For a moment I wanted to tell her everything. I'd have to be a moron to miss the fact that I had feelings for her now, whatever or wherever this was. I didn't want to lie to her.

  But no. Maybe she would just laugh it off, but there was always the risk of her zero summing or whatever the fuck it was called. Realizing you're just some imaginary thing in someone else's dream and internalizing it in the wrong way. Or in other words, you go poof.

  Still, humor did have its merits. "That's because you can't believe I haven't run for the hills yet."

  She snorted. "Aye. That must be it."

  "Will you be staying to hear the jarl out?" I asked to further distract her.

  She continued playing with my hair. "I was going to ask you the same. Will you not make for the College of Winterhold?"

  "Mmm." I pulled her in like a guy would a girl, but it must have looked comical with how big she was. Still, she seemed to like it. "I'm not in any rush, I've decided."

  "You've decided, hmm?" Despite her sarcasm, I could tell she was happy. "I will hear him out. Jarl Balgruuf is a good man."

  "Then that's that." One of her brows rose when I cheekily gave her rump a honk. "Now, what say we—"

  Something like static suddenly went through my head. I saw the tower again, and something new. The top of it had pierced through Aetherius… and yet it hadn't. Was there more than one? The contradiction was unpleasant, my thoughts going every which way.

  There was Skadi in front of me, there was the tower, and finally there was a sleeping figure that would not wake.

  How long had I actually been here?

  "Russ?" The world reasserted itself, leaving only a confused Skadi. Right…

  "Just remembered how hungry I was. Come on."

  She still gave me funny eyes, but I was a surprisingly good liar when I needed to be.

  We returned to the fuckmassive great hall and joined Bright-Like-Dawn in taking advantage of Jarl Balgruuf's generosity. Or Skadi did. My mind was ironically elsewhere.

  It's when I started circling down the proverbial drain that I realized I needed a distraction. Anything.

  That's when it hit me. Mephala.

  The Ebony Blade was right here in the very bowels of Dragonsreach, whispering all kinds of messed up shit to Jarl Balgruuf's son. Just a kid. And while I didn't know the guy personally, Skadi seemed to believe he was a good man, and she's usually a good judge of character. Even if he wasn't, if I could do something to stop his kids shanking one another to the delight of a Daedric Prince…

  Standing, I saw two pairs of eyes turn to me. I coughed out something about nature calling as I skedaddled.

  What did I actually remember about Mephala? That she's real into spiders? Also a big fan of secrets and cold-blooded betrayal. What about any of that made the Dunmer consider her as one of the 'Good Daedra' was a mystery.

  Actually, scratch that. It's obviously because of her also being associated with sex.

  Also, there was a problem. Dragonsreach was massive, with winding corridors and a hundred rooms at least. I also didn't hear any doors whispering to me.

  That had an easy enough solution at least. I focused my thoughts on the Ebony Blade, on Mephala, and finally I hollowed myself out to make the spell work.

  Then I followed its pull.

  Unfortunately, it led me right into another problem. There were guards posted at the entrance to that part of Dragonsreach, and that wasn't something I could just magic my way out of. At least not without making a ruckus. I really should have given those books on Illusion a chance…

  Well, a small ruckus it would have to be.

  Bringing forth my crime against nature again, I had it shamble across the hallway right in front of the guards. Unsurprisingly, they were rather surprised.

  "Sig, are you seeing that?"

  "Aye… Where's it going?"

  I had my monster start to run away as if noticed, and like I hoped, it prompted the guards to give chase. I didn't give it that much of my magicka either, so it should go poof soon enough.

  Although wasn't it supposed to have chicken legs? It had something like hooves this time.

  Heading deeper into the subterranean lower levels, I continued bleeding magicka as I followed the spell, downing a potion in the process. As the familiar taste of blue raspberry and less palatable things danced across my tongue, I finally saw it.

  The wood was rotted in some places, but… hm. I wasn't hearing any whispers. I spent a sliver more magicka to make sure this was the right door, and, yeah, it was.

  Was she sleeping on the job? Either way, there's only one correct course of action here.

  Nearing the door, I said the words, "knock, knock."

  No response, but I was stubborn.

  "I said… knock, knock." I actually knocked this time, but still nothing. "You're supposed to ask who's there, Mephala. Get it together."

  "You had known?" a whisper suddenly sounded, and with it a thousand more.

  "Why else would I be here?"

  The whispers quieted to a low murmur. "Who can say, Abomination?" Ah, there it was again. "Your coming has led to much bickering among us."

  "I should have known Meridia would be a gossip." I hummed, wondering what to say. "It must bug you not knowing, Mephala."

  The whispers returned with a vengeance, a cacophonous mass behind the door. "Care how you speak to me. I am not some hapless mortal for you to amuse yourself with."

  I didn't let her words spook me. I was wary about showing weakness to Meridia, and that went double for the treacherous spider before me.

  "I know very well what you are, Mephala. You love to watch them destroy themselves and everyone they hold dear, but perish the thought that someone doesn't show you the proper respect."

  "Such cheek, such gall! So brave behind the gates of Mundus, are we?" The door creaked slightly with her anger. "Come, Abomination. Come and see. You will not find me as pleasant as Meridia, I promise you."

  I traced my fingers along the faded paint. "Is the spider so out of tricks that she needs to beg the fly to step into her parlor?"

  I could almost see her fuming silently now. Well, not counting the maelstrom of whispers still pushing at the door like a billowing wind.

  "I didn't come here just to tease you, you know? I came with but a question. How much are my secrets worth to you, Mephala?"

  "What makes you think your secrets are of any worth to me at all, Abomination?"

  "Don't be so tsundere," I chided her. I could almost feel her confusion at the unfamiliar word. Uncultured Daedric Princes.

  Mephala remained stubbornly quiet, but that was fine. I looked at the lock, probably too sturdy for it to come off with a good blow with my axe like last time. I could melt it, maybe, but engaging in arson in an enclosed space… well, I had more brains than that at least.

  The reverse should work. Once the temperature of the metal went low enough, the axe would work just fine.

  As I got to work, I couldn't help myself. "Why don't I sing you a song, Mephala?" She was still quiet. "I'll take that as a yes." Clearing my throat, I soon began. "The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout…"

  Even the whispers quieted as I continued with the nursery rhyme, so I imagined she was blown away by my magnificent singing voice. Understandably so.

  "Did you like the song?" The lock was meanwhile growing darker and and more frosty.

  "No."

  I chuckled under my breath. "Everyone's a critic." Then I gave the lock a good smack, watching as it cracked in half with an off-color sound.

  I strode inside the musty room echoing with whispers seemingly without a care in the world, and there I found it. The Ebony Blade.

  It screamed NIPPON STEEL at me, though I guess here it would be Akaviri in origin, the continent supposedly east of Tamriel. I vaguely remembered it being unclear whether it was actually to the east, in the future or even another kalpa altogether.

  There was a small journal next to it. The lack of any headache when I ate it was probably because it was just a warning against the dangers of the Daedric artifact before me, how it corrupted the mind and the spirit until one was just a puppet dancing on the strings Mephala pulled.

  The question I had was whether it would do anything to the ugly, empty thing Meridia described me as. Honestly, if I ever met Hermaeus Mora and that tentacled fuck called me an abomination too…

  Anyway, I didn't want to seem reluctant, so I went over and picked it up, leaving the room suddenly as silent as the grave. The blade was so black that it almost drank in the light, and I felt it shiver after a moment.

  I didn't know whether to feel relieved or not that I didn't eat it as soon as I touched it.

  "What is this?" Mephala whispered.

  "Hmm?"

  "Meridia was more right than she had any right to be." Her husky voice was gone, muddled by too many things for me to really parse. "You have no soul, no vestige, nothing. You are nothing. Release me."

  As if. I was winning this game of chicken. "Why should I? You're not a very nice spider, Mephala."

  Her laugh is a dark, murderous thing. "You would safeguard me? I would twist any you travel with against you, I would turn them on you, and I would laugh in utter joy when they sunk the blade into your heart."

  "You're only proving my point, you know. Are you even sure I have a heart?"

  "I have been doing this since before the dragon was, Abomination. I may not know what you are, but I know mortals. I know how they think, what they desire, and why they desire it. I know their secrets, I know their lies. I am Mephala."

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  I scratched the tip of my nose with my free hand. "That actually had some dramatic flair, I'll give you that. Let's suppose you succeed, Mephala. What would it gain you? A moment's satisfaction?"

  "A moment can be an eternity," she shot back at me like the obnoxious spider she was.

  "Still singular. Worse, you would forever wonder what secrets you had robbed yourself of, secrets beyond the tragedy of Anu and Padomay." I felt a twitch from the sword. "It seems a raw deal to me."

  There was something like a haughty sniff after a pause. "How can I know the value of secrets I have not heard?"

  "I would hope you know how valuable a secret even you don't know is to you. But fine, I'll give you a freebie. Something small but still likely to titillate you."

  Always undersell it. I'd been thinking about what I would say to her ever since she had mentioned they were bickering.

  "Tell me, Mephala. Do you remember the trick the lot of you played on Jyggalag?"

  Maybe she already knew, but the complete lack of anything Jyggalag after what went down always felt to me like the Daedric Prince of Order had hidden himself very well.

  "That old bore?"

  "The very same. It was cruel what you had done, but clever. Except for one simple flaw, that is.

  The cacophony of whispers had returned with a vengeance. "Flaw?"

  "That Sheogorath would tire of it."

  "You speak lies, not secrets. Why would Sheogorath desire Jyggalag's return when it brought that prancing fool the only thing he feared?"

  "Ah, but that's the rub. To escape the Greymarch, Sheogorath had done the unthinkable." At least here I only had to embellish. "You see, to free himself, he had to first confront himself, and that was not something he could do alone."

  I waited for her to interrupt with some sass, but for once she was well and truly quiet. Even the blade felt dead in my hands.

  "Perhaps you already suspect on some level who," I continued. "Perhaps you even met them." I gave a lazy shrug like the cherry on top. "The Sheogorath running around right now, there's no Jyggalag on the other side of the proverbial coin, no Greymarch waiting around the corner to ruin his fun. The Shezarrine mantled Sheogorath and in the doing the Shezarrine had set Jyggalag free."

  The silence that followed was the longest one yet. I was starting to get bored when she finally whispered into my ear again.

  "Jyggalag is free." The simple repetition was almost anticlimactic after all that. "Jyggalag is free." Well, she didn't have to repeat her— "JYGGALAG IS FREE!"

  What followed was some sort of almost orgasmic cackling with maybe some panic and worry thrown into the mix. I let her have her moment, even as all the whispers slid across my skin like an uncomfortably physical thing.

  "Oh, you are a delight, Abomination. Such a secret that even I know not what to do with it. Isn't it wonderful?"

  "I'm sure you'll figure something out." Though maybe I shouldn't encourage her too much.

  "The Ebony Blade is yours, my… hm, I cannot call you my champion for you aren't truly mine." That husky candor had returned to her voice. "Though do not think this is at an end between us. There is no secret that evades me forever, no lie too great."

  I was about to shoot back with something equally sassy when her presence visibly retreated. I looked down at the katana in my hands, only to watch the metal suddenly twisting, cracking, breaking, reforming, almost like a kaleidoscope of black.

  When it was done, I had an axe that was almost identical to the one on my belt. Hm…

  Picturing a dagger in my mind, I watched as it did the same thing, leaving me with a black dagger that screamed evil. I already had an axe and a sword, and this way it would be a lot easier to keep on the down low so as not to invite unnecessary attention.

  Making my way out of the musty room and out of the chilly bowels of Dragonsreach, I ran into the guards from before, just from behind this time.

  I cleared my throat, giving them a fright.

  "Sig, we haven't lost our wits, have we?" one of them muttered.

  "You haven't," I commented. "I need to speak with the jarl."

  The other one, Sig, snorted. "Aye. We'll take you to the jarl. You can explain it to him."

  Skadi stalked over as soon as I was back in sight again, the question already on her lips. "What happened?"

  Bright-Like-Dawn followed her with a leg of chicken in her hand.

  "What do you know about the Ebony Blade?" I asked, giving the wicked dagger a little wiggle.

  "Naught but the worst stories," she whispered back.

  "Mmm, well, this is it. It's been up to no good."

  She eyed it like a viper. "Tell me you did not make a pact with her."

  "More a mutual understanding. Though just in case, if you do hear someone whispering naughty things into your ear, don't listen." I felt a faint twitch from the dagger, and a fainter snort.

  Skadi seemed mighty skeptical, while Bright-Like-Dawn was looking at me like I'd been talking about great, big flying pigs.

  "Anyone who has ever held that blade has gone mad, Russ. In the worst of ways."

  I took her hand as we walked. "Your instincts, they weren't wrong earlier. I'll see if I can find the right words later, but for now… please trust me. Better it be in my hands than free to whisper into the ears of any who might listen."

  I could see she was still conflicted as we were led into what looked like Jarl Balgruuf's solar. There was worry, admiration, fear, and even something fonder in her eyes.

  The jarl's own eyes swept over us in confusion as he ran a hand through his hair. "Had something happened?" Then he saw the comically evil looking thing in my hands, anger quickly following.

  I tried to get the words out quickly. "You were wise to lock it away where someone would be hard-pressed to find it, but I am sorry to say that she still found a receptive ear."

  His anger twisted into something more worried. "Whose?"

  "Your son, Nelkir." Hopefully I remembered the name right. "He has become withdrawn of late? More prone to anger?"

  "That was Daedra's work?" he whispered hoarsely.

  "She had whispered into his ear what you had hoped to keep secret from him, turning him against you."

  He paled, standing quickly. "I must speak with him. I ask that you wait here."

  He strode from the solar, one of the guards at his back. I caught Skadi's eyes again, but she shrugged her shoulders with a sigh, leaning against the wall.

  Bright-Like-Dawn meanwhile was just gnawing at the bone now.

  When the jarl returned with a man in furs and smoky steel, he seemed exhausted, almost falling back into his seat. "You were right." He licked dry lips. "Farengar and I had hoped to destroy it, to rid Tamriel of its evil for good." You felt something smug from the Ebony Blade. "We were unsuccessful."

  "There is no shame in it, Jarl Balgruuf," I heard Skadi whisper.

  "There is shame in how I have treated my son that he would fall prey to her whispers…" He shook his head, his eyes back on you. "I suggest that you perhaps fling that infernal thing into the Sea of Ghosts and pray that rids us of it at least for some years." I nodded despite having no intention of doing so, and he continued. "Then Leman Russ of… where was it you were from again?"

  "Just some no-name backwater…"

  "As you say. Then Leman Russ, for actions taken in service of Whiterun Hold, as well as the personal gratitude of its jarl, I name you its thane." Yeah. I had a hunch. "Is she still at Dragonsreach, Hrongar?"

  "Aye. I think she'll be pleased."

  As Hrongar left the room again, his heavy steps growing quieter and quieter, I found my thoughts spinning on a dime. It wasn't supposed to go this way.

  At least this wasn't as bad as me maybe kicking off a second Oblivion Crisis earlier. Of course, if Mephala did share what I told her with the others, then it wouldn't be a secret she could lord over them anymore.

  I was still overthinking everything when the guy returned with someone who could only be Lydia. Black hair, stormy gray eyes, and not much older than me.

  "Lydia," Balgruuf greeted. "Meet our new thane here." Her eyes glanced me over curiously. "You've been badgering your father and myself about feeling cooped up here…" Lydia fidgeted slightly at his words. "Don't blush, girl. I understand. I'll name you his housecarl if you want it."

  Her stormy eyes returned to me as she thought. "I will know what he has done."

  "Faced down a Daedric Prince and saved an old fool much heartache," Jarl Balgruuf whispered, and Lydia's brows rose.

  "I can vouch for him as well," Skadi butted in when I was already embarrassed. "Whether bandits or… other company, he's shown himself brave and true."

  I glanced at her, only to find her sporting a shit-eating grin. She was having too much fun with this. Lydia had fallen to a knee in the meantime. "Then I swear on my life and honor to guard health and hearth for you, my thane, if you would have me."

  She looked at me expectantly, but I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to say. I heard Skadi choke back a laugh at my expense.

  Fine. Just… "I accept." I tried not to cough awkwardly or otherwise ruin the moment for her, offering her my hand instead, and after a moment she took it.

  "Until I go to Sovngarde or you release me from my oath," she finished somberly.

  Right. Well, I guess I was the fucking Thane of Whiterun now.