I woke strapped to a table. My legs were bound along with my arms. There was a coolness on my right arm. I craned my neck and saw a strange dark silver sleeve on my arm. It ran from my wrist to my elbow. To my right, Paco was strapped to a similar table. A small bracelet was visible on his front leg. The skin on his scalp was pulled back, and I saw a machine drilling silently into his skull. It suctioned the blood as it worked.

  “Where am I?” I asked to no one in the room. “I swear to God, I have to be dreaming.”

  An electronic sound came from my left. I turned my head, and the three alien figures strolled through the door. I felt my blood pressure drop, my head get dizzy, but this time, I didn’t pass out.

  “Who are you?”

  They all looked at each other and muttered something unintelligible before turning back to me. They crossed the room, and one of them stepped forward and started poking at the sleeve on my right arm. The screen lit up a neon green.

  “Stop touching me! Let me go! Let him go, too!” I shouted as I motioned over to Paco.

  “There we go. Now you should understand us,” the one who toyed with the sleeve spoke.

  “What the fuck…” I whispered before the world went black again.

  ***

  “Hey! The stupid human is waking up!”

  I blinked and the room came back into view. I was still strapped to the table. I looked to my right. Paco was gone and the table remained empty.

  I felt like I was about to be killed by whatever these things were. They reminded me of the Grays, but they had mouths, and I understood them. They were actually speaking back and forth to each other. I swore to myself it was just a bad dream, or a bad trip from whatever Helena had snuck into my drink.

  One of the aliens came over and stood by my head so I didn’t have to strain my neck anymore.

  “Listen, it’s fine. You’re safe now.”

  “Let me go!” I shouted. Spit came from my mouth and landed on its face. It wiped it away with it’s long four-fingered hand.

  “Disgusting,” it mumbled.

  “I saw what you did to Paco!”

  “He’s fine. Look,” it said as it pointed to the far wall. Paco was sitting on a chair eating biscuits. He waved. No like, he really fucking waved at me.

  “I don’t understand. I think I’m going to pass out again,” I said.

  “Nope,” the alien replied as he pulled a syringe out from under the table and jabbed it into my arm. My heart started to race like I was on enough adrenaline to single-handedly kill Genghis Khan and his army.

  “Okay, okay, okay,” I said. “I’m dreaming. Or tripping. I’m surrounded by aliens, and Paco waved at me like he recognized me. That’s fine. Close your eyes. You’ve done stupid shit before. You’ll be fine. Just breathe,” I repeated to myself as I tried to remain grounded.

  “Yeah, no. You’re on our space ship. You’re safe here. Your world was being attacked by Orks. We intervened and tried to save as many of you as possible. We declared war on them in the process. Your world is burnt to a crisp, but you’re alive! That’s gotta count for something!” The alien replied cheerfully at the end.

  I tried to understand what was just said to me. Orks? Abducted? War? I closed my eyes and squeezed tight. Okay, just play along. Play along with the bad trip.

  “Okay. So if my planet is gone, how many people to you guys save with this ship? How many ships are there? Why me?”

  “Well…you see. We only saved you and that wonderful friend of yours. He’s really a delight! Some of our other ships were able to save a few as well, but we jumped out of the galaxy once we got you. The Orks auto-locked onto our position the second we jumped in. We grabbed you because it was convenient.”

  “Okay, okay. So what’re you gonna do with me now?”

  “Take you to our home of course! You’re our guests. We’ve always tried to make contact over the years, but never really figured out the language barrier until recently. Now you have that new fancy device on your arm. It does a lot, but we can get to that later. If I let you go, will you attack me?”

  “No,” I said. I will not attack you.

  “Promise?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like, really really promise?”

  I sighed. “Yes, I really really promise not to attack you.” The alien was more like a toddler, or a girlfriend who just wanted the reassurance. It clicked a button and my arms and legs were immediately freed.

  “Chris!” A voice said.

  I sat up and Paco was running towards me.

  “Chris, Chris, they have biscuits here!”

  “What the fuck is going on.” I raised my hands and started to rub the temples on the side of my head.

  Paco was now on the table I had been strapped to. He struggled a moment as he tried to jump and grab the edge to pull himself up.

  “Are you really talking?” I asked.

  “Yes, Chris. They did a quick surgery on me, and now we can talk to each other. Something about that thing on your arm not knowing my language yet. They figured it out pretty quick, and now I have this cool scar!” Paco turned his head and yes, he had a scar. I didn’t exactly think it looked cool, but it was there all right.

  “Okay,” I said. “So, what do I do now? Can we leave?”

  The Grays looked at me.

  “No, you can’t leave right now. Your planet is under attack by the Orcs. The Council is intervening but we think it’s going to be a while before you can head home.” There was a long pause. “We think there’s going to be a drastic change in your world coming out of this, but that’ll be explained later. A lot of the policies have shifted with your world.”

  “Policies?”

  “It’s too much to get in to right now. Let’s just say your planet was quarantined, but now that you’re here, you have some of the benefits the rest of the universe has.”

  Hello, Chris. I am your designated AI. Today you will be picking your class. Your race has been auto-assigned to Human. Please pick your desired class from the list in front of you.

  The voice came from the sleeve on my arm. As soon as it finished, an overlay appeared in my vision. It reminded me of a classic RPG game. Almost like Bloodborne. God, how I wished to play the sequel right now. It was just a week out before I got into whatever this was. Now I feared it would be a while before I could continue fighting in the Hunter’s Dream.

  “How do I scroll through this list?” I asked playing along.

  Just think about it. It should come pretty quick. If you want to examine a class further, just focus on it.

  “I picked Fighter. Subclass, Samurai,” Paco chimed in. I looked down at him with his little mask.

  This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  “Fighter? Samurai? Really? You?”

  “I know the ways of the blade now. I will slay my foes with this stick.” As soon as he said the words, a stick popped into existence. I focused on it.

  Average Lackluster Stick.

  It’s nothing special. A piece of wood with a leaf growing off the side. Can be upgraded.

  Currently does not provide any stat buffs. But it makes a cool whooshing sound when you swing it at something.

  “Pretty cool, huh?” Paco asked.

  “Okay, so the talking raccoon wants to cut people in half. I guess I’ll go with Ranger then.”

  The interface was more intuitive than I thought. I clicked on Ranger, and a slew of subclasses appeared in front of me. I’d played enough RPGs to know that if my friend here was going to be up close and personal with anything, I needed to stay back, but I absolutely hated any kind of spell caster.

  “Hunter subclass it is,” I said as I clicked on the menu.

  Congrats. You picked something entirely useless in space. Here’s your bow, arrows, and a dagger. Remember to collect the arrows. You aren’t special—yet. Maybe you never will be.

  “Is the AI always like this?”

  “Probably should have picked something cooler,” the Gray closest to me said.

  Stat points have been auto-generated for newcomers. Chris, your stats are as follows:

  Strength: 8

  Dexterity: 8

  Constitution: 6

  Intelligence: 2

  Wisdom: 4

  Charisma: 1

  “Really? Charisma is a 1? Intelligence a 2?”

  You aren’t as bright as you think you are, and your Charisma stems from your lackluster performance on the internet. People were more interested in Paco than they were of you. You were the insufferable host. Your guest was the most interesting thing about you. Anyway, Paco’s stats are as follows:

  Strength: 8

  Dexterity: 4

  Constitution: 7

  Intelligence: 3

  Wisdom: 1

  Charisma: 9

  “How the fuck?”

  “Don’t question it, Chris. We both know I’m smarter. Also my class choice gave me a better stat roll than you,” Paco said. “Can I have a biscuit now?” he asked as he turned to the closest Gray and rubbed his hands together.

  “Anything for you, little guy,” the Gray smiled and walked to the opposite side of the room. He opened a drawer and came back with a green box.

  “You know, Chris, mmm these are great, you could learn a thing or two from these guys. Goddamn, yes. Anyway, yeah, Chris, your biscuits were good but these things are otherworldly.” Paco said between munches.

  “Okay, okay. Enough of this. Why are we picking classes like we’re in some kind of game?”

  “Alright, this is a quick explanation,” the Gray who released me pulled up a chair. “You guys got ideas about RPGs because of how the universe actually is. Without the politics of it, humanity was barred from taking part in the actuality of it. Now that your planet is under attack, the Council has decided whoever is not currently on the planet can choose to be a part of the greater universe. It’s quite fun. You’ll get loot boxes, kill bosses, and level up just like the games you’ve played.”

  “Bosses? Like actual bosses?”

  “Kinda. They’re real living things. If you kill them, they’ll die an actual death. And so will you. There’s no respawning. Death is death.”

  “Quests? DO WE GET QUESTS? I love a good quest,” Paco said as he finished his biscuit.

  “What kind of quest have you ever gone on?” I asked.

  “Thievery mostly. Sneaking around trying to get what I want. Stowing chaos in the world around me. Usual raccoon things. Your quests are so boring. ‘Oh I went to the supermarket today. I grabbed a coffee to make myself feel better.’ Have you ever watched the quests you guys go on day to day? Horrendous.”

  “And you nap all the time,” I shot back at Paco.

  “Good quests deserve a reward. A nap is a good reward for a job well done.”

  I stood up and got off the table. My legs felt like jelly and I also felt lighter. I was able to move more easily.

  “Let me guess, gravity here isn’t the same as Earth?” I asked.

  “It’s about 0.8 percent of what you know. You’ll get used to it. Just remember, whenever you go back, you’ll have to readjust again.”

  I watched as Paco hopped off the table. I was still getting used to my new vision. There was a health bar in the top corner, and a blue one which I assumed was my mana. A notification popped up, and I quickly ignored it.

  “Okay, give me a run down. How do I access my bow, dagger, and arrows?”

  Jesus fuck. Just think about it and it’ll pop up for you. Then drop shit into your hot bar like every game you’ve ever played. You don’t pay attention to anything I say, do you?

  “Is he always this rude? Or is it just my AI?” I asked the Gray in front of me.

  “We have the same AI. He’s really nice to me,” Paco said, looking up at me.

  Another notification popped up and I once again waved it away.

  I focused and a dagger appeared in my hand. My arrows automatically equipped themselves to my back, along with my bow.

  “Holy shit. Even if I am hallucinating, that’s pretty cool.”

  My health bar dropped a tiny bit and I felt a sudden pain in my shin.

  “Accept my party invite you son-of-a—” Paco screeched.

  “What the fuck!” I grabbed my shin and started rubbing the lump which had quickly formed.

  There was a honking noise which erupted all around me. Like a flock of geese had arrived and surrounded me. I realized it was the Grays. They were doubled-over. They were laughing.

  “I said, accept my party invite,” Paco crossed closer to me wielding his stick.

  I focused on the notifications I had been receiving and ignoring. They were all from Paco. I hit the check mark next to his name.

  Congratulations. You’re now in a party. Maybe your new friend here will keep you from dying since you haven’t accepted that this is real life and not just a hallucination like you continue to claim.

  “Okay, okay, there. We’re in a party.”

  “Thank you, Chris.” Paco chirped as he sat down and put his stick away.

  “You could have just said something instead of hitting me.”

  “The AI told me you needed to get used to the interface and it was better to just keep pinging you. I got mad when you ignored me.”

  PACO: and look we can type. secret message.

  Chris: Great.

  I sighed as the welt on my shin began to turn a bright red.

  “How do I get health back?” I asked the Grays and the AI. Whoever would listen honestly.

  “Eating, drinking, sleeping, resting,” one in the far corner responded. “You’ll see once you inspect some food. Everything will have a description of what it does, just like your weapons, and Paco’s stick.” The Gray was still wheezing the horrible goose sound.

  “Okay. Is there anywhere for us to sleep on this ship?” I asked.

  “Sure, let’s show you your room. It’s fully customizable. It’s free while you’re here but once you leave to wherever you go, you’ll need to purchase a house. Think of it like a safe room. All towns have them, and you’ll see the door to yours with whatever you choose to decorate it with.”

  “That makes no sense, but okay.”

  “What doesn’t make sense about it?” The Gray turned back and asked.

  “How will my house transfer to another town? It doesn’t make sense.”

  “Oh. Yeah, I guess that wouldn’t make sense to you. You see, now that you’re off your world and a part of the Council, there are some benefits you’ll now enjoy. Think of it like walking into another dimension. The Council enacted this a long long time ago. So all of these towns have designated areas that allow for visitors to return to their home. But when they walk out the front door, it takes them to the last town they were in. Think of it like portal magic, but it’s more like scientific wormhole knowledge. But yeah, just think of it like portal magic. Your small human brain understands that better.”

  “Small human brain, got it.”

  Paco and I followed the Gray through a series of bulkhead doors that clinged and clanged when they opened and closed.

  “This here will be your main entrance,” the Gray leading the way waved his arms at a door. It immediately turned into a tree and had a small hole in the middle.

  “Sorry, I got excited,” Paco said staring up at me.

  “You did that?” I asked.

  “They said it was fully customizable.”

  “Well how do I get in?” Just as I spoke, the door changed again. This time it had a handle, and a small round hole a the bottom which Paco quickly scurried through.

  Inside there was a living room and a bathroom. There was a door for each of us on opposite sides of the room.

  “This one’s mine!” Paco shouted as he scampered to one of them. I watched it change from a large brown door into a manhole cover on the floor. Paco quickly lifted it and jumped in.

  “Well, I guess I’ll take this one,” I muttered as I walked over to the brown door. “Okay, just focus.”

  I thought long and hard on the door. It changed between any color that came to my mind. I settled back on brown with a gold doorknob. It was easier and more intuitive than I had originally thought. Inside was my bedroom from Earth. Just as I had left it. I smiled to myself. It was a nice comfort. The Grays must have decorated this for me. I walked over to the bed and immediately passed out once my head hit the pillow.