“This is the same person we had been following from that day?”
R’vag’s voice was filled with incredulity.
It was unbelievable that Jyevodirr and him, two simple country boys with a dream too big for their own heads, were running wild in one of the four Zax’syilava Ziggoyeth’s oversized house. Again – not just a house of any family, but of a Zax’syilava Ziggoyeth! A Desert’s Jewel Family! So, what could be more bewildering than the fact that this madness was being orchestrated for a sheltered swindler, who seemed to crack and cry when presented with his life’s very first real challenge? What the fuck was Jyevodirr even thinking?
“Go easy on him, R’vag,” Jyevodirr responded to R’vag with the full knowledge that his friend would neither fully understand his plans yet, nor would he agree with them. “He’s had his whole life flipped upside down. I’m sure nothing in his life had prepared him for such a moment.”
It was not like Jyevodirr didn’t understand R’vag’s concerns. He only had a different opinion from his friend. While R’vag’s perspective of strength was very narrow, Jyevodirr had a broader understanding of the word.
Jyevodirr knew that the young Arroxath had strength in him. A different kind of strength, for sure, but strength was strength, no matter of what kind. He could cry and soil himself, but as long as he kept thinking and pursuing the strange ideals he surely possessed, he was still a strong person.
Jyevodirr believed that one day R’vag would come to understand that as well. That was the whole point of these adventures. R’vag would certainly grow into a much wiser person.
“Fine,” R’vag’s expression was reluctant. “I'll take care of his dressed-up arse. Let's finish things here.”
“No. You go ahead with him. I have some things I need to do here.”
R’vag eyes and ears nearly fell off in surprise.
He really had trouble understanding Jyevodirr sometimes. They got the person they came for. What more did he want?
But what could poor R’vag do? Drag his moronic friend away from this wild dogs’ den? While keeping the said wild dogs at bay? And also keeping them from tearing this dead-weight apart?
Better to just trust his buddy than go through all those impossible things at once. Jyevodirr was strong, and that had to be enough.
“Just be sure to get back.” R’vag demanded his friend. “I’m not sure if I could bust you out of here alone.”
Jyevodirr laughed carelessly.
“Don't worry, I won't be long.”
It was here that Rraos finally joined in on the conversation.
“How are you madmen intending to leave this place? How did you even get here?”
While Rraos had intended the question for both of the friends, Jyevodirr had already left before Rraos managed to ask the question. R’vag, who had remained behind, grinned deviously.
“O mighty Qaiz’rra, we ran all the way here, and we will run back from here!”
Rraos was certain he was being mocked. A sense of revulsion bubbled up within him, but he forced it down. His standing had been stripped away completely, so he was in no position to be criticizing his mis-treatment.
Despite that, Rraos was certain he would not see eye to eye with this wild barbarian ever.
“I cannot run the way you do,” Rraos challenged, not shying away from R’vag’s gaze.
“I know, O valiant Qaiz'rra!” R’vag’s tone was like cloying honey. “Up onto my back like a great toddler you’ll go, and this poor little xamos will carry you away!”
Rraos watched the barbarian crouch and wait for Rraos to clamber on. He was even doing little gestures with his hand indicating Rraos to get on!
This was undoubtedly the lowest time of Rraos’ life. He would have to crawl out of this pit he had fallen into, even though he presently had no idea how.
But before all of that, he had to stay alive right now.
“How much longer will Qaiz'rra be requiring for this most tough task?” R’vag’s mockingly sweet voice cracked at Rraos’ pride like a whip. Rraos swallowed down another urge to quip back.
The Arroxath youth threw away the last dredges of his pride, then climbed onto R’vag’s broad back in front of his familial audience, appearing like a young boy holding onto his mother's back. The shame Rraos felt sewed his mouth and eyes shut. Being reborn without having the luxury to hide behind an infant’s body was gruelling.
R’vag grunted with discomfort when the skinny Arroxath brat locked his arms and legs around him. He was half wondering if he should look for another person to fulfil the role of the money-person once he was back to Orron himself. But if the rich were all like this, how the fuck did anyone ever manage to gather a whole group to challenge the Kraturreni Om’na? R’vag would have to think about that when he was back within the city walls.
With each person in this misfitting pair lost within their own thoughts, they hastily fired through the damaged central avenue to the welcoming distance outside the estate.
All this time, Jyevodirr had been making sure no one got too close to the pair.
From the moment he had disengaged from the conversation, he made sure the two had a wide berth to themselves. There was no chance those two could talk unhindered otherwise.
Jyevodirr had spent all those moments in a flurry of motion, keeping up his awareness of his position, the position of his opponents, the position of his friends, and also making sure to use an appropriate amount of strength for each person he faced. He had no time to think about anything else.
Now that the pair had finally left, Jyevodirr loosened up and looked around.
The courtyard was mangled here and there, but the overall damage to the place was much less than Jyevodirr expected. Maybe mayya had been hired to reinforce the place during its construction? He didn't know for sure though, since he had never been around luxury and had no idea how things worked for people with wealth.
Though Jyevodirr wanted to loosen up and slow down, he had no more time to admire his surroundings as he was wont. The strange loquerron he had been fighting before was upon him once more, blades and strings flashing through the air with a murderous intent.
Jyevodirr dodged the initial attacks, but he had to remain careful. The strings used by the killer snagged here and there, forming a very chaotic web meant to dice him into tiny little pieces. Those webs were all over the place, spun meticulously throughout the course of Jyevodirr’s battle with the loqerron. Many a times, Jyevodirr had faced trouble making sure nothing got past him to harm his companions. On top of restricting movement, the loqerron used this web to change the movement of the six blades on strings the killer expertly used. Now they chased after Jyevodirr’s life with different timings and directions, but when they had different targets at the same time, the other targets being Rraos and R’vag, they had been even nastier to deal with.
Contrary to all that sensory complexity, the man controlling it all did not give out any sensory information himself. He had only stood seemingly still, and not a single movement was given away to be noticed from within the confines of his dark cloak.
This was Jyevodirr’s first encounter with a loqerron, and he was very impressed. The way the completely shrouded man had no tells before his attacks, and the way he calculated and incorporated so many elements to his attacks was like a mesmerizing melody. It must have taken an entire chunk of the man’s lifetime to have reached such a level of skill. Being able to do so many things at the same time and not only manage to not mess anything up, but also effectively use that to gain an advantage, on top of being adaptive on the move – gaining such things had no shortcuts. This man’s strength was magnificent!
Jyevodirr had to respond to this man’s strength with some of his own!
“Be torn.”
The moment these words, backed up with Jyevodirr’s strength, were spoken by him, the elaborate string web weaved almost all over the courtyard by the loqerron tore apart and went limp. Even the claw-like blades chasing after Jyevodirr flew in wild trajectories, having their strings snapped into little bits of string fluttering away uselessly in the air.
But before Jyevodirr had the chance to capitalize on the moment, another young man, shorter than even Jyevodirr, tore through the spot he had been occupying just an instant before. Jyevodirr immediately after sidestepping the attack had to calm himself down, so that he would not draw on too much power in his excitement.
A xamos. One that Jyevodirr had downed some time earlier.
Usual guards were better to deal with, because they had at least the slightest bit of hesitation in their movements. But the stronger ones, like these xamosa, had none of that hesitation. They were certain, and they moved to kill. This set Jyevodirr's heartbeat racing and his body on fire with a dangerous amount of power. Power that Jyevodirr needed to get back under control.
The xamos was fast, but not fast enough to out-speed Jyevodirr. Before the young xamos could get his bearings back and return to the offensive, Jyevodirr was right in front of him. Despite being faster than the xamos, Jyevodirr was not faster than all the xamosa combined, who were getting back to the fray one by one. So, the punch Jyevodirr threw at the xamos was blocked by another, who flew back having taken the hit. Within those split seconds, the young xamos in front of Jyevodirr had also finished readjusting and thrust his spear at Jyevodirr. Another person who had recovered from his surprise was the loqerron, who sent a vicious tangle of threads and blades aimed not only at Jyevodirr’s vitals, but also at the spaces Jyevodirr could utilize to dodge the initial assault. Beyond these two attacks, others were closing in with their own attacks aimed at Jyevodirr.
This time Jyevodirr allowed himself to get a bit wilder.
“Fall.”
Jyevodirr’s tone was soft, but the power surging from him was loud. The whole estate rumbled, and the offending implements surrounding the youth were driven hard into the ground. The xamos who had thrust the spear at him screamed in pain, probably having broken some bones. The guards warily surrounding the massive central platform down below went down too, unable to withstand the force of the words. Most of them were instantly knocked unconscious, except a few stronger individuals. The xamosa closing in with their attacks were all down on the ground in some capacity as well, having at least been forced down to their knees.
Jyevodirr frowned. The xamosa were weaker than he expected. Weren't they supposed to be individuals dedicating their lives to strength? This was twice that he had brought them low all together.
Compared to them, the loqerron was much more impressive. For an individual who was supposed to be in tune with taking lives instead of cultivating strength, he appeared to be stronger than the others. This man had not even lost his footing! Yes, his implements were down on the ground, but he would be ready to engage back within a moment.
Maybe loqerra were more than what he imagined them to be?
So far, Jyevodirr had only known the loqerron to be mysterious assassins operating within the Empire, taking commissions for people who Jyevodirr had no clue to the possible identities of. Both the clients and the killers were supposed to be anonymous. Only tales of these killers were known back in his village, and Jyevodirr had considered those accounts to be extremely exaggerated then. But now, facing a living, breathing person that had stepped out of tales was already a novel prospect for Jyevodirr; the fact that despite some exaggerations, the tales told of them could be truer than he expected was so much more that Jyevodirr had imagined!
The loquerron snatched his strings back taut and carefully weaved them forward again. Jyevodirr watched the display with fascination, ready to make his move again. As he dashed forward to find a way forward through the living maze of strings, he felt his excitement dampen a bit.
Jyevodirr did feel good meeting and facing such a person, but all of that was beside the point. The truth remained that the man standing in front of him was a hindrance to Jyevodirr's goals. Jyevodirr might find him fascinating and even would befriend the man if he could, but the man’s own stance on the matter could be very different. Just like now.
Jyevodirr was having fun, but the man was probably not. He was simply defending his place, his people. The killer was also out in the open, had no ambush available, and had to take care to cause no harm to not only the people, but also the surrounding itself.
The truth of the matter here was that Jyevodirr wanted to talk with the head of Arroxath family, while the man in front of him was determined to stop Jyevodirr.
Just as Jyevodirr was dashing through the ever-complex web of strings, a thought flashed from these masses of half thought contemplations into the forefront of his mind, forcing him to break off, cool down and disengage.
He had also broken someone’s bones now, right? Didn’t that push him further away from having a peaceful talk with the head of this family? So, what should he do? Should he make a dash towards the central building behind him? But how would he even know who the head of the Arroxath family was after going in?
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As Jyevodirr moved to a position more advantageous to him while considering his next action, he became aware of around seven people making their presence known within the estate. They were converging towards his position slowly, not bothering to attack him yet.
Now these were some scary people! Their very presence was bringing a lightness back in the motion of the hesitating xamosa, who were also re-positioning themselves to take him down.
Jyevodirr almost dashed into the most important looking building in response when a woman who looked to be in her forties walked out from its main doorway. The strongest of the newcomers made a move, and he was almost instantly at her side. The emerging woman raised an arm, and all the enemies around Jyevodirr relaxed. Only the newcomers and the loqerron moved aggressively after that, surrounding Jyevodirr within a heartbeat.
Judging by this drastic change, Jyevodirr instantly understood this woman to be the person he was looking for. She was the Arroxath head.
“My salutations, Kinz’rra,” Jyevodirr greeted her. “I wanted to have a talk with you.”
The woman looked around at her surroundings pointedly and burst out into laughter.
“And since you were clueless on how to meet me, you decided to go to such lengths, hoping to impress an old lady out into the open?”
Jyevodirr instantly felt disarmed. Of all the responses, this was not something he had expected.
“Well then, young man, colour me impressed. Jyevodirr was your name, I have heard? What was so significant that you decided to snatch away the renegade son of mine, make a mess of our home, and also cause bodily harm to a xamos under our care?”
The woman was now standing right before Jyevodirr and looking down on him. Her body was toned like a warrior, and her demeanour was confident.
So this was Rraos’ mother. Not only did she obviously possess a great variety of strengths, she also sounded smart. She was definitely knowledgeable and educated. This was a person Jyevodirr aspired to be like.
Before Jyevodirr could get over his awe, let alone think about answering her, she turned her head to look at the xamos who had broken some of his bones.
“Before Jyevodirr here answers, V’rrayeth, you should speak up. I believe Jyevodirr here has to answer to you first, no? He seems to bear no ill will towards me as of yet, and I also was myself quite entertained by his performance. I may ask him for some price, but I may also outright forgive him for throwing a tantrum here. But what about you? He broke your bones, humiliated you. Is there any price you want him to pay for that?”
The young man, who was now being supported by other people, looked away from the woman’s gaze, gritted his teeth and lowered his head.
“None, Kinz’rra Rrianxi. There is no price I can ask of him. He has not taken my life despite being an intruder, and that was not because he could not do so. In such a condition, I cannot ask anything. If I do, I will only bring dishonour upon myself. I am a xamos. Instead, I must ask you for your forgiveness, Kinz’rra Rrianxi.”
The woman, Rrianxi, smiled at the injured boy.
“Very well then. I forgive you. Go, get yourself attended to by a physician, then rest. Get stronger, V’rrayeth. I expect good things from you in the future.”
The injured young xamos nodded, then he limped away with two other xamosa supporting him. With that matter settled, Rrianxi turned back to Jyevodirr.
“Now speak, Jyevodirr. What do you want to talk about?”
Jyevodirr shifted his weight around thoughtfully. He wondered if he should ask about the word that she had used – the one that he did not understand. Qagga, was it?
But did it really matter right now? Was now the time for such whimsy? He had hung around only to declare a few things. Wouldn’t it be prudent to finish what he had stopped for first?
“Kinz’rra,” Jyevodirr began, his mind made up, “I said I’m here to talk, but thinking about it, it’s more like a promise?”
Rrianxi did not interject when Jyevodirr paused. She waited with her arms crossed for him to continue.
Jyevodirr took a deep breath.
“You see, I intend to be the next Kraturr.” Jyevodirr had expected many to laugh at this point, but to his surprise, no one in the ring of people surrounding him so much as murmured.
“And I promise you, Rraos is going to be a great person as well. I intend to make him one of my Mag’rra. The Mag’rrus of money, to be exact. I forgot what that word was, actually.” There were quite a few chuckles here, though Jyevodirr couldn't discern whether they were laughing at him or Rraos. Either way, Jyevodirr felt a bit worse than he would have if they had laughed at his dream.
“The word you’re looking for is Jin’xasyi Mag’rrus.” This came from the Arroxath head.
“Yes. That. The Jin’xa…. Jin’xasi…. oh sorry. Yeah. Jin’xaaassyii Mag’rrus.” Jyevodirr felt poisoned by the embarrassment at this moment. He would at least need to go to some tutor before taking the Kraturreni Om'na. Imagine speaking as the Kraturr, only to stumble over words like these!
“Well,” Jyevodirr cleared his throat in a desperate attempt to get rid of his embarrassment. “I hope at some point of time, if we are able to show you that my words were not just empty promises – then I hope you will help us out.”
Rrianxi Arroxath stood silently for a few moments. There was a very faint breeze, and Jyevodirr almost felt like he was having a relaxing little chat in some crowded villa. Of course, Jyevodirr did not know what it felt like being in a villa, but probably it felt very close to what he was feeling during these silent moments.
Before the silence broke, a faint smile echoed through the woman's eyes. Standing tall against the bright azure sky with some strands of her dark hair blowing gently in front of her face, she reminded Jyevodirr of his mother. His mother was actually nothing like this woman, being short of stature and very gentle of disposition, but something about Rrianxi’s faint smile and her red eyes felt so distinctly motherlike that he couldn’t help being reminded of his mother regardless.
“So that is the extent of what you want to tell me.”
Jyevodirr did not say anything, and he knew he did not need to. The Arroxath matriarch stayed silent again for a few moments after that.
“Well then, I shall hold you to your word. You make sure Rraos grows up to be something much more than a mere head of the Arroxath family. If that is how he decides to surpass me, he had never crossed any of us in the first place,” Rrianxi declared this aloud, looking straight at Z’xalorr, the loqerron, who nodded back at her almost imperceptibly.
The Arroxath matriarch then gestured with her hand held up high, after a few moments of which an elderly worker arrived within the ring of people with a briefcase. That was surprising to Jyevodirr.
How did the man know that he was being called and no one else? And how did he know what the family head even wanted? Regardless of how all of this information was communicated, it was apparently perfect, as Rrianxi soon sent the man back with the briefcase. What remained behind was a black card grasped within her palm. Was it what Jyevodirr thought it was?
“Here.” The Arroxath head handed the card over to Jyevodirr. “This is the proof of my trust. Every time I hear of your exploits and know that you lot have grown, I will provide you with finances.”
Xuyanqa. Now that was another word Jyevodirr did not understand. But he could guess that she would be providing them with money, so that word surely meant something like money.
“And since you came for a discussion, not a promise, I shall ask you a question. Consider this a part of your price repaid for the tantrum you threw here.”
“Certainly, Kinz’rra.”
“That other boy with you. Who was he? What is his role in your plan?”
Jyevodirr immediately felt a little surprised, as well as somewhat defensive.
“He is like a brother to me. Why do you ask?”
“Just answer the question, boy.”
“Well, he is something like a competitor as well as a supporter. He will try to become the advising Mag’rrus, but also try being the Kraturr if I die or fail the Kraturreni Om'na.”
Rrianxi stayed silent. The silence was uncomfortable to Jyevodirr.
“Why did you ask?” He repeated.
“To give you some advice, Jyevodirr.”
Rrianxi was silent again, as if calculating something within her mind. Right before Jyevodirr could annoy her with questions again, she broke her silence.
“You should iron this out some more, boy. The sooner the better. My son's fate rests within your hands as well. Make sure that no matter what happens in the course of your journey, things between you and your ‘brother’ stay clear. You have another ‘brother’ now to take care of. You will have even more ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’, and who knows how many more precious to you under what name and what guise. No one should be dissatisfied when the time comes.”
Jyevodirr wanted to say a lot of things, but he chose to stay silent. Why would things not be clear between him and R’vag? R’vag was one of his earliest and closest friends. He also understood his part and was never dissatisfied. They had helped each other out so many times throughout their life growing up.
In the end though, actions would prove to be louder than any words. They would only have to show Rraos’ mother that things would be fine.
“Don't think too much about that now. Just take those words as the ramblings of an old lady and remember them when the time comes.”
That was fine by Jyevodirr. He smiled and nodded, ready to bid them all their farewell, but Rrianxi was not done.
“And how many days will you boys be staying in the city?”
“Maybe till the end of this month. Why?”
“Then go with Rraos and visit the desert. Tell him that I want him to go and have a look at the business he had only seen through the veil of papers. He needs to look at what the business actually is if he wants to become a fine Jin’xasyi Mag’rrus.”
That made sense to Jyevodirr.
“And as for you; after the visit to the mines are done, come visit us with your other friend again. We will assess your strength properly then, and help you with improving it.”
That was such an invaluable gift that Jyevodirr nearly cheered. The heat awoke within him mildly again.
“Thank you so much for your kindness, Kinz'rra Rrianxi. I shall never forget this!”
The Arroxath head smiled kindly.
“Of course you will not. We shall ask you for repayment once you have made of yourself a worthwhile person. But that’s for a lot later. Right now, you should be off. Your friends are most likely worried sick for you. I don't want anyone to dirty up our estate again. There is much to do, and if you boys make a mess here again, you will get a proper thrashing this time!”
Jyevodirr nodded to Rrianxi with his fist on his chest, the usual courtesy offered to someone of superior standing, as his farewell gesture. The woman nodded back at him and turned back towards what Jyevodirr was now sure was her office. The circle of eight people around him slowly dispersed as Rrianxi left as well. None of them greeted him, though their calculative looks did seem to linger on him as they left. Now that Jyevodirr finally had the luxury to relax, he looked around as he walked back.
The people that had fallen during Jyevodirr’s attack had mostly cleared up by now, though there were still a few guards that looked at him with different emotions behind their eyes. Some were lit with a rage in them that would incinerate Jyevodirr if only they had the means; some were both wary and weary; most, however, held a simple and pure dislike. That was a little sad, but not unreasonable at all. If anyone made a mess of his village and beat up most of the people there for what looked like pure, meaningless entertainment, every villager would be mad too. Jyevodirr fancied that he was a different matter though, since he would only be angry at himself for not being able to do anything about it.
Jyevodirr dispelled these thoughts. There was more to this moment than the damages he had caused. The whole estate was sprawling out around him, and he could bask in its richness before he went back to the city.
He looked around again as he walked down the stairs to the main avenue, this time focusing on the estate itself.
The property was the most expansive one Jyevodirr had ever seen a single family own. At the centre that he had just vacated, a platform in the fashion of a tiny citadel hosted the beautiful central building with its generous amounts of bays and wings. To the left and right, where left was North and right was South, there were a host of different buildings, each forming a region of their own. Each little region was like a tiny little block in a tiny little city. There was an unconventionally long building at the northward frontside of the estate, a large building with a lot of people, the entire southern side filled with buildings in different clusters, a sandstone slabbed central avenue that he was presently walking upon, and even regions he could not see from his current position.
Jyevodirr remembered seeing glimpses of such areas that he could not see now. There was an area behind the central platform devoid of buildings, being filled with grass and loitering people instead. Also, behind the large building with a lot of workers, he remembered seeing little plots of bungalows bounded by ornamental fences. And all the statues – who did they all depict?
Jyevodirr tried his hardest to relate the statues that he had seen to any figure with similarity from the folktales he had heard through the course of his life. He was particularly interested in the enormous statue isolated from the rest and placed on a large pedestal of granite.
But even when Jyevodirr had exited the interior of the estate, he could not really get any grand revelation to happen within his mind. What was he expecting? His education was mediocre at best, and he had never had the chance to strengthen that part of himself. Why did he have to go and try to do something that he should have known would only make him feel worse?
More and more disquieting thoughts roiled up from the depths of Jyevodirr's mind now.
If he had owned the estate, he would have been far more infuriated with the ones who had made a mess of his property. Did the wealthy think so differently than the poor? Is that why he felt the way he did, while the rich could forgive so easily? How was he even thinking about being the highest authority in the entire empire, of being the Kraturr, when his knowledge was lesser than any little kid playing in the streets of a major city? And there were so many things in the conversation that he had missed today. What were those words again? No, forget the words – how dumb did he sound during his conversation today? Were those people making fun of him?
Jyevodirr felt the heat rise to his head and fill him with power. What was he doing?
He immediately shut his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to calm down. Violence was not the answer to everything in this world.
Jyevodirr was aware that knowledge was his sore spot. This was the one thing Jyevodirr truly felt himself to be inferior in. The reasoning for this did not matter. What mattered that it needed to be worked upon.
True, Jyevodirr never had the chance to get properly educated before, but having a smarter person who must have received good education as a friend now was a win for Jyevodirr. He would be able to learn from here onwards. Maybe he could even someday continue his education before taking on his final trials? He also had a better means to money now, right? That was good!
He had won today. It did not matter if he had felt somewhat small talking to Rraos’ mother. Jyevodirr was small, but he had taken a step forward in the right direction.
A contented smile finally graced Jyevodirr, and he opened his eyes. He felt much better now. Much calmer.
Looking around, he saw that he was still at the Arroxath family’s estate grounds, though now he stood within the outer walls specifically made for the carriage lot. The world around him was warm and serene. The sky was not as blue as it could be during the summer, but it was still blue enough. The rains had mostly petered out last month, so there weren't too many clouds in the sky.
From within the fancifully designed gates of the outer walls, he could see the Xap’yu river, the lifeline of the empire's desert, glittering like a jewelled blue sword in the distance.
Jyevodirr’s purpose here was fulfilled, and his ambitions furthered. What a tranquil feeling.
Basking in this emotion, Jyevodirr walked out the rest of the way till he was outside the walls of the estate. He had given the poor people who only worked here enough trouble for the day. The least he could do was walk out before making a mad dash fuelled by his strength back to the city walls.
Despite doing that and being outside the estate walls, the guards posted at the gates were still eyeing him with various degrees of resentment. Jyevodirr could not fault them, but it also did not really make him feel anything.
Standing on the Arroxatha’s carriageway, Jyevodirr for the last time in the day let himself loose and felt raw power and heat flood up his whole being. He coiled his muscles for the dash, then vanished from the spot with a loud rumble.
The river in the distance turned into a blur of lights, and the world zipped back and away from Jyevodirr. As he glanced up at the sky, he had a thought.
Why did the sky look blue?
Jyevodirr did not know the answer, but he was sure that with his victory today, he had found himself a means to understand that and so much more.