Chapter Seventy-One: Cold Moon

  After a frost, the air has a cold meaning, especially at dawn and dusk. A thin cotton-padded jacket can be worn now. One layer of autumn rain, one layer of coolness, it's really deep autumn.

  Such a bleak autumn, with intermittent rain, and the days quietly slipped away in this prolonged gloomy weather.

  On this day, after the rain had cleared up, the sun was only a faint and thin light, like withered yellow leaves, falling on people one by one. Mei Zhuang saw me avoiding the world like this, and often advised me a few words, but all I could respond with was silence. On this day, Mei Zhuang came to my palace, without saying a word, she got up, pulled my hand and left. Her footsteps were very fast, pulling me to hurry along on the stone path of Yong Lane, the wind blowing up the fluttering corners of our clothes, like a mischievous child's hands playing there.

  I didn't know where she was taking me, the road was long and we walked for a while without reaching her destination. I paid attention to the surrounding scenery, it seemed like I had seen it somewhere before, thinking carefully, I inadvertently took a cold breath. This road is the one that leads to Jin Leng Palace. Years ago, I ordered the death of the first woman who threatened my life in the palace. It was my first intentional murder, and as a result, I often dreamed of the scene where Yu Shi was strangled to death on many nights afterwards, leaving me with lingering fear.

  After a long walk, I finally arrived at the Cold Palace. As I pushed open the door, countless tiny dust particles flew towards me, dancing in the shallow golden sunlight. To my eyes, they seemed more like the accumulated resentment of countless women, bearing too much pain and curses, like an endless dark abyss that made one's heart tremble with fear. The sunlight here was stagnant, and under the broken eaves, the remaining rainwater dripped down, while in the air, there was a faint but lingering stench of decay and dampness.

  Those women who were once as beautiful as flowers, either cried out loud or curled up on the ground in a daze, half asleep and half awake, or jumped around laughing like madwomen. But most people cherished this long-lost sunlight and chose places close to the sun to enjoy this rare warmth.

  They were indifferent to my and Mei Zhuang's arrival, almost ignoring us. The old palace maids and eunuchs who took care of the Cold Palace had no intention of taking care of these women abandoned by the emperors of past dynasties, only periodically distributing some rotten food to them so that they could continue to survive, or when they were too noisy, waving sticks and whips to scold them into silence. The most they did was to drag the bodies of the women who had committed suicide due to unbearable torture to the outer city's pauper's cemetery for cremation with expressionless faces.

  Everyone was basking in the sun. I inadvertently turned my head, and in the dark corner without sunlight, only two women were left sitting and lying on a moldy and damp straw heap. The rain had been continuous for days, and the straws had already turned black and rotten. The two women's clothes were tattered and old, with messy hair and dirty faces. The woman who was sitting had a plate of fish bones in front of her that had not been licked clean, with flies buzzing around. In front of her stood a broken mirror with one corner missing, and she carefully applied powder to her face and neck with a small amount of loose powder, being extremely careful not to miss any spot, as if it were high-quality rouge. After applying the powder, she rummaged through the straw for a moment, and then took out a fine wooden stick that had been burned by fire, one end of which had turned into black charcoal, which was her treasure for drawing eyebrows.

  Meizhuang whispered in my ear, "Guess who she is?" Her sullied profile looked eerie and frightening with the heavy white powder makeup and the exceptionally prominent black eyebrows. I shook my head, really unable to recognize who she was.

  The woman carefully painted her eyebrows while muttering to herself: "That year, I was the most beautiful one in the selection, the emperor saw me at a glance and kept my token without hesitation. In the entire palace, I was only slightly inferior to Empress Huas beauty. At that time, the emperor really liked me..." She giggled: "The emperor favored me three times in one night and gave me the title of 'L', isn't it because I'm beautiful?" Her tone was happy and proud as she indulged in her memories, forgetting her current miserable situation. After finishing her makeup, she excitedly pushed the woman lying beside her and asked repeatedly: "Does my makeup look good?"

  The woman turned over impatiently, not even giving her a glance, and said with disgust: "Look, look! All day long, she's been muttering about those broken things, I've heard them so much that my ears are growing calluses." As she spoke, she didn't care if anyone was around, and shamelessly slowly unbuttoned her dirty and tattered skirt, revealing a pair of dry, sagging breasts covered in sweat stains. One hand lazily wandered over her body, scratching an itch, while the other quickly and accurately searched for lice on her clothes, popping them into her mouth with a "crunch" sound, revealing a satisfied expression. I felt a wave of nausea rise up in my chest, strongly wanting to vomit.

  The woman powdering her eyebrows didn't get angry at her sarcasm, and continued to do her makeup, saying: "As long as I look this good every day, the Emperor will eventually like me again." As she spoke, she lightly kicked the woman beside her with her toes: "Why don't you go sunbathe, your body smells of mildew."

  The woman lying down said roughly: "Bastard, the sun will ruin my skin. Why don't you go yourself?!"

  The lady who was drawing her eyebrows let out a "heh heh" laugh: "This palace's most beautiful 'Li Gui Bin' is me, how can I be exposed to the sun?" She gave a sly smile: "The emperor likes my skin being this white."

  I was shocked by what I heard, and it turned out to be Li Gui Bin! Turning around to look at Mei Zhuang, her face showed no expression at all, she just coldly observed from the side.

  Her smile was extremely lively, and as she laughed, the charcoal in her hand fell to my feet. She discovered that she had lost her beloved object, turned around to look for it, and suddenly saw me, stunned there for a moment. Her face was heavily powdered, snow-white like a ghost, and I couldn't see what expression was on her face. However, her eyes were mixed with fear, shock, and confusion. Hurriedly getting up, she knelt down at my feet, crying and shouting incoherently: "Young Master Yuanyi, it was me who was confused that day... No, I actually didn't know much, it was all Empress Hua's doing!" She begged desperately: "Yuanyi, please plead for mercy on my behalf to the Emperor, I'm willing to be a slave or an animal, serving Young Master, just don't want to stay in this ghostly place anymore."

  She also called me "Wenyi", Wenyi, how long ago was that? She has been imprisoned in the Cold Palace and isolated from the world, she doesn't know that I am no longer Wenyi. Just like I didn't know that she had fallen to such a state in the Cold Palace. Perhaps when she first entered the palace with great fanfare, she didn't know that she would end up in such a miserable state.

  The woman beside her was completely unmoved by her pleas and my presence, occasionally raising her head to glance at me before coldly lowering it again to savor her delicious food. Tears washed away the thick layer of powder on Rui Gui's face, revealing a network of wrinkles like gullies, exposing her aged and withered complexion. In fact, she was only four or five years older than me, twenty-one or two years old, an age when one is in their prime. Once, she had been the second most beautiful woman in the harem, next to Empress Hua, and had received the emperor's favor.

  Her pleading words were like a knife stabbing at my heart. I didn't want to listen anymore, nor did I want to look at her again, so I struggled free from Rui Gui Fei's grasp and ran out.

  The air outside the cold palace is a rare freshness at this moment, I forcibly suppressed the nausea that churned and bubbled in my stomach, as if waking up from a nightmare. This is another scene of the harem that I have never seen before. Such a scene makes me afraid and disgusted.

  Meizhuang chased me out and gently patted my back, saying softly: "Are you okay?"

  I nodded and said: "Sister brought me to the Cold Palace, wasn't it just to let me see Li Gui Bin?"

  She smiled slightly and said, "Have you noticed the woman beside Lady Lee?"

  I furrowed my brow and remained silent. Mei Zhuang knew I detested that disgusting thing, and said in a gentle voice, "She was the emperor's former concubine Fang."

  I'm not familiar with this name, and after the death of the previous emperor's empress, there were many imperial concubines. Pin is not a very high position. Even now in the palace, there are still four people: Du Tianpin, Liu Shenzhen, Wang Mupin, and Zhao Yunpin. Fangpin is really someone I don't know about.

  Meizhuang looked at me with a profound gaze, slowly saying: "Fang Bin entered the palace three years earlier than us, initially as a Cairen, then promoted to Fang Guiren and Liangdi. After being favored for half a year, she became pregnant and was promoted to Fang Pin, enjoying a period of glory. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage due to excessive grief, which led to her falling out with the Emperor. Later, she made some complaints and falsely accused Huafei of killing her unborn child, resulting in her being banished to the Cold Palace."

  I gazed at her and said softly: "Sister, are you afraid I'll follow in your footsteps?"

  "She may have really slandered the Empress, but no one knows. The Emperor believed she was slandering her. As the saying goes, 'three points of affection when meeting', Consort Fang is immersed in her own pain of losing a child and doesn't care about the Emperor, not even giving him a chance to explain himself. It's likely that even if it's unjust, it will still be unjust." Mei Zhuang finished speaking, her right hand suddenly pointing at the Cold Palace, the golden bangles on her wrist colliding with each other, making a crisp "clang" sound. Her tone was heavy with a few points of severity and sorrow, saying: "This is a lesson from the past! If you continue to sink into despair, their current situation will be your future outcome!"

  I remain silent, the cold wind whizzes past my ears, and the withered yellow leaves are rolled up in the dust by the wind. In front of the deserted palace, a few crows perch sparsely on the empty ground, silently pecking at their feathers, occasionally letting out a hoarse cry, which is truly desolate.

  I said in a low voice: "How did sister come to the Cold Palace and find Li Gui Bin and Fang Bin?"

  Mei Zhuang's expression turned cold, a flash of icy hatred flickering in her eyes: "As for Fang Pin's matter, I just happened to find out. As for Li Gui Pin - she was also involved in the incident where I was pushed into the water that day. Every time I see her, I will forever remember how Mu Rong's family wronged me. I must make Mu Rong's cheap woman taste the same kind of miserable life in the cold palace."

  Meizhuang's love and hate have always been clearer than mine.

  I gently brushed off the thin dust on her shoulder and said, "Since Miss has always known what she wants, if she sets her heart on it, she will surely get it." I paused for a moment, looking at Mei Zhuang, "Excuse me for speaking out of turn, but now that the Emperor is treating you with such indifference - isn't it also because you yourself don't want this favor?"

  Her eyebrows were sternly raised as she turned around: "The only thing on my mind is how to kill that despicable person. The emperor's favor is important, but it's not reliable, can I rely on him to avenge me?"

  I remained silent for a moment, stretched out my hand and said: "It's getting cold, sister, let's go back first."

  Perhaps with a startling matter in mind, the farther we walked, the slower it became. Mei Zhuang's words ended there, without saying another sentence. It was just that all along the way, she tightly held my hand, warming my icy hands in contemplation with the temperature of her palms.

  Arriving at the side gate of Shanglin Garden, Mei Zhuang said: "I'll head back to the palace first, you... think carefully about it."

  I nodded and took a shortcut through the Yong Lane to my own palace. The endless corridor winds of Yong Lane were especially biting in autumn and winter, and on both sides, there were paths leading everywhere, with wind coming from all directions, blowing the soft fur trim on my cloak against my face, vaguely blocking my line of sight.

  A person suddenly appeared from the side, and I couldn't dodge in time. I bumped into that person head-on. All I heard was a "ouch" sound, and when I looked up, it was none other than Lu Zhao Yi, the main concubine of Tian E Palace.

  Lu Zhaoyi was originally a concubine who entered the palace at the beginning of Emperor Xuanling's reign. Although her rank was only one level higher than mine, she was the first among the nine consorts and had far more experience in the palace than I did. When I bumped into her, I quickly stood aside to pay my respects and apologize. Lu Zhaoyi had been out of favor for many years and had always kept a low profile in the palace, avoiding trouble whenever possible. However, when she saw that it was me who had bumped into her, her expression suddenly changed, and she revealed a hint of anger and sternness.

  I knew it was no good, and I didn't want to stir up trouble at this time, so I became even more humble and courteous. But Lu Zhaoyi's anger did not subside, saying: "Guan Guifei walks without rules, hasn't seen the emperor for several months, has she forgotten all the etiquette in the palace?!"

  I hastily said: "It's my fault, I bumped into Sister Lu."

  A soft, coquettish laugh burst out beside me, and I knew without thinking that it was Qin Fangyi. Qin Fangyi was a distant cousin of Lu Zhao's, but she had a narrow mind and would certainly consider the argument outside the Empress Dowager's palace last time as an unforgivable offense. Now that she was here, she would surely seize the opportunity to take revenge on me, and today's matter was going to be troublesome.

  As expected, Qin Fangyi made a half bow, covering her mouth and laughing softly, drawing out the tone: "Who is the concubine? It turns out it's the emperor's former favorite, Noble Concubine. No wonder, no wonder, noble people often walk sideways."

  She deliberately said the two words "in the past" with a sarcastic tone, mocking my current loss of favor. This time I accidentally bumped into her and had to swallow my pride and say: "Please forgive me, Sister Lu."

  Lu Zhao Yi had not yet spoken, but Qin Fang Yi pretended to be surprised and looked me up and down, saying: "Oh! Noble Concubine, who is this sister you're calling? Eldest Sister Zhao Yi only has one younger sister, a concubine. When did you join in on the fun?" I felt a surge of anger in my heart, even though I was down on my luck today, why did she have to be so overbearing and try to provoke me repeatedly? In the past when I was favored, I had never looked down on her, but now that I've lost favor, she keeps coming at me. However, with Lu Zhao Yi present, I suppressed the anger in my heart.

  Qin Fangyi saw that I wasn't speaking, and became even more pleased with herself. She said: "Isn't the noble Consort usually very particular about etiquette and respect for one's superiors? Why is it that when she sees her sister-in-law, the Consort, she doesn't address her as 'Your Ladyship', nor does she refer to herself as 'Concubine'?"

  I slightly raised my eyes, and met her smiling face with a sense of pride. Lu Zhao Yi just lowered her head and didn't say a word. After all, the three of us were women who had lost imperial favor, and as fellow outcasts, why must we make things difficult for each other?

  Qin Fangyi wouldn't have thought of this, but today she has her cousin backing her up, and I was the one who was in the wrong first, so naturally she would consider it a rare opportunity that she wouldn't let go of easily.

  I then bowed and apologized, saying only to Lu Zhaoyi: "Concubine has been rude, please forgive me, Your Highness."

  Lu Zhaoyi nodded slightly as a sign of forgiveness and said, "Alright, you can go."

  I was about to get up when Qin Fangyi hastily said: "Elder sister, she was in the wrong first, why did you let her leave like that?"

  Lu Zhaoyi was slightly surprised and looked at Qin Fangyi, saying: "Forget it, this palace doesn't have the energy to stand in the cold wind and deal with her. Letting her go is fine."

  Qin Fangyi hastily said, "Elder sister is confused! Now that Consort Murong is no longer favored by the Emperor, Consort Jing is mediocre, and Consort Duan is a mere medicine jar. Among the three consorts, it's you who should be respected next. If elder sister doesn't take out the Nine Concubines' style to awe the crowd now, in the future, who will remember that you are this Noble Lady? She smiled slightly and leaned closer to Lu Zhaoyi: "In the past, the Emperor liked Consort Murong's majestic and powerful demeanor, perhaps elder sister can win his favor again by establishing her authority." She added with a hint of resentment: "Elder sister, when she was favored, the Emperor neglected us quite a bit!"

  Lu Zhaoyi was visibly moved, a hint of joy flashed across her face, and in an instant she turned cold and angry, saying: "Sister-in-law is indeed clever."

  I smiled bitterly upon hearing this, Xuan Ling's fondness for Murong Fei wasn't necessarily due to her resolute nature. Lu Zhao Yi didn't have Murong Fei's noble birth or beauty, yet she wanted to emulate Murong Fei's actions, truly foolish and laughable to the extreme.

  Lu Zhaoyi's expression turned stern, and in an instant, she said coldly: "You'd better kneel here in the wind for me to reflect on your actions." She turned her head and called out to a palace maid: "Yan'er, keep an eye on her and don't let her get up until half a quarter of an hour has passed."

  Half a time! Another half-time kneeling! My annoyance and hatred surged up in my heart, did she really think of herself as the Lady Huahua of that day?

  Lu Zhaoyi left with a swish, Qin Fangyi followed two steps behind and turned her head to say: "Noble Concubine, you are not pregnant now, it won't harm your body to kneel, it's no big deal." Her words were like thorns piercing my heart, suddenly recalling the unbearable pain of that day in Miao Xiu Palace, my expression froze. Qin Fangyi smiled charmingly and did something that shocked and infuriated me - she lightly opened her cherry-red lips and spat a mouthful of saliva onto my face with a "plop".

  What a great humiliation! I instantly closed my eyes tightly, and quickly turned my face away, but couldn't avoid her deliberate insult of spitting in my face. The saliva landed on the side of my ear. She laughed happily, laughing with pride and recklessness, saying: "Don't be angry, Concubine, this concubine is teaching you under the orders of Consort Shao, please accept this little gift."

  I turned my face coldly and stared at her smiling face. Even when I was facing Rui Gui Bin, I didn't feel such hatred. She was intimidated by my gaze, couldn't help but be a little afraid, stuttered for a moment, then snickered and bowed down to say: "Your Majesty, don't glare at me! Do you still think you're the past's Rui Gui Bin?"

  She walked away with a smile, and the sound of her laughter was particularly jarring in the desolate alley where the wind howled. The warmth of her saliva quickly turned icy and dry in the cold wind, and the sensation of moisture slowly dripping down and being blown dry made the skin on the side of her ear feel numb and stiff. Occasionally, a few lower-ranking palace servants would pass by, casting her cold, curious, and disdainful glances.

  The palace maid, Yan'er, who was guarding me, looked uneasy and whispered: "Your Highness, why don't you get up? I won't tell anyone." I shook my head, not even using my hand to wipe away the saliva on my ear, but remained kneeling in the wind, maintaining a straight posture, with an almost cruel calmness in my mind.

  Yes, I am a woman without children and without a husband to dote on me. I am the woman of this deep palace, a woman who has already lost the king's favor. I have nothing, the only thing I have is the hot air in my mouth and my brain, there is nothing else to rely on. Everyone is in danger, everyone is insecure, everyone is flattering and fawning.

  Because I didn't have the king's favor, because I sought a girlhood dream of love on the king, because my heart was still weak and not guarded enough, because I was naive and childish. So I couldn't avenge myself for my children and sisters; so I was suppressed, even humiliated by women who were lower in status than me; so my situation is only a few steps away from the Cold Palace.

  That's enough, it's already sufficient. I cannot be trampled to the bottom of the dust; the scene in the cold palace makes me shocked and frightened; while Fang Bin's desolate and miserable situation even more cannot become my future.

  My gaze slowly shifted, fixed on the distant palace of Empress Muyu. She was still alive, living well, and who knows when she would rise again to regain favor. My child, cannot die in vain. The Cold Palace, also cannot be where I, Zhen Huan, will grow old and die. Even if I am to die, I must see the person I despise die before me, as an offering to my innocent deceased child and sister.

  Half a time has passed, insisting on standing up with sore legs, tidying up clothes and dressing properly. Yan'er supported me, whispering apologetically: "Your Majesty suffered, our Your Majesty is not usually like this."

  I remained calm and looked at this palace maid, who was actually about my age, and smiled faintly: "You will get a good reward for your kindness now." She didn't understand, her face only showed a simple unease and awkwardness.

  I left alone.

  My sorrow and depression have been enough. The Zhen Huan who knelt down to Lu Shi Yi is already dead, the one standing up is another Zhen Huan.

  I will no longer cry for the misfortune of men, nor will I be troubled by the romantic love in a girl's dreams. Even more so, I won't tolerate those she hates without speaking out. A person like me is more suited to living in a cold and ruthless harem.

  I didn't wipe away the saliva on my ear, let it stay. Let me remember this moment of humiliation, one day, they will pay a heavy price for the pleasure of humiliating me.

  Returning to the palace, I ordered Shi Qi to move out of the main hall of Tongli Palace and temporarily reside in the adjacent Yinquan Pavilion after it had been cleaned up.

  "Drinking in the Green Pavilion is a small and narrow place, besides it's also cool and shady. It's best to enjoy the coolness on summer days, I'm afraid it's not quite suitable to move in at this time."

  I gently wiped each string of the "Changxiangsi" with a soft cotton cloth, and smiled slightly: "I was originally an inopportune person." Huanbi was speechless, and didn't dare to persuade further.

  A few days later, I ordered Xiaoyanzi and Xiao Lianzi to help me catch this butterfly that was already very rare at this time. They were a little surprised by my strange decision and said, "Butterflies are not things of autumn."

  I lean in front of the dressing table, carefully drawing the distant mountain eyebrow shape. Nowadays, I can no longer afford to use expensive eyebrow products like spiral eyebrow pencil. The distant mountain eyebrow was painted by Xuan Ling for me last year, what a deep affection it holds. Actually, I don't particularly like it, my eyebrows are more suitable for willow leaf eyebrows. But now, I draw each stroke with utmost care and precision. Is it still relying on his doting love? I mock myself. Without love, I would need a lot of pampering, enough to survive well in this harem.

  Lazi threw the eyebrow pencil and said to them without looking back, "Butterfly, isn't it also not suitable for nowadays? But I must have it, and it must be pretty enough." They won't go against my idea, even if my idea seems so stubborn and unreasonable.

  I'll just give a faint smile and let this out-of-place person play an out-of-place role.

  Looking back, outside the vermilion balustrade and jade railing. In the sky, a crescent moon like a hook.