tian".

  "In the south of the river, lotus can be picked, and the lotus leaves are like fields. In the middle, there is a pair of mandarin fish, playing in the green waves. The fish play with the lotus leaves to the east, and the fish play with the lotus leaves to the south. Who is the girl from the deep place of the lotus leaves? She smiles and throws a branch of lotus across the water. In the south of the river, lotus can be picked, and the lotus leaves are like fields. The water covers the empty green color, and the flowers bloom with cold red faces. What luck for travelers to meet here! I received lotus rhizome from you, sir, and its heart is a thousand threads complex. You gave me lotus fruit, but your heart is bitter as frying."

  This song is often sung by the Jiangnan girl when she picks lotus in summer, and it also expresses her longing for her lover. However, the more ordinary the tune is, the more I am amazed by this girl's cleverness. It has always been that simple things can best show one's true skill, just like a top chef, if he wants to truly showcase his cooking skills, he will not choose complicated dishes, but instead choose the simplest vegetables and tofu to cook, in order to bring out the true flavor. There are many women in the palace who sing well, but only this girl has really caught my attention. I couldn't help but sigh: What a wonderful woman!

  Indeed, the song came from her mouth, with a tone of resentment and complaint, like weeping and yearning, the lingering sound was endless. The lotus flowers on the lake bloomed like snow, the cool breeze was like jade, the beauty's singing voice was like pearls, slowly emerging, but it made one feel the hibiscus shedding tears, the fragrant orchid smiling, the wind and dew were cold and clear, the spring sorrow was endless, making people suddenly feel a surge of longing, swirling in their heart, warm and soft yet melancholic.

  Her pink blouse was blown by the lake breeze, her sleeves fluttering like a raised flag, between the rippling light and shadow on the water, her slender figure was reflected in the water, like a lotus flower just opening, delicate as a stamen, floating on the waves as if she were a water fairy, with an ethereal air that seemed to be blown away by the gentle wind, her beauty was beyond words.

  Xuan Ling had long been enchanted by the distant view, his mouth mumbling incoherently. He turned his gaze and fixed it on the Empress. The Empress gazed at Xuan Ling with a gentle expression and spoke in an extremely soft voice: "Although your singing is still not perfect, it's already about 60-70% similar."

  Xuan Ling's expression turned slightly gloomy, and he quickly turned his head to focus on the woman, seemingly muttering to himself: "It's already rare and precious. After all, there is no one in this world who can surpass her."

  The queen's eyes dimmed, her lips still frozen in a smile, but she said no more. I was far away from them, and only caught these few words, without giving it much thought.

  As the boat drew near, someone had already gone down to ask who it was. The woman in pink only didn't answer, casually plucking a blooming white lotus from beside her and throwing it far towards Xuan Ling. Her mouth simply repeated that one sentence: "Whose daughter is hidden deep within the lotus leaves, smiling as she throws out a branch of lotus across the water." Such elegance and charm, gentle and straightforward, was enough to capture one's heart and soul. Xuan Ling was momentarily stunned, not even having time to carefully consider it, quickly taking two steps forward to catch it in his hand. The white lotus still had cool water droplets on it, and as he moved, his sleeves got wet, but he didn't care at all.

  Everyone saw this and couldn't help but change their facial expressions. Only the empress had a gentle smile on her lips, quietly observing without speaking.

  Xuan Ling held the lotus flower in his hand, smiling to himself as he played with it, his eyes fixed on the slender woman. At this moment, the boat had already docked, and although he couldn't see her face, he could clearly make out her figure, which was surprisingly familiar. His heart skipped a beat as he suddenly thought of her damaged vocal cords, which hadn't fully recovered yet - how could she be here? He couldn't help but feel both shocked and suspicious. As he turned to look at Mei Zhuang, their eyes met, and they were equally astonished.

  She stretched out a slender white hand, and Xuan Ling couldn't help but reach out to support it. As their hands met, the woman's hand already held a lotus root. The woman smiled softly: "Thank you, Your Majesty."

  This sentence sounds like the language of a swallow, soft and crisp. Xuan Ling's face is full of spring breeze: "If beauty is like this, why not enter my arms early? Today I saw her, the beauty threw me a wooden melon, I naturally want to repay her with jade."

  Before her voice had fallen, the empress smiled and stood up, "Does Your Majesty know who she is?" Then she turned her head to look at the woman, "Let His Majesty see your true appearance?"

  The woman curtsied elegantly, her slender fingers lightly waving, and the veil covering her face was lifted, revealing eyebrows like green feathers sweeping horizontally, skin as white as snow reflecting light, a waist as slender as a willow branch, teeth like hidden pearls shining with moisture, and a delicate figure like a swallow flying in the wind. I held my breath slightly, my heart greatly shocked, then cooled down again, and for an instant, all flavors were mixed together - if it wasn't Anling Rong, who else could it be?

  Xuan Ling was also very surprised, "Didn't your voice get ruined?"

  Her smile was as sweet as a spring, with a hint of shyness: "The Empress ordered the imperial physician to treat me carefully, and now I'm better."

  Xuan Ling exclaimed in surprise and sighed: "Not only is it better, but also more than before." He was overjoyed and turned to the empress: "The empress's painstaking efforts. I have such a virtuous empress, it is my good fortune."

  The queen's eyes were momentarily moved with deep feeling, almost brimming with tears, but soon she just smiled calmly and modestly, without a hint of pride: "I only saw that Your Majesty has been troubled every day, so I came up with this inferior plan, hoping to bring some comfort to Your Majesty. If Your Majesty likes An Mei Ren, that's good, I only hope that Your Majesty can be happy and at ease every day, blessed with peace and longevity."

  Such words of deep meaning, Xuan Ling also listened to and was moved. My heart is also touched, I never realized that the Empress had such a deep affection for Xuan Ling, this deep affection can actually hand over others to Xuan Ling's arms, just hoping he can be happy. Can love be tolerant and generous to this extent?

  Before I could think carefully, Xuan Ling had already said: "Rong Er's beauty was sealed last year at this time." Xuan Ling took Rong's hand and smiled as he gazed at her blushing face, saying softly: "Let's promote you to a fifth-rank Xiaoyuan now."

  Ling Rong's gaze swept quickly across my face, filled with apology. He soon turned away and bowed respectfully: "Thank you, Your Majesty, for your kindness."

  Xuan Ling burst out laughing: "Rong'er has always been shy and gentle, today seeing her again is just like when she was a new bride, not a bit different."

  Her demeanor was slightly lowered, her head bowed, and she looked like a water lily flower that couldn't withstand the cool breeze. All I saw was a single branch of red coral with a double-ended hairpin in her hair, the pearl on the pin trembling with movement, making her even more charming. I heard her say: "I'm not still a new bride, it's just old wine in a new bottle, Your Majesty doesn't despise me for being foolish."

  Xuan Ling's palm stroked her small, round chin, and he said lovingly: "With you here, the wine is not intoxicating, but everyone is self-intoxicated. Today, re-entering my bosom, we should sing a long song to celebrate."

  She slightly tilted her head, with an extremely innocent and gentle look, smiling as she sang: "I advise you not to cherish your golden embroidered clothes, I advise you to cherish the time of your youth. When flowers bloom, they should be picked at once, don't wait until there are no more flowers and only empty branches remain."

  A song came to an end, Xuan Ling clapped his hands for a long time, savoring the aftertaste. When he came back to himself, his smile grew thicker: "When flowers bloom, they should be plucked at once, I'll pluck you from my hand, not letting you wither on the branch alone." He immediately ordered Li Chang: "Bring me a golden silk dress to bestow upon An Xiaojuan." Li Chang was slightly taken aback, bowed and took his leave.

  Jinlv clothing, that was specially made by Emperor Longqing for Consort Shu. There were only three pieces in the world. One piece remained in the palace, one was taken away by Consort Shu when she left the palace, and the other was in the hands of King Qinghe.

  Such grand treatment and favoritism has left almost everyone aghast and utterly astonished.

  Xin Gui Fei suddenly smiled and turned her head, saying with a hint of sadness: "The new makeup in front of the mirror is worth more than ten thousand gold! Ah Mei indeed has a song that can rival the beauty of a thousand pieces of jade!"

  I suddenly remembered that this song was the one Sang by Anling Rong last year when she got lucky, and with this song, she became the favorite concubine of Xuan Ling. At that time, she was shy and tense, far from today's calmness and elegance, singing softly and beautifully. And now, this "Golden Thread Robe" has not only brought her favor and glory.

  The past hardships and embarrassments, Anling Rong, finally got a chance to lift her head and show off.

  I am unable to express my emotions at this moment, whether it is joy or sorrow. I only feel a vast and vague whiteness washing over my heart. Silently turning my head, I purse my lips and remain speechless, gazing out from the Cloud Shadow Pavilion by the Chrysanthemum Lake. Far beyond the lotus flowers lies the Hollow Moon Opening Clouds Mansion where Qinghe Wang temporarily resides. It is said that the mansion's surroundings are planted with sweet-scented osmanthus trees, whose blossoms open like mist and fall like rain, scattering profusely.

  Perhaps in this bleak situation, Ling Rong's sudden favor is a good thing for both of us. However, a faint smile appeared on my lips. The gentle breeze blew up the sound of silk and bamboo in the temple, and such music would make people temporarily forget all their sorrows. I raised my cup and drank bitterly, wishing to be drunk forever.

  I don't want to think about it anymore, nor do I want to remember it.

  A month later, reviewing the records of Tong Shi. For a whole month, Xuan Ling summoned me once, Jing Fei twice, Mei Zhuang twice, Cao Jie Yu once, Shen Bin and Xin Gui Bin each once, and the relationship with the Empress was much better, except for the regular 15th of every month, there were also seven or eight days staying overnight in the Empress's palace, and excluding a few days of solitary rest, almost all the other nights were spent with Ling Rong.

  The imperial court divides into humble and noble families, the harem is no exception, and one needs a good family background to increase their power. Ling Rong's birth naturally cannot be compared to that of a palace maid, but it is indeed not dignified enough. With Xuan Ling doting on her so much, the harem is filled with whispers and rumors, jealousy and resentment.

  However, Ling Rong's gentle and humble nature was the most suitable to comfort Xu Ling's pain of losing his children one after another. A woman's tenderness is a good medicine to heal a man's wounds.

  I quietly sat with the other consorts at the lower head, listening to the Empress say these words. Perhaps the Empress was right. She is the Empress of Xuan Ling, and has been by his side for many years, so she naturally knows what kind of person can comfort and serve him.

  The empress sat facing south, her expression stern. She wore a crimson silk dress with intricate gold and silver embroidery, its high collar accentuating her face's solemn beauty, rendering even the bright red color subdued. The empress's eyebrows were furrowed, her tone severe: "An Xiaohuan's background is not illustrious enough, no wonder you're dissatisfied. But now that the emperor favors her, it's as if I favor her too. Your usual petty squabbles and jealousies, I've been turning a blind eye to, pretending ignorance. However, she's currently the apple of the emperor's eye; if you dare cross her, you'll be crossing me and the emperor." Her voice suddenly dropped: "Do you understand?"

  Although many people had complaints, they did not dare to reveal them in front of the empress. They could only swallow their anger and respond with a humble "yes".

  The empress's expression softened as she looked at the crowd, and she spoke from the heart: "I'm also helpless. If all of you could win the emperor's favor, why would I need to worry about this?" She sighed: "Now that Concubine Yan and Consort Shun are gone, Consort Murong has lost the emperor's favor, and Consort Guan's body is not well. The concubines are dwindling, do we really have to break precedent and select new ones? It would be a hassle for everyone, and it would also bring in many new people at once. You all know that the emperor likes An Xiaohuan, and back then she was only sent away to rest because her voice was bad. Her temperament is good, you all know that. With her by the emperor's side, it's not too bad."

  The queen said so, but Ling Rong just sat quietly in her own seat, silently lowering her head, completely ignoring the words of others. In the wide red wooden chair, only her slender and weak back under her gorgeous clothes could be seen, evoking sympathy from people, and the round pearl light flashing densely among her black hair.

  The queen said so, and everyone had their own thoughts, naturally being speechless. Everyone has their own ideas, and they all understand that an Anshi without a prominent family background is naturally more approachable than the newly arrived Ruhua. Moreover, who knows when she will fall out of favor and imperial grace will land on their own heads? They were overjoyed and repeatedly promised not to make things difficult for Lingrong.

  The queen let out a sigh, her eyes fell on me, and she said: "Don't take An Xiaoyuan's matter to heart, the emperor needs someone by his side after all. It's rare that An is close to you too. I just think that she can use music to comfort the emperor. Everything I do is for the emperor's sake."

  I hastily got up and respectfully said: "Your Majesty's words are too serious. As long as it is for the Emperor, how can I be reluctant?"

  The Empress's expression softened: "You're the most suitable, the Emperor has always liked you, and I'm at ease. But now looking at you like this, thinking of that child, your body isn't well either - there can't be a lack of attendants by the Emperor's side. You should take good care of yourself first before serving the Emperor again."

  I don't understand the profound meaning of the queen's words, but Ling Rong's beauty is due to her arrangement, so she must be more favored. How can someone take away Ling Rong's current popularity? So I bowed and accepted the order, saying: "The queen's arrangement must be correct."

  As she was about to leave, the Empress said: "I'm sorry to trouble you with Mu Rong's matter. The Dowager has already known about your Little Yu's affair and regretted it for a long time. I heard that the Dowager is in better spirits today, go pay your respects."

  I was intently listening to the Empress's words about Ling Rong, when suddenly she mentioned my child's passing, and my heart ached sharply, stirring up painful memories. However, I couldn't reveal it on my face, so I lowered my head with force to conceal my sorrowful expression, and softly replied "yes".

  As I walked to the outer courtyard of Fengyi Palace, I felt a cool breeze brushing against my face. It suddenly dawned on me that it was already early autumn. The luxurious flowers in the courtyard had all fallen, and the dark green leaves were quietly dyed with a thin layer of golden mist, which also turned the clear spring water into a shallow golden color. Just a few months ago, the garden was full of peonies and lilacs, and it was in this slightly eerie and dangerous garden that I learned I was going to have my first child. In just a short period of time, the people who had admired the flowers with me had withered away like the fallen blossoms, and I couldn't help but wonder how many were left.

  Suddenly, I heard someone calling out from behind me: "Noble Concubine, please wait." Turning my head, I saw that it was Qin Fangyi, walking towards me with a delicate and seemingly elegant gait. I had heard that she had recently learned this step, which was said to be the favorite of pre-Qin dynasty virtuous women, in order to win over Xuan Ling's heart. It was said that when she walked, she was like a willow tree swaying gently in the wind, extremely delicate and charming. Unfortunately, Xuan Ling's thoughts were all on Ling Rong, and after glancing at her, he just smiled and dismissed it. Originally, Qin Fangyi's bone structure was slightly coarse, and she wasn't suited to such a soft and beautiful gait, which made her look somewhat like Dong Shi trying to imitate a beauty.

  Perhaps Ling Rong's footsteps are more suitable and beautiful in this way.

  I'm actually not very familiar with Qin Fangyi, and when we meet, it's just a nod of acknowledgement. Today she's being so affectionate and calling out to me, which is quite unexpected.

  She stopped in her tracks and waited for her to come forward. She only bowed halfway and said, "Greetings, noble sister."

  I was too lazy to bother with politeness, so I just asked, "What's up, Qin sister?"

  She just smiled and said after a moment, "Sister's complexion has improved a lot. It can be seen that An Xiaohuan and sister have a deep sisterly affection, on her side, once favored, your complexion also looks good. Isn't it, sisters should support each other?"

  I was fed up and didn't want to waste any more words on her, so I turned my head and said: "The palace still has to go to the empress dowager to ask for peace, and take a step first."

  She wouldn't let up: "Noble Consort Mei is indeed a noble person, busy with imperial matters, and hasn't seen the Emperor. Seeing the Empress Dowager would be good too! How filial she is! I, her sister, can't compare to that!"

  She spoke with such sarcasm, I was already extremely annoyed. In the past, she and I didn't interfere with each other, but now she's so blatant, disregarding my position above hers. It's just that she saw how Xuan Ling treated me indifferently, and also because of her own childlessness and loss of favor, which is no different from before. My past days were so glorious, it's natural that she would be jealous, and now she's taking this opportunity to bully me.

  I suppressed my anger and continued walking forward. Her words were sharp and flirtatious, with a high-pitched tone that was like a sharp needle piercing into my heart, lightly yet quickly. She stepped forward and grabbed my sleeve, saying: "Everyone knows that Princess Gui and An Xiaoyuan are close friends, but this time you've gone to great lengths to get the Empress Dowager involved in arranging for her to get close to the Emperor. You're truly clever and resourceful, sister." She covered her mouth with a handkerchief and laughed: "But of course, you'd help An Xiaoyuan like that. If she has children in the future, they'll naturally be your children too. Why bother worrying about keeping this one by your side?"

  I can no longer tolerate it. She said I could bear with everything else, but when it comes to my child, that's the greatest pain in my heart, how can I let her insult him at will?

  I pushed her hand away heavily and said coldly, "Qin Fangyi should at least address me as 'Your Majesty' when she sees me. How can she call herself 'concubine'? Fangyi has been in the palace for a long time, do I need to teach her these rules one by one? Or is she still muddled?" As soon as she heard me say "old", she almost instantly turned red with rage. How could I let her speak, I pressed down on her arm and smiled slightly, saying: "Fangyi, why bother learning the steps of those ancient virtuous women? The years are long past, how can you learn to be like them? Why not go back to the palace and think carefully about why the Emperor has been ignoring you lately. It's been over a month since he last summoned you. But now he's favoring An Xiaoyuan, if you sincerely ask her for guidance, I'm sure she'll be willing to teach you. Fangyi, you will benefit greatly from this."

  She was so tongue-tied that her face turned red and white in embarrassment. Perhaps it was also because of my position being above hers, she couldn't speak out. After a long while, her expression changed, showing signs of anger and humiliation, just as she was about to lash out at me, a clear and melodious voice came from behind, saying: "Sister Qin, have you gone mad? You even dare to offend the noble consort, do you know that if the empress finds out, she will surely blame you?" Qin Fangyi was quite intimidated by her, and even more so by the empress, so she could only leave in a huff.

  Ling Rong grasped my hand and said: "Sister suffered grievances for me, Ling Rong came late."

  I imperceptibly pushed her hand away, saying: "No grievances, I shouldn't have been on the same level as her." I smiled faintly: "In the past, it was always me who helped you out of trouble, now it's changed."

  Ling Rong's eyes reddened slightly as she said pitifully: "Sister, are you blaming me and want to separate from me?"

  "I said: 'There isn't, don't worry about it.'"

  Ling Rong wiped away tears and said, "Sister, are you blaming me for not telling you beforehand? This matter was sudden, and the Empress Dowager instructed us to let the Emperor be surprised, absolutely no word could be leaked. I, Ling Rong, am lowly and how dare I disobey? Moreover, in my heart, I thought that if I gained the Emperor's favor, I would also be able to help Sister a bit, then Sister wouldn't have to work so hard."

  "Ling Rong, your throat is better, you should have told me. This makes me worried and also unexpected."

  Ling Rong's smile was melancholic, like a small bird that couldn't shield itself from the wind and rain: "Sister isn't unaware of things beyond one's control. Besides, Ling Rong's body is as fragile as a willow branch; all this is just a matter of singing with a clear throat whether in success or failure."

  I can no longer speak and question, she is so self-inflicted, I am also very unbearable. She was born with a singing voice, defeated by a singing voice. What about me? Is success or failure just for my children and my heartache?

  I can understand and no longer blame. In the harem, everyone has their own helplessness.

  So she forced a smile and comforted him, "Qin Fangyi made me angry, but I ended up making you sad instead. What kind of state would we be in if both of us cried and wailed, wouldn't others laugh at us?" Only then did Ling Rong stop crying.

  I arrived at the Empress Dowager's palace to pay my respects, and she was heartbroken for me. She ordered someone to bring a stool for me to sit on in front of her bed so we could talk. When mentioning my miscarriage, the Empress Dowager also felt distressed, but only instructed me to take good care of myself.

  The Empress Dowager stroked her chest and sighed, "That child, Shi Lan, I thought was quite good, very capable and with a good appearance. Although she has a bit of a spoiled temper, that's to be expected from a child born into a noble family. But now it seems she's become extremely ruthless!" The Empress Dowager continued, "I'm old and my energy is waning. I've left all matters to the Empress to handle, so she can gain some experience. If I were younger, I wouldn't have tolerated someone like this in the palace! It's also because of the Empress's incompetence that all these troubles have arisen."

  I heard the Empress Dowager and the Queen, and couldn't help but smile and say: "The affairs of the palace are complex and numerous, Your Majesty can't take care of everything. Please don't blame the Empress Dowager and the Queen."

  The empress's spirit was not great either, with half of her hair white and scattered on the pillow, her face pale, and her snow-white nightgown made her look even more sallow. Her neck also showed several blue veins. Beauty faded so quickly, although the empress was not as stunning as Consort Shu in her youth, she was still a beauty like jade. Women, alas, cannot withstand old age. Once old, even the best looks are gone. But in the palace, being able to live out one's life in peace and luxury is the rarest of blessings. How many beauties had not yet grown old when they met an early demise?

  The empress dowager saw that I was a bit dazed, not knowing that I was thinking such thoughts, and thought I was tired, so she told me to go back. Seeing the empress dowager also looked tired, I bid farewell.

  She walked to the outside of the Weihua Temple, and felt that the handkerchief tied to her golden cuff was gone. The handkerchief itself wasn't particularly important, but it had been embroidered with red silk by Rouxi on her birthday, so it was a bit special. Thinking carefully, she remembered using it before entering the Empress Dowager's chambers, so it must have fallen at the entrance of the Empress Dowager's chambers. So she didn't want Bixi to accompany her, and thought that after retrieving it, she would leave immediately.

  The Empress Dowager was ill and liked quiet, so only her granddaughter, the Princess, accompanied her in the bedroom. There were no guards outside the palace, they were all stationed at the gate. I didn't want to disturb anyone, so I quietly entered along the corner of the palace. It was early autumn, with a gentle breeze rustling the leaves, and the air was filled with the sweet scent of osmanthus trees that grew under the long windows of the Empress Dowager's bedroom, their branches dense and lush, casting dappled shadows on the ground, which concealed my figure.

  Just as she was about to approach, she suddenly heard the old and gentle voice of Sun Auntie inside saying: "The slave will help the Empress Dowager get up and take her medicine." As she spoke, there was a slight sound of bowls and plates touching. After the Empress Dowager finished taking her medicine, Sun Auntie hesitated and said: "Your Majesty didn't sleep well last night, I heard you calling out for Regent Wang's name."

  My heart skipped a beat, and I quickly covered my mouth. I don't know if it was because my heart had calmed down for a moment or if the room really fell silent for a moment, but all I heard was the empress saying sternly: "Rebellious officials and treacherous sons, they deserved to die! I've already forgotten about it. And you're not allowed to mention it again."

  "Grandma Sun responded, and the Empress let out a sigh, an extremely lingering and sorrowful one. Grandma Sun said: 'Your Majesty?'"

  The Empress Dowager said: "Nothing. I'm just a bit sad about Zhen Shi's child."

  "Empress Wang is indeed pitiful. To suddenly lose the child in her belly, and for the Emperor to not even bother with her... it pains this servant's heart as well." She continued, "If Your Majesty likes Empress Wang, why not let her come and keep you company more often?"

  I was about to leave, but then I heard the conversation mention me and unconsciously stopped to listen. The empress sighed and said: "I also can't bear to call her in front of me..." The empress's voice became softer and softer, "That child A Ruo... I've been dreaming of her a lot lately... Although she doesn't look very much like her, but her personality is somewhat similar, which makes me even more sad." Gradually the voices became lower, as if the two were whispering to each other, until they finally fell silent. I didn't dare stay any longer and didn't want that handkerchief anymore, seeing no one around, I quickly left in a hurry.

  Returned to the palace, she stood alone under the long window, lost in thought. As Mid-Autumn approached, the moon shone brightly like a white jade plate. Illuminating the courtyard and sky well, it was very clear.

  My thoughts are still stuck in the daytime. Ling Rong is indeed pitiful and lovely. But that one sentence that helped me, ultimately turned out to be empty words. I naturally don't want to get too close to Xuan Ling at this time, but Mei Zhuang, has never been heard of having any helpful words either. Perhaps she also has her own reasons, after all, she is the new favorite, and her foothold is not yet stable.

  But now, I have heard a shocking secret. Many years ago when the Regent took power, there were rumors in the country that the Empress Dowager had an improper relationship with the Regent. Until the Empress Dowager personally killed the Regent and seized back power, she also eliminated all of the Regent's followers. The rumors then collapsed on their own, and everyone praised the Empress Dowager as a heroic woman, her majestic presence far surpassing that of any man in the world. But now it seems that perhaps there were some connections between the Empress Dowager and the Regent after all.

  And Ah Rou, what kind of woman is she that the Empress Dowager would be so fond of and remember her constantly? The name Ah Rou seems to resemble that of the late Empress Chun Yuan. I wonder if the Empress Dowager privately calls her Ah Rou - intimate and loving. Now that the Empress Dowager is ill, it's inevitable that she would also miss those who have passed away.

  "Mother, the moon is out. Don't you think it's beautiful?" Pei'er lifted the jade-colored ice-patterned curtain and called out to me tentatively by the independent window. This little maid must have thought I was heartbroken again for my child, afraid that I would be too sad, so she tried her best to find these words to cheer me up. It's really hard on them with this kind of thinking.

  The moonlight has passed through the carved and painted windows to the desk, and the sound of silk and bamboo from Mingse House has been carried by the gentle wind through the high and thick palace walls. Now in Mingse House, the best musicians and singers in the country are gathered together. I turned my head to see that the door had already been quickly closed by Liuzhu. I thought to myself, what can be stopped in this world? How can one person's strength stop such intangible music? Moreover, how can a single door block Ling Rong's singing voice?

  The silken voice of the zither in Min's residence is a fine and bright silk thread, smooth and dense, quietly extending; stretching out, and stretching out - so soft and elegant, passing through the eternal alley, passing through the upper forest, passing through the islands of Taiye Pool, passing through every pavilion and tower where the concubines reside, penetrating everywhere, even piercing into people's hearts. I gaze out the window, in such a beautiful voice, how many curses, how many tears, how much sorrow and resentment, how many sleepless nights.

  Spread out the Xuan paper of Chengxintang, dipped a brush in thick ink. Just want to quietly write for a while. My heart is not calm, so I yearn for myself to be peaceful, as still as a dead pond.

  The Empress Dowager said that writing can calm one's mind. The Queen also writes every day, just for the sake of tranquility and peace of mind.

  I want to write carefully and calm my mind.

  What was written with a flourish is Xu Hui's (2) "Changmen Yuan": The old love is the Boling Tower, the new favor is the Zhao Yang Palace. I keep my place and bid farewell to the fragrant carriage, with emotions choked back, I weep at the round fan. One morning, music and dance are honored, but in the past, poetry and books were despised. The decline of love has already been sincere, it's hard to recommend again after the water has been spilled.

  "Alas, the kindness is already gone, and it's hard to recommend spilled water." It seems a bit exaggerated to me. What touches my heart is that sentence "One day of song and dance glory, but poetry and books are cheap in the morning."

  When was it that I and Xuan Ling were under this western window, wearing clothes together to cut a bright candle, discussing poetry and history? When was it that he was in the hall for me to copy plum blossom poems, and I quietly cut a piece of close-fitting clothing for him with my own hands? When was it that I read "Zheng Boke Duan Yu Ying" for him, understanding his hidden heart affairs.

  When was it? It's all in the past. Singing and dancing are more enjoyable than poetry and books. No matter how good a book is, once you've read it through, you'll put it aside.

  New favorite, old love, I don't have the skill to get the protection of the empress and live in Changxin Palace like Ban Jieyu; nor can I get the emperor's favor like Xu Hui. And she is not as pressing as Fei Yan. Writing this poem "Changmen Yuan", I am sad about Ban Jieyu's folding fan. I often fear that autumn will arrive, and the cool wind will take away the heat. Isn't it time to put away the folding fan in this cool autumn?

  Ling Rong's voice is so good, so timely, I'm not suspicious at all. But what can be done? Her prime years, should they also wither away like mine? The palace flowers are blooming, with me and Mei Zhuang, it's enough already.

  Even if I understand the helplessness of what Rong'er said, I also sympathize with the loneliness and bitterness in Empress's words. However, when their joyful laughter forcibly enters my ears, it reminds me that I have just lost a child who is as precious as life; Moreover, husband's timely comfort and pity.

  No blame, no hatred. But when I am in such a desolate mood, and my thoughts are suddenly stirred up by the sorrow of my child, it is not that I do not resent it. I mock myself, originally I was just another lonely and resentful woman in this deep palace.

  The tip of the pen trembled, and a drop of dense black ink fell straight onto the snow-white paper, like an extremely large tear. The soft and fragile rice paper was moistened layer by layer with the dense ink, and slowly opened up, and my heart was also dampened.

  Note: (1) From Zhang Ji's "Reply to Zhu Qingyu", the full poem is:

  "The newly made-up Yue girl emerges from her mirror,

  Her heart knowing she's even more radiant and hesitates.

  The value of Qi silk is not enough for people at that time,

  One song of lotus-picking can rival ten thousand gold."

  (2) Xu Hui: A native of Changcheng, Huzhou, she was a concubine of Emperor Taizong of Tang. At the age of four, she could recite the Analects and poetry. By eight years old, she was already skilled in writing. Her talent became known to Taizong, who took her as his concubine and later promoted her to be a consort. After Taizong's death, she refused food and died of grief, posthumously honored as Xianfei (Wise Consort).