Butterfly Luck

  Xiao Yanzu and Xiao Lianzi finally found a few dozen butterflies before the arrival of winter, all of which were colorful and pleasing to the eye: pink, light purple, sapphire blue, bright green, and lemon yellow. I was naturally satisfied and said, "It's getting cold. The Imperial Household Department will be sending over charcoal for use in winter in two days. Go tell Jiang Zhongmin that we don't want any of the silk fabrics, instead exchange them all for charcoal braziers and charcoal basins, and also ask him to send more narcissus and plum blossoms."

  Fortunately, I promoted Jiang Zhongmin in the Imperial Household Department that day. Even though the gate is deserted and the imperial grace is thin today, it's not like when I first entered the palace, someone dared to deduct all the shares. If it weren't for Mei Zhuang's help during the winter, we would have used nothing but black charcoal with pungent smoke. At least he knows how to repay kindness, whatever my palace needs, as long as he can take charge of it, he will send it over.

  I instructed Xiaoyan to go, and then told Rongtai: "The Yingxin Hall is currently empty, put all the captured butterflies in the warm pavilion's large glass cover to raise them. The warm pavilion must use more charcoal fire to keep it as warm as spring. Every day, three times, you personally deliver fresh flowers to the warm pavilion for the butterflies to feed on nectar." After I finished instructing, I added another sentence: "You must do it yourself, I don't trust anyone else."

  Seeing that I was serious, and having received such a heavy trust from me, although he didn't understand my intention, he also doubled his careful attention to those butterflies.

  Meizhuang came one day and saw me having a tailor make new clothes for myself, and I couldn't help but reveal a hint of joy on my face. Since I fell ill again, I no longer had the leisure to adorn myself with makeup and perfume, and every day I wore plain clothes, putting away all the beautiful and expensive colored clothes and jewelry in the closet. It was as if I was mourning for the child that died in my womb, doing my best to fulfill my role as a mother. Meizhuang half-smiled and asked tentatively, "Have you come to terms with it?"

  I held the Tian Shui Bi's Yun Yan fine brocade on my body, smiled slightly and said: "Thank you sister for teaching me, today's me is not yesterday's." Mei Zhuang's eyes shone brightly, she gazed at me dully and said: "Since you have this heart, it's not suitable to delay the matter."

  I rolled up my sleeves and personally took the scissors to cut out a new dress, bowing my head and saying, "Sister, don't worry, there's always tomorrow."

  I haven't been idle.

  I gazed at myself in the mirror. The prolonged depression and illness had made me so thin that I was almost unrecognizable from my former self. As I changed into my nightgown before bed, I caught a glimpse of my own collarbone in the mirror, three rows of which protruded awkwardly on my chest. I was taken aback myself. My heart still couldn't believe it. I raised my right arm, and the silver cuff with inlaid green jade that had been made to fit snugly now seemed almost loose enough to slide down to my elbow. It had only been a few months ago that it could barely be squeezed onto my wrist, but now it looked empty and hollow. I hadn't gazed at myself for a long time, and I didn't realize I had become so thin, like a flower trembling in the autumn wind, its beauty lost, its bones exposed. Although I had lost weight, I still looked haggard, my skin taking on a faintly greenish tint, like half-transparent jade that had lost its luster, as if it were covered with a layer of dust. My chin was even more pointed now, and my eyes, which used to sparkle like clear water, seemed to have burned out, losing their vitality. If I were to appear in front of Xueming looking like this, all I would get from him would be a few points of sympathy, but if he saw me too much, he would only grow disgusted with me. What chance of winning him over would I have then?

  When I was pregnant, I found the beauty recipes that Wen Shi Chu gave me at that time. I went to the hospital and selected the robust and lush whole Yimucao that was cut off during the Dragon Boat Festival. The grass must be clean and free of dust. After sun drying, Wen Shi Chu personally ground it into a fine powder and sifted it. Then, she added an appropriate amount of water and flour, mixed it into a dough, and dried it in the sun. She chose a well-sealed three-layer yellow mud stove, with charcoal at the bottom, the dried medicine balls in the middle, and another layer of charcoal on top. After igniting the fire, she burned it fiercely for about half an hour before switching to low heat to simmer slowly. After about a day and night, she took out the medicine balls and waited for them to cool completely. Only those with a white and fine color were considered top-notch. Then, using a jade pestle in a porcelain pot, she ground the medicine balls into a fine powder, sifted it again and again until it was very fine, and finally stored it in a good-quality porcelain bottle for later use.

  The process of making medicinal pills is very complicated, and if there is a slight difference in the medicine, it will lose its effectiveness. This excellent medicinal herb, Beneficial Mother Grass, must be harvested on Dragon Boat Festival, and only the whole plant can be used, not even a little bit of soil can be attached, otherwise it will be completely ineffective; when burning, beware of too much fire, if it is too strong, the pill will turn yellow or black, almost ineffective; grinding is also very particular, with jade mortar being the best, and deer horn mortar being second - both jade and deer horn have the effect of nourishing the skin and removing blemishes, naturally entering the medicine during grinding, which has a good auxiliary effect. And this medicinal powder made from the pill, after mixing 6 qian of talcum powder and 6 qian of rouge with 60 qian of it, can be used to wash face and hands every day, morning and evening, to treat dull complexion, remove wrinkles, and make skin shiny like jade. After using this medicine for a while, I saw my complexion radiant and refreshed, and I couldn't help but say: "This prescription is said to have been created by Empress Wu Zetian of the Tang Dynasty, called Divine Immortal Jade Girl Powder, with which the empress remained youthful even at the age of 80."

  This sounds a bit exaggerated, and whether it was used by the Queen of Heaven is also a legend, but my complexion is indeed tender and fair because of this.

  One day, Mei Zhuang happened to come in and visit me. Seeing Wen Shi Chu devotedly concocting medicine for me, she sat down beside her and watched quietly. I said to her: "This Divine Fairy Powder is very effective, I was just thinking of having someone send some to my sister."

  Mei Zhuang's expression was dull, as if she hadn't slept well at night. She said, "No need to. This thing will be of great help to you in the future. I have a natural beauty, no need to decorate it." She suddenly smiled brightly: "Besides, who would I dress up beautifully for?"

  Mei Zhuang's words were somewhat like quarreling with someone, her temper gradually became a bit strange, sometimes I didn't understand what she was thinking, and she wouldn't tell me either. Occasionally, when I went to her palace, I saw her lying alone on the bed, frowning in her sleep, with tears still shining on her cheeks.

  That sentence, I don't know why, was etched in my mind. Her smile was radiant and beautiful, but her tone was desolate and disheartened, as if she were asking herself, yet also asking me: "What's the point of making myself look beautiful, who is it for anyway?"

  She took pearl powder and poured it into the jade hairpin flower, steaming it until it was cooked, then mixed it with dew to apply on my face. I suddenly remembered what Mei Zhuang said, and my heart became impatient. In my heart, I had already realized that Xuan Ling was not my "good man", and "a woman's beauty is for the one she loves". He was so cold-hearted and unfeeling, how could he be the one I loved? What was the point of putting in so much effort to make myself beautiful again?

  Besides, he clearly knows that his love for me is only skin-deep, yet I can only attract him with my appearance, how melancholic!

  In the midst of this commotion, I suddenly heard the sound of rapid and orderly footsteps outside the palace. I glanced at Xiaoyuanzi, who had gone out for a while and came back to report: "Ha! I thought it was something important - it turns out that An Xiaohuan mentioned a few days ago that she missed raising silkworms with her aunt when she was young, so the Emperor ordered someone to bring fresh mulberry leaves from the south for Xiaohuan. It's said that they were rushed here by fast horse relay and the leaves haven't even wilted yet."

  "His Majesty is indeed doting on An Xiaohuan now."

  Feng Qing wrinkled her brow, gazing at me with a subtle expression and said in a soft voice: "This situation reminds me of the story of Emperor Tang Ming sending lychees to Yang Guifei."

  I smiled faintly, what I cared about was not how much Ling favored Rong, but rather the memories that came flooding back from a poem in the Book of Songs: "The mulberry leaves have not fallen, their leaves are so lush. Alas, the magpie cries, no one eats the mulberries. Alas, the maiden sighs, she has no one to dote on her; the gentleman's doting is easy to speak of, but the maiden's doting is hard to speak of." I let out a soft sigh, the words of our ancestors were also spoken from experience, what a painful experience it must have been for this woman to cry out "no one to dote on me". The love of common men cannot be relied upon, how much less that of kings? I smiled wistfully, all those things in the past were just my naive and foolish heart. Forget it! Forget it! It's all gone!

  So, she perked up her spirits and had a small kitchen stew some red dates with black chicken to nourish and supplement her energy.

  Fortunately, she was young and strong-willed, so her body quickly recovered. By the time her looks had returned to normal, it was already the beginning of winter.

  I heard that a few days ago, Murong Fei once again submitted a memorial to confess her guilt, with sincere words. Xuan Ling was moved after reading it, but temporarily did not make a decision. I am secretly worried, the former king of Runan's power seems to be on the rise again, if this continues, who knows when Murong Shilan will return to the palace, that would be troublesome.

  I looked up at the dark sky with thick lead clouds that seemed to be pressing down on the city, took a deep breath and calmed my slightly panicked heart. Everything was ready, all we needed now was a heavy snowfall.

  My gaze swept sideways, and when I turned my head to see myself in the dim, cold light of the copper mirror, my watery eyes had already taken on a sharpness they had never had before.

  That day arrived quickly. December 12th, the heavy snow finally stopped. The entire harem was covered in a thick layer of white snow for three whole days and nights, making it look extremely clean. Xuan Ling and the other consorts went to Shanglin Garden to drink wine and admire the snow, but I excused myself early due to not feeling well and didn't attend.

  The new clothes are made of Tian Shui Bi's cloud and wild goose fine brocade, a very pale green color, like the color of dew. The deliberate choice of such a color, the simplest style, is just tailored to fit, slightly showing a slender figure. Embroidered with yellow stamens and white flowers, plum blossoms and narcissus, in the same size and color as real flowers, then steamed with warm air and scented overnight, worn on the body, the fragrance of flowers is intoxicating, as if one has become one of the thousands of flowers.

  He applied his favorite distant mountain eyebrow, first thinly applying rouge and then smearing a layer of snow-white English powder to repair his face, making "flying mist makeup", light and lovely appearance, provoking people's love and pity, just right to dot my gentle sorrow, suitable for joy and anger.

  With a resolute heart, there is sorrow and melancholy. However, halfway through the journey, I feel that the sorrow and melancholy are unnecessary, since I have made up my mind to go, why bring emotions to constrain myself.

  Going back to the old place is convenient for getting things done, more importantly, it's where we first met and it's easier to stir up each other's emotions.

  Walking into the plum blossom garden, the garden is quiet, and when my feet fall, the accumulated snow makes a slight "creaking" sound, as if it startled my own mood.

  It's too quiet, the chill in the air makes my memories clear and vivid. The old scenes are still faintly visible, the red plum blossoms are blooming like clouds, and the fragrance is intoxicating. Taking a deep breath, it seems that even the sweetness and coldness of the air are also the scents of the past, unchanged. My feet feel slightly floating, but I quickly find the plum tree where I hung a small portrait when I was praying for blessings back then. I smile wistfully to myself. It's as if it's still the New Year's Eve of the year I first entered the palace, also on a cold snowy night like this. In the dark Mei Garden, I spoke to him for the first time across the dense plum shadows. The entanglement of fate is inescapable. Even with the extra clothes left behind by Li Daotao, those who were meant to meet would still meet.

  The three wishes made that day are still in my heart, and after all these years, the only things I have prayed for are: Firstly, may my parents be safe and sound, and may my brothers and sisters be at peace; Secondly, may I live a peaceful life in the palace; Thirdly, may I find someone who understands me, and may we grow old together without ever parting.

  I once longed for "to find a like-minded person, and not to part until white hair", but "heard you have two hearts", I couldn't do it "so come to decide to break up" ... In fact, after careful consideration, I didn't really ask Xuan Ling for "one heart". He is the emperor, how could I not understand his situation? It's just that in my heart, there are always some expectations, the beauties of the harem and so on. I just want to be a little special in his heart. This obsession has become a fleeting illusion, a foolish dream. And peace, it is as short-lived and illusory as love in the harem. I have no other way out, no other means, only cunning and struggle, this endless cycle can bring me a moment of peace. The only thing I can still do is to ensure my parents' and siblings' safety and well-being. Even if not for myself, but for them. What's more, my child, the enemy is still there, he cannot die in vain.

  A clear mind like water, take a deep breath, just waiting for the arrival of the mysterious and powerful.

  The weather is very cold, the thin clothes are not enough to keep me warm, my hands and feet are all icy, the chilly air takes a while to feel warm after entering my nostrils.

  I'm not afraid of cold, I've seen the tragic Cold Palace, and I've also endured the humiliation of being spat on. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore.

  From far behind, the sound of snow crunching came, I knew he had arrived, not just him, but probably all the imperial concubines from today's snowy banquet had also arrived. Li Chang did a good job, finally luring Xuan Ling here, it was worth my previous private kindness to him.

  Mei Lin's younger brother had already heard the noise and opened the crystal bottle with butterflies inside. In a moment, he saw some butterflies flying towards him. I timely opened the small golden hand warmer in my cloak, and the warm air rose, making the fragrance of flowers on me more intense and warm. The butterfly searched for the heat source and flew towards me from afar.

  The footsteps drew nearer and I clasped my hands together, speaking in a calm and gentle voice, word by word: "I, the imperial concubine Zhen, am without talent or virtue, unworthy of nurturing the heir to the throne or serving the king. With a heart full of shame and no face to show before the gods, I sincerely pray that His Majesty will receive heavenly protection, peace, joy, and longevity. If my wish is granted, I, the imperial concubine Zhen, vow to be vegetarian for life, purify my mind by worshiping Buddha, and never again accept favors or honors."

  I don't know what the scene would be like with beautiful butterflies fluttering around me on this cold snowy day. But I do know that under such a strange and wonderful circumstance, my words will be more easily engraved in his heart. Moreover, amidst the white snow and red plum blossoms, I am the only one wearing a green dress, standing out so elegantly.

  Such a blessing I didn't say with all my heart, but I forced out the remaining emotions I had for him to utter every word, and there was some truth in it.

  A moment of silence, truly still, as if in the quiet garden there was not a single person, between heaven and earth only those red plum blossoms blooming and falling by themselves.

  Heart racing, knowing he was behind her, the long-missed fragrance of Longyan Xiang wafted faintly, and with just one turn around, it would be him.

  A long sigh, a familiar voice said: "Xuan Xuan - is that you?"

  Such a familiar and intimate address, it makes one careless, thinking that he is still in the past, with favor and love. The throat is slightly choked, the nasal wing is slightly moving as if something is blocked, a thread of crying sound is hard to suppress, only facing away from him, extremely softly saying: "The concubine has lost virtue, not suitable to face the king."

  The concubines' sighs and astonishment could no longer be concealed, he rushed to my side, embracing me from behind: "Xuan Xuan, why don't you look at me, are you unwilling to see me again?"

  I struggled slightly, and my eyes were already filled with tears: "Your Majesty, don't come over - my shoes and socks are wet..." In response to his words, it was the same as when I responded to him in the past at Mei Garden. Now that I say it, it no longer has the shy and evasive heart of a young girl from back then - I'm just calculating him with all my heart.

  Her body was stiffly turned around by him, and the tears in her eyes were welling up, about to fall. She had once practiced this tearful expression in front of a mirror, knowing it was the most likely to evoke sympathy and love from others.

  I quickly lowered my head and refused to lift it up again. He grasped my hand, his tone filled with concern: "Your hands are so cold, aren't you afraid of catching a chill?"

  I whispered: "Your concubine only wishes to pray for the emperor's good fortune... causing the emperor to worry is your concubine's fault, your concubine takes her leave." I turned around to leave, but was pulled back into his arms. As he pulled me, the butterflies that had been frozen on my body fell to the ground one after another, and the surrounding imperial consorts and palace maids couldn't help but let out a series of surprised gasps. Xuan Ling was also shocked and amazed, saying: "Xuanxuan, at this time there are actually butterflies, the butterflies are also infatuated with you!"

  I faintly revealed an unexpected and bewildered expression, saying: "I don't know..." As I spoke, my lips trembled slightly due to the cold, and the wind lifted the hem of my clothes like a butterfly spreading its wings. The sky-blue color was noble and elegant, revealing a slender and gentle figure.

  His bright yellow trimmed silver fox fur coat was wide and warm, wrapping me in it. The familiar scent of dragon's saliva wafted over, making my head spin. His arms held me gently but firmly, not letting me escape. He called out to me: "Xuan Xuan, if you catch a cold again for my sake, won't that make me even more heartbroken?" His breath lingered on my clothes, and he laughed in surprise: "You smell so good, no wonder even in winter, butterflies are attracted to you, and I'm about to be drunk with love."

  "My voice is extremely soft and gentle: 'I pray for Your Majesty day and night, bathe and burn incense, not daring to be the slightest bit negligent.'"

  He nodded, and with a smile, the Empress said: "It's good that it's like this. After Consort Gui gave birth to a stillborn child, she hasn't been feeling well and couldn't go out; I've been worried for several months."

  Ling Rong stepped forward, softly saying: "I have been praying day and night for the Emperor and my sister to reconcile, hoping that they would be as harmonious as before, without any more discord. Now it seems that my wish has come true."

  Xuan Ling smiled and gazed at me, as if he couldn't get enough of the sight, saying: "Have I ever had any grievances with you, my dear?"

  "My smile was candid and charming, I said softly: 'Never has it been. It's just that I'm not convenient to serve Your Majesty while I'm ill.'"

  Ling Rong's face turned slightly awkward, and soon she laughed: "That's right. Look at me, I was so excited that I got confused and couldn't even speak properly."

  Xuan Ling was very lively, I leaned on his shoulder, gazing at the expressions of the people behind him, and couldn't help but sigh in my heart. The world's ups and downs were repeated, and now it was my turn again. The faces of the people in the harem would naturally not be as cold as before, and when facing me with a smile, they would be warm like spring again.

  However, as my gaze swept to the back of the crowd, I was taken aback. Xuan Qing stood far behind the crowd, his eyes understanding and calm, with a hint of sadness in their warmth, lingering on me for a long time without leaving.

  Had dinner with Xuan Ling and watched the singing and acrobatic performances. Obviously, Xuan Ling's attention was not on the high-pitched clear voice of the singer or the clever skills of the performers, but kept glancing at me sitting beside Jing Fei.

  The Empress smiled and whispered to me: "The Emperor has been watching you all along."

  I smiled and said: "How do you know she's not looking at her sister?"

  "Ha ha, little sister suddenly appeared in the Mei Garden today, and actually everyone already knows it in their hearts. The Emperor is not willing to distance himself from you anymore." She paused for a moment, then said: "But I, as your older sister, am curious, why did the butterfly land on you? Is it really true what people say, that you have some kind of magical powers?"

  I couldn't help but laugh: "Sister is really good at joking, it's just a small thing after all."

  Jing Fei smiled: "Just now I heard Qin Fangyi and others discussing that you deliberately did it for your sister?"

  I didn't take it to heart and just smiled faintly: "Is that so?"

  Jing Fei also smiled, her left hand slightly gesturing upwards: "Others say that deliberately making an effort is not important, as long as the Emperor thinks you're being sincere to him, sister." She lowered her eyelids, "Actually, the Emperor is concerned about you, sister."

  Xuan Ling beckoned me over and said, "Come sit by my side."

  I respectfully stood up and said: "Your Majesty the Empress is the leader of the six palaces, she should be by the Emperor's side, I dare not overstep my bounds."

  He reluctantly agreed, and as soon as the banquet ended, he naturally wanted to stay overnight in my palace. I tactfully said: "It's not that I don't want to serve Your Majesty, but since I'm still recovering from a cold, it's not suitable for me to accompany you. Please forgive me." With a warm smile, I added: "Why don't you go rest at Consort Cao's palace instead? I think Princess Wen and Princess Yi would also love to see their father."

  Before the words had fallen, Cao Jieyu was already looking at me with a surprised expression. Soon she collected her emotions and only smiled warmly and quietly. Murong Fei lost favor, Cao Qinmo would inevitably be implicated, and there was also Ling Rong's kindness. It is said that Xuan Ling has not entered her residence for a long time. Xuan Ling couldn't resist my smiling request, so he took Cao Jieyu away.

  Lan Yu didn't understand and hastily said in a soft voice: "Miss..." I raised my hand to signal her not to say more, just head back.

  Returning to the palace, it was already late at night. Fang had used swallow's nest, but didn't have any intention of sleeping. Jing Qing said: "Your Highness is tired today, why not rest early?"

  I waved my hand and said, "No need." Smiling, I added, "I'm afraid you haven't had a good sleep yet." Just then, Xiaoyanzi came in with a joyful expression and exclaimed, "Your Majesty, the Emperor has arrived."

  I faintly said "oh" and casually said: "Close the door of the Green Bamboo Pavilion."

  Xiao Yuanzi's face was incredulous, thinking she had misheard, and asked: "What did Your Ladyship say?"

  "I said: 'Close the door, no need to invite His Majesty in.' I saw him hesitating and not daring to go, so I said again: 'You can rest assured and go, tell His Majesty that I have already gone to sleep.'"

  Xiao Yuanzi just left. After a while, I heard someone knocking on the door, and after listening for a moment, I said, "Who is it?"

  Xuan's voice was heard from outside, "Huan Huan, have you fallen asleep?"

  "I pretended to be surprised and said: 'Isn't the Emperor at Cao's place? Why did you come over at this hour? I've already gone to bed.'" Coughing a few times as I spoke.

  His tone was somewhat urgent: "Huan Huan, are you okay? I want to come in and take a look at you before I can rest assured."

  "I hastily said: 'I am still recovering from a cold and cannot come out to welcome you, nor can I accompany the Emperor. If the Emperor enters now, the Emperor's precious body, I will not be able to bear the blame. Please think of me, Your Majesty.'"

  He had no choice but to agree, compromising by saying: "Then Huanhuan, let me take a look at you, okay? Just take a look, if you're fine, I'll be at ease too."

  He braved the night frost and dew to come, showing some sincerity. However, I couldn't bear it, so I said with a straight face and gentle words: "Your Majesty has an early court session tomorrow, it's really not suitable to stay up late, your servant has already rested, getting up repeatedly will only make the illness linger and be unable to serve Your Majesty earlier, please forgive me."

  After such a series of evasions, Xuan Ling naturally couldn't say anything else and could only sulkily return.

  Li Zhu hurriedly said: "It's not easy for His Majesty to come, how can Miss not even let him see her face once?"

  I smiled and changed clothes, saying: "If he comes tomorrow, I still won't see him."

  On the second evening, I still sat alone under the eaves of Xuan Ling's palace, maintaining a proper distance from him. Occasionally, we would exchange a few words in jest. As expected, he came again that night, but I refused to see him, repeatedly advising him to go and rest with one of the other consorts instead. However, he was unwilling to leave and even became somewhat annoyed. The others were worried, fearing that I had changed my mind and would reject him at the door, or that Xuan Ling would punish me in a fit of anger. That night, Xuan Ling did not summon any other consorts, and after failing to see me, he left alone and slept in the Yi Yuan Palace.

  It wasn't until the third day that I finally agreed to meet him for a moment through the gap in the door. The candlelight was dim, and in fact, it was hard to see clearly, but he was overjoyed.

  On the fifth day, I stayed with Xuán Líng and had a cup of tea before sending off the guest.

  On the eighth day, play a tune and see off the guests.

  On the twelfth day, play a game of hand talk and see off the guests.

  I was reluctant to move back to the Yingxin Hall, and only stayed in the small Yingle Pavilion for a short while with Xuan Ling. But Xuan Ling didn't stay overnight at my place every night, yet under everyone's gossip and curiosity, his favor towards me grew thicker day by day.

  Note: (1) From "The Book of Songs - Meng", a poem about men's infidelity. This sentence is advising women not to indulge in the illusory love of men.