Volume 3 Chapter 21: Unaware of the Elapsed Time, His Bones Were Rotten

  My patience is being consumed by the expectation of the child who is about to be born, and I even feel a hint of relief that this loss of favor has allowed me to avoid the complicated disputes that come with being pregnant, giving me a temporary peace.

  On the Double Ninth Festival, the palace ladies would normally pay their respects to the empress dowager and other elder consorts. As I was in confinement, I couldn't attend, so I prepared some rice cakes and chrysanthemum wine, and also made a sachet filled with pomelo peel, all tied up with red silk ribbons, covered with mulberry leaves and elm leaves, making it a three-colored gift. I handed it over to Fang Ruo, asking her to present it to the empress dowager on my behalf, congratulating her on the joy of autumn scenery.

  In the evening, Empress Dowager sent my cousin's wife to visit me. She comforted me with a few words and said: "Your Highness is pregnant now, and it's really hard on you. If there's anything inconvenient, please call Fangruo to tell me, I'll do my best for Your Highness."

  I humbly said: "Nothing much. It's just that today is the Double Ninth Festival, and I know my brothers are climbing high places, inserting osmanthus everywhere, but one person is missing from our palace, so I'm a bit homesick."

  Sun's expression stiffened, then she smiled warmly: "According to the palace rules, when the young mistress is eight months pregnant, her relatives can enter the palace to accompany her during childbirth. Calculating the days, it seems that the young mistress has also been seven months pregnant, and I will remember to remind the inner affairs department to arrange for the young mistress's mother, Pingchang County Madame, and sister, Xinping County Madame, to enter the palace." With this, my heart felt comforted, and I knew that my family members had not been implicated because of my loss of favor, and I also gained hope.

  By the end of September, I was eagerly waiting for news that my mother and sister could enter the palace to accompany me, but the Imperial Household Department had been silent. I couldn't help but feel anxious, so I asked Fang Ruo, but she just hemmed and hawed, and the Imperial Household Department also evaded giving a clear answer. At this time, Li Chang came to deliver a message, saying that the weather was getting cold recently, and asking me not to go out for walks anymore to avoid catching a chill. The guards at Tongli Palace were also becoming increasingly strict. Although I didn't know what had happened, I felt that something was amiss. Having no other choice, I took the opportunity to stop one of the junior eunuchs from the Imperial Household Department who came to deliver things and asked him.

  That little maid is obviously new, her face looks unfamiliar. I was sitting opposite to Huanbi, sewing a small quilt for the baby after birth, with a pattern of bat-shaped flowers, very auspicious.

  That little eunuch knelt on the ground, and I asked in a gentle tone: "What's your name? Why haven't I seen you before?"

  He knocked his head, somewhat timidly: "Your humble servant Xiaogui is newly arrived. Originally, today was supposed to be Huang Dage's turn, but he suddenly had a stomachache, so I replaced him to bring the materials for the empress's large fur coat."

  The maid saw the look in my eyes, hastily helped him up, and with a smile said: "You've worked hard, these few pieces of silver are from our mistress as a reward for you to go have some tea."

  Xiao Guizi was overjoyed and hastily knocked his head to thank me. I smiled and said, "This is nothing, wait until the day when my family members enter the palace, I will reward you handsomely then."

  He looked puzzled and raised his head, saying: "Thank you, Your Majesty. However, I haven't heard the officials mention which family's madam is going to enter the palace recently. If someone from your family comes, I will definitely inform you early."

  I was even more perplexed and worried, but I didn't show it on my face. With a smile all over my face, I said: "Alright. Where did you work before?"

  "He said: 'I was also in the Imperial Household Department, but I used to be outside serving tea and water to the gate guards, not inside doing chores.'"

  I was secretly delighted, the guards at the palace gate were the most likely to hear news, so I worried: "My maiden name is Zeng, it's not a prominent family, I'm afraid I won't be able to enter the palace to visit me, unlike the ladies of the Zhen household who can often enter."

  Xiao Guizi blinked his eyes and said, "I don't know where Mr. Zeng is superior, but he must be safe and wealthy. However, the Zhen Mansion was prosperous in the past, but it's not possible now. Two days ago, when I entered the mansion, I heard that the Minister of War, Zhen Gong, had been imprisoned. My heart skipped a beat, and my face changed greatly, but he continued to chat: "It's not just that, even the Commander-in-Chief of the Feathered Forest Army and the Academician of the Hanlin Academy have fallen, and Zhen Lao Da Ren's Minister of Personnel has also been dismissed. At his age, he was banned from leaving home, and even the imperial titles of honor for the ladies were abolished, implicating his relative, Minister Xue."

  My voice trembled slightly as I forced myself to say: "How could it be like this, didn't the Zhennan Marquis make great contributions during the Pingyunan King's time?"

  He still didn't realize, and smiled: "Your Majesty doesn't know, having achieved great merit also committed a great crime. In the past, wasn't it an existing example that Empress Hua's family of Murong and King Runan were? Official Zhen was reported by someone."

  Before I could even speak, Bai Ze's face had turned white and her lips were trembling slightly as she hastily asked: "Who reported it?"

  Xiao Guizi saw her like this and was so scared that he didn't dare to speak again. Fen Bi couldn't bear it, and in a hurry, she grasped his arm and shouted: "Speak quickly!"

  Xiao Gui could not argue further and had to say: "Deputy Commander of the Feathered Forest Army, General Guan."

  "Rubbish! Isn't Master Guan supposed to be marrying the second Miss Zhen? Why would he want to go and accuse Master Zhen?"

  Xiao Guizi said with a "hey": "As for officialdom, how would I know the details? But this matter has been known to everyone half a month ago, I'm not talking nonsense!"

  Half a month? I'm the only one who was kept in the dark.

  The maid was about to ask again, when the young master found an excuse and hastily escaped. I sat down in a daze, the needle in my hand piercing straight into my finger. The maid cried out "Aiya!" and quickly took out a white cloth to wrap it up, tears falling: "Miss, what's to be done now?"

  "I bit back tears and said: 'Alright... alright...' Before I could even finish speaking, a sharp pain suddenly struck my abdomen, making it hard for me to speak. I forced myself to calm down and said: 'Go invite Dr. Wen...'"

  Wen Shi initially served me the An Tai Ning Shen medicine, and then covered me with a quilt. "May I ask, Lord Wen, is Her Ladyship all right?"

  Wen Shi's eyebrows slightly furrowed as she said, "It's nothing major, I just have a few questions to ask Your Majesty."

  I still have a faint pain in my abdomen, and I nodded with difficulty: "The palace also has something to ask Lord Wen."

  The empress hastily covered herself and went out, I saw the bright eyes of the concubine, knowing that she was also worried, so I kept her too. Wen Shi Chu said with half blame and half concern: "Your Majesty, why are you so anxious and painful, to the point of moving the fetal energy?"

  I half-supported myself, staring straight at him and said: "Today someone told me about the affairs of my maiden home. Since you can come out of the palace every day, I suppose you are quite clear about it."

  "He hastily said: 'Does the princess know everything? Who is so bold!'"

  I couldn't help but laugh, "It seems that everyone already knows. Even if I didn't ask, there would naturally be people who would find ways to make sure I knew."

  "He said: 'One is the emperor's entrustment, and the second is that I must consider whether Her Majesty can bear it.'"

  I forced a pale smile: "So now I already know, how much longer do you want to hide?"

  He clamped his mouth shut, and I just looked at him calmly. My expression was calm, but my heart was like a stormy sea, I wished he would tell me that everything was fake, that everyone in the house was fine, safe and happy. But he said: "The Zhen manor has been completely destroyed." My teeth chattered, he looked at my expression, wanting to speak but stopping himself.

  "I implored desperately: 'I'm fine, you speak.'"

  He continued: "A family with no noble titles, the master and the young madam were both thrown into prison, while the elderly master and mistress were also implicated and confined at home, their situation was similar to that of the princess."

  "Is this the usual treatment?" I burst into tears. "I am pregnant and yet I receive such treatment, did my parents have such treatment?" He was speechless, I asked again: "And what about Zhi Ning, he is only one year old, who is taking care of him?"

  He was worried and helpless: "The young master is also in prison with his mother." My heart ached, Ning was still an infant, how could he bear such suffering. He told me the whole story, "Guan Lu reported to Lord Zhen that during the Pingjunan Wang's rebellion, he was indecisive and after the rebellion was put down, he repeatedly boasted of his achievements, intending to form a clique with Lords Xue, Guan and Luo."

  "Are you playing both sides?" I exclaimed in shock and surprise, "How could you say such a thing?"

  "Does the princess still remember a lady named Jia Yi? She is the witness. She said that although the princess had a grudge against Empress Hua, Lord Zhen had deliberately gotten close to King of Runan in order to wait and see."

  I was furious: "Isn't this 'making something out of nothing'? Does Your Majesty also believe it?"

  "Your Excellency, the incident with Miss Jia Yi on that day caused a stir throughout the city. Now that she has come forward as evidence, it's hard for people not to believe it." He hesitated for a moment before continuing: "Watching and waiting is a minor matter. After the Yu Nan Wang incident, the Emperor was quite wary of these meritorious officials and didn't let them off easily. Only Zhen Your Excellency was highly valued, but there were such rumors... The Yu Nan Wang incident wasn't long ago, so the Emperor was very concerned. What's more, Guan Your Excellency and Zhen Your Excellency have been friends for a long time, almost becoming in-laws, and are also colleagues..." He didn't continue speaking, but I knew that Xuan Ling had already believed it.

  He was already suspicious, and on that day in the Shuiqing Nanxun Hall, he suspected me and Xu Qing because of a single sentence from Cao Qin. After the Yu Nan Wang incident, he also did not particularly reuse the meritorious officials who had pacified Yu Nan Wang, nor did he intentionally favor the daughters of the meritorious officials who entered the palace, all in order to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past with Empress Hua. Guan Lu's accusations hit his taboos one by one, and there were also witnesses, how could he not believe it?

  Jia Yi, I originally only instructed my sister and brother to pretend to be infatuated with the fireworks, just to make the King of Nan think lightly of my brother and relax his guard. However, I never arranged for him to choose a specific woman. Jia Yi, I have never seen you before, but I know that you resemble Ling Rong, and I also know that my brother has made arrangements for your future. As for the twists and turns in between, I am not aware of them since I am in the palace. Could it be... that you are also someone who was arranged to do this?

  My heart suddenly turned icy and crystal clear, the mantis catching the cicada, the yellow sparrow behind. We were born to be someone else's mantis for once! It wasn't just me, my brother, even the entire Zhen family was calculated into it!

  So quickly, everything was turned upside down, my loss of favor, the decline of our family.

  "Your Ladyship may be all right, after all, you haven't been implicated, but please don't let your emotions get the better of you. Rui Bin's young master was proud and aloof, extremely out of the ordinary, for the sake of his father, Lord Luo, being wrongly imprisoned, he hanged himself to prove his innocence."

  I was startled, actually I had little contact with Rui, she always held herself high, not deigning to compete with others or get along with people, and was indifferent to everyone, just like a narcissus, naturally elegant. Although I didn't have the chance to get close to her, I admired her.

  However... Wen Shi's expression was filled with concern and regret, "The Emperor was originally very moved, but it was said that on that day, An Fen was by his side, and when he heard the news of Rui Bin's death, he cried out in shock. It seemed as though he thought Rui Bin had used her death to coerce the Emperor, which only served to confirm her guilt."

  How cruel! I am almost grinding my teeth, Ru Huan and she had no grudges at all, how could it be like this!

  After Wen Shi left, I remained silent for a long time. Fen Bi sat beside me with a sorrowful expression, quietly sobbing.

  "What's the use of crying?"

  Miss, that young noble said he had just arrived at the Imperial Household Department not long ago, and didn't know Miss's maiden name was Zhen, but we casually gave him the surname Zeng and he believed it. How did his official position become so clear?

  I hummed softly, clenching the quilt and said: "You also believe that he is a newcomer. Since the emperor attaches so much importance to our palace, how can the Ministry of Internal Affairs send a small eunuch who knows nothing? It's clear that someone wants to use his mouth to tell us something. If my will was a bit weaker, this child might not be able to keep it."

  "All the resentment and venom surged up in her heart at once, she only felt extremely bitter, and after a long time, she finally spat out a sentence: 'They're so vicious!'"

  I sat up with difficulty, took out the yellow paper from the drawer, and before I even picked up my pen, the grievances in my chest were unbearable, and the tears in my eyes had already moistened the paper. With tears and also with sorrow and indignation, I finished writing the letter, sealed it, and turned to Fen Bi: "Wait for Fang Ruo to come and replace me, ask her to present it to the Emperor." Thinking about it, things are not like they were before, Xuan Ling may not even bother to look at it. Sighing softly, I placed the token of our entwined hearts that he had given me on top of the letter, "Remind Fang Ruo, she must deliver it."

  The maid understood the importance and solemnly said: "I know what is important."

  In such a state of anxious waiting, I watch the golden crow sink to the ground, the colorful clouds spread across the sky, and the night wind illuminates the stars. My stomach is burning with intense pain, as if I had drunk too much wine when I was thirsty. The safety and life or death of my parents and siblings depend on whether Xuan Ling will see me or not.

  The sedan chair stopped outside the palace gate under the willow branches in the moonlight. Li Chang came personally and said respectfully, "Your Majesty, the Emperor requests your presence at the Yiyuan Hall."

  I was taken aback for a moment, and then I said: "Your Majesty, please wait a little while. I will go after I change my clothes."

  However, when facing the mirror, I was shocked to find that my cheeks were sunken and pale, with prominent collarbones hidden under a sky-blue embroidered long dress, making me feel cold. After all, I had lost weight, but only my legs were swollen, leaving only haggardness without any elegance or beauty.

  My heart is desolate, and Xuan Ling has always praised my beauty. Seeing me like this, he must also be disgusted. I lightly apply rouge, but the rouge seems to float on my face, not a bit genuine. I hold half a box of rouge in my hand, feeling bewildered. No matter how beautiful, in his eyes, I am just a stranger's shadow. Forget it, forget it, why force a bit of beauty out? Being haggard is more suitable for moving hearts in this situation.

  She then put on a deep purple outer garment, used rhinoceros horn hairpins and gold hairpins to hold up her hair, hastily held onto the hand of Xi Zao and got into the sedan chair.

  Yi Yuandian hadn't been here for a long time, Li Changyin led me into the western chamber and whispered: "An Fenyi just left, the Emperor is waiting for Your Majesty alone in there."

  I smoothed my clothes, and Fang Ruo helped me in. As soon as I entered, she retreated. Xuan Ling had his back to me, seemingly engrossed in something, and upon hearing me enter, he didn't even turn around. I bowed with difficulty and said, "Your Majesty is safe."

  After a moment of awkward silence, he turned around and supported me with his hand, saying in a low voice: "Since you're not feeling well, there's no need to bow." I thanked him, and then he asked: "Fang Ruo said that after you became pregnant, you had many dreams. Are you sleeping soundly now?"

  I asked: "Your Majesty has seen that I, your subject, have had many dreams at night and am not at peace?" He was stunned for a moment, and I continued: "So, based solely on Fang Ruo's words, Your Majesty believes that I am sleeping restlessly, without even asking the imperial physician whether he prescribed Anshen San for me to take or what I dreamed about?"

  He slightly lowered his tone and said: "What do you want to say?"

  I calmly and slowly said: "Your servant only wants to say that one should not make judgments based on hearing just one side of the story."

  He just asked: "Did you sleep well?"

  I could only say: "The first few months were indeed difficult to get used to, but now it's slightly better."

  He smiled indifferently: "So Fang Ruo's words are not in vain."

  I shook my head and said, "Your Majesty, Fang Ruo's aunt didn't mean to deceive you, but the officials in the court are struggling for power and not everyone can be frank and selfless!"

  He made me sit down and said soothingly: "You have gone to great lengths to see me, but you don't ask if I'm well or not, is that all you have to say?"

  Is he okay? I calmly raised my eyes, since my self-imposed exile, I hadn't seen him again. Now that I've suddenly seen him, it's only because the fate of my family hangs in his hands, and this awkward and embarrassing situation makes me feel uneasy. In my heart, how could I still care about whether he's okay or not? Looking at him now, he's just like before, except for a hint of coldness in his eyes that makes him seem even more distant. After all these days, I only felt dazed and confused, as if I didn't want to think about it anymore. But seeing him again still stirred up my emotions. All I know is that being close or far away isn't right, and tears fell silently.

  He looked at me with a warmer expression, coughed and sighed, "Do you know that you were wrong to be so disrespectful to the Empress Yuan on that day?"

  This sentence suddenly stirred up the pain and humiliation in my heart, and I couldn't help but force myself to hold back, saying: "If your concubine says it's unintentional, will Your Majesty believe it?"

  His tone turned stiff, "Wrong is wrong, whether unintentional or intentional."

  I was taken aback, my heart felt like it had been grasped tightly, the pain was unbearable, but I stopped crying and smiled with tears in my eyes: "You're right, it's indeed my fault." I knelt down, "I have offended the late Empress, my crime is deep, I am willing to be confined for life and ashamed to show my face. But please, Your Majesty, re-examine my brother's case, do not let one person die unjustly." I raised my head sorrowfully, "Your Majesty, also please consider that Rui Bin has already passed away."

  He stared at me, "You just said that one-sided words can't be trusted, and I may not fully believe what Guan Lu says, but who is Jia Yi? Isn't she the one you arranged for your brother? Now she's also speaking out against you. And your brother indeed has a close relationship with Xue and Luo, and Rui Bin even repeatedly pleaded with me on your behalf to lift your house arrest. As far as I know, she had no dealings with you in the palace, so why would she need to help you unless she was entrusted by her father?"

  I don't know why Rui Jun wants to help me, is it just because of a casual conversation with her at Tai Ye Chi a long time ago? I'm really speechless, and as for Jia Yi, I have too many doubts.

  Xuan Ling's words sounded coldly in his ear: "It's really not unjust for your brother!"

  I struggled to say: "Even so, sister is just a woman, and she was in Ning's swaddling clothes..." I choked with sobs: "My brother had no merit for the country, and external affairs are mysterious and cannot be debated. But my brother's loyalty to the emperor, does the emperor not have any consideration for it?!"

  His gaze was somewhat skeptical, falling on a scroll: "The King of Qinghe has never been too inquisitive about government affairs, and also for your brother's memorial to advise me..." My heart went "thud", could it be that Emperor Xuan Ling suspected my brother of having some connection with the King of Qinghe? He continued: "Governor Zhen Yuan is old, I can show leniency, but your brother's mistake is not a small crime that can be easily forgiven." He also showed some reluctance, "Your sister-in-law and nephew were released by me this morning, but as for Heaven's will, even I do not know."

  He said this in a roundabout way, and I was shocked: "Why did Your Majesty say that?!"

  "He sighed and said, 'Your sister-in-law and nephew have contracted malaria in prison. An Fenyi has repeatedly begged for mercy, even offering to let the doctor who serves me go treat them. I have already sent him.'"

  My tongue trembles with fear, the prison is damp and cold, but how can I easily get malaria in October, this is a life-threatening disease! Moreover, it was the imperial physician who came to diagnose and treat me, I am not at ease. I cried out in sorrow: "Your Majesty!——"

  He patted my shoulder and said, "With the imperial physician here, we will do our best to treat the mother and child." He paused for a moment, "But your brother has formed a clique for personal gain. I have already issued an edict, sending him to the military garrison in Lingnan. Your father has been demoted to the position of Governor of Jiangzhou and exiled to Chuanbei, which is also a token of my appreciation for his lifelong hard work."

  The Lingnan and Chuannan are far apart, with the former having many miasma and the latter being treacherous. Both are places of precipitous mountains and evil waters. How can Father, at his age, endure this? My heart is filled with sorrow, pain, and regret, to the point where I am at a loss for words. There's a slight cramp in my abdomen, like a snake writhing its way up. And as for Yurou and Yu'e, who have been pampered since childhood, how can they bear this suffering of wandering about?

  I'm filled with bitter resentment, the grievances at the tip of my tongue can no longer be endured. I look up and glare at him: "Your Majesty! Is it really ironclad evidence or is Your Majesty still harboring a grudge against others due to the matter of the King of Yunnan?"

  He was furious, his tone severe and cold as if without temperature: "Do you know what you're talking about?!" His hand swung with anger and accidentally touched the bookshelf beside him, a red letter from Xue Tao floated down from the pile of books and landed on my face. I was kneeling, about to brush it away with my hand, but when I glanced at the letter, I suddenly froze in place, my whole body as cold as if lying on ice.

  All the truth, originally just some fragmented and clear words, when these words truly fell on this piece of paper, although already known, the heart that had turned gray was once again seared with pain.

  I stared blankly, and that crimson letter from Xue Tao was actually going to make me bleed. The pulse quickened, pounding against my heart, it felt like something was about to erupt in my chest, my heart sank into the icy lake of December, the chill made my hands tremble uncontrollably, I couldn't hold back, shaking like dry leaves in autumn wind. A voice inside me screamed: No! Not her! Wanwan! It's actually Wanwan! Wrong, all wrong, from start to finish, everything was wrong!

  "I dedicate this to my beloved wife, remembering the sorrow of her departure, only I remain, suffering in this body. Often my soul is tied up, and my thoughts are difficult to forget. Cherishing the memories of our past joys and sorrows, my heart is filled with grief, and I wrote 'Lamenting Sorrow' to mourn and remember. May your fragrant spirit have a soul, remembering my sorrow, able to often enter my dreams to comfort our longing. Even if I were to obtain another beauty, she would be like you, temporarily dispelling my sad thoughts, but also 'removing the mist from Mount Wu is not cloud'."

  "Why is it that the universe began with Qian and Kun? Why did poetry begin with Guan and Ju? Only because of the beginning of human relationships, which are in harmony with heaven. Painful is the eternal farewell, separated by yin and yang without knowing each other... The shadow and form are hard to part with, dwelling in a state of confusion as if something has been lost. Facing the beauty of the past, thinking of the fragrance of the original form, looking back at the harmony and respect, pitying the weak substance... Looking towards Xiangpu, what is the first thing that comes? Seeking the North Sea, lacking spiritual techniques... Alas! Displaying old objects to recall the beginning. Also, there are times when it temporarily stops, then touches the thread and sighs. Believing that human life is like a dream, understanding that all things are empty. Alas! The most sorrowful thing is being separated from life, losing one's inner position, who can follow me? Entering the elegant chamber, feeling desolate, spreading out the phoenix canopy, emptily hanging down. Spring wind and autumn moon have all been exhausted here, summer days and winter nights, when will they come again?"

  Xuan Ling's handwriting has always been familiar, but towards the end, his strokes gradually weakened, becoming disjointed and intermittent, with tears staining the paper, causing the ink to blur into small clusters like blooming black plums. It can be seen that he was heartbroken and in pain when writing this.

  Apart from the Wu Mountain, it's not Yun. What a great phrase - apart from the Wu Mountain, it's not Yun. It turned out to be her, it was actually her, all my favors and love were originally for her, for a "Guan Guan Ji Qing". My soul is tied to hers, my soul is tied to hers, in the dream, one by one, the affectionate words are calling out, all of which are her - the deceased Empress Zhu Rou of the Yuan Dynasty.

  So what am I after all?!

  His hands relaxed, and the letter flew out like it was weightless, landing silently on the golden brocade. It seemed as if all his energy had been drained away, thread by thread, and he slumped down weakly. Outside the window, autumn insects buzzed incessantly, a red maple tree swayed gently in front of the window, its deep crimson color piercing my eyes like they were about to go blind with pain.

  My heart is filled with unspoken emotions, and the turmoil in my belly grows more painful by the minute. It's as if my child too understands my distress as a mother and sympathizes with my injustice.

  Xuan Ling picked up the Xue Tao letter on the ground with a mixture of emotions, his eyes suddenly calm and peaceful, like a serene autumn lake. His gaze didn't fall on me at all, but was lost in thought, as if immersed in a distant beautiful memory. He said, "You know?"

  I am speechless, what else can be said?

  Xuan Ling half sighed: "Actually being able to be a bit like Wan Wan is also your good fortune."

  I almost laughed out loud, was it? Is it my blessing or my misfortune! I just feel that with this one face, both heart and intestines are completely cold. All emotions have been severed. He is so strange, so distant. It's not just Xu Ling who is wrong, I am also wrong. So many years of time and love have all been wrongly invested in the person in front of me.

  The door creaked open, and a petite figure flitted in. Seeing me there, she hastily retreated. I had almost forgotten that this study, apart from me, was also accessible to Ling Rong.

  Her face was radiant and youthful, with a rosy complexion like the gentle glow of dawn. For an instant, it reflected my sorrow and weariness, making it unbearable to behold. Xuan Ling stopped her and asked, "What's wrong?"

  She looked at me weakly, wanting to speak but hesitating. Xuan Ling couldn't bear this kind of expression and urged her twice before she stammered: "Just now, the imperial physician came back to report that Lady Zhen and the young master's malaria is severe and they can't be saved." Before she finished speaking, tears had already moistened her face, evoking sympathy.

  Ling Rong said as she came to support me, her voice full of concern, "Sister, now that you're pregnant, don't get too upset and harm the baby."

  I knew it wasn't that simple, the beautiful face of the lotus flower seemed to be distorted in her tearful eyes, only terrifying. She took advantage of the moment when she was close to me and whispered softly in my ear: "Can't save it anymore!"

  I was so angry I almost vomited blood, just wanting to shake off her hand. A sudden severe pain in my abdomen made me feel like it was about to burst open. The autumn air was icy and frosty, the dew from tonight's white moonlight, the moon's pale light seemed like a ghostly face, pouncing down on me. My hands weakly fell down, and with one last glance, I only saw my own crimson skirt hem, winding like a river.

  So painful, it almost suffocated my breath, like a knife twisting inside, bitterly piercing in my intestines. So painful, everything below is wet, as if countless torrents are rushing inside me, every joint cracking open, whose cry of pain, so anguished, has disrupted my heart, every inch of skin seeming to tear apart, almost hearing the "crack" of shattering sounds, something inside my body is stirring, wanting to burst out.

  I was in a daze, with countless voices urging me - "Use force! Use force!" The apricot blossoms filled the sky, and the delicate petals floated down onto me like silk. I made up my mind to roll into the harem struggle for him.

  In the Yuanyuan Temple, he held me tightly and said sincerely: "Your heart's intention is as precious to me as a jade treasure, I will not betray you."

  The swan is dancing and flying, but whose heart is startled, his or mine? Mother said that the swan dance is meant to be performed for a loved one.

  On a summer day in Yifu Hall, he painted a distant mountain for me. His expression was intoxicating: "What I cherish is your affection."

  He and I together cut a pair of bright candles under the western window in the dead of night, like an ordinary couple writing letters and composing poems.

  Spring is as deep as the sea, pear blossoms are like snow. He made me up with "beautiful pear makeup". He burst out laughing: "Huan Huan, Huan Huan! You have our child, do you know how happy I am!"

  His face was full of spring colors and smiles, making him look even more divine and elegant. He pointed at the double-peach blossoms on my hairpin and said, "I and Huanhuan were in our youthful prime when we first met, just like these flowers blooming together."

  He solemnly said: "Even if there are thousands of beauties, the only one in Si Lang's heart is Qian Qian, and no one can replace her."

  He kissed my earlobe and whispered: "I won't let you shed so many tears again."

  The past is like a dream in my mind, flowing away like water, finally becoming a vast expanse of frost and snow, leaving only a pure white emptiness.

  I struggled, exhausting all my strength.

  There seems to be a huge joy surrounding me, the loud crying and happy laughter of babies. I fell into a deep sleep, too tired to open my eyes.

  It was a long dream, with endless past events, coming one after another, trivial yet clear. The dream lasted so long, with so many things happening, that the four years I spent in the palace seemed as distant as if they had happened in a previous life.

  When I opened my eyes, it was already a bright and sunny day. The midwife came in with a mixture of joy and sadness on her face and said: "Congratulations, Your Highness, you have given birth to a princess." She also said: "The princess is perfectly fine and so beautiful."

  I'm still somewhat perplexed, Imperial Princess?

  "Miss, you scared me to death! You've been asleep for a whole day and night!"

  I subconsciously reached out to touch my belly, and it was flat. I was so scared that I almost jumped up - my baby was gone! Once, I woke up from a dream like this, and my baby had already left this world!

  I was almost in tears when Tong Sai hastily brought the child before me and said, "Your Majesty, don't worry, the princess is here."

  Here, my heart that had been hanging in the air finally came down, and I tightly hugged the child to my chest. She was so small, her skin on her face was all wrinkled and bright red, like a tiny soft animal, with eyes slightly open, truly just like me. She was so light, so warm. I was overjoyed and cried. My daughter, this is my daughter!

  He pointed at the wet nurse and said, "This is the imperial princess's wet nurse, Jing Niang."

  She was a healthy and robust woman with fair skin, sturdy physique, and gentle and unassuming speech.

  "Empress Dowager is premature and not yet a month old. The imperial physician has examined her and said that she needs to be well cared for."

  I was ultimately postpartum weakness, holding for a moment and feeling a bit strenuous, but still couldn't bear to put it down. Zhen Xi whispered in my ear, "The emperor has arrived, come see the empress."

  I said: "Say I'm unwell and haven't come." Just then, Xuan Ling stepped into the hall.

  I just turned away, ignoring him. I don't want to see this person again.

  He looked at me and said, "Are you still angry? Don't you understand yet?"

  I was taken aback and could only say: "What does Your Majesty hope I understand?"

  He was somewhat moved, "You have already given birth to the imperial princess for me, and you still want to make such a fuss? I have decided that no matter what the Zhenn family is like, I will not vent my anger on you. As long as you are willing, I can issue an edict tomorrow to promote you to Zhaoyi."

  I turned around and said, "Your concubine is unworthy, I dare not occupy the position of Zhaoyi."

  He drew closer to me and softly persuaded: "Huan Huan, if you are willing, you can still be my imperial concubine, I will treat you the same as before."

  I sneered, unable to contain my laughter, and paused for a moment before saying: "Does Your Majesty think it's still possible?"

  His expression suddenly turned cold and he said, "Indeed, I have been too lenient with you. With a heart like yours, it's not suitable for you to stay in the palace for long."

  In the palace, I've long been fed up. Hate or love, it's all the same now. The Empress and Ling Rong, the Imperial Concubine and Yu Shi, there are so many people I hate, can I kill them all? I've already killed so many, how many more do I need to kill, it's endless. So much bloodshed and slaughter, no warmth, no true feelings. The family has scattered, the person is gone, I'm tired of it all. Why would I want to stay any longer, better to leave, better to return home.

  He said to himself: "I have come to tell you that your parents and siblings all set out on their own journey today."

  I just stared blankly, a faint melancholy smile floating on my face, "Thanks, Your Majesty."

  He shook his head in disgust: "You're like this - go calm your mind in the Buddhist hall, no need to stay here."

  It's no good, I can't stay here anymore. With a mother like me who doesn't meet her father's expectations and a declining family like mine, my daughter will only suffer because of me.

  But the Buddha Hall... how far it is from my daughter.

  My daughter is still in her infancy, and the affairs of the world are but unknown to her. The intrigues and machinations of the harem, with its sudden changes and upheavals, she has not yet experienced, nor can I let her experience them. And as for me, her mother, who will soon be leaving this palace that has consumed my vast energy and emotions, I can no longer guarantee her future. The only thing I can do is to make arrangements for her future to the best of my abilities.

  A huge sorrow and shame seemed to be cutting like a sharp knife, biting my lower lip, my heart was almost bleeding. So I raised my head and said quietly: "This child has not been named yet, I am about to leave, please allow me to name the child. Please Your Majesty grant this."

  His eyes were calm and almost emotionless for a long time before he said, "Good."

  All the bitter memories surged up to my throat, and I forced back tears as I said word by word: "It's called Yunyun." With each word, a knife of humiliation cut deeply into my heart.

  His eyes sparkled as he opened them, and his gaze was suddenly filled with immense, unspeakable shock, heartache, and passion. His voice was slightly hoarse: "Wanwan?!"

  A heart filled with despair and coldness, mixed with a hint of sarcasm that almost escaped his lips. In his heart, there was only one person, Wanwan. He managed to hold back, every word and action he took now related to the future and safety of the child in his arms. For her sake, he had to endure.

  A brazier was placed in the middle, but it seemed to have no temperature at all, cold and damp enough to squeeze out water. My feet were already numb, only my mind was still sharp. A sad smile spread uncontrollably across my lips: "How dare I let the princess use the same name as the late empress?" Perhaps in my heart, I really didn't want my daughter to have the same name as her either. So I slowly said: "Long hair entwines the heart of a gentleman, I couldn't do it, but I hope the princess can. May everything that happened to this useless mother not happen to her again. Even in my remaining years, I will pray for her day and night under the green lamp and ancient Buddha."

  He fell silent for a moment, his expression softening slightly, and said: "Actually, you don't have to leave the palace to cultivate, you can do it in the Tai Temple within the palace..."

  The Taizong Temple in the palace? I firmly refused: "I, a concubine with an unlucky body, really do not dare to disturb the peace of the palace, and tread on auspiciousness."

  His face was somewhat embarrassed, no longer having any objections, "You'd better leave early, it's also impossible to stay in the palace."

  He took the girl from her wet nurse's arms, his eyes filled with tenderness as he held her tightly in his embrace, smiling like a doting father. He didn't even glance at me, but instead cooed softly to her, "Juan Juan... Juan Juan..." I don't know if he thought of Empress Chun Yuan when he called out to her like that, but the way he looked at my daughter was indeed exceptionally loving. With this similar name, my daughter would be able to receive her father's love and affection, and since she wasn't a boy, she wouldn't get entangled in the struggle for the throne. This one point of tenderness was enough to keep her from being lightly regarded by others. But the thought that my daughter's future prospects relied on Empress Chun Yuan, who looked just like me, only filled me with sorrow and desolation.

  I adjusted my clothes, knelt down solemnly and knocked my head on the ground, saying: "Your subject has one more thing to request."

  His eyes fixed on my face, he said softly: "You speak."

  Tears welled up in my eyes, child, I'm leaving now. I must make arrangements for your future, but what happens later will depend on you yourself, and I'll be powerless to help. I said: "Empress Dowager Jing has been in the palace for many years, with no children of her own, and is known for her maternal kindness. I hope that after I leave the palace, Empress Dowager Jing can take care of the princess, to comfort me completely."

  He thought for a moment and said, "The Empress Dowager and Consort Duan both have someone to rely on, but it's still possible to entrust things to Consort Jing."

  I bowed deeply again and said: "In that case, I have no more regrets."

  We didn't speak again after that. All these years, I actually never truly understood him, and he never truly understood me. I was calculating with him, just as he was calculating with me.

  How did he and I end up like this today?

  The bedroom is too quiet, occasionally a night crow caws eerily, perched on the withered branch, the wind sweeps through the dry leaves rustling. The moonlight pours in through the window lattice and falls to the ground, casting a faint yellowish shadow.

  I stretched out my hand to hug my daughter, pressing her face tightly against mine. She didn't know anything, just closing her eyes and her small face was red. A tear of mine fell, she unconsciously licked her lips, I don't know if she could lick out a bit of sweetness from this bitter tear.

  Xuan Ling's expression was somewhat desolate and bleak, gazing at the moonlit ground, he said: "The moonlight is hazy, let's grant Xuan Xuan the title of 'Hazy Moon'."

  The title of Lingyue is not bad. Usually, the imperial princesses are granted titles on the day of their full moon, but they are words like xianliangshude. Lingyue got this honor as soon as she was born, it can be seen that Xuanying loves and cherishes her, and also comforts Jingfei. I have no more worries, quietly thank you.

  He also felt bored and desolate, his gaze was both gentle and cold, like an uncertain flowing light. After all those years of time and remaining emotions, he finally condensed into a sentence: "Xuan Xuan, do you have anything else to say to me?"

  There's nothing more to say between Xuan Ling and me, it's all been said. However, the Emperor's question, I must answer. After a long time, I spoke softly but firmly: "The zither string is broken, the bright mirror is cracked, the morning dew has dried up, the fragrance of the flowers has faded, the white-haired one laments, the pain of parting, strive to eat well and don't think of me, the brook's waters flow gently, a long farewell to you!" I finished reciting, bowed three times, and there was nothing more to say.

  His voice was somewhat acidic, "Good! Good! Since that's the case, I have nothing more to say. You've made up your mind, Meng Yue, and I'll take good care of Jing Fei." With that, he turned and left with a flourish. I gazed coldly at him, not shedding another tear.

  Three days later, I was stripped of all my titles and positions, expelled from the Tongli Palace, and retreated to the Ganlu Temple in the suburbs of Beijing to practice asceticism. Xiangyu and Huanbi insisted on following me, leaving others to take care of Rongyue.

  Jing Fei held Yong Yue in her arms at that moment, and she was so moved that she shed tears. She grasped my hand and said: "I will definitely treat Emperor's daughter as if she were my own."

  "I said softly and sincerely: 'This is sister's child, why say that you treat him as your own. I also believe that my sister will take good care of her own child.'"

  She nodded, "I know, a child can be raised by anyone, it's just that you understand I have no children to rely on."

  I bowed my head, "Also please sister to take care of the past friendship, for me to take care of Shen Jieyu." I kissed the tear-stained face of Meng Yue, my heart aching with pain, and turned to leave.

  I sat in silence, carrying only the most essential items with me. All my clothes and accessories were left at Tongli Palace. The night before I left, Huanbi hesitated to ask me if I wanted to bring away the jade shoes that Xuanling had given me in the past, which was indeed the most precious object to me.

  I just smiled faintly, took out a "Changxiangsi", and locked all the mysterious and precious objects in a large box. They were all things of the past, why bother to keep them? Only "Changxiangsi" is the confidant who understands my heart.

  The fine rain outside the curtain, the palace carriages passed by from Yongxiang Lane. Passing through Yunyidian, it was only four years ago that I stepped into the harem from here. I couldn't help but laugh at myself, so young and proud back then, without knowing how to restrain myself. Although I had no intention of being chosen, I accidentally recited poetry in front of Xuan Ling, which led to all the troubles and waves later on. If there's a chance for regret, I would definitely regret that day the most.

  The light drizzle was like icy tears. The Cloud Intention Palace was filled with women holding flowers, making the entire palace a riot of color in the rainy season. I was slightly puzzled when Xun Xi suddenly whispered to me, "Today is the day of the imperial harem selection."

  It's draft day again, last year was delayed, but today it finally arrived.

  The young girls outside the palace are in their prime, with bright smiles and proud eyes, like delicate flowers waiting to be plucked by the king. If they knew my story, would they retreat because of it?

  No, they won't back down. Because Ling Rong, who entered the palace with me, has already become one of the winners. The harem is a place that drives people crazy, where as long as someone succeeds, even if only for a moment, countless people will willingly become bloody-handed and fight to the death.

  But that's already their story.

  The majestic palace gate towered high, and from a distance, two familiar figures caught my eye. In the white misty rain, Mei Zhuang stood elegantly, with Wen Shi Chu by her side, holding an oil-paper umbrella to shelter her from the rain.

  The horse's hooves slowed down, and the sound was like knocking on my heart. Her hot tears were swirling in her eye sockets. I stretched out my hand to tightly grasp hers. The warm and solid touch made me feel at ease for a moment. I handed a bag of silver coins to the guard and asked him to step back a few steps.

  Meizhuang gently wiped away the tears that were about to fall and smiled with a tinge of sadness: "It's good that he's gone, at least we're finally free from this place."

  My nose felt sour and hard to speak, I slightly tilted my head: "Sister, take good care of yourself, I'm afraid I won't have the luck to be close to you again."

  She patted me on the shoulder, "What's the point of you going alone? I just hope to be with you."

  I sorrowfully asked, "Sister, why do you say this?" Seeing that there were no outsiders around us, I whispered: "Sister, while in the palace, be extremely cautious of An Lingrong and the Empress, also beware of Qi Bin. Don't get into conflicts for my sake, prioritize your own safety." I sincerely looked at Wen Shi Chu: "Lord Wen, sister is alone, I entrust her to you, please take good care of her, don't let her fall into others' traps."

  "Your Ladyship..."

  I smiled and stopped her, "I am no longer a princess."

  He blushed, "Little sister..." This term of endearment was too far back in the past for him to have used before. He called out awkwardly, and I also felt abrupt. Mei's expression changed slightly as she stared at him without speaking. Wen Shi Chu remained oblivious, "You take care too, I'll come visit you as soon as I get a chance."

  I shook my head: "Once you enter the Temple of Ganlu, you will be a worldly person, and we will be separated by the mundane world. It won't be convenient for us to meet again. If you have a kind heart, please take care of Princess Di and look after my sister, it's also my only wish now."

  The sorrow in his eyes deepened, and he pulled me gently from behind, saying softly, "It's not convenient to say more."

  I nodded slowly, steeled myself and ordered the carriage driver to drive away.

  Behind me, Mei Zhuang and Wen Shi stood in the rain, seeing me off with their eyes. This was the last warm image that the palace left me with after four years.

  The palace gate is out, and the familiar red wall is behind me. In this life, I finally walked out of the bustling harem.

  I lowered the curtain of the horse-drawn carriage and smiled lightly and sadly.

  Note:

  Adapted from Qianlong's "Shu Bei Fu" written after the death of his beloved wife Empress Xiaoxianchun.

  ② From Zhuo Wenjun's "A Farewell Letter", written when she and Sima Xiangru parted ways, to show that their love has come to an end. The full poem reads:

  Spring flowers bloom in rivalry,

  Five colors surpass whiteness,

  The zither is still at the palace,

  But new sounds replace old ones!

  Jin River has mandarin ducks,

  Han Palace has lotus,

  Those things are new,

  Alas, people of this world,

  Blinded by lust and unaware!

  Crimson strings broken,

  Bright mirror cracked,

  Morning dew dried up,

  Fragrant time paused,

  White-haired I chant,

  Sorrowing over parting,

  Strive to eat more, don't think of me,

  Jin River flowing,

  Forever bidding you farewell!

  (End of Volume 3)