NOTICE

  Remember: if someone seems suspicious, they probably are, so do something about it before it becomes everyone else’s problem!

  If you want to know what qualifies as ‘suspicious’- use some common sense. If they look like they’re sneaking around anywhere… if they’re carrying too much weaponry and aren’t a soldier… if they’re trying to steal a vehicle… do your part as a citizen and try to apprehend them!

  If you can’t do that, please report to the nearest Empire soldier and we’ll take care of it. Prompt enough reports may be rewarded.

  - Gaian Empire Transit Authority

  Spacey was not having a good day.

  All she wanted to do was simply get on an outgoing boat, so she could simply leave Centrum and continue her mission elsewhere. Unfortunately, most of the boats in the harbor were chartered by somebody else, full, or else inaccessible.

  “At this rate, I might have to take a cabin girl position just to get out of this place…”

  Such things were definitely beneath her. She was the youngest heir of a great house of dragons! Not by blood- she was a construct that had fallen from the sky and adopted into the family- but it was close enough! A genuine, bona fide princess!! And she couldn’t even get a ticket.

  Much to her annoyance, trying to appeal to fear of a draconic family to get what you want was not particularly wise when said line is technically wanted by the Empire for treason. A fact which Spacey knew, and hated, every single time she got into a tiff with somebody.

  She’d tried getting onto all the boats in the harbor already, except one. A dwarf in a pirate’s outfit was standing around, waiting for somebody.

  Nobody else seemed to be on his ship, so perhaps he was running a passenger vessel? Spacey didn’t know. Or care. All SHE needed was some transport to ANYWHERE BUT HERE.

  “Excuse me! Sir!”

  “What, lass?”

  “Ahem. I’m looking to charter a boat for transport to the southern continent, and it doesn’t look like you’re particularly busy…”

  “Yer in luck, I’m headin’ that way anyway. Transportin’ any wares or anythin’?”

  Spacey “Weellll…”

  Oh boy. This is the thing that’s caused me so much trouble before…

  “Just this suitcase of personal belongings.” She gestured to a large trunk on wheels that she was lugging behind her. The dwarf raised his eyebrows. She should’ve expected this… it wasn’t exactly the least conspicuous thing she could have brought.

  “What’s in there?”

  “Nothing YOU need to know about. Can I get on your boat or not?!”

  “Sorry, lass, I need to know exactly what all passengers are bringin’ aboard. I can’t have ye bringin’ the Empire down on my head…”

  Of course. Of COURSE he says the SAME thing that everyone else does. I KNEW I should have saved up for a bag of holding, I’d be able to get into places a heck of a lot easier!!

  “Listen, is there any, uh, price I can give you to get you to not-”

  “Ha! Ashbeard has more honor than that. I’ve got my own livelihood to think about!”

  Argh, if only he knew who I was technically related to, then he’d probably be a little bit less stubborn!!

  As Rex and his growing entourage snuck out onto Centrum Harbor in search of a boat to steal, two voices rang out over the general din of the dock- one far louder and more feminine.

  “I’ve got money to pay for the ticket!! Are you gonna turn away a paying customer?!”

  “Lass, there’s rules I have to follow…”

  “That’s ridiculous, I’ve seen other nobles get onto ships carrying much worse without even a slap on the wrist!”

  Outside the boat, the ranting was coming from a strange mechanical construct. What was immediately obvious was her bright pink coloration, which looked like no metal Rex had seen before. On her hips was a metal skirt of sorts, but she didn’t seem to be wearing any other clothing- not that there were any features that mattered to cover up in the first place. Her arms didn’t seem to have proper joints, instead being segmented like a worm before ending in metal gauntlets.

  Her head looked like a strange box with the front side being made up of a sort of crystal, upon which a simple face was displayed. Curiously, it seemed to move in accordance to what she was actually saying…

  It looked like nothing Rex had ever seen before… He’d seen artificial life forms before, of course, but this was something entirely out of his wheelhouse.

  And next to her was, presumably, the ship’s captain- a dwarf in a pirate outfit, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. Trying in vain to reason with the angry construct, he continued standing there, trying to not be a doormat.

  “Lass, I don’t get paid enough to look the other way when I have everything to lose…”

  “You don’t even KNOW if there’s anything in here!”

  “Yer’ not helpin’ yer case with how yer’ actin.”

  “FINE.” Spacey groaned. She didn’t want to have to expose her most private of things to this guy, but if she wasn’t going to get anywhere… Clumsily opening the trunk, she hoped nobody else was looking at the contents. Thankfully there wasn’t anyone else around…

  It was almost evenly split between two categories. The first random mechanical junk and parts, for her hobby of building stuff.

  The other, which was significantly more embarrassing, was the steadily growing collection of romance novels… by one ‘Stephen Myer’.

  Almost all of which involved dragons, constructs, or some combination involving them.

  It was fortunate that Spacey didn’t possess the ability to blush, because otherwise she’d have turned as red as a beet.

  “You know these are banned, right, lass-”

  She groaned in annoyance. “Yes, yes, ‘crimes against decency, blah blah BLAH.” Spacey had heard this spiel almost every time someone spotted them on her person. “But they’re not ILLEGAL to HAVE, merely strongly discouraged. Now can I get on the boat or what?!”

  “I can’t let those on my boat, lest the Empire come and arrest me for possession of indecent literature-”

  “WHAT?! Since when?! I thought it was illegal to PRINT them, not possess them?!”

  “Clearly you haven’t been up to speed on the latest laws passed… If you want to get on, yer gonna have to pitch those."

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It took AGES to get these, and he was suggesting she just throw them away?!

  “How much hot air does she HAVE?” Celeste said. “Surely you’d run out of things to say eventually…”

  Rex had to desperately resist the urge to burst into laughter at that statement. Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, the last thing we need right now is more petty arguments…

  “I would suppose it’s because she doesn’t have to breathe.” Stephen mused. “That must be a convenient ability to have… I might have to use that for a later installment.”

  “Hm.” Usagi rubbed his chin, thinking intensely. “This might actually be beneficial- that construct’s got the captain distracted, so we just have to get on and shove off before they notice.”

  The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  “They’re right there!! How do you expect to get on without attracting attention?!”

  “All right then, your highness, do you have a better plan?” Usagi looked at him expectantly. After a long pause, Rex sighed.

  “Unfortunately, not anything that would be sensible. Let’s… just get this boat…”

  “It’ll be simple. Just act natural, you can get quite far by just pretending like you belong there…” Usagi began walking over to the boat, not even attempting to hide himself. Somehow, neither of the arguing pair paid any notice of him.

  Stephen shrugged. “Well. If it’s that easy…” Beckoning Celeste to the boat, he took a dramatic bow. “Ladies first!”

  “Well, THANK you. Nice to get some respect fitting my position- AUGH!” Her bragging was cut off by tripping over her robe and slamming her face into the ground.

  “Oh dear. Are you all right?”

  Celeste leapt to her feet, only slightly bleeding from her nose. “The high priestess of Asteron does not let one fall get in her-”

  Rex was quick to cut her off, mustering the loudest voice that could still technically qualify as a whisper. “Don’t say that out loud!! Someone will hear you!! Just get on the gods-damned boat already!!”

  “Fiiiine.” Celeste shuffled onto the boat, with Stephen following close behind. Looking around, Rex was shocked that nobody was noticing their trespass- they weren’t exactly inconspicuous… and the would-be passenger was still yelling the captain’s ear off.

  “Do you KNOW who I AM?! I am Spacey, daughter of Tania the Silver and Tamaranch the Gold!!”

  “Miss, I don’t know who either of those people are…”

  Please, please don’t hear my armor, please…

  Rex carefully and smoothly walked onto the boat, trying to seem as unimportant as possible, which offended his sensibilities significantly. Thankfully, the arguing people still didn’t seem to take any notice of him whatsoever.

  “This is RIDICULOUS. How was I supposed to know that they weren’t allowed?! Where’s your manager?!”

  “Lass, I am the manager-”

  “Well then, I’ll tell YOU that this policy is BULL!”

  Rex couldn’t decide whether to be grateful of the incredible distraction this construct was providing, or feel bad for the poor captain whose time she was monopolizing- either way, the clanking of his armor was drowned out by her loud berating. Turning back around, Arandia was taking a lot longer than the others, carefully creeping up the ramp to the boat.

  “What are you doing?! Hurry up, they’re going to see us!!” Rex whispered angrily. He looked back over at the arguing pair- they were still embroiled in the same argument from earlier- but they wouldn’t be forever!

  “Listen, asshole, look how narrow this shit is, I’m trying my best!!” Arandia spat back.

  She was correct, the boat ramp wasn’t in the best shape, and given that her leg span was almost as wide as the ramp itself, it was clear that she was trying desperately not to fall off.

  “We’re running on borrowed time! Hurry up!!”

  “Give me a second- SHIT!!” she exclaimed, as one of her legs stepped on a weak board, going right through it with a loud CRUNCH!!

  Which, unfortunately, attracted the attention of captain and passenger. Spacey turned, without missing a beat, continuing her ranting.

  “Look at this! How come SHE gets to get on?! She’s probably just as guilty of SOMETHING, and you’re over here arguing about my literature?!”

  “Fucking- come over here and say that, you piece of junk!!” Arandia growled, as she wrenched her leg free and scuttled the remainder of the way onto the boat.

  “I WILL!!” Spacey started storming over to the boat, the captain following close behind.

  “Hey what do ya think yer doing?! You need a ticket!!”

  …of course something had to go wrong. Of COURSE. This has been the unluckiest day of my life…

  The angry dwarf charged up the boat ramp, spewing an angry diatribe.

  “What the blue hell are you doin’?! Get off my boat, you pieces of- AAAAAAAAAGH!!”

  Usagi had taken the opportunity to shove him off the ramp and into the water. Rex whirled around to see the rabbit dusting off his hands. Sensing Rex’s withering glare, Usagi just shrugged.

  “What? He’ll be fine. He’s not wearing anything heavy. Unless he can’t swim, but that’s not our problem right now… Anyway, we need to leave, now. Do you know anything about boats?”

  “NO! My kingdom was landlocked!!”

  “Well, you’re about to learn. Untie that rope, please.” Usagi pointed to the mooring rope at the back end of the boat, before turning to Stephen. “You. Help me hoist this sail.”

  Turning to Celeste, he paused. “And you… keep a lookout.”

  Unfortunately, the rope was in far too tight of a knot to be untied easily, and Rex’s patience was at an end. “Oh, blast it!!” In a fit of rage, Rex simply breathed fire at the end of the rope, causing it to ignite and catch fire! Before long, the rope had burned away, letting the ship drift away freely. “That’s quicker, anyway!!”

  Meanwhile, Arandia was still embroiled in arguing with the construct known as Spacey, being completely and utterly unproductive in the process.

  “Take MY boat, why don’t you?! I was just about to pay good money for this ticket!!”

  “You can take that ticket and shove it up your ass, rust bucket!!”

  “I do NOT rust!! I am RUSTPROOF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE THAT ANATOMY!!”

  “Uh… guys?!” Celeste’s shrill voice rang out over the din of the boat. “We, should probably leave… now…”

  Dreading what he would see, Rex shot a glance back to the harbor- and groaned at the sight of a platoon of Empire soldiers running along it… with Bard and his centaur compatriot leading the charge!!

  “Oh for gods’ sake!!” Rex cursed. “Not HIM again!!”

  “What is that HAIR? Something that long doesn’t fit his rugged complexion at all…” Stephen mused, having finished drawing up the sail. Rex had to desperately resist the urge to strangle the noble for his skewed priorities, and focused on how exactly they were going to get out of THIS jam… The boat wasn’t THAT fast…

  “Oh, do you need to get out of here?? Gee! I wonder what happened…” A sarcastic, mechanically tinged voice beckoned from behind.

  Oh, no. Rex was praying to whatever god was listening, that that voice didn’t belong to who he thought… Only to turn around and see the construct known as Spacey tapping her foot impatiently.

  “Well, I COULD help you… BUT you have to take me where I need to go. For free!!”

  Rex sighed deeply, admitting defeat. “Fine!! Just get us out of this!!” Arandia looked like she wanted to explode at the prospect of working with her, but wisely chose not to say anything. Whether she was waiting to enact revenge later or had a moment of clarity, Rex couldn’t say, and did not care.

  “Fine! You can travel with us!!” I’ve certainly picked up enough misfits today!! One more can’t hurt, right?! Gods!!

  “Great!! Now, about getting out of here… I’ve got something that’ll do just the trick!” She grabbed her comically large suitcase, and began digging through it, tossing out random items from her luggage, scattering them all over the deck. “No, not that… not that either… gah, where is it?!”

  A large silver dragon doll nearly bowled Rex over when she tossed it in his direction. Rex groaned. “Why do you need a silver dragon doll the size of a person?! All it does is take up space!!”

  Spacey’s screen grew as red as Rex’s natural complexion. “I don’t tell you how to live YOUR life, mister giant unwieldy battleaxe!! Give me a minute…”

  “We don’t HAVE a minute to-”

  “AH! Found it!”

  She pulled out a hefty mechanical device the size of a small barrel. It resembled a large metal ball. atop a metal tripod, with a large metal rod pointing outwards from the sphere.

  “PRESENTING… the Force Cannon Mk 0.5! Capable of blasting a hole through a solid wall, up to and including brick, steel, and granite! Runs on-”

  “HOW DOES THIS HELP US NOW?!” Rex was about to blow a gasket.

  “Sheesh, you’re impatient. Well, firing it will knock whatever it’s ON back a significant distance if it’s secured properly…”

  “Well, I haven’t tested it yet, urban settlements frown upon firing weapons of destructive power in the immediate vicinity. But now’s the perfect time!!” She pressed a large red button on the back of the device. “3! 2! 1!! GO!!!”

  For a long moment, nothing happened.

  As the seconds passed, Rex’s patience withered.

  Drakoth, why have you forsaken me?

  “Come on, you!! Work!!” She gave a swift kick to the malfunctioning device.

  After which it immediately started humming and firing a huge beam at the nearby abandoned building, propelling the boat out of the dock at ludicrous speed!! It spun around and around, sending everything on board every which way!

  Being tossed around like a ragdoll as the ship spun wildly, Rex could barely see straight, much less stand! Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Usagi go tumbling overboard, barely managing to catch himself by grabbing Stephen’s collar as he passed. Celeste, meanwhile, was busy clinging to the mast, praying for dear life.

  “ACK! I can’t- I can’t breathe!!” Stephen gasped.

  “Well, good thing you were there, or I wouldn’t have been breathing for much longer myself…” Usagi rushed over to the mast, grabbing on tightly.

  Celeste, meanwhile, was busy clinging to the mast, praying for dear life. “Asteron, please, let me survive! I didn’t mean that part about offering myself to another religion!! I only said that when you told me not to buy a lifetime supply of candy!!!!”

  Arandia was seemingly the only one not having to worry about being tossed around so violently- perhaps her larger body had something to do with that. “If we survive this, you hunk of junk, I’m going to punch that fucking flat face out!!”

  Spacey was already on the floor. “Sorry about that, uh, it hadn’t been tested yet… That’s why it’s only Version 0.5…”

  “WHAT?! IT- YOU- I’M-” Before he could chew out Spacey, a nearby barrel slammed into Rex, cutting off his rage and knocking him flat on his back! As chaos and angry voices unfolded around him, all he could think was…

  There’d better be some alcohol on this vessel, for I am going to desperately need a drink after this…