He appeared straight away, as if he'd been waiting for me, hidden by a bend of the road. I stood with my back to the car and listened to its approach with thrilling curiosity. It exhaled slightly and stopped a few feet away from my feignedly indifferent back. Breathing in the damp evening wind, I stared up into the near blue sky and wondered if he could see me.

  I knew he did. I could feel his gaze. I let it slide over my frozen figure for quite a while. The familiar tingle of incipient warmth enchanted my blood. I turned and approached the glossy blackness of the car windows. Smiling at my reflection, I stared at my lips for some time, realizing with pleasure the depraved swelling that had appeared in them. They beckoned to me, and breathlessly I kissed myself. The door clicked with impatience, wanting to engulf me. But I walked away. Further and further along the wet pavement of the road.

  I was beckoning him, I wanted him to step into my world. I wanted to force him to take the risk. With a greedy jerk, the car slowly followed me. That's how we moved, stubbornly tempting each other - me in front and the black chrome body of the car behind. And I wasn't going to give up first. It honked three times, rudely breaking the vibrating silence of those place. But I was relentless. Like all creatures of the heaven, I always knew what cruelty was. And he could not stand it.

  The car squealed its brakes and slammed with the door. I didn't turn around, tensely aware of his approach. His soft, creeping footsteps. He came very close and froze behind me. I could feel the heat of his breath in my hair, defiantly tied with the band at the back of my head.

  ‘You're teasing me, Vic,’ he said. ‘You're open to temptation.’

  I shrugged and turned around. I stared into his eyes, shimmering with the glare of madness. It was sweet to realize that I was the reason of it.

  ‘Why don't you ever go out, Alistair?’ I asked, staring at his black-clad figure. ‘Are you afraid? Afraid that the firmament of the sky will scorch your feet?’

  ‘I'm not afraid of anything, Vic,’ he grinned.

  ‘You're lying to me, Alistair,’ I said and flinched when the wind opened his shirt. ‘I want to be able to lie as well as you....’

  ‘I'll teach you that,’ he retorted, pulling me to him by the hand, ‘but first I'll teach you how to give me pleasure.’

  I clung to him with an unexpected greed, to the inviting nakedness of his desires. The dangerous desires of a possessed creature of the underworld. His hands slid to my thighs. It was the first time I'd felt his arousal this close to my body. He ripped off the band hiding my hair and ran his hand through it, pressing his lips against mine. Our tongues entwined, and I allowed him scalding possession of my breath.

  ‘How much do I still not know, Alistair?’ I asked in a whisper as our embraces parted.

  ‘Something I can give you now,’ he promised, and suddenly knelt down.

  While I stared in surprise at his head bent over my groin, he quickly untied the light braid holding back my ascetic pants, which were devoid of any colour. The state of helpless openness stunned me. I stood as if on the edge of a cliff, watching him as if the abyss were coming. In the next instant he pulled off my jacket, and I remained completely naked. I had never seen myself naked before. Nor had I ever seen myself hard.... Alistair looked up at me and smiled slowly.

  ‘Shall I tell you what colour your body is in this place,’ he asked, not taking his eyes off my face. ‘Shall I tell you what it smells like?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘Alistair, stop it…’

  Alistair gripped my waist with his palms and pressed his cheek against my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt his kiss on my thighs. Light and warm, like the first sip of wine.

  ‘For an angel, Vic, you're made too perfect. I want to corrupt your body and your soul. You must learn how much pleasure that perfection can give.’

  I can still remember the shivers that shook me. He drew me into the depths of his revelations and I drowned in them. Drowned without any attempt of salvation...

  ‘I want to know how pliable your courage is,’ he whispered.

  ‘Let me go, Alistair,’ I repeated as his lips explored me. ‘Let me go!’

  But he shook his head in defiance. I felt his embrace grow more greedy, and I cried out when he touched me with his tongue for the first time. I didn't know what he was going to do to me. My fear was dizzyingly intertwined with the recklessness that compelled me to wait just as greedily. Closing his bottomless, enveloping black eyes, he ran the tip of his tongue along my shamelessly heaving flesh…

  His lips... A moist sensual gateway to the realm of dark lust, heavy and warm as dead water in the saltiest of human seas. They say somewhere along there your Savior was born. One who preferred to walk on the surface, but never dived in. Apparently the water was heavier than his light holiness. But I took the risk. I entered that dark overpowering water, into the moaning and thrusting ecstasy. I couldn't do otherwise, Alistair left me no choice! He drew me further and further, he tempted me, and his hands readily accepted the helpless resistance of my body.

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  I moaned, hoarse and desperate. I realized he was punishing me, but never before had I craved punishment that much. Even now, when my body has known many lips, bold and inexperienced, greedy and fearful, I still replay the first step we took at the same time. I remember the shiver of tentative nakedness and his breath laced with the stupefying sound of the wet slides of his tongue. He did it for a long time, he teased me and I, unable to stand it, made my own step. I wanted to reach his vicious throat, to make him choke on me, to silence his rapturous wheezing. I forced my way into his mouth and pressed his head against my groin. And wished I could die....

  The sensations of incubus, free of the insensitive veil of grossness that dulls the human sense of touch, are much sharper and much more ravishing. Our bodies are but appearances. They are thin garments hiding the bare nerves of the soul. We do look as you see us. But in the wide range of senses assigned to beings from different worlds, there are innumerable colours and shades for us that you will never know. Unless you fall in love with an incubus. We take you to heights that only a light shadow of your body can reach. The one that really knows what touch feels like. Just like your music, which vibrations are so much richer when heard in the naked void of hell. That's why our love is so dangerous. And that is why you fly so avidly to our pulsing fickle fire. But our tribe is related to the few, and the Fallen are a hundred times more choosy. Because love is a fusion. It is a poison that can poison both.

  Those we choose, we take with us because our blood is in them and they will never know peace on earth. And because we’re jealous. At the moment of love, the worlds touch and it is easy to take that wrong step that will condemn you to eternal pleasure-seeking. Alistair did that to me. He completely claimed me later, but I took that fatal first step. And I made it myself.

  What did I feel? I felt the solidity of the heaven breaking beneath me. I felt my world tearing with a quiet but deafening crack. As I stood with Alistair's black-haired head pressed against my thighs, I peered into the abyss with avid interest. What I saw there shocked me. I saw an abyss and an immense endless expanse. An expanse where I could fall forever and there would be nothing to stop me. And I knew what pleasure looked like, and I wanted it.

  I remember how eagerly and roughly I took possession of his mouth. I remember his hot fingers sliding down my body and the fierce feeling of impending danger. I let him have it all, frantically striving for the unravelling, the final explosion that was going to destroy my world! I wanted to burn up this stuffy heaven and fall into hell! And I knew that Alistair would be there with me. His love was the one thing I feared to lose.

  But when the heat of my body became unbearable, when my moans turned to a scream, Alistair pulled away from me with a jerk. I saw him smile, cruel and ravenous. He truly looked like a demon now, glowing with the dark fire of the damned, his mouth wet with lust and the unnatural gleam of his mad black eyes. I stood there, shocked and angry. I could see that he realized how much I would have given to touch him again.

  But he didn't let me. If he had torn off my wings then, he would have lost the power that my doomed desire to be defeated by him gives him now. And so he was only teasing me, tightening my death wish. I was furious. I looked at Alistair. Into his laughing greedy and evil eyes:

  ‘Come back, Alistair...’

  But he only laughed softly. Slowly rising from his knees, he walked over to the car and leaned against it.

  ‘Oh no, I won't satisfy your hunger so quickly,’ he said. ‘You'll have to forget your pride. You, naughty little outcast of heaven....’

  With these words he laid his back teasingly on the car and rubbed himself languorously against it. He looked mockingly at me, trembling with lust for the first time in my life. His shirt was open, and I shivered, seeing his flat, tight belly with its tantalizing tubercles of muscle and the dark velvety track that mysteriously lurked beneath his belt. I groaned and wrapped my arms around myself, forcing my fingers painfully into the skin. But neither the intensifying cold around me nor the pain could bring me back to my previous sense of peace. It felt like poison was spreading through my flesh. And I tore at it with a fierce, desperately hoping to drive it away. The fresh scratches were staining with blood, but the desire that was burning me wouldn't go away.

  Alistair watched my convulsions with visible pleasure. I looked up at him pleadingly, at his mouth smiling with the white rim of his teeth, at the black strands streaming down his naked neck. But he only smiled, still rubbing his back against the dull enamel of the car.

  ‘Come back, Alistair,’ I whispered, feeling the helpless tears rolling down my cheeks, ‘help me....’

  ‘I don't want to help you, Vic,’ he said, his smile growing wider and more dangerous. ‘I can only keep you in the darkness longer.’

  He rose nimbly and opened the car door.

  ‘I'll come back for you,’ he promised, ‘I'll find you everywhere you go...’

  And he got inside.

  ‘No!’ I shouted, ‘don't you go! Don't you dare to leave now, Alistair!’

  But the door slammed behind him, and the car sped away through the thickening fog. I remained standing there, with nothing to cover my nakedness. I knew that clothes could not hide it, just as the body cannot swallow the trembling soul.

  ‘Alistair! Alistair!’ I screamed, and it seemed to me that my lungs would burst from that cry. ‘I beg you, come back!’

  But he was already far away. Though I thought he could hear me, I knew he would not answer. My call gave him a weird, mysterious pleasure. I can feel its echoes now, when the souls I have ruined cry out to me from the depths of hell. But I take my time, savouring this doomed plea for a long time…

  It was then that I realized I could not be without Alistair. And if I had to die to go with him, I agreed to it without a second thought.

  I don't remember how long I trashed about on that cursed road, trying to rid my body of the fever that tormented me. Shivering, I rushed to get dressed, but my clothes burned my skin, and I went insane. Like some possessed being, I rolled along the side, grasping the bare, wet branches of the leaning trees as if they were hands, his hands. I was scraping my skin against the asphalt, begging for his affection, and I couldn't stop repeating one name. The name of my father in hell.

  I remember that I came to my senses at dawn. All that endlessly long night I could not leave. I waited desperately, hopelessly. The bright stars of the sky stung my eyes, coldly reflecting the appealing fire of his dark pupils. And I gazed into them, feeling pathetic, trembling, crucified on the black pavement of the road. Just like a criminal nailed to the weight of his sins. This is how the morning found me. Blinding me and giving me the strength to tear my body away from that cross.

  The light that burst into the world brought back the feeling of reality. I took it as a bitter but only possible medicine. That morning was a mercy, the last mercy the heaven had given me. With effort I stood up on shaky legs, covered my face with my hands and doomed myself to the sobering cold of the trees. I headed back, but I knew I had done something irreparable. But whatever was waiting for me where I was going, it couldn't frighten me more than losing Alistair....