I woke to find myself in my room. There was a murmuring coming from beyond the door. I quickly got up and opened it.

  Shit. I’m still here.

  Paco was talking to the Grays who were in the living room.

  They all turned to me.

  “They have questions for you, Chris!”

  “Uhhh, okay? Shoot.

  “So you guys worship the ground hog?”

  “Huh?”

  “The ground hog! You know, the one they celebrate every year,” Paco shouted.

  “I mean, kinda? Most of us hate him because he goes back to sleep. I wouldn’t say we worship—”

  “And he can see into the future?” one of them asked.

  I had to think about the question. “I mean, I guess? Technically? I don’t think that’s how it works.

  “WHAT A WONDROUS LINE OF EVOLUTION. SO HE’S A GOD!” One of the Grays got overly excited and started muttering to the others on the red leather couch which I assumed was Paco’s idea.

  “No. He’s a rat that just goes to sleep.”

  “Hey, I take offense to that,” Paco shot at me.

  “You are not a rat, Paco.”

  “It is still a slur for my people. Besides, rats aren’t nearly as smart as I am.”

  “That’s kinda cheating. These guys here made you smarter with that implant,” I gestured towards them.

  “I am the king of raccoons and all will bow at my feet,” Paco stood up on the coffee table and held his stick high in the air.

  “Look what you guys did. Now I have to deal with this sass,” I said.

  The Grays whispered to each other a moment before one spoke.

  “We’ve been discussing this in private. Paco can stay with us if he chooses. And you can go on your way.”

  “I can’t abandon my squire,” Paco said as he lowered his stick and faced the Grays.

  “I’m not your—”

  Before I could finish my sentence, the name next to my health bar changed. Chris, Squire of King Paco: First of His Name, Leader of the Free World.

  I sighed and checked my party menu. Sure enough, there it was. Paco’s name had unnecessary identifiers after it.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll still let you call me Paco as long as you get me biscuits whenever I want,” he said as he hopped off the table and came to beg at my feet.

  “So is this my actual name now?” I asked the AI.

  Technically, no. It’s just an identifier for your party. Paco doesn’t hold any royal titles. He’ll appear as ‘Paco’ to anyone you meet, and you’ll still appear as ‘Chris,’ unfortunately. If and when Paco gets a royal title, then the real fun begins.

  “So, if I get a royal title?”

  Won’t happen. Useless. Total waste of meat. That’s you.

  I listened to the AI start to cackle. Something told me it didn’t actually hate me, it just enjoyed being a complete dick. I kept my mouth shut.

  Anyway, back to business. You both leveled up. You’ll get some loot boxes for forming a party and gaining your first level. Sit down and see what you guys got.

  Paco jumped up next to me on the couch while the Grays watched us. I let Paco go first as he pulled out his first box.

  Wooden Beginner Box.

  I watched as he opened it and a bunch of leaves dumped themselves onto the floor then disappeared as quickly as they manifested themselves. I inspected the item as soon as Paco began holding it.

  This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

  It’s a string. Attach it to your stick and wrap it around your cute little wrist. Now you can throw your stick and drag it back to you.

  This item provides no buffs.

  It can be cut, but there may be a few upgrades in your future to make it virtually indestructible.

  “I can throw the stick!” Paco screamed as he equipped the string. It looped around his wrist and the bottom of his stick. Sure enough, he threw it across the room and it made a whooshing noise before it clacked to the floor. He pulled it back.

  “I also got some health potions, and a mana potion,” he said. “What’d you get?” he asked as he looked over to me. His tail jerked back and forth with anticipation.

  “I got three boxes.”

  “Three?! That’s not fair.” Paco’s tail lowered and he crossed his arms as he leaned back into the couch.

  Useless Waste of Meat Box.

  I sighed and opened it. The box disappeared and raw chicken fell into my lap with a squelching sound.

  Raw Chicken.

  You can eat it, but you will get sick. Cook this bad boy up and maybe you’ll make something good out of it.

  Provides no buffs uncooked.

  Cooking may provide buffs. Honestly, it’ll probably just restore some health but who cares. Congrats on the chicken!

  I opened my next box. It was a Wooden Beginner Box. It only had health potions and a single mana potion.

  “Guess you got the lucky one with the item,” I turned to Paco.

  “Yeah, but your class came with three weapons, I only got one. It’s only fair.”

  I chuckled. Paco was more and more annoyed by the single box.

  “Woah,” I said as Paco and the Grays looked at the last box. Its golden color was covered in blue and green gemstones.

  Golden Box of the Squire.

  “I feel like these aren’t the actual names and the AI is just fucking with me.”

  Nope. Totally the names.

  I ignored the commentary and opened the box. Rainbows and fanfare erupted out of it. I pulled out a single vial.

  Potion. One time use.

  There was scribbling after which I couldn’t understand. It was a mix of circles, triangles, squares, and shapes I couldn’t comprehend.

  You will not be able to read this description until prerequisites have been met. Like it says, one time use. You will know.

  “Uhhh, okay,” I tucked the vial into my inventory. Next to it there were ten money signs. “I guess it’s worth a lot.”

  “How many dollar signs!” one of the Grays shouted.

  “Ten.”

  They all gasped and looked back at each other.

  “That’s enough to buy your own spaceship. Make sure you keep it safe. You should probably give it to Paco.”

  I looked over to him. He rubbed his hands together.

  “I’ll keep it,” I said.

  Well okay then. Paco since your party member is so selfish, I’ve decided to give you something myself.

  “Yes!”

  A hamster appeared on the coffee. It didn’t move.

  Hamster of Holding. It’s like a Bag of Holding, but it’s cute. Items will be stored in its cheeks. Sometimes they come out a little slimy.

  Doubles inventory capacity.

  No, he doesn’t speak. No, he’s not a pet. He’s a hamster that holds things.

  “Gross…”

  “I LOVE it,” Paco announced as he picked up the hamster and equipped it. The hamster hung by a string which looped around Paco’s waist.

  Sorry. It was the best I could do. No one really likes the Hamster of Holding, so they’re generally free to anyone who wants one.

  “So, can I get one?” I asked. I didn’t really want one. But carrying more things would be nice.

  No. You’re selfish.

  “That’s fine,” I muttered. “So, how do we level up more?” I asked as I turned to the Grays. They were still oooing and ahhing at Paco’s new string and hamster.

  “We can take you to our hunting grounds. There’s a planet a galaxy or two over which is home to some dwarves and dragons. Don’t worry, they keep the peace between each other,” one of them said.

  “Like, real dragons?” Paco asked.

  “Correct, little one. Dragons that shoot fire, sleep on gold, and fly around. They’re not the nicest to visitors, so we’ll take you to the dwarven home. They accept foreigners. You can farm some XP and get some gold.”

  “Sounds like a good plan,” I said. “Will any of you be joining us?”

  “Oh, absolutely not. Too dangerous. We’ll drop you in a low-level area and you’ll fight some rats, snakes, rabbits. Maybe cut down a tree or two. Work on just getting your level up. We prefer to stay on the ship rather than fight in hand-to-hand combat.”

  “Uhh, okay. Also, what’re your names? The AI hasn’t told me anything.”

  “I’m Curly. This is John, and that one is Ralph.”

  “‘Curly’... got it.”

  “Yes, it’s because I’m bald,” Curly replied. “Anyway, make yourselves comfortable and DO NOT EAT. Once we jump to the next galaxy you’ll probably be sick and our little robots don’t like cleaning up puke.”

  I looked over to Paco. “No more biscuits, ‘little one,’” I smiled.

  Paco flipped me off in return and walked over to the manhole cover. He quickly moved it and slammed it shut. I laughed.

  “You guys made him upset,” I said to the Grays in front of me. They shrugged in return.

  “Better for him to be mad than sick. Poor guy, though. Just wants his biscuits.”

  I sat down on the couch and waited as the Grays disappeared.

  “What the fuck did I get myself into?”