Chapter 2: Waking Up from the Dream of the Cuckoo's Cry

  The temple of Ganlu is surrounded by lush trees, rain and mist, with sweet dew dripping down, quiet and pleasant. I slept quietly for half a day, and the pain in my body also eased slightly.

  The abbot, because I was not feeling well, showed some concern and only instructed me to rest properly before speaking of other things. I spent the whole day drowsily sleeping, not paying attention to temple affairs, nor did I care what Zhen Suo and Huan Bi were doing.

  All I know is that they are not always by my side, and the corners of their eyes and eyebrows have gradually become more tired.

  I always can't bear it in my heart.

  On that day, in Tongli Palace, all the palace maids who served me begged to leave the palace with me.

  Li Zhu died early, and naturally Bian Bi would follow me. If not, she was my maid who followed me into the palace, living in the palace, and later would definitely be bullied.

  Xiao Lianzi and Xiao Yuzi were both disabled, once they left the palace, it was equivalent to losing their dependence and shelter. Moreover, living in Ganlu Temple with other nuns of the same rank was not convenient either.

  Rong Yue was entrusted to Jing Fei, so the people around me also had to follow a few. After all, serving Rong Yue is like serving my former master. It's also Jing Fei who wants to comfort my heart, taking away Pin Er, Pei Er and Xiao Lian Zi.

  This makes me feel at ease, after all Xiao Lianzi has some skills and is a loyal person. With him by Meng Yue's side, it's unlikely that anyone who wants to harm her will be able to succeed easily.

  Meizhuang also let Xiaoyanzi go to her palace to serve. In the past, Xiaoyanzi was my first favorite inner attendant, and I couldn't leave the palace without him suffering a lot of trivial hardships. Meizhuang had always liked Xiaoyanzi's cleverness and ability, and she could also help Meizhuang become her right-hand man.

  Mei Zhuang and Meng Yue are the two people I miss most in the palace.

  Fortunately, Mei Zhuang had the protection of Empress Dowager, so no one dared to do anything to her. In secret, I also entrusted Wen Shi Chu and Xiao Yuan Zi to use their utmost efforts to protect Mei Zhuang completely.

  While Rong Yue, Jing Fei didn't have any children, she must have regarded her as her own. She got along well with me and had a high status, and her relationships in the palace were also good, making her the best candidate to raise Rong Yue.

  Only Yu Tong, she insisted on following me out of the palace, which was unexpected by me.

  She was a woman of some standing among the palace ladies, being a fifth-rank lady-in-waiting from Wen Prefecture and having previously served as an attendant to the Grand Consort. She really didn't need to follow me around and suffer hardships.

  I originally thought that even if I couldn't do anything else, I could at least let her follow Empress Jing and take good care of Rouyue. But she came to me with a request, "The princess already has Empress Jing taking care of her, it's completely safe. I really don't need to be by Empress Jing's side, getting in the way. Your Majesty is going to cultivate, you will definitely need someone to serve you, and having only one person like Huanbi would not be enough, it wouldn't be good to make her work so hard alone. I have always wanted to follow Buddha since I was young, this is a great opportunity, I only hope that Your Majesty won't think me clumsy, just look at how I've been serving you these past few years with all my heart and not daring to slack off, please take me with you."

  She spoke like that, and I couldn't push her away anymore, so I had to take her out with me. Fortunately, Ling Xiu was clever and efficient, and it turned out that she was indeed indispensable everywhere. And with gentle words of comfort, being understanding and considerate, she often came to soothe my lonely heart.

  On this day, the sun was shining brightly in the courtyard, and I was sitting with my head down, sewing a garment. Meanwhile, I carefully threaded a string of nanmu beads into a Buddhist rosary.

  Soft sunlight filters through the white gauze window, like a thin layer of crystal silk, soft and light. On the table is placed a white porcelain Guanyin statue, with a broad forehead and plump face, benevolent and kind, looking at which one feels merciful and thick, as if having the mercy to save all living beings. In front of the Guanyin statue are lit three sticks of sandalwood incense, the smoke curling like mist, faintly visible.

  "Miss, you're in high spirits today. Why don't we go out for a stroll? The scenery around Ganlu Temple is quite famous, it's worth taking a look."

  The kindness of Yan Suo was only to dispel the knot in my heart, how could I not know, so I agreed, and the two of us walked out together.

  Outside of Kyoto, there are many mountains with lush greenery, overlapping and undulating like a blue-green screen. The high places rise straight into the clouds, while the low-lying areas stretch out like a beautiful woman's jade arm. Among the peaks, the most famous ones are Tiannv Peak, E'ergou Peak, Ganlu Peak, and Lingyun Peak. Tiannv Peak and E'ergou Peak face each other from afar, while Ganlu Peak, E'ergou Peak, and Lingyun Peak are connected to one another. The clouds and mist envelop the area, creating a breathtakingly beautiful landscape.

  The mountain and water colors are all misty, in the swirling smoke and water, it seems to be unreal, as if the whole person has also merged into it. I gaze at the mountains, water, clouds and fog, the scenery is self-sufficient, when leaving the palace that feeling of fatigue, once again swept over my heart, invading my heart and lungs. My heart is a piece of emptiness, faintly saying: "Qingyu, if we can spend our second half of life as peacefully as in Ganlu Temple, I have no other desires."

  "We've already distanced ourselves from right and wrong, I suppose right and wrong won't come looking for us again. You can rest assured, wife."

  The mountain wind is fierce, blowing up one corner of my gray Buddhist robe, like a withered butterfly, tiredly opening its wings. "Green lamp ancient Buddha, if I can end my life like this, it's also considered pure and clean."

  She let out a soft sigh, "The current situation is already not bad. Given the circumstances at that time, if you didn't take the initiative to become a nun, then either you would have been granted death, or thrown into the Cold Palace, or the Emperor in a fit of rage would have sealed off the Tongli Palace, letting you never see the light of day for eternity. And there were still people who would add insult to injury, with no one's outcome being better than today's."

  I bit my lip, the disgust and resentment in my heart almost uncontrollable. "The darkness of Zǐuē Chéng is so filthy, I'd rather never go back for all eternity. Only pitiful is my Huàn Yuè, with whom I will never meet again in this life."

  Qingyu grasped my slightly trembling shoulders with firm and resolute hands, "The place where you can walk out alive is not a place that everyone can reach. You must believe that sometimes never seeing each other again is also a way of protection. It's the same for the emperor's daughter as it is for your family." Qingyu sighed, "I hope you understand and can sleep peacefully every night."

  How could I not understand what you said? Since entering the Temple of Sweet Dew, when have I had a good night's sleep? On many a deep night, I almost kept my eyes open watching the sky change from dusk to the faint light of dawn in the east. The changes in light and shadow cast on the window paper with its intricate patterns of light and dark, even with just a slight change, I was aware of it all.

  How many times, in the seemingly endless black night, I bit my lips tightly and clenched my fingers with all my might, completely forgetting the pain of my lips being bitten through and my palms being pinched by my fingernails until they bled. This was to defend against the various feelings of resentment and humiliation in my heart. But I could only be powerless, watching them gnawing and biting at my already broken heart with abandon, until it was completely mangled.

  Knowing I am powerless to resist, all I can do is endure silently.

  My nights are sleepless. How can the moon not know? Even the washing in the courtyard, I also hear her sobbing and crying under the quilt. Crying for my parents and brothers who are far away from me, crying for my sister-in-law and Zhi Ning who suffered a great disaster.

  The long night is vast, and the autumn lamp is dim. It's already the season when autumn flowers are bleak and autumn grass is yellow. The autumn night is endless, seemingly forever without a bright day, even if waiting until dawn, the gloom in my heart has never been illuminated for a moment.

  I am quietly silent, just silently.

  When I returned to the house, Biyu had already brought back the dishes and arranged them on the table. Seeing me return, she couldn't help but complain: "The abbot has already made arrangements with the kitchen, saying that Miss is still in confinement and needs extra care, so we can eat some rich and greasy food, but who knew the food they sent over was still oil-free, let alone meat? Of course, it's fine for me and Qiansuo, but Miss is still in confinement, how can she recover if she doesn't take good care of her body?"

  "After the price of the dishes was settled, I simply picked up my chopsticks and said calmly: 'After all, this is a Buddhist temple where peace and quiet are valued. How can we have meat dishes? Also, don't make me look too out of place. Whatever it is, as long as I'm full, that's fine.'"

  "Recalling the days of confinement in Tongli, even food was spoiled, but still eaten raw. Zhen Cui slightly frowned and showed a difficult expression, "Did you notice, Mistress and Huibi, that although the abbot is called the abbot, he is actually gentle and weak, unable to control the people in the temple? Although he has a kind heart towards you, he is also powerless."

  "How can you not see that? When we came, it was said that the two of us would serve the young lady. But in just two days, haven't the number of people sent by Mistress Jingbai and others decreased?"

  Ganlu Temple's incense money is not a small amount, but usually the nuns in the temple also have to do their own laundry and chores. As soon as we arrived, many things like washing were handed over to us. Living under someone else's roof, one can't argue about it. Fortunately, these tasks are what the slaves and Huibing girl are used to doing, so it's not a big deal.

  "I'm afraid... " said Fen Bi hastily: "By that time they will be making progress inch by inch, and even the young lady will have to suffer together."

  I bowed my head in silence, chewing on the plain vegetables in my mouth, and said calmly: "I am already at Ganlu Temple, even if I have to do some hard work, it is what I should do." I held onto their hands and said sincerely: "It's just that you two are having a hard time because of me, always working so hard for me."

  With tears in her eyes and a low bow, she sobbed: "Now the only relative left by my side is my elder sister. As long as I can be with my elder sister, I won't resent anything."

  "Since you are willing to leave the palace and accompany your mistress, then no matter what difficulties you encounter, it is all done willingly."

  I was deeply moved and sighed: "From now on, it's just the three of us relying on each other for survival."

  Fen Bi cried softly and sobbed: "We don't have anything, it's just that my elder sister is so thin, I'm really scared when I see her."

  In the words of Yuè Lìng, I suddenly saw my current appearance. For a long time, I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror, and when the thin face in the dim copper mirror flashed into my eyes, even my own heart had a moment of resistance and disbelief - was this really me? Was this really the current me? A pair of dull, lifeless eyes were buried under the high cheekbones that jutted out. The sorrow and pain in his eyes had already sunk to the bottom, like the sand left after the waves had washed away, silently lying at the bottom of the dim copper mirror, without a ripple, like an ancient well, no matter how it was stirred up, even if thousands of fragmented shadows were stirred up, they would eventually return to calmness, dull and tearless, unable to cry. The person in the mirror was so strange, knowing clearly that it was myself, yet still hard to believe - this is the current me.

  Although her face was pale and worn, it had not changed much after all. However, this pair of eyes had really withered like an old woman who had been ill for many years, and also like a flower that had once been full and blooming, silently and quietly withering away, dying on the cold branch.

  In the past, my beauty mostly came from these eyes, lively as pearls, lightly dancing and fluttering, rippling with a gentle wave. Whether joyful or angry, a woman's heart cannot be expressed in words, but it can also be conveyed through a glance, sent far away, naturally understood by those who care.

  The ruthless and decisive killings in the palace, with a heart as sharp as a knife, whether it's an enemy or a friend, aren't they all exchanged with just one glance? And gradually, the eyes accumulated schemes, hiding smiles when wanting to cry, storing up tears when wanting to smile, transforming the bright and direct nature of a young maiden in the boudoir.

  Even the king's favor, gentle and loving, the charm of his eyebrows and eyes, also sprouted out suddenly, making up for the girl's ignorance and innocence. In an instant, she grew into a woman, in an instant, she possessed so-called charm and charm, thousands of threads and countless things, all hidden in this eye corner.

  It turned out that the old was so fast, and the heart had died. Originally thought only oneself knew. But unexpectedly, what couldn't be concealed was one's own eyes, which had also aged and become stagnant.

  Sorrowful and distinct.

  It was a night of sparse rain and strong winds, the cold rain "pattered" against the window paper, the entire roof of Ganlu Temple creaked with a "tingling" sound in the wind and rain, the rainwater dripped down from the eaves, like a soul-stirring bell, noisy enough to make one's brain burst.

  I was dazedly having one dream after another. People seemed to be divided into two halves, one half was awake, with simple and dim consciousness, the other half was still fast asleep, sleeping so soundly that it seemed like they would never wake up again.

  Suddenly, it seemed as if I was still in the palace of red walls and jade courtyards. The long vermilion walls and powder-colored walls on both sides of the Eternal Lane stretched out endlessly, like two giant dragons winding down to infinity. The bluestone slabs of the lane were so smooth that I vaguely remembered being supported by Rong Qi's hand as we strolled together, seemingly heading to the Upper Forest Garden to enjoy the scenery or something else - the direction and purpose were all vague, just drifting along with the current. Suddenly, Qiu came towards us, made a courtesy, and smiled: "The Empress Dowager invites Concubine Gui to admire the flowers, and Young Master An is also there, waiting for Your Highness for a long time."

  Qiu's face seemed to have been heavily powdered, exceptionally pale, so pale that it didn't quite seem like her own, and instead somewhat resembled the Empress's. I also smiled: "If Her Majesty the Empress has summoned me, I will naturally go at once." And with that, I took Qiu's hand and we were about to quietly slip away.

  But after walking two steps, behind her was the sound of Flowing Vermilion. She saw her hastily rushing over, seemingly having run so urgently that her face had turned bright red, as if she were about to bleed from it. With great effort and in a loud voice, she said: "Miss, don't go! Don't go! You can't go!"

  "Flowing Vermilion, where have you been? I haven't seen you in a long time. What's the hurry now, what are you going to do?"

  I was just in a daze, when the Empress and An Lingrong suddenly appeared before me, both with bright smiles on their faces. The Empress wore a magnificent red silk dress, her face beaming with joy as she said: "Guisi Guihua, I summoned you, why didn't you hurry over? You're not usually like this."

  The queen's words were gentle, but the weight was extremely heavy. I hurriedly wanted to kneel down, but my knees were stiff and couldn't kneel down no matter what. I was so frightened that my forehead was about to drip with cold sweat. In a state of panic, I turned my head to one side, only to see that Autumn's eyes were deep and dark, with extremely fine and beautiful golden beads on her eyelashes. Suddenly, she raised her head, but it had transformed into the appearance of Empress Hua. Her lips were curled up in a cold smile, and she said in a low voice: "What? Imperial Concubine Gui, you also don't want to kneel down in front of this old woman, the queen?"

  I was both scared and terrified. Ling Rong smiled sweetly, like a flower, and gently beckoned me over, "Sister, come quickly, the Empress treats us very well. Sister, come, Rong'er is also here." Her gentle smile was extremely charming and alluring, but that smile was like a sharp knife cutting into my flesh, making me feel unbearable pain.

  At some unknown time, Qi Huan silently walked out from behind the empress and Ling Rong, her voice cold and stern: "Your Majesty, since Consort Xun is so disobedient, how should she be punished?"

  The empress's smile remained noble and elegant, every gesture exuding the dignity of a mother to the nation. She smiled and said, "Gwiin-gwi is the most favored by the emperor, how can I bear to punish her? Not only will I not punish her, but I'll also reward her handsomely." She called out to Lying-yong in a soft voice, "Go fetch the Soo-hwan cream and give it to Gwiin-gwi as a reward." Then she turned to me and said, "The Soo-hwan cream is the best for nourishing one's complexion. Gwiin-gwi, use it well and the emperor will surely dote on you even more when he sees your beauty. You should also hurry up and give birth to an imperial heir for the emperor." The empress's perfect smile suddenly cracked, her tone tinged with resentment as she said, "Who knows, maybe after using this Soo-hwan cream, Gwiin-gwi will become even more like my beloved sister, Empress Pureun. That would be truly a joyous occasion."

  She walked with a gentle breeze, carefully carrying the shoe box to me and said with a smile: "Sister, use it well, the empress's words are never wrong."

  I screamed in terror, desperately pushing away the lip gloss that Ling Rong had handed me. But Ling Rong didn't seem to care at all, and instead smiled sweetly, her fingers dabbing a bit of lip gloss on my face. Suddenly, her expression changed, becoming vicious and cruel as she smeared the lip gloss all over my face.

  The cool and refreshing sensation of the Shu Xing gel made me scream in terror, desperately trying to turn my head away, but Ling Rong's hands were too quick and precise, I couldn't dodge.

  The Empress stood with her hands in her sleeves, her voice mournful and empty, saying: "You understand now, your child is gone, but it's not because of me, nor my Huanyi Xiang." She suddenly burst out, as if crying and laughing at the same time, like a madwoman, pointing at me with one hand, shouting loudly: "I didn't harm your child, the one who harmed mine was also the Empress! We all don't know, we all don't know!" Her head hit the ground, her eyes almost spewing fire, wailing loudly as if in a frenzy: "You have Shu Anguo, I have Huanyi Xiang, how can we have children? We're both pitiful people without children!" Her forehead cracked on the ground instantly, and blood gushed out, flowing non-stop, as if countless bright red flowers bloomed on her face and clothes, like all the beauty of spring was concentrated on her, yet not a bit of it was beautiful, only a desolate and terrifying sight.

  The empress's voice suddenly choked up, like a lonely boat widow, complaining endlessly, sniffling: "You're pitiful? Can't I be pitied?! You've lost your children, but they were just unborn fetuses. But I... I watched my own son take his last breath in my arms — what do you have to be pitied about?" The empress's face, like a dark cloud, suddenly cleared up, and she smiled: "Guisang Gongyu, I still have something good for you." She gave a slight nod to Qihui, who changed her expression, took out a crimson brocade robe from her arms, and slowly unfolded it. It was a pair of phoenix-embroidered robes with gold thread and pearls, intricately stitched with peony flowers and lotus patterns. The cloud-shaped trim was made of silver thread, adorned with diamonds, elegant and refined.

  Her face was covered with a smile, and her light voice was like the sweet song of an oriole. But at this moment, it sounded sharp and piercing to my ears. "Sister has always been elegant and refined, wearing this is the most suitable. This dress was worn by Empress Yuan when she first entered the palace, sister must take good care of it!" As she spoke, a glance was thrown, and without warning, Concubine Qi suddenly wrapped the dress over my head and face, like a huge net falling from the sky, trapping me firmly inside, unable to escape or struggle. I could only watch helplessly as I struggled like a fish caught in a net, all efforts were in vain.

  My heart is filled with anxiety and hatred, I turned my head in fear, a drop of bright red blood fell from her slender neck, as if it was going to pierce people's eyes. She looked sorrowful, slowly turning her head and said: "Miss, Flowing Vermilion can't stay anymore, she can no longer serve you."

  I suddenly forgot I was still in the net and shouted loudly: "Liu Zhu, where are you going? Why don't you want me anymore?"

  The faint smile on her face, the sorrow on her face like stagnant water, softly said: "Miss, we have been through thick and thin together, our relationship is as close as sisters. Now that our fate has come to an end, Young Master and Young Mistress are lonely downstairs, with no one to take care of them. Flowing Vermilion must go serve them now, Miss please take care of yourself."

  I was so shocked that I couldn't help but burst into tears. But then I saw my sister-in-law, still looking as lovely and charming as she used to be, holding Zhi Ning in her arms and saying: "In the past, I only called you 'wife', but now that we're not together anymore, I'll call you 'little sister' instead. My husband and I are unlucky and can't follow him, so you and your husband must take good care of each other. Don't let us who left first be worried."

  The sound of Ning's wailing still seemed to echo in my ears, and I burst into tears. "Sister, tell me the truth, how could it be like this?"

  Sister-in-law shook her head and sighed, "Little sister, just think about it carefully. In October's weather, where would you easily get malaria?"

  On the other side, Rong Yun's face was filled with a gentle smile, her lips and teeth gleaming as she lightly waved her feather fan and said: "No matter how beautifully the peach blossoms bloom, they are still ordinary things after all. They can't compare to the elegance and charm of the jasmine."

  Sister only smiled faintly and responded: "Is that so? Peach blossoms and gardenias are originally of the same family, why must they be in such a hurry to contend with each other! Even if one wants to distinguish between right and wrong, high and low, it's all just in people's hearts."

  Her demeanor was calm and composed, she took a fan to cover her face, smiled faintly and said: "Human lives are hard to preserve, let alone human hearts. The ups and downs of life and death have already been clearly defined, Miss Xue, you'd better go cultivate yourself for the next life!"

  In the ambiguity of dreams, Ling Rong called her "sister", but ultimately replaced it with a clear and piercing "Miss Xue".

  I didn't care about the details, I just cried uncontrollably. My parents' white hair and aged faces flashed before my eyes like a lantern, but no matter how hard I reached out, I couldn't grasp them, and no matter how loudly I called out, they wouldn't come back. My brother's face was also shrouded in the humid mist of Lingnan, growing increasingly vague and dim until it disappeared completely.