Ha! Idiot. You’re nauseous. Congrats on the debuff. It’ll go away in five minutes, but it’s fun watching you suffer a bit.

  I stood up and my equilibrium was definitely off. I tried to walk forward, but found myself leaning to one side then the other like I was back on a cruise ship. I put my hand out and placed it on the coffee table as I tried to steady myself.

  “Nauseous isn’t the right word. I feel like I’m borderline black-out drunk.” I attempted to focus my vision. There was a timer steadily clicking down from five minutes. “Okay, it’ll be over soon,” I said as I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

  “Chris, I don’t feel so good,” Paco’s voice came from behind me. It grated against my ears. It was like a child screaming in a restaurant. In that moment, I hated him.

  “It’s alright, we’ll be okay in a few minutes.”

  “Chris, I frew up,” he whined. “It’s all over me and my room.”

  “It’s okay, the robots will clean it. We’ll get you in the shower once the debuff goes away.”

  “No. Curly’s gonna be so mad at me. He told me not to eat and I didn’t listen. Chris, they’re gonna be so mad. I don’t want them to be mad at me,” he whined.

  “Jesus Chris, it’s fine. There’s thirty seconds left,” I started counting to myself.

  The debuff went away and I immediately felt better. I looked over to Paco who was standing there covered in chunky brown vomit. I laughed.

  “It’s not funny!”

  “You didn’t just eat a biscuit, you ate a lot of them.”

  “I’m going to wash myself off,” he shouted as he ran for the bathroom. I heard the water start running.

  Curly, Ralph, and John came in, but I couldn’t tell which was which. I had names, but there were no identifiable features to them. I waited for one to speak.

  “How are you feeling?” Curly asked.

  “I feel okay now,” I said. “Paco threw up a bit in his room, he’s cleaning himself now.”

  Curly sighed and turned away. “I’ll let the robots know.”

  Paco came out of the bathroom. His eyes were wide and he looked like he was about to cry at a moment’s notice.

  “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t listen. And your biscuits are just so much better than that garbage Chris gives me.”

  “Hey!”

  “I’m sorry but it’s true. You humans could learn a thing or two from these guys about appropriate snacks. It’s about balance and flavor. Not just sugar and additives.”

  I rolled my eyes as Curly returned with a robot in tow. He whispered and pointed to the manhole cover on the floor. The robot looked dejected, as if it had taken a big sigh when he looked down at the floor. It wheeled itself over, lifted the manhole, and hopped down.

  There was a mix of electrical sounds that erupted from beneath our feet. I thought for a moment that the robot had shorted itself out.

  “Oh, he made a real big mess down there,” Curly said.

  “I didn’t mean it!” Paco shouted back.

  “It’s okay, little one,” Curly said as he crossed over and knelt down beside Paco. He rubbed his head. “Are you ready to go on an adventure? You get to use your stick now.”

  Paco’s eyes lit up. He started scampering in circles around the living room.

  “Okay, but how are we going to get to the planet? Land on it or are you going to teleport us like they do in Star Trek?”

  “Please, that would waste way too much energy. We’re going to land at their starport. We’ll stay there and you guys can explore the town.”

  “Okay. Come on, Paco. Let’s go watch these guys land a spaceship.”

  We walked out the door and went through another series of bulkheads until we arrived at the cockpit. It was massive. At least five times larger than the room where they had strapped me down to the table. The walls were lined with seats, and glass surrounded the entirety of it. Curly stood at the command console in the center of the room while John and Ralph each took a seat on either side of him.

  “Begin our descent. Increase thrust,” he said.

  The Gray’s on either side started clicking away at the screens in front of them in unison. It was like watching an opera live. Curly was the conductor, and the other two were the musicians. It truly was a sight to see. The ship lurched forward and I had to plant myself firmly on the ground.

  “Just like taking the subway,” I said to no one in particular.

  I watched through the glass as we began our descent onto the planet. A wave of blue shimmered as we closed in, then a wave of fire appeared in front of the ship.

  “What’s that?” I pointed and asked Curly.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “Shields, of couse.”

  “I kinda figured, but thought I’d ask,” I turned to look back at the planet coming into view as we breached the atmosphere.

  “Small human brain,” I heard him whisper.

  I watched as continents and oceans started to appear more recognizable. Mountains covered in snow littered the landscape, and in the far off distance, I could see a continent covered in soot as black smoke rose from a monstrous volcano which spewed lava down its sides.

  “Look! That must be where the dragons live!” Paco pointed to what I was already looking at. His eyes were wide and he was beaming with excitement.

  “Where are we landing?” I asked.

  Curly pointed to my left. I could see a beautiful forest. The trees had a mixture of pink and green leaves. They were huge, like redwoods, but not all clustered together. Each tree was about a football field away from the next, at least, I guessed.

  The ship stopped its descent abruptly and I felt like I was on the subway again. I braced myself against the console to stop myself from falling over. Paco wasn’t as lucky. He launched over the front and crashed to the floor.

  “You okay, little one?” Curly looked over the console.

  Paco lifted his hand up. “Yeah, if I had opposable thumbs I’d give you a thumbs up.” He stood up and scratched the back of his head.

  “Good. We’re changing course to the starport.”

  The ship lurched but not nearly as harsh as before. I watched as we coasted through the sky. We buried ourselves in the clouds and when we reemerged, I could see small towns coming into view. Little wooden cabins dotted the landscape between the green and pink leaves.

  “You know, when you said dwarves, I figured they lived in the mountains.”

  “Oh, they do. That’s where they do most of their work, but they live in the sunlight. Common misconception, but you get the point. They take pride in their work.”

  I saw the starport as we got closer. There was a wooden tower with a layered stone roof. It wasn’t much different than an air traffic control tower.

  “Yer cleared to land,” a gruff voice burst through the comms above our heads.

  Curly nodded to his co-pilots.

  There was an open field at the starport, and the ship landed softly. No jarring crash, no noise as it lowered itself into the space it was designated for. No whining of engines. Just a simple descent which felt like parking an electric car. Paco and I followed the Grays through the bulkhead doors and into an airlock. There was a quick hiss as white steam coated us.

  “Just a decontaminant. Eliminates any viruses or bacteria you may have. Can’t have you killing a bunch of foreigners again with the germs you carry,” Curly smiled at me.

  I nodded.

  We stepped out from the airlock. There was a set of stairs. Above the sun shone brightly. It was nice feeling the sun on my skin again. Something almost comforting. There was a dwarf waiting for us at the bottom of the staircase.

  “Ay, nice to see ya’ll again. And you two must be the visitors from Earth,” he extended his hand. I shook it. His skin was calloused hard and I thought he might break my hand in the vice-grip.

  “I’m Chris, and this is Paco.”

  “I’m Brukrag Oakshoulder. But you can call me Bruk.”

  Achievement Unlocked.

  Visit a foreign planet. And not get killed immediately! Congrats. Though, I would have loved to see a shower of blood and gore the second you got here. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers. Enjoy your boxes.

  “Come, come,” Bruk waved us on to follow him. “Ya’ll can open your boxes inside. There’s a storm a comin’.”

  I looked up and didn’t see any foreboding clouds.

  “Really? It doesn’t look like it.”

  “Yer, about an hour out. Needle rain. Pesky.”

  Paco looked up at me. “Chris, what is ‘needle rain?’”

  I shrugged and followed Bruk into the main building of the starport. Inside there were dwarves everywhere. All of them about four feet tall and stocky. Like, offensive linemen. But not chunks, they were all hiding apps under their clothes. They all reminded me of the Amish in the way they dressed. Very kind. They all waved to us as we passed.

  “Are we the first visitors from Earth?”

  “Ay, first terrans to ever make it to our home. You’re basically mini-celebrities. It’s an honor. I hope the Orcs are stopped soon, then we can really share our cultures.”

  I wanted to ask what they knew about the attack on Earth, but at that same moment, I didn’t. Hopefully my friends and family were still alive, or saved by another ship. Anything. I didn’t want to think of what they could possibly be doing to destroy Earth, or why they were doing it.

  We sat down at a large wooden table. It was sturdy, but shorter than I would have liked. My knees were almost touching the bottom of it when I sat down in the small chair.

  “Open yer boxes, then we can start gettin’ ye’ leveled.”

  Silver Beginner Box.

  I opened it. There was no fanfare this time. Inside there was a pair of boots.

  Leather Boots of the Ranger.

  They’re not the prettiest, or the most manly. Kinda plain, honestly. But they get the job done. You can move stealthily wearing these bad boys.

  Wearer now makes no noise when walking through brush. Leaves don’t crunch under your feet. Sticks if broken still make a sound, but it’s not nearly as harsh as it would be. You can still draw attention, but most people, animals, or things that hear it probably will just brush it off. Except ghosts, wisps, and other-worldly beings. They’ll probably come.

  “Neat. This is actually pretty cool,” I said as I took off my shoes, placed them in my inventory, and pulled on the leather boots. They resized themselves on my feet which piqued my interest. It felt like I was wearing almost nothing, like I was barefoot with how well they fit.

  “Okay, now me!” Paco screeched. He hopped down from his chair and produced his own loot box.

  Golden Beginner Box. Free upgrade from Silver since your party member is selfish.

  I sighed.

  Paco opened his box and fireworks erupted from it like the Fourth of July. He stared in amazement.

  Red and Yellow Vehicle.

  It definitely is a knock-off of those children’s cars everyone either had or used growing up. If you can think it, it can do it! This vehicle has telepathic capabilities. Change the color? Think it. Want it to fly? Too bad, there are limitations, but it can hover and hop. Maybe even glide across the water for a bit, but don’t get too crazy, you’ll probably sink eventually. And please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T THINK IT’LL BLOW UP BECAUSE THIS BAD BOY WILL MOST DEFINITELY EXPLODE. Like, I said, there are limitations, but that is something it will 100% do if you think about it.

  “This. Is. Awesome! Chris, watch this!”

  I watched as the red and yellow children’s toy turned jet-black. The front turned into one of those plates that old trains had. Then spikes grew out of it. I watched as Paco kept thinking of anything he could. An engine block appeared in the back of it, like one from a drag car. Black smoke started to billow out of the exhaust pipes on either side of it. Everyone cheered and laughed. I looked around at everyone celebrating him, and smiled to myself.

  I turned back and examined the new vehicle again.

  Paco’s War Wagon.

  “Oh, fuck off,” I laughed.

  I watched Paco get into his war wagon and race around the starport. He was doing his with the steering wheel, but that thing went damn fast. More than once did he almost flip over as he drifted the ass-end of that little toy. It was nice to get my mind off of the events of the last two days. He pulled up next to me.

  “Get in,” he said as he reached over and pushed open the door.

  “I can’t. The roof is in the way.” I watched as the car changed shape again. The seat raised higher and part of the roof disappeared so I could sit comfortably. I pulled myself in. A seatbelt magically appeared and buckled itself. Paco took off for the exit.