Hic… hic… sniff

  After my argument with the hero, I secluded myself in the inn’s cellar so as not to be disturbed.

  Here, alone and in total darkness, I submerged myself deep in my sorrow, rehashing the events that led me to ruin my relationship with the hero. Everything wasn’t perfect, far from it, but I was still very fond of the bond I had managed to develop.

  He didn’t dare to lay a hand on me, but that didn’t mean he was unmoved, and honestly, I didn’t mind how he behaved. His overreacted denial and coldness were cute, which was more than enough for me.

  As long as I could have a little bit of attention, as long as I could be with him, even if only from a distance. It would’ve been enough for me. I didn’t ask for much since I knew my own circumstances very well.

  Given the hero's personality and figure, he was bound to attract girls' attention wherever he goes. Despite the inconveniences he suffered after his trial, I was certain that a future where he would once again be surrounded by an army of lovelorn and desperate young girls was not far away.

  I was aware of my shortcomings and, so to speak, my unique ‘inclinations’; so there would be little room for someone like me.

  This is why this relationship, as bad as it may be, was meaningful to me. As the first, I hoped I could make a place for myself and assert my seniority rights. Even if he refused to touch me, he would eventually fall for it with each new addition to his harem. Indeed, no matter our relationship, as long as he didn’t loath me, he would never have cast me aside, whether by pity or kindness.

  It may sound petty and twisted, but it would’ve been enough, and I would have known how to be content with it. It would’ve already exceeded what I had hoped for…

  But perhaps I had set my expectations too high; maybe I was longing for something that was not meant for me. Reality will have caught up with me, and karma will have put things right.

  After all, I probably didn’t deserve him, for everything was only misplaced jealousy in the beginning and a child’s whim and dreams afterward.

  …

  Because I was jealous of my own sister, I was envious of her maturity, situation, looks, strength, confidence, and everything… She was strong; she was beautiful; she was courageous; she was intelligent and dignified…

  Back home, she was entitled to privileges that I never had. She didn't have to take any lessons, and she could come in and out of the manor at her own discretion. She was free to live as she pleased.

  Furthermore, our mother never argued with her or lectured her. She was rarely questioned and even more seldom proven wrong.

  If not for the fact that Mom paid little attention to my sister and that they both spoiled me, I could almost have believed that I was an illegitimate child, an unwanted one…. But I was undoubtedly loved deeply, and between my sister and me, I was the one who got most of Mom's attention. I was pampered every day, every night, at each hour, and during all these years.

  I had no right to complain. Even my sister treated me like a princess and gave in to almost all my whims. And yet… I was secretly harboring bitter feelings of jealousy, a feeling that grew stronger yearly and made me appear as my sister’s biggest fan on the surface since I managed to persuade myself this was merely admiration.

  Everything could have stayed the same until I reached adulthood and finally broke free from my overprotective mother and suffocating sister. I could then have flown alone and stopped looking at my sister’s back with envy. I would have gained confidence and started following my own desires rather than those of others.

  Yes, I’m sure I would’ve been able to overcome my trauma and live proud of myself and my family.

  But something had to prove me wrong, and that thing was the Hero's existence.

  One day, my sister ran away from home without warning, leaving me alone in my never-ending efforts to become like her. At first, I didn't mind, and I even came to enjoy being alone with my mother, with no one to make me feel inferior or jealous. But it only lasted for a moment, and I missed her cheerful presence. I regretted the time when she brought me presents, and I longed for the mischievous game we played together.

  What wasn't my surprise when she finally returned home after months of absence, pregnant at an advanced stage and happier than ever… It was a shock. At this moment, I learned that my sister had someone in her heart for a long time and that she cared for him, not just a little. In an instant, that news brought back all the negative thoughts and feelings that I had managed to bury deep before and during her absence.

  Mom sighed at the sight of her pregnant daughter, but as usual, she didn’t utter a word. She did seem a little angry, but she wasn’t surprised, and she let my sister go without pursuing the matter further.

  Overall, it seems the news affected me the most. I was badly shocked and astonished. I had never left the house alone yet, but my sister, my model and target of envy, already had a lover, a child, and a more promising future than ever that opened to her. Suddenly, I was no more her little princess, for she would soon have her own. I would not receive all of her attention anymore, nor would I get to play with her as often as before. The present she would bring would go over to someone else, and her love reserved for her new child and lover.

  With all these emotions, it didn't take me long to realize that it was even worse than that. Sis had likely cared deeply for that unknown man for a long time, and her affection for him might have exceeded that for me. Everything I thought was mine was actually only a part of it, and all these years, someone else also had the privilege to enjoy it.

  This event cast a shadow on my heart, and betrayal and anger took place at the side of jealousy.

  The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  But it was only in the days that followed that it all became clear when my world fell apart… Without even meaning to, she stole what I had left to comfort myself, what I always took for granted, even though she already had everything else.

  Our mother's care. My sister took away the only thing I ever had that she didn’t. I mean, as far as I remember, this had never happened, for God knows why, Mother never involved herself in my sister’s life or paid attention to her. Of course, she had no animosity toward my sister; I’d even say they were even excellent terms. It was just that Mom didn’t seem concerned about her or her whereabouts.

  It had always been me and only me. Sis never needed Mom’s attention; she never asked for it, and I’d rather say she found it a burden.

  So when my mother didn't notice that I was upset, or didn't realize that I was unwell, or even didn't care about my strange behavior, but went to my sister's bedside to keep her company, everything fell apart.

  Usually, if I were troubled by something, she would find something wrong, but not this time. She was too focused on my sister's and the future baby’s well-being.

  At that moment, something in me broke.

  That is why I, too, ran away from home that night without aim, desire, or wish. I rode a horse without stopping through the domain to the nearest city. After a whole night of driving at full speed without incident, I finally reached its outskirts.

  While I had time to calm my mind and reflect on my actions, seeing the guard on patrol there scared me. I left again without a rest, thinking the news of my runaway could have already reached them. I didn’t want to risk being sent back; it was too soon for me to confront my mother.

  Not knowing what to do but refusing to return home, I continued my journey, avoiding cities, patrols, and even people until I ultimately left my family’s area of influence.

  It took me a week, during which I wore out my horse to the task while barely eating and sleeping. In the end, it was a week that saw all my food supplies and money gone, lost to the benefit of my life, thrown to highway robbers who made me their target as soon as I arrived on unguarded roads.

  Despite this, I didn’t give up and managed to join a small city in the neighboring noble territory, resolved to hide for a while.

  There, starving to death and penniless, I eventually signed up for the guild to make some money. I firmly intended to prove to myself that I was just as capable as my sister and that I no longer needed their protection and love, and this seemed like the perfect job.

  Using my student identity at a famous academic, I paid the entrance fee with a jewel sold well below its value at a local market, and I started my new adventure on the same day.

  Despite my age, I was smart, well-cultivated, and well-versed in magic. Even as a healer, I could fight with spells and even manage low-level monsters in melee; such were my abilities after years of hellish training. I was above beginner adventurers in everything, apart from my credibility.

  Moreover, I understood my limits and knew how to stay alive, so I wouldn’t risk myself on an impossible and dangerous quest like slaying a dragon.

  Therefore, I could efficiently complete missions and earn a living for a while… Or I thought so… But as usual, in everything I do, I failed miserably…

  I will not dwell on these pathetic moments—I’d rather not remember them. But to sum up, I endured defeats over and over again, and I fled while lowering my head, only managing to keep my life…

  Alright, it wasn’t as bad as that, but I indeed struggled quite a lot.

  Over the following days, I completed some quests, enough to earn something to eat and sleep every other day at the inn, but that was it. Few were successful, and many failed due to an unforeseen event or my lack of preparation. I did suffer some defeat and was forced to flee more than once from a fight, sometime before it even began.

  To top it all, everything took me much longer than expected, regardless of the result, and I often couldn’t finish within the deadlines I set for myself.

  No matter the quest, from a simple medical herb gathering to slaying monsters, my completion rate was, at best, average and, at worst, terrible. Those quests were not dedicated, fortunately, and thus didn’t fall under any deadlines or failure fees, but I was nonetheless demoralized.

  My ego had taken a hit, and I felt even worse than when I arrived. I felt terrible, and each trouble I encountered only lowered my morale and increased my mistakes.

  And yet, despite this, I was acclaimed at the guild and considered a genius… For someone my age, the missions I took were way above what one would expect of a child, especially since I never went for easy ones. Succeeding in a few and surviving the others was already quite the feat for the typical adventurer.

  But that wasn’t what I was looking for. This didn’t make me happy.

  Sure, I could’ve settled for entry-level quests since those were aimed at children or elderly people. Or I could’ve contented myself with very low-rank missions for beginner adventurers and achieved a respectable performance… But truthfully, this wouldn't have served my goal to prove myself as capable as my sister.

  If it were her, at the same age, I'm pretty sure she could have survived a baby dragon's breath or even killed one. I wasn't at that stage yet and wasn't looking to match her superhuman abilities, but still... If I couldn't even clear the most arduous low-rank or the easiest mid-rank quest, what was the point of competing with her...

  Even my mother, who does not know how to fight despite all the teachings she makes us undergo, could have done better than me at that time if she had used her charms to seduce veterans to fight for her.

  There again, I could only confirm what I had become aware of. Compared to my sister, I was nothing, neither as mature nor capable as her. I lacked her fighting skills as much as social ones. My knowledge was vast, but I didn’t know how to use it properly, and I overestimated myself a lot.

  I honestly thought I was a failure at that time… I still remember saying to myself, ‘I'm good for nothing.’.

  But stubborn as I was, I persisted and gave it a last go. I chose the most challenging low-rank mission I could find without even investigating it and went on a hunt—my last adventure.

  It resulted in many pitiful moments, and the results I got were barely enough to call it a success. However, its outcome led me to meet the hero for the first time, and that alone made all my struggles worth it.

  For the first time, I felt I was allowed to truly desire something for myself that wasn’t related to my sister, even if, in the end, it turned out to be the complete opposite. This event eventually helped me erase almost all my negative feelings toward her and renewed our relationship.

  Above all, it made possible a future where we would be both alongside the hero… But it was all over now. I screwed up and destroyed everything. Because, as usual, I failed in everything I did, unlike my sister…

  Say, sis… Would you be sad if I got madly jealous again? Would you pamper and comfort me like old times? Would you get angry at the hero and defend me? Which side would you be on?... Mine, isn’t it? After all, it always has been me, and I now know that even your daughter comes second…

  But I don't want all your attention or seek your care anymore… I only want a bit of the Hero's love now…

  Hic… hic… sniff