I didn’t know how else to say it.

  How could I tell the half-elf I was sleeping with that I might complete a secret bridge quest that let me travel through the void and return to my old world?

  I wasn’t even certain I wanted to go back, but I felt driven to try.

  When I’d been dropped into Gerda five years ago, suddenly having to find my way in Valaria, it’d seemed like the right course of action. There were wonderful things about living in a fantasy world…

  But waking up as a beaten-to-death troll housewife hadn’t exactly been the ideal isekai.

  Not that I’d want to be Henrietta. No. I did not dungeon delve, or enjoy battle, or want to travel the world fixing everyone elses problems. No thank you. I was happy to do that from the comfort of my kitchen table with a crystal cast.

  Being a troll got some getting used to, but five years was a long time to get used to it. And if I portalled back to earth I might still be a troll. Which also wasn’t ideal.

  At this point, I had an amazing lover, a beautiful home, a fulfilling job, and a healthy body. With epic muscles and no back pain.

  So I was probably an idiot for pursuing my original goal.

  Julian’s expression darkened when he heard what I’d said. “Which timeline?”

  I answered as honest as I could. “After we reach the dungeon there is a split. One where I’m here and one where I’m not.”

  “Then we don’t need to go to the dungeon.” Julian stood up and came around the table, kneeling at my feet. He grabbed my hand and pressed it to the back of his cheek. “If Henrietta defeated the dungeon before, she can do it again. I’ll contact Nilheim–”

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  I hurried to say, “Julian. You can’t just give up like that–”

  “Can’t I?” He argued, still on one knee. “Can’t you?”

  I shoved my chair back and stood, pulling my hand from his grasp. “I need to complete this quest… I have to.”

  “Is it your quest or mine that is going to separate us?” He asked, bracing himself on the table to stand. Julian didn’t grant me any space, chasing me as I tried to put distance between us.

  He could see the answer on my face.

  “Gerda.” He reached out and grabbed my arm. Not hard, but not kind either. “What aren’t you telling me? What does Alice know that you’re so afraid I’ll find out?”

  “I–” The words caught in my throat and I closed my mouth. I stared at where he held me, and knew for a fact that I’d messed up.

  Julian never let anyone in. He was a hurt and angry man who’d watched his father die in a civil war and then spent his entire life trying to fill his father’s shoes.

  For every two steps forward, Henrietta had been forced to take one step back while she trying to win over the dark and brooding Duke of the North.

  But he’d melted in my hands like butter. And I'd let it happen.

  Whatever he saw in me, Julian suddenly dropped my arm. He looked away and rubbed his face with the palm of his hand, drawing in a sharp breath.

  When he looked at me again, there was a hurt but sad smile on his lips.

  “I’m sorry.” He said, taking a step back. “I didn’t mean– I wanted you to tell me when you were ready.”

  “I’m sorry.” I whispered, angry that I couldn’t even tell him why. I crossed my arms and held myself.

  “No.” Julian said, stern. “I knew what I was getting into when I fell for you.”

  “Did you?” I countered… though it wasn’t fair to lash out at him with my own secrets.

  “Gerda, I’m dating Madame Potts.” He choked on a laugh. “Even before I learned the truth, I could see that you were a walking ball of secrets - the least of which was your identity as Madame Potts.”

  I remembered our first official meeting, when I’d handed him a locket and then run away.

  Julian continued. “And being together with you means that there will always be secrets between us. You know everyone’s business from here to the Empire of Sands, every possible timeline for anyone you set your sights on, and everybody secret… including my own.”

  “I can’t see everyone’s future.” I mumbled.

  “But you can see mine.”

  “... technically, no.” I replied. “I get notifications from Fate telling me things about you with an ability. My sight ability only works on the champions for each god.”

  “And?” He pressed, knowing I had other powers.

  “And Foresight lets me see what my target would be doing in a timeline where I didn’t exist.” I added. “So yes, I could learn things about you that you don’t want me to… but I’ve changed fate so much that it’s almost moot at this point.”

  “And yet there is still something you aren’t telling me.” His silver eyes met mine and I felt a twist in my stomach.

  Was there any reason not to tell him?

  Would he even believe me?

  “Alright.” I said, lowering my hands to my sides. “After everything, you, at least, deserve to know…”

  I paused, closing my eyes. Bracing myself. When I opened my eyes, I looked at the half-elf in front of me.

  He was standing in my home, wearing a tunic with rolled up sleeves. His dreads were pulled back into a ponytail, and his locket hung about his neck. Julian looked at me with a gentleness unimaginable from what he was in the video game or any other timeline.

  I managed to meet his eyes before saying,

  “I’m not the real Gerda Jones.”