It took Talia about a half hour to set up for the ritual, most of which was pestering me and Volex (but mostly Volex) into reshaping the ectoplasm of the lifeless dungeon environment into something she could work with. It still wasn't ideal, and if we were going to build a proper ritual grove for her, we'd want it to be made with actual plants rather than ectoplasm, but it was enough to get by, for now, and it was also something that made me really, really want to learn how to start working with ectoplasm myself, because I thought the whole thing was really cool, even if ectoplasmic workings were inherently fragile and impermanent. Some things were allowed to be ephemeral.

  "So," I said, once the ritual was over, and Talia assured me that my body's natural hormonal balance would make me grow softer and more feminine, without my cock shriveling up into uselessness. "Y'all know I faced the mental block that was supposed to keep me from realizing I was a woman. But what did you guys face in the Hall of Demons?"

  "I had to face the fact that I'm more Hikaano than is probably good for me," Talia said. "I've just sorta been sleepwalking through life thinking that the important thing was finding someone like you, and since I'd already done that, it was over and I didn't have to think very hard anymore. So, um... Gonna try to be more active, and set my own goals that aren't just 'follow Cat around like a busty duckling.'"

  "Nice," I said, nodding. "I look forward to the ensuing chaos of you actively pursuing a goal other than sex."

  "I wonder how many different kinds of bomb I'll learn to make," Talia mused.

  "I'll go next," Faith said. "I met The Mother, who, uh... Well, she wasn't mean about it, but still, getting lectured about your bad choices by an authority figure is never fun. She helped me get my head on straight, though, with my thoughts about the Paladin's Guild, and what I thought it was, the stuff that made me want to join initially, and what it actually is, and why I shouldn't have actually joined it. But, well... At the end of all that..." Faith closed her eyes, and a rosy golden glow wreathed her from behind. "...I am now a Paladin of The Mother, God of War, Liberation, and Justice. The first human to hold that honor in a hundred years. And I'm going to make her proud."

  "Hell yeah!" Summer said, affectionately slugging Faith in the shoulder. "Me, I had to face the fact that I really, really don't wanna be doing this adventurer crap, but... I mean, I kinda have to, right? Nobody calls up heroes they don't need, after all."

  "Moral panics and overreactions happen all the time," I pointed out. "Not every rule is written in blood. Some, just piss."

  "Sorry, written in piss?" Faith asked.

  "It's a reference to the notion of people pissing themselves in fear," I explained. "A rule written in piss is a rule written because someone was afraid something might happen, rather than because it did happen and they want it to stop happening."

  "Anyhow," Summer said, clearing her throat. "I made my piece with the fact that I'm gonna have to actually fight people, and hurt them and get hurt, and maybe even kill some people, if I'm gonna do what I was summoned to do in the first place."

  "You were summoned?" Emily asked.

  "Yeah, where I'm from, elves aren't real," Summer said dryly.

  "What were you summoned for?" Talia asked.

  "It's... Well, my powers are sex-based, so I figured it'd be kind of a lewd parody thing, but... No." Summer shook her head. "As far as I can tell, your world isn't a porn parody or nothin'. It's just... a world, that people live in, and sometimes, some of those people have sex."

  "That doesn't-" Talia began.

  "I know, but... I'm sorry," Summer said, shaking her head. "I can't say. Helen swore me to silence on this one. Said she'd make the call of who gets to know this one, until it's time for me to go out into the world and get to work."

  I sighed.

  "Sorry," Summer repeated.

  "It's fine, just... Annoying," I said, shaking my head. "Helen's high-handed horseshit is a headache. Well. Anyhow. If you need help, we're shaping up to be a pretty capable crew, and we all like you well enough. Just give us a shout, and we'll jot down whatever adventure you drag us into for school credit."

  "Wait, school credit?" Summer asked.

  "The University's requirements are ridiculous," Emily complained. "You have to complete at least one adventure per semester, either during the semester or over the preceding break from either the winter or summer holidays, and you have to accrue a certain number of adventure credits that are based on how challenging the adventure supposedly is, based on ridiculous, oversimplified guidelines that still involve a tedious amount of math to calculate out."

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  "Of course, we've been on a few extracurricular adventures already, so in terms of raw adventure credits, we are good," I added. "Hell, I'm pretty sure we won't have to do a single adventure for our first semester here. We might do one anyways if you need our help? But..."

  "No, no, there's a mandatory mentorship thing," Volex said. "Each freshman party is assigned to a senior party, and that senior party has to spend at least one hour a week with the freshman party in some capacity, and they have to collaborate on at least one adventure."

  "Ah, dammit," I muttered. "Well, Summer, in that case, you want me to try talking Grandma Helen into letting you join our party so you can get an actual education instead of whatever bullshit Helen throws at you? We all like you plenty fine, and Mount Fate is supposed to be a top-notch education in magic and the like."

  "Iunno," Summer said. "As much as I love y'all, I was never really the university education kinda gal."

  "I mean, neither was I," Faith said. "But, y'know... I'd be crazy to not take the opportunity when it's offered, y'know?"

  "Sure, but I've got the whole Book of Heroes thing going on," Summer said. "I don't need an education to get stronger and smarter. And, y'know... I kinda wanna get out there and see the world. It's brand new to me, and I don't wanna spend that much longer cooped up on top of a mountain, y'know?"

  "Fair enough," I said, nodding. "Emily? What'd you see in the Hall of Demons?"

  "I..." Emily paused, and winced. "...I had another argument with my mother. I... I know she really does want me to be happy, and to live a good life, but... I just... I don't agree with her on what a good, happy life is, and..." Emily sighed. "...Maybe that's fine. Maybe neither of us is wrong."

  "Attagirl," I said, patting her shoulder supportively.

  "Funny," Emily said, quietly. "I would've thought a High Elf of all people would think poorly of women growing up thinking that finding a good husband is all that matters. So why do you like my mom so much?"

  "It's more complicated than that," Volex chimed in. "Obviously, raising girls to think that is bad, but in the abstract, there isn't anything specifically wrong with a woman deciding she wants to attach herself to someone with power and status so she doesn't have to develop it herself."

  "Thank you for the save," I told Volex through our telepathic bond.

  "Also, your mom sucked Catherine's dick," Volex finished.

  "I changed my mind, you're awful and I hate you," I told Volex.

  "She what?!" Emily shouted. "And- Cat, you let her?!"

  "Oooh, you dog!" Talia crowed, grinning as she elbowed me.

  "Look, when I said Melody Redwater was one of the most attractive women I'd ever met, that wasn't empty noise," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I will admit that it was probably an error in judgement, but. Well, I had just discovered that I was allowed to have certain kinds of sex without losing the ability to ride a unicorn, and here was a fifty year old woman with tits the size of her head offering to pay me for my services with blowjobs."

  "I get it," Summer said, nodding sagely.

  "I can't- I don't- that-" Emily took a deep breath, and sighed loudly. "...Why would she do that?"

  "She said it was to secure my loyalty," I said. "And, also, that High Elven cultural norms meant I wouldn't make a move on you, because you're not supposed to have lovers who are closely related to each other." There was another part that I really didn't wanna bring up, but-

  "She also said that he was a charming young man who made her feel beautiful," Volex added, because she's a shithead.

  "Bro got that milfhunter rizz," Summer said, smirking.

  "This is the worst day of my life," Emily muttered, cradling her head in her hands.

  "I'm sorry," I said, sincerely.

  "Don't be," Faith said. "I saw those tits too. I get it. I'm proud of you, Cat."

  "You're all the worst," Emily muttered.

  "Hey now, don't lump me in with these reprobates," I protested. "I'm not the one being crass about-"

  "You fucked my mom!" Emily exclaimed. "That's not- I don't care how rude you are about it after the fact, you had sex with my mother! What the hell is wrong with you!?"

  "I mean, Cat's a Bard in training, and Melody's a Bard too," Talia pointed out. "When you put it like that, of course something was gonna happen when they were left alone together."

  "Can we table this for later?" I pleaded. "Who hasn't gone yet? Does anyone have a personally-affecting anecdote for their time in the Hall of Demons?"

  "I think that was all of us," Summer said.

  "I didn't go," Volex said. "I saw... I..." She trailed off, struggling with her thoughts, before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "...Terpsichore Ironheart, when we first met, pulled me off the simple, deterministic path of the Temptress Demon. I had a whole, wide world of new possibilities to explore. But over time, I've come to realize that I'm still shackled, still bound, still tied with chains to narratives. I can't go against an obvious story for very long, and... If I'm ever going to get the chance to truly be me, then I'm going to have to stop being a Succubus, to stop being me."

  "...I'm sorry, Volex," I said quietly. "If... If there's anything I can do for you..."

  "I'll let you know," Volex said quietly. "I'm... I'm trying to shape this into a story of redemption, so that I can actually stick to it, so... Your cooperation means a lot. Thank you, Catherine."

  "Of course," I said.

  "...This isn't over," Emily said quietly.

  I simply sighed. "Yeah. I know."

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