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Chapter 14

  “So…is…congratulations in order, or…?”

  We're in Kay's room. Kay and I are sitting on her bed and holding hands. J.J. is sitting across from us. She turned the desk chair around and is resting her arms on it with a confused look on her face.

  She was just filled in on everything that happened between me and Kay.

  I convinced Kay we should tell her because she was so involved in everything and she really cares about us. And because I think it’s good for Kay to tell someone else about the fact that she doesn't feel attraction like most people. I knew that J.J. would be nothing but accepting about that. And I was right.

  But that doesn’t mean she isn’t confused about the kind of relationship Kay and I have.

  I'm pretty confused too, to be honest. But I know Kay and I have a special relationship that got a little more special yesterday. So, I'm happy about it.

  At almost the same time Kay and I say, “Sure.”

  J.J. laughs, “Congratulations, then. You're definitely in sync.”

  She pauses for a moment and looks at each of us in turn before raising an eyebrow. “So like…you guys are… what are you exactly?”

  Shoot, we didn't really define things.

  I look at Kay, letting her answer the question.

  I want to say ‘girlfriend’ but she may not be comfortable with that.

  Kay matter of factly replies, “We're very close friends.”

  We've always used ‘best friends’ in the past. I'm happy she thinks things are different now.

  J.J. looks at me for a moment as if to say, ‘you're really okay with this?’ I give her a subtle nod.

  Ugh maybe we should have kept this a secret since she's teasing us so much.

  Although, someone knowing about our newly minted very close friendship does make it feel more ‘official.’

  …

  J.J. and I just left Kay's room. I'm heading to my room to get my pajamas and stuff before staying the night with Kay.

  On the way, J.J. asks me if she can stop by my room for a minute. I have a feeling I know what she wants to talk about and while I kind of want to avoid it, she has done enough for me that I can humor her. And talking about it with someone else probably won't hurt.

  When we get to my room, my suspicion proves correct.

  The moment my door closes J.J. asks, “So like…you're really okay with all that?”

  “Yeah. I am.”

  She looks at me incredulously, “I'm just making sure you aren't like…forcing yourself to be okay with it.”

  “I'm not.”

  She sighs in confusion, “But like…don't you want to jump her bones?”

  I nod as I feel my cheeks get hot.

  “Then how does this work?”

  I shrug, “It…it might not, okay? But…I want to try it. Respecting her boundaries but still…being with her. She's too important to me for me not to try.”

  J.J. nods, “Okay. I guess…I get it.” She shakes her head, “ Sort of. Man, if Ashley completely withheld all that physical stuff, I think I'd bounce.”

  I scoff, “Whatever. You're totally in love with her. And you barely get to have sex with her right now. If it was all about sex you would have dumped her by now.”

  “Well…that's true. But sex is still like…part of why I love her. It isn't everything I love about being with her, but it's definitely part of it.”

  “Yeah. That's great for you two. But maybe it won't be for us. It doesn't have to be the same.”

  J.J. nods and looks a little ashamed, “Yeah…you're right. Sorry.”

  “It’s fine. I know you're just looking out for us.”

  “Yeah. I am.”

  She surprises me by hugging me for the first time since we met, “I know you're both happy. And that's what matters. I just wanted to make sure.”

  I'm waiting for Kay in the dining hall. She had a doctor's appointment this morning for her knee, and I'm a little anxious to see how it went. I'm not left waiting for too long though. Kay joins me at the table with a worried look on her face, which makes me nervous.

  “H-how was the appointment?”

  “Um…good, I guess. They scheduled the surgery for next week.”

  “Well…that's good, isn't it? The sooner it is, the sooner you can play basketball.”

  She nods and looks embarassed, “W-would you mind coming with me to the hospital for the surgery?”

  I smile, as I get a flashback to going with her to see her pediatrician when we were little. She wouldn't go without me. I held her little hand when she got all her shots.

  I am sure there have been many doctor visits without me since then. But that doesn't have to be true anymore.

  “You still don't like going to the doctor, huh?”

  She shakes her head both bashfully and adorably, “I-I…wanted to ask you to come to the appointment today, b-but got embarrassed that I was being a baby. And didn't want you to miss class. I figured asking for you to come to a surgery was less childish.”

  I laugh and put my hand on hers, “Of course I'll come. And I would have gone to today's appointment too.”

  Kay, her parents, and I are at the hospital. They just took her back and put her in a hospital gown and hooked up her IV. She's in a holding area now. They have her in a hospital bed that is only just barely big enough for her and there's a curtain drawn around us. There's no chairs, so her parents and I are standing around her.

  She looks really, really scared. I'm hoping they put some drugs in her soon to help. In the meantime, I can do my best to help a little.

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  I ruffle her hair, making her laugh and look a little less worried, “Pretty soon you'll be beating me at HORSE again.”

  She laughs, “I think I could do that tomorrow .”

  I cross my arms in faux anger, “ Hey , I'm not that bad. You'll have crutches after this too!”

  She smiles, “I know. I'm saying I I can beat you on one leg and one arm.”

  I sigh and uncross my arms, “Yeah, you probably could.”

  Just as we finish our silly conversation, a nurse comes in and says it's time. Kay's face goes back to being scared.

  I squeeze her hand, “I'll be here when you wake up, okay?”

  She nods and gives my hand a squeeze, “Okay.”

  After that, her parents give her some encouragement too, and they take Kay to the operating room.

  …

  Kay's parents and I just arrived in the surgical waiting area. There's a big electronic board that shows the status of everyone in surgery. Right when I find Kay's number, it switches from ‘holding area’ to ‘in surgery.’

  I tell Kay's parents about this and then take a seat. Then, they both take a moment to warmly smile at me. I feel my cheeks get hot.

  What do they know? Kay isn't like me. She tells her parents everything. So they probably know about our…sort-of-relationship. No way they would be smiling like that otherwise.

  Ugh, and I guess I was just very affectionate with her. Maybe she didn't need to tell them.

  I start to get worried when they sit down on either side of me.

  Her mom says, “It's very nice of you to come for Kara. Just like when she was a little girl.”

  I laugh, “Yep. I regret missing so many doctors all those years.” I look down at my hands and wring them together, “I'm…sorry I let her down back then.”

  I'm surprised when I feel a hand on my back, but then I notice it feels quite nostalgic. This is a hand that has comforted me many times. I look up and see Mrs. Olson smiling warmly at me, “You don't need to apologize. You've been here for her any time you could be.”

  I'm embarrassed when I feel my lip tremble from her statement, so I look down.

  She does tell her parents everything. Maybe they know all about my adulterous dad and alcoholic mom.

  “H-how much has she told you?”

  Mr. Olson replies, “We don't know anything other than what we knew back then. Which wasn't much. But we're smart enough to know that whatever happened with your parents was out of your control, and it must have been very hard.”

  “I-it…was. And still is sometimes. Thank you for understanding. I promise I won't let her down like that again.”

  Mrs. Olson smiles with a hint of mischievousness, “I believe you. Kara recently said you two had become very close friends.”

  My heart starts pounding.

  Oh God. How do I talk to them about this?

  “Sh-she did, huh? Yeah um…we…are close.”

  Mr. Olson chuckles, “She may not have told us about your parents. But we know everything about you two.”

  I look down, embarrassed, “O-oh…I see.”

  Mrs. Olson's hand returns to my back, helping me feel a little better, “Thank you for supporting her about her…feelings. She said she only had the courage to tell us because you accepted her.”

  Wow. She meant it when she said that no one knew. I thought maybe her parents did. But she even hid it from them.

  I smile, “I'm glad she told you. And feeling more comfortable with herself.”

  Mr. Olson winks, “Basically we're saying…we approve of your relationship with our daughter. Wholeheartedly.”

  Just as I'm about to thank him for his kind words, Mrs. Olson smiles chimes in, “As long as you come over for dinner a little more often.”

  I laugh, “I…I will, I promise.”

  I was super stressed about having this conversation, but now that I have, I feel so much better.

  I've been avoiding them because I didn't want to talk about my parents, but it looks like they understand that whole thing is a mess that I don't want to talk about.

  And now that that stressor is gone, I want to spend time with them. I liked them so much when I was a little.

  So I'll definitely go over for dinner more often.

  I'm very cozy in bed and mostly asleep. But, I can hear something that tells me I need to get up. It sounds…like someone is crying. But it's kind of muffled.

  I fight my instinct on going back to sleep and focus on the sound.

  I open my eyes and get my bearings. I see a room that is familiar, but not what I was expecting.

  Oh yeah. We're at Kay's parents’ house.

  Her surgery went well and she was discharged from the hospital a couple hours after she woke up.

  I see Kay turned on her side facing away from me. Her shoulders are shaking from the effort of holding in her tears.

  Worried, I scoot close to her and put my arm around her.

  “Is your knee hurting you?”

  She does her best to sound confident and not upset, “S-sorry…I didn't want to wake you up. It's nothing. Go back to sleep.”

  I scoff, “You know, part of the deal of being ‘very close friends’ is you absolutely have to wake me up if you're crying, okay? Now answer my question.”

  She sighs, “It’s not my knee. W-well…not that it hurts, anyway.”

  “Ah…but you're worried about it?”

  She nods and then rolls over very carefully and slowly. I see the tears on her face and frown. She must have been crying for a while before my sleepy self heard her.

  She sniffles, “I love playing basketball. And I wanted to play as long as I could. At least through college…and maybe professionally if I was good enough.”

  “You don't think you still can?”

  She shrugs, “I dunno. Maybe. But I keep getting hurt. I'm starting to think I'm just injury prone. I-it looks less likely I can pull it off for sure.”

  “I get you. That would suck.”

  “It might not be so bad if I looked like a regular person.”

  “But…Kay, you-”

  She raises her voice and interrupts me, “What's even the point in me looking like this if I can't even p-p-play!?” All the tears she's been holding back break through, and she starts bawling. I hug her and she buries her face in my chest as she cries. I stroke her hair and try to think of what I can possibly say to make her feel even a little bit better.

  I thought she was feeling better about her body since our shopping trip. That was silly though. It probably takes more than one outing with me to make her feel better about something she's been self-conscious about for a long time.

  Once she settles down I’m surprised when she sniffles and says, “Boobs are comfy. And comforting. I bet my chest isn't.”

  I laugh, “I happen to like your chest. It's plenty comfy and I know from experience. I’ve cried into it many times at this point. And it always makes me feel better.”

  “Yeah…if you say so.”

  “Maybe…you don't want to hear it, Kay. If it makes you uncomfortable just…tell me.

  But I really like your body. I have since that day in the changing room. And…I like to get a look at it any chance I can.”

  Way to sound like a pervert, Emily! She's definitely going to feel uncomfortable when you sound like a lecherous old man.

  Kay laughs, “Really?”

  Oh thank God, she's not freaked out.

  “Yep! And I'll do whatever it takes to get you to see how amazing your body is and how pretty you are.”

  She smiles, “I-it always helps some, you telling me that.”

  “Good. I know it doesn't solve the problem, though…that you keep getting hurt, and it's keeping you from doing what you want to.”

  She puts her forehead on mine, “No. It doesn't. But you help me cope with it.”

  Since we became ‘very close friends’ Kay has been finding some nice ways to show me affection. Things she didn't used to do.

  This one's pretty nice. It's the first time we've tried it.

  Except…I want to kiss her SO freaking bad. Her lips are like…an inch from mine. And she's so freaking pretty!

  But…that's not what she wants. Deep breaths, Emily. Respect her boundaries.

  Oh wait. We were having a conversation, weren't we? Better check back in.

  “Good. And like…even if you can't play basketball, I bet you'd be a really good coach. I mean, you taught someone like me about basketball, who knew nothing.”

  “That's true…”

  “And like…you were made a captain as a freshman for a reason. I think you're a good leader and mentor. And…you really care about the team and the players. I've seen it.”

  “Yeah…I do.”

  I nod, “So…even in the worst case, you don’t ever have to give up on basketball entirely.”

  She rolls on her back and mulls things over for a moment, “You're right. I love playing…but I also really like studying the game and stuff. Teaching it too. Maybe I'll talk to coach about that.”

  I nod, feeling satisfied.

  She gives me a hug, “Thanks for comforting me. And talking through things. I'll definitely wake you up next time now that I know the power of boobs.”

  I laugh, “Well…you can use them any time you like.” I realize what I said and panic, “I-I mean…for comfort, I didn't mean-”

  She laughs, “I know what you mean. Don't worry.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief, “Okay. Good.”

  She gives me her serious face and sighs, “You got worried about something you said like twice in three minutes.”

  “I did?”

  “Yeah. Telling me you like looking at my body and then the boob thing.”

  “O-oh. Well um…yeah, I did. I just don't want to say something that crosses a line. And it seemed like…those were close.”

  She scoffs. “I don't want you to feel like you're walking on eggshells around me. I trust you, okay? I know you won't ever do anything like that on purpose. So don't worry so much about that stuff.”

  “Okay. You're…right. But…for real, if I ever say or do something that makes you uncomfortable, tell me.”

  She smiles and puts her forehead on mine again, “I will. But if I don't say anything, you don't worry. Deal?”

  I smile back, “Deal.”

  I should have known that she would be just as understanding about how I feel as I am about how she feels.

  I think that means we can make this work. And that makes me really happy.

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