Chapter Seventy-Five

  Later, I received a letter. So many years had passed, and I didn't think I could still receive a letter from him. I didn't even know where he went, but he suddenly wrote to me.

  Luo Fei swallowed hard, as if the next words would take great effort: "Dad said he was sorry for abandoning me back then. He said he had always been thinking of me, asking if I had grown taller and how my studies were going. He said he had gotten cancer, lung cancer, and was about to die soon, so he couldn't rest easy without saying some things to me.

  He instructed me to take good care of myself and not act like a child anymore. He said I was a good kid and would definitely make something of myself. He also sent over a deposit slip with a large sum of money on it. He said this was the money Mom had given him back then, which he had never used, and wanted to leave for me.

  He said that person wasn't doing legitimate business, and one day they would collapse. This money was left for me, in case I needed it someday. If I didn't need it, that's best; if I did need it, it would count as him not having been a useless father to me for ten years."

  "That night, I left," Luo Fei said. "I left a note for them saying not to look for me and that I wouldn't come back. Even if my father didn't die at their hands, they drove him away, making him die alone in a strange place, unable to return home until his death. It was them. Maybe I've hated them for a long time, my biological father and mother. They're all the same, numb and selfish, building their happiness on others' pain, not feeling any guilt, even wanting me to become like that too."

  Luo Fei's tone was somewhat agitated, he took two short breaths and calmed down slightly: "I came to this city following the address on the envelope, I searched for a month but got nothing. This city is so big, my dad is like a drop of water in the ocean, mixed in with the crowd, no one will remember him, no one will know who he is. Another month passed and I gave up, I knew he must have died already, alone and unclaimed, perhaps becoming one of the many lonely ghosts in this city. So I stayed, I stayed here."

  Luo Fei lifted his head, his eyes were red and filled with tears, but he sniffled and gritted his teeth, desperately trying not to let the tears fall.

  "Xiao Jin, I deceived you. There are many things that I have been deceiving you about," he said. "When we were cancelled and had to pay the penalty fee, I actually had a large sum of money, enough for one of us to buy our way out. But I thought it was his money, and I didn't want to touch it, even though I didn't know what use it would be to me. I just felt that it was money he earned with his life, and I couldn't just use it like that. And I'm not the person you think I am, being a star, singing songs...it's all just okay, nothing special..."

  "He's a useless man, but in this life, the only thing he was good at was playing the guitar. He was very proud of it, saying that he had conquered my mother with his guitar and taught me how to play since I was young. Later, in the letter before he died, he also said that he hadn't given me anything except teaching me how to play the guitar. He said I have a talent for it and told me not to give up on playing. Xiao Jin, actually, I really, really want to be a singer, really, really hope to stand on the biggest stage and play the guitar. I care more about whether I can continue singing than anyone else. I want to be famous, to be the most dazzling one, to stand in front of everyone and play the guitar he gave me. If he were alive or if he's dead, as long as he still loves me, still considers me his son, and is willing to listen to my songs, then he will definitely hear it. He will see that his son has been obedient, hasn't given up, and has been persisting."

  "Xiao Jin, you were right. You treated me as a friend and trusted me, but I deceived you." Tears streamed down Ruo Fei's face, bitter and salty, flowing into his mouth. "I'm sorry, Xiao Jin, I'm sorry."

  "It's okay," Lijin muttered, unable to find the right words, so he could only repeat, "It's okay, it's okay, Ruo Fei, just don't lie to me again, it's okay."

  It's better to get used to not explaining, subconsciously hiding one's true feelings, finding it hard to speak out, or even for self-protection, so unless absolutely necessary, it's better not to reveal one's inner thoughts to others.

  The reason and all that, none of it matters.

  What's important is that I know from now on you won't lie to me again.

  You may have lived in lies since you were a child, you may have been forced to learn how to lie in the hypocritical words of adults, and you may think that lying is one of the ways to survive.

  So you can treat me as your best friend while keeping many secrets from me.

  It's not that you don't trust me, it's just that you lack a sense of security.

  You're afraid that after you reveal your true self and background, I'll despise you just like you once despised the helpless you.

  While pretending to be in harmony with the world, without desires or demands, you can deceive yourself and others, saying that you are not being noticed, and live a peaceful life.

  But you are after all the object of desire.

  Li Jin closed his eyes.

  So every time you pick up the guitar, you look so cool that people can't help but fall for you, as if your repressed soul, which is about to explode, has been completely liberated at this moment.

  After all, you are just a clumsy, slightly clever, nineteen-year-old kid.

  "Has your father, I mean, your biological father, come looking for you?" asked Li Jin after Luo Fei had calmed down a bit.

  "He didn't come himself, but he sent someone to look for me." Luo Fei replied with a thick nasal tone, "He didn't know my phone number or address, and only found out I was participating in the talent show after seeing me on TV. Coincidentally, the person who came looking for me that day was a younger brother who had always followed him around, whom I call 'Uncle'. He was asking about me at the company's front desk, and I happened to see him, so I took him out for a meal and told him not to come looking for me again, and that I wouldn't acknowledge that person either. I spoke very sternly. I thought he would be stubborn and come again, but he didn't, and afterwards, he never came again."

  Li Jin's eyebrows furrowed as she thought of saying something, but after a moment's consideration, she refrained.

  "I understand."

  He stood up and stretched out his hand to pull Lu Fei up from the ground where he had been sitting.

  "Lu Fei, this time's situation is very serious." He chose his words carefully, "So no matter what decision I make or what method I use, I hope you can understand me. I am... doing it so that the two of us can stay and stand together in a higher place."

  "Do you want to make this public?" Luo Fei heard his implicit meaning.

  "I'll try not to," replied Li Jin.

  "Uh, I understand." Luo Fei nodded, he didn't ask for anything else, just wiped away his tears and forced a not-so-good-looking smile at Li Jin, "Little Jin, this time...I'm really sorry."

  "Idiot." Li Jin patted his shoulder and walked out the door.

  Luo Fei quietly watched his back disappear at the door, her body seemed to be stiff for a long time, and only after a long while did she relax her shoulders and let out a long sigh.

  The heaviest and most sinking stone on his heart finally fell off. He was actually a person who was not used to lying to others, so after telling a lie to Li Jin, he often felt anxious in his heart and was also worried in his dreams.

  It's finally okay now, he thought and said, it's finally okay now.

  He grasped the armrest of the chair and sat down with a sigh of relief, as if the pain in the freshly beaten area had only just returned at this moment, throbbing fiercely.

  Xiao Jin... didn't hold back at all.

  He couldn't help but smile at the corners of his lips, reached out to touch the burning spot on his cheek, and as soon as he touched it, he couldn't help but let out a pained hum.

  "Hmm..."

  The door was gently pushed open all of a sudden.

  A petite figure with a curious expression darted in from outside the door, her big eyes still glistening with tears that had been wiped away not long ago. Upon seeing him, her rosy lips trembled as if she was about to burst into tears again.

  "Ruo Fei..."

  Luo Fei's heartbeat skipped three beats, and his hunched waist suddenly straightened up like a tall and proud man.

  "Shh..." His voice was filled with a cloying tenderness that could suffocate people, "Don't cry, I'm fine. Come here, come to me."

  Then he opened his arms and faced her.