Lia

  Professor Song’s smile falters when she sees me.

  “Good morning,” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. But no matter how much I try to hide it, my ck of sleep and hours of crying must still have been obvious on my face—and obvious to Professor Song.

  “Good morning, Lia.” She gestures for me to sit. “Did Yeju talk to you about potential new projects?”

  I can’t help but wince at the question. Yeju did try to talk to me about that, and I didn’t take it too well. I haven’t been taking anything well recently.

  “Not really,” I admit.

  “I figured. She emailed me st night about her pns to write her thesis back home in New Jersey. It sounded like a st-minute decision.” She lets out a small sigh. “I hope it wasn’t because of what I said. That wasn’t what I meant when I told her to stay away from the b.”

  Stay away from the b? Before I can ask her to expin further, Professor Song leans toward me.

  “So, what project are you interested in, Lia? I’m happy to give you something new to work on. The other projects I told you about at the start of the semester are still avaible, but we can look into others as well, depending on your interests.”

  What am I interested in? Everything—is what I want to say, and what I’ve always said in the past. I’m interested in working on anything and everything, as long as I get to learn something cool.

  But for some reason, the words do not come.

  After a brief moment of silence, Professor Song frowns. “Would you like me to give you more time to think about it?”

  My cheeks flush with embarrassment. “Actually, I- I was very interested in helping Yeju with the literature review for her thesis. I enjoy reading for her project and wanted to try my hands at writing something scientific, but…”

  I expect to see the same frenzied expression Yeju gave me. Instead, Professor Song wears a look of delight.

  “Oh, that is wonderful, Lia! Science writing is a noble pursuit—and a rare one too! Most scientists hate writing. I mean, I hate it too; the literature review portion of a paper or grant is my least favorite part to write, and it’s exciting that you’re interested in it. Would you like to help me with some of my grants?”

  “Grants?”

  “They’re how I pay for the b and the students. There’s a lot that goes into a grant: a literature review, an overview of results and data we’ve collected so far, what we pn to do next with the money, and how it can impact the world. You can help me research and write up a draft of a grant, at least the literature review portion of it, and I can edit it. It’ll save some work for me, and you’ll get to learn about the grant writing process. What do you think?”

  A grin psters across my face. That is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard, and I accept the offer with no hesitation.

  We spend the next few minutes discussing the details; I ask a few more questions about grant writing, while Professor Song gives me a copy of her past grants for my reference. By the end of the meeting, I am buzzing with excitement.

  When I leave the office, however, my mood dips again.

  It has only been a few days since I’ve been inside the b, but it feels like a completely different pce now. I find myself looking around for Yeju—rushing around in her b coat or instructing other students on the instruments—even though I know she is not here. She will never be here again.

  Her desk is also the emptiest I’ve ever seen. Her b notebooks and endless sticky notes are all gone. Two chairs sit beside the desk. I can almost see Yeju and me on the chairs—looking through our data together, discussing our next experiment. But now, they’re deserted.

  Darren’s table is vacant too, and he is the only other person I talk to in this office. The other two graduate students are never here during regur work hours.

  This is it. The end of an era.

  I shake my head. It’s okay. My time with Yeju’s project has passed, but I’m onto my next job now.

  And it’ll be just as fun and fulfilling.

  ***

  I trot towards the cafe outside Boelter Hall to find RJ. After finding out that I cried the night away yesterday, she asked—no, demanded—to meet me today.

  The cafe is crowded but I spot her easily. Her fashion style has always been impeccable, and today is no exception, with a chic leather jacket that matches her shoulder-length brown hair.

  She waves at me after I call out to her, but her gaze shifts and nds somewhere next to me.

  “Oh my god, RJ!” a familiar voice shouts from behind me.

  I turn around just as Yuna drapes a hand across my shoulder.

  “Hey, Lia!” she excims. “I saw you walking out of Victoria’s b and I wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t get your attention because you were walking so fast, but this is much better! RJ is here too! I haven’t talked to either of you in ages!”

  She drags me towards RJ’s table and we both settle on the seats across from her.

  RJ raises her eyebrows, amused. “Hey, Yuna. Long time no see. So you’re just gonna hijack my hangout with Lia like this, huh?”

  “Am I hijacking? Should I leave?”

  “No, no, you’re good,” I chime in. “We can all hang out together.”

  “You’re way too nice, Lia,” RJ scoffs, but the sparkle in her eyes tells a different story.

  “So, how are you all?” Yuna csps her hands together. “Oh, oh, how’s Chloe, RJ? I can’t believe I still haven’t met her yet.”

  “She’s really busy,” RJ says. “She’s actually in New York right now, doing this chef exchange program thing at a restaurant there.”

  Chloe is in New York? “Oh, she’s in the same area as Yeju then,” I blurt.

  An awkward pause settles between us. Crap, I shouldn’t have brought Yeju up. She’s the reason I cried all night, and she’s the reason for this emergency hangout.

  RJ is the first to break the silence. “I cannot believe that piece of shit just left you like this.”

  “Well, she…” I lower my head. “She has a pretty tight deadline… This is a good temporary solution…”

  “Good solution, my ass,” RJ snaps. “She just left like a fucking coward.”

  “RJ, come on.” Yuna sighs. She pces a hand on my clenched fists. I didn’t even realize my hands were clenched like that. I loosen them.

  “I want to apologize to you, Lia,” Yuna continues. “It’s my fault Victoria found out about your retionship with Yeju. I’m sorry if that’s what made Yeju leave for home. I’m really sorry.”

  “Oh, no, it’s… it’s nothing like that…” I mumble, but panic is taking over my mind. So Professor Song found out about our retionship? Was that what she meant when she said Yeju needed to stay away from the b? Why didn’t Yeju tell me about this?

  RJ snorts. “Honestly, what do the both of y’all see in her? She sounds like a mess.”

  “Well, a mess can be a hot mess,” Yuna counters with a chuckle. “And she’s pretty charming. I first met her at my interview here. She brought me around the campus, and she had so much energy then.” She turns to me. “She almost matched my energy levels. Can you believe it?”

  “Not at all,” I admit.

  Yuna chortles. “If you ask me now, I also can’t believe it. She changed so much. She didn’t use to be this grumpy, you know. Here, let me show you some photo evidence.”

  She whips out her phone and scrolls. It takes almost a minute for her to find the picture, and when she flips her phone around, my mouth drops.

  In the photo, Yeju and Yuna are on a beach, and Yeju is grinning so hard that her gums are showing below her upper lips. I did not even know she could have a gummy smile like that.

  I recall the photos I took of her when we went to the cat cafe. She was nothing like this beach photo, not even half as joyful. Was she not happy… with me?

  “Where is this?” RJ asks.

  “Huntington Beach!” Yuna chirps. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Ah, I should take Chloe there sometimes—“

  “Why did you break up with Yeju?” I ask.

  Once again, the table quietens because of me. RJ and Yuna exchange a gnce with each other. I feel terrible for breaking up their conversation, but I had to know. From the photo, Yeju and Yuna seem perfect for each other. So why did they…

  “Well, we’re not compatible,” Yuna says. “We saw each other through rose-tinted gsses for the first few weeks. But when the newness wears off, the problems arise pretty quickly. And so…”

  “But problems are arising for us too,” I whisper. Tears blur my vision, but I blink them away. “How… How do you know if you’re compatible with someone?”

  My two friends exchange another look.

  “What does your heart tell you, Lia?” RJ asks. I’ve never heard her voice this soft, this gentle. “Do you want to keep trying with her despite the problems, or does it exhaust you too much?

  “When Yuna and I were dating in Singapore, we broke up because she was immigrating to the US, and neither of us wanted to deal with a long-distance retionship. But a few years ter, I ended up being in a long-distance retionship anyway. But it was with Chloe, and to me, it was worth it with her. So I guess you have to ask yourself: is this worth it? Do you want to keep trying with her?”

  My hands twist around each other as drops of water pelt at them. I do want to try, I know I do. I’m anxiously waiting for Yeju to come back, to hug me again, to talk it out.

  But I was the one who asked for space, who pushed her away when she tried to fix things…

  As I sob, an arm wraps around me.

  “Hey, hey, it’s alright, it’ll be alright,” Yuna coos as she holds me. I hear RJ shift her seat next to me, sandwiching me between them.

  “I… screwed it up…” I mutter. “I was the one who… blew up at her. I made her leave…”

  “She’ll be back, won’t she?” RJ says. “She has to, for her thesis defense.”

  “Yeah, you can work this out with her after she’s back,” Yuna adds.

  “But… what if… it’s too te?”

  Yuna rubs my arm. “I won’t say I know what’s going on between you two, but I know that Yeju has always been a rather… prickly person. And I bring out all her pricks. But with you… You seem to lower her pricks, Lia. I can’t speak to how you feel about her, but I can tell she trusts you and likes you. A lot.”

  My lips curl at that st sentence. “But she seems so much happier in the past…”

  “Well, yeah, but that’s the past. We can’t turn back time to how we were before. We can only look forward and fix what we can.”

  RJ whistles. “Damn, that was so wise. Your Ph.D. program must really be doing something to you.”

  “What are you talking about? I’ve always been wise!”

  As RJ and Yuna continue their banter, I take out my phone and click through my contacts. Yuna is right; I can and should try to fix things with Yeju—maybe after she is done with her thesis and has time for me.

  A thought occurs to me.

  It’s not just Yeju too. I’ve screwed up more than just my retionship with her. There are so many broken retionships in my life that I never fixed. That I never bothered to.

  I remember the old photo album I flipped through with Yeju. I remember how I felt as I stared at the photos of me and Romeo. How I longed to return to those days.

  Yeju’s words ring in my head. “I think you should talk to Romeo. Get back the lovely sibling retionship you used to have but was taken away.”

  My fingers hover over Romeo’s name at my phone screen.

  The conversation drifts into more light-hearted topics, but I barely register a word. When RJ leaves for her css and Yuna returns to her b, I pluck up my courage and, for the first time, text Romeo.

  ***

  A/N: Touched by RJ and Chloe’s retionship? They have a whole book dedicated to their love story. Check out ‘Cherry On Top’, a stand-alone prequel to this book, on my profile!