Chapter 22 Mika’s PoV

  The day had gone by much better than Mika had expected it to go. Admittedly, the day had started as a disaster.

  Not only had she missed her arm, but she had also overslept by a good two hours. For once, her parents had been content to let her sleep. Normally, Mika would have been happy about it, but… Today was too important, and nothing was allowed to go wrong.

  Nothing…

  Except she had not managed to fall asleep until the very morning due to her excitement. And when she finally did, she overslept! She had barely managed to be on time to her hairdresser, where she had spent the rest of her morning.

  After returning back home, it was time for another shower. All that running around had made Mika sweaty, and she could not have that on her first dat-... Outing.

  Luckily, she had shaved her legs and bikini zone yesterday. Probably an unnecessary step, but the ‘what if’ haunted her mind.

  There was no way ‘it’ was impossible, but what if…? She had to be ready for any circumstances.

  So, of course, when Mika started to dress, she discovered that her lipstick was missing. It called for an organised search, so naturally, she started to scour every corner of her room, ignoring the mess she made with every step she took.

  The tragedy was that the search had turned out to be fruitless. When Mika’s mother checked to see what the noise was about, she revealed she had appropriated the said lipstick.

  True, Mika had other lipsticks that she could use, but this one was a perfect match for her blouse. It also made her lips look more alluring, and the date could end with a kiss…

  “Only it is not a date!” Mika reminded herself as she looked in the mirror.

  Mika had trouble not thinking about this outing as a date. She was aware Silva thought of it as a girl's day out. Mika even feared Silva would arrive in her usual attire. Not that she would mind it… But it would be nice if her love interest showed at least some awareness…

  But besides that, everything was already scheduled. Mika would arrive much earlier and wait for Silva. Then, they would go and see the movie which Steven had recommended.

  Afterwards, they would have a nice meal, and she would use it as a chance to gather her courage. After the restaurant, she would tell Silva of her inclinations.

  Mika wanted to have a day after which she would have no regrets, regardless of the result of her confession. Well, one of the confessions. The other one could wait. She was not ready for that one.

  And to be fair, everything had gone almost as pnned. Almost being the keyword. Mika had arrived an hour early to get ready. The goal was to get a grip on her inner anxiousness while waiting. But Silva had a simir idea and had arrived even earlier, putting Mika into a daze.

  Somehow, Mika had managed to collect herself despite Silva’s magnificent look. The girl had dressed up!

  It was the first time Mika had seen that. There was no doubt that Silva was the most beautiful being in the world.

  There was even make-up, though Mika actually preferred Silva without it. It was also the first time she had seen her in a skirt. They were a bit too long for her taste, as it made it hard to catch a glimpse of Silva’s alluring legs, but she knew it was too much to ask for.

  The next hour she had spent listening to Silva talk. She was sure that she had stared at her friend an excessive amount. But it was a rare chance to hear Silva talk so much. Just watching her speak was so arrou-, engrossing.

  It was trouble that came next. Somehow, during the hectic preparation period, Mika had forgotten to check what Steven suggested for them to watch. He had only said it was a perfect movie to close the distance between two persons.

  Mika had worried that Silva would bow out of the movie, but luckily she hadn’t. “Luckily! So lucky!” Even now, Mika had trouble calming herself down every time she remembered the cinema.

  At the start, she had been worried about her ability to handle the horror aspect of the movie, as she too was not very good with it…

  But then Silva grabbed her hand, blowing all of her worries away. Just one gnce at Silva’s face had made her courage skyrocket.

  It was a blissful feeling to be relied on by your crush. Mika felt that she could die the next moment from the happiness. And to be fair, it almost happened when the movie had reached midway.

  There must have been something that the movie had done to make Silva so scared that she hugged Mika in fright. The warmth from Silva’s body. Her face rested in her nape, her breath tickling her skin…

  Mika had felt hot, her heart beating in an erratic rhythm. Then, the faint fragrance of Silva’s body reached her. Her friend’s hand had accidentally brushed past her breasts.

  It was hard for Mika to recall what had happened next. All she remembered were the euphoric and entangling sensations. She was sure that this memory would bring many sleepless nights and fantasies to her.

  When Mika finally started to register what was happening around her, she was already on her way to the restaurant. After arriving there, she followed the pn she had worked out before. For all the bliss that Silva had brought her, the least she could do was to treat a meal.

  Unfortunately, Silva had brought her back to the ground. Just one innocent sentence. It was all it took. Mika was sure that Silva had not meant anything by it, and that was why it hurt so badly.

  Mika already knew it, but… Silva did not see her as anything else but a friend. Despite her best attempts at making a good impression and flirting, the end result was Silva thought that the restaurant she had been brought to was well-suited for dates.

  It was true that they were not a couple… But there did not seem to be any semiconscious reactions from Silva, just a wishful sentence that longed for the future. Mika was not sure where she belonged in that future, nor, at that moment, she wanted to...

  Now, it was a te evening. As per Mika’s suggestion, they were walking to Silva’s pce. The usual autumn coldness chilled their skin, and the overcast sky hid the moon and stars. The weather had turned worse, as had Mika’s thoughts.

  At one point, Silva made a feeble suggestion it would be safer for her to walk Mika home.

  It was true that Silva was good at hiding. But the girl was even better at finding trouble, so Mika had not allowed it. And if the worst comes to a pass, she would rather have time to cry before returning home.

  Mika was admonishing herself because, currently, Silva was clearly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because of her. And Silva was waiting, waiting for her to talk.

  And Mika would. She had made her memories. Steven had assured her that Silva would not think of her any less than before, but you could never know.

  Maybe Silva would be done with her. Maybe she would be angry, disappointed or worse. Humans were complicated. Mika knew that. She was complicated, too.

  As they passed another crossing, Mika looked at her friend. She was afraid to lose even that small bond. But if she wanted more, she had to tell her.

  “So, um, I said we have something to talk about. No, what I meant, I have something to say. You can just listen. You may have noticed that there are not many people I call friends.”

  “Besides Steven?”

  “Besides Steven.”

  “I have not heard of anyone else,” Silva nodded.

  “Yeah, you may have thought it’s because of my personality…” Mika started but was interrupted.

  “What do you mean?” Silva was looking at her as if she had said something strange.

  “You know, I can be violent and sometimes mean to the point of being, you know, a bit of a bitch. I like to be in control. And I am not happy if others disagree with me. I can be a bit obsessive and-.”

  “I think that you are a very sweet girl.” Silva interrupted her again. “You are always ready to defend me, to spoil me and listen to me. You help me when I am lost and give me company when I am lonely. It is true that sometimes you are too cautious and keep a tight rein on me and Steven, well more on Steven… But it clearly shows that you care.”

  Mika looked at her friend, who gave a reassuring smile. She was sure Silva thought of it as a big and comforting one, even if her lips were stiff and barely bent upwards. It was a very charming smile.

  “Thank you… It-it means a lot coming from you, but we went on a bit of a tangent.” Mika looked around. There were still cars passing them, but barely any pedestrians remained on the streets. It was already getting te, and most everyone had already retreated to their homes.

  This was not where she had wanted to expin herself, but it would have to do. Mika’s courage would run out before they found a better one.

  “As I was saying...” Mika started to speak. “I… It is hard for me to make new friends. You know, I don’t think I look bad.” That elected a small chuckle from Silva. “But that is a problem in itself. Boys come with expectations of becoming something more than friends and girls…”

  There it was. There was no more avoiding. To this day, only Steven knew, and this was an important step to take.

  Mika took another breath and hoped that her voice would not crack at this moment. At some point, they had stopped walking. She looked into Silva’s eyes. She liked to look into Silva’s eyes. They were dusky blue and reminded her of the sky. Though it was hard to see the colour in the evening’s shade.

  “I am attracted to them. Girls, I mean.” Mika managed to finish. She waited for Silva’s reaction.

  It was hard to tell what the girl was thinking most of the time. But Mika thought of herself as an expert in deciphering the many meanings of Silva’s facial expressions.

  At first, Silva looked at her as if she did not understand. Then, an understanding dawned on Mika’s friend. Then, an incomprehension followed by bewilderment. Maybe there was more - hidden even deeper.

  But at least Silva did not run. Her friend didn’t appear to be angry. “Maybe she did not understand after all.” Mika sadly tried to guess to herself and hurried to expin.

  “I-it’s not like I did not want to tell you, it’s just… I thought you would be scared of me, that you would be repulsed of me. Please don’t think I was just using our friendship. I really like you… You truly are my friend.” Mika wiped her tears away. She did not want to ruin her make-up.

  Not now, at least she had to keep looking pretty. She could cry afterwards. “And, and… Somehow, I have become a mess.” Mika tried to find a handkerchief in her purse as she kept talking.

  “So I wanted to spend some time with you, just in case...” Mika winced when a cold hand touched her cheek, and another started to wipe away her tears.

  “Don’t cry, it’s okay, I am not going anywhere.” Silva gently comforted. “There is no way something so small would make me dislike you. After all…”

  Mika perked up, waiting for Silva to finish. She felt awkward and ashamed but hopeful.

  “You are my best friend,” Silva finally said.

  It was not quite what Mika had hoped to hear, but it was close. Silva would not leave her. For now, it was all that mattered. She was disappointed and empty… But not alone. And there still was a question she dreaded Silva would ask.

  Mika let herself be led by Silva, who found a nearby bench where they sat down. It took a while for Mika to calm down enough to take a deep breath, and even then, she felt that she could tear up at any moment.

  “S-so, there you have it,” Mika said almost spitefully. She hated herself for doing that and hoped that Silva would not ask why she had asked her out today. She hoped Silva would not ask what she thought of her…

  Because if she did, Mika would not be able to lie. Again, a tear ran down her cheek. But it was quickly collected by Silva.

  “Don’t worry, I don’t think any less of you. Sorry, I did not notice it sooner.” Silva apologised.

  The apology chilled Mika’s heart. All she could think about was that Silva knew. She knew her greatest secret, but her tone… It was not what she wanted, and Mika knew she would be let down.

  After all, no matter how dense Silva was, there was no way to piece together Mika’s actions with her sexual orientation. She had been positively fawning over Silva for weeks now.

  Mika clenched her hands into fists and hoped that the rejection would pass over soon. Then, she would go home and cry.

  Tomorrow she would not go to school and after that… Mika would pretend that this day had never happened. She would smile and act as usual.

  Silva continued to speak. Slowly, carefully. “I did not notice I made you feel uncomfortable. I must be a shitty friend. I am sorry I was clinging to you too much. It must have been awkward. I-”

  “No, you are wrong!” Mika found herself speaking against her will. “You are wrong! It was not uncomfortable! It was nice! You did nothing wrong! Don’t change anything, please!”

  At that moment, Silva hugged her and whispered in Mika’s ear. “Nothing will change! I assure you that I’ll keep being your friend. And I will try to help you. I am happy you told me, and that is the truth.”

  Mika wanted to tell Silva that she was wrong. That everything had changed. That being just friends was not enough, but instead, she nodded. Instead of getting rejected, it felt that she had gotten an extension of their friendship.

  There was a bad taste in her mouth. It did not vanish. She was a liar. In the end, Mika did not tell the most important thing and resigned herself to return to the previous state. It was not the worst conclusion, but it felt the worst.

  They sat in quiet for a while, both with their own thoughts. Silva never let Mika go. There was a misunderstanding, but Mika did not know how to fix it. Neither did she know how it had formed.

  “Um, Silva… Did you really understand?” Mika tried to ask but got back only a warm gaze. The same eyes that had captured her, and Mika knew she would never be free.

  “Of course! Now, let’s get going. It is cold, and we don’t want you to get sick, now do we?”

  Mika was still trying to understand what was going on. It seemed that Silva did not know that she liked her? “But how? How could she not?” Mika did not understand. Was there no limit to the denseness of her friend? “I even tricked her into going on a date on the day I thought she would start to distance herself from me!”

  They had walked a good distance before Mika regained the ability to speak.

  “Silva, I don’t think you quite understood what I was trying to say.” Inside, she cursed herself for being such a coward. She still hoped that Silva would realise herself and she would not have to say it aloud.

  They were about to arrive at Silva’s pce. There was not much time to talk about this topic. Mika was sure that she would chicken out of speaking about it ter.

  “You said that you can fall in love only with girls. That you thought of me as your best friend. That you don’t want for things to change.”

  Mika’s mind froze again.

  “I understand. You don’t think I am crush-worthy, but that’s fine. It will be easier for you that way. I’ll see you tomorrow? And don’t be afraid to talk to me. Remember, we are friends. See you!

  Silva waved and entered the building.

  In a stupor, Mika watched her friend head up. She wanted to ask what exactly had she understood. Where had she gotten the idea that she was not crush-worthy? But her mouth betrayed her and stayed closed.

  And there was something else too.

  “It seems that I still have the chance?” Mika murmured as she started to look for a taxi. Silva had not rejected her.

  Enkiari