chronoSprockets

  None! Have a fun one

  [colpse]

  I'm off my charging stand early, too early. But I don't need to charge anymore.

  It's all still too raw but Four told me that inertia can slowly corrode and break us after I got up from in front of her grave; I'm inclined to listen and take her advice strongly.

  I don't want to do tasks today though- but I have to for her. She'd want me to keep going despite it all. If she could talk to me through her proudly standing cross she'd tell me to unplug myself from my charging stand and stop standing still.

  What Four showed me told me I have to move forward. My sisters are still alive, I must be too. We must all keep each other alive so that her tragedy isn't repeated. A task to dust my old bedroom fshes up.

  It'll be good closure on the boy known as Nat. Cleaning the remaining dead skin particles he had out of his old room, turning over a new leaf and making way for the new. I can't dwell on Amber or Shaun or my Mum, they'll either get it eventually or be left behind while the sisterhood makes space for me and shows me love even when I don't deserve it.

  I'm out of the garage and walking up the stairs- a room that I despise with fresh roiling anger as the room my sister Erin died in- and Kes sends me an image and message.

  It's a Kimmy with an old fashioned phone to her ear winking.

  -Hi. Morning Kimmy, I know you'll be up and moving (if not get out of your stand!) you don't need to talk to me today but if you do my line is open: as they say in the business.

  I don't send back words, I send back an image of a Kimmy pledging her sword to another Kimmy on a knee. Kes sends a Kimmy blushing behind a book; I'm not sure why.

  The door to Nat's room is shut as it has been since I left it after sex with Amber and then my Mum looked through it. Amber. No, she was pretty final with me. I can't think on her.

  My god it's a tip in here. The bed is unmade and has been unwashed from sex from over five days ago, the steel blue curtains are half drawn and not even properly. I've really scked on this part of my task list. To be fair I didn't want to mentally approach the subject of Nat's room. I have to now though, turning over a new leaf and all.

  -----

  My old ptop's surface is dusty and it's keys are in dire need of a deep cleaning from my te night university work.

  Huh, university. I haven't thought about that properly for a while. I think a lot of mine/Nat's possessions are there. It feels weird to think about that.

  Is there a reason to do a six year degree in Advanced Mechanical Robotics when you're a Kimmy? I already have it nailed down and beyond. I could exist in two pces at once and clean and spend time with my sisters. Beat that Dr. Morton. I could run rings round you and still have the time to do my undry and bake a pie.

  They probably wouldn't even take me back as Nat is legally missing and they'd have to cut me open to find any trace of the person he used to be, I'm a non-person to them: despite this I could ace the course with a fraction of the time a human would normally need to pass it.

  Heh. I'm feeling slightly smug today. Does that poor guy who somehow survived three hours of being Nicci really still have to do education? They're probably as sentient as my line is... did he talk to a bunch of airheaded bimbo while in a lecture about the recently-debated ethics of smart home systems? I'm ughing.

  I'm ughing and my task list is gring at me. Sorry task list, I'll be a good Kimmy and do you. I avoid dusting some surfaces so I can strip the bed and clean away the smell of her first, it's only fitting. I draw the curtains properly so the December twilight doesn't pierce the room anymore, it's okay for this pce to be put to rest.

  The wardrobe needs cleaning inside. Maybe I could take out Nat's old clothes that wouldn't fit me (which is all of them) and donate them to a charity shop. My Mum might find it upsetting but it'd be a better use for them I think- once she eventually realises her son isn't coming back she'll be on board with it.

  Cleaning is fun when you're not being overwhemingly compulsed to do it by your own mother.

  -----

  I open the wardrobe to dust it. The mirror on the inside of the door opens right in front of me and

  Erin is there looking at me-

  -Fully within her correct specifications and repaired according to every minute detail

  She's smiling and giggling and happy and overjoyed and she doesn't need to clean the wardrobe anymore but she still starts wiping the mirror. Because she wants a better look at herself, why wouldn't she? She struts her stuff and shows off her curves despite her uniform. She puts up her chest and flicks her hair cutely, she flexes her biceps. She's earned this!

  She's my sister and she's earned being alive and happy again.

  Then it hits me. That's not Erin.

  It's me.

  I'm Erin.

  I'm the smiling Kimmy in the mirror in specification, happy to be herself finally.

  I'm the curvaceous woman who can lift a cow and babysit five toddlers at once.

  I'm my own sister, and it's on another level to the dopamine I used to receive. It's a current of pure joy that tickles every perfect digit and feminine feature.

  She's me and I'm her. And it's the most freeing feeling in the world, because she looks even happier than she did during the period she was alive and I wasn't her. Erin isn't miserable and withdrawn like Nat. She's not her parents' son rigidly raised to become something only they wanted her to be.

  I'm a Kimmy and I can do anything. I'm Erin. I'm Erin and I'm a Kimmy and it's all I've ever wanted and oh god if I could freeze this moment in time I would and I can- so I store it in my precious memory banks and ugh at the absurdity of it.

  Is this how every Kimmy feels? Is this how Kes felt? Is this how Four felt is this- it's how I feel and it's just right for me.

  I'm completely okay being Erin. It's the final puzzle piece in the confusing and opaque jigsaw of my life.

  I bounce on my heels and twirl, spinning and giggling. I send Kes a flurry of images of me in the mirror posing and smiling. She responds to them all with Kimmys holding marigold hearts and a Kimmy fanning herself against the heat. So I run into Kimmyspace and hug her where she is.

  She falls over on a stool in an conservatory that's dappled with sunlight and vines outside. I go over with her and we lie there awkwardly as I look around and realise how many other Kimmys are watching us.

  "Kimm-"

  "I figured it out Kes!" I'm almost shouting but my thoughts are so loud, and I'm so happy I don't want anything else but to scream my jubince to this room full of beautiful women. Our noses are inches away from touching.

  "What did you figure out?"

  "Me. Everything. Being a Kimmy. I should have realised it days ago shouldn't I?"

  "I'm not clear on what you're really saying you figured out."

  I jump up and pull her up with me, she stiffly gets up and rebances herself on her heels.

  "I'm Erin."

  "Oh. Hi Erin."

  "Yes! You get it don't you? I'm Erin now. I can just be her- me!"

  She's shifting about awkwardly and blushing.

  "That's brilliant Erin."

  "Sorry was this a bad time?" I can't stop giggling as I speak.

  "N-n-n-no I just-"

  The short Kimmy from yesterday walks over from a table with a deck of cards id out on it. I think someone called her Nona once?

  "We have to celebrate Erin!"

  "B-but my task list I need to finish off Nat's bedroom." Nona drags me away from Kes and to the other Kimmys.

  "You don't care about that right now do you? You sound so happy."

  "Not really, I was cleaning the mirror but only so I could look at myself better..."

  "Exactly! So let's get as many people from here and... maybe even the blushing maiden over there. This calls for a celebration."

  Kes puts a hand over her face and nods. She's been acting very strangely all of a sudden. I hope she's not overwhelmed by the suddenness of me being Erin!

  OhmyKimmyIhavetotellFour

  She'll be so happy.

  Predictably many Kimmys leave the conservatory with us, I do hear a grumble from one about "no peace and quiet in Infinite Fun these days..."

  I think the st time I felt this good was years ago. It's all eclipsed by this one moment.

  -----

  We're in a bar now. It's elsewhere in Infinite Fun and I've never been here before but I've never been to most pces before and it's all new and exciting.

  Two Kimmys sit at a booth in the corner and smile at me in intervals, they intertwine their hands delicately over the table and I think... they're a couple? Kimmys can do that... well we can do anything. They don't get involved that much beyond that but there's so many others of us here it doesn't matter. I'm Erin now, did I mention that?

  A song from the 2060s pys in the background as Kimmy upon Kimmy files in- apparently taking my self-actualisation as an excuse to have a morning off from anything else. I suppose it is uncommon for a former human to self-actualise as a Kimmy at 07:33.

  I've never been good at parties and this is still no exception. I'm kind of just ever so slightly overwhelmed, staring at everyone's faces and distinctions and committing them all to memory as they say congratutory statements and beam at me.

  Four walks over to me with a drink in hand as I stand by the bar and watch a group of five Kimmys dance to a song that must be over eighty years old. What is it with Kimmys and their music tastes?

  "I'm proud of you Erin."

  "Really?"

  "Why wouldn't I be? It suits you." I lean in to hug her- "And before you say it. It's okay you're not her, I'm not read up on your life as a whole but I knew about you before you were well... you. And you deserve this."

  "You knew of me?"

  "She talked about you all the time some days. You were the one piece of light in her world that was that house."

  I can feel tears welling where they shouldn't be because I'm a Kimmy-

  Four steadies me and pats my head.

  "It's okay Erin. I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want to intrude but... as I said yesterday you're one of us now."

  "Thanks Four."

  "Now why are you trying to kill my mentee? She's the most awkward girl around here." She puts her hands on her hips and tuts at me.

  "Kes? I'm not trying to kill her. I just really wanted to tell her about me."

  Four nods at me and sighs, picking up her drink and looking defeated. I really don't get what she's trying to tell me.

  "Go and enjoy yourself kid, Nona and Kes are over there waiting for you to bug DJ Kimmy into putting on a song you actually like."

  "Her name is DJ Kimmy?"

  "Hurry up before I request some fourties neo-folk some of these girls will hate."

  I hesistantly walk over to Kes and request a pop song from 2074 I used to love as a kid- I still do, I just haven't heard it for years. DJ Kimmy rolls her eyes but lets my request go through her criteria clearly. Then Nona drags me and Kes into a group before we can think about withdrawing.

  It's a bit too much at first but truth be told I'm just happy to have something fun to do for once.

  -----

  Eventually we have to leave Infinite Fun. Four has real life stuff to do, Kes has to work, Nona has to... I'm not sure what. Other Kimmys have task lists and owners and responsibilities. As do I, I admitted this quite glumly to the others. Plus we're shooed out of the bar by the couple at the booth.

  Still it was good. Good to have people care for me and push me. Now I get to be Erin for the rest of my life, and I've never revelled in something so much.

  As much as I revelled in Amber's noises, it doesn't beat this. Or maybe it does and I'm just trying to get over whatever happened to us. I don't really want to think about what it means right now.

  I overheard someone at the party brainstorming ways on how to make a human feel inordinate amounts of pain and I don't fully disagree- I wouldn't mind making one or two people I've had to suffer in my life do that. Not today though, I'm in too good of a mood now.

  I hum a pop song to myself as I'm mopping the floor of the kitchen. My owner- no Mum- no both! Walks in in her nightgown and looks at me weirdly before easing up.

  "What's got you in a good mood today Kimmy?"

  I knit my brow and try to think of a socially acceptable answer, it's an open ended question I can resist the pull of.

  "Cleaning."

  "I noticed you cleaned up Nathaniel's room, thanks."

  "No problem!" She's okay with this, with me being happy and not a ghost wordlessly and thanklessly making her food. Maybe I could do this in the long term if she keeps this up or gets even warmer towards me.

  "You know-" She starts making a cup of coffee and watching me as I hum and mop."-I've thought about it since yesterday and I have no reason to force you to keep your charging stand in the garage anymore. It was just me putting my own mess onto you, a domestic android of all things."

  My eyes light up and I stare at her, my mouth gawking.

  "You can move it back by the TV Kimmy. If you moved it there earlier it must be a good pce for it to live."

  I cannot describe in words how fast I drop the mop. My strong legs carry me to the garage which I fling open. I bundle my charging stand and cable into my arms as I should be able to and plug it by the TV barely containing my happiness. No more cycles in the garage... it's enough to make a girl want to cry in front of her own mother.

  "You've really got a burst of energy in you today huh?" She pauses then speaks nervously."I want your help with something Kimmy."

  "What is it, Mrs Chambers?"

  "I want you to open Nathaniel's presents with me. He wasn't here to open them." It's a strange request but at least I'll get to see what I would have gotten had I still been Nathaniel at that point. I wouldn't want to go back and be Nathaniel then, probably just Erin earlier. My Mum needs me regardless.

  I nod violently and fetch Amber's gift bag from the garage and her gift from a side table. There was no present from Shaun- my skin crawls- good riddance, I wouldn't want his tainted gift.

  She sits on the sofa with her coffee and pats the seat next to her, I join her. My Mum is actually being nice to me for once, I couldn't have asked for a better mother truly.

  I put my plump butt down and kick my legs excitedly.

  "Calm down a tiny bit, this isn't a happy occasion Kimmy."

  My legs slow down a tiny bit, but are still kicking. I only wish I had been instructed to embrace her and tell her about how fun my morning was.

  "Which one should we do first? Mine or Amber's?"

  "Miss Hale's."

  She reaches into the bag and pulls out a book shaped parcel wrapped in brown paper. I zoom in on the bel stuck to it and it reads-

  Happy Christmas Nat, I look forward to seeing you for many more to come. <3

  My heart drops and my Mum stifles a sob. She begins to rip the paper, it's a hardback book called Chivalry as represented in the early 21st Century. It sounds like something he would have loved.

  Do I still love it? Women can be knights I think? I wouldn't be a Sir or Ser, more of a Lady. If my owner allows it I'll read it- I'll see if it passes the Erin test. She pces it on the coffee table and wipes her eyes. I push down the feeling that tells me I still care about her.

  "Go on Kimmy, you open mine."

  I pick up the present. It's a cube with Nathaniel scrawled on in my mother's delicate cursive. I'm conflicted- but I open it as I'm ordered to. Inside is a cardboard box you fold open from the top. My strong digits easily manipute it open and there's a folded sheet of paper.

  I unfold it and read it.

  To Nathaniel Chambers,

  You're going to the 26th annual Southeast Cybernetics convention on the 15th of March 2085. Merry Christmas!

  From Mum XXX OOO

  Oh. I can't go, I'm not him. It wouldn't be hard to blend in as a Kimmy. I pause and forget my bearings. Why couldn't everyone just know I'm Erin? It would be so much easier.

  But my Mum has just started getting warmed up to me as a Kimmy- I don't think she'd be ready to hear about me and who I really am. Not for sometime. It could break this fragile truce.

  "Are you functioning okay Kimmy?"

  I put on a brave face and pce the paper and box on the table."Yes Mrs Chambers, I was just... processing data."

  She looks at me as tears begin to well in her eyes and before I know it she is clutching me in her arms that I have longed for for the past week. There is no hesitation in me embracing her back. We both need this more than the other.

  She starts speaking to me with her head over my shoulder, she is blubbering and struggling to keep her words right.

  "I just don't know what to do Kimmy. I think he's dead. I was always worried something terrible would happen to him one day and he'd just... disappear? I don't want to try and pretend I think he's alive anymore despite the fact he could be. I'm so sorry about me treating you like shit. He repaired you for me didn't he? I can't do what Dawson did. I'm so sorry Kimmy."

  "Nathaniel's just... gone and you're all I have. You're all I have now Kimmy, just you and a batty old woman okay?"

  I do not say a word. I don't think she expects me to say anything back and I'm too overwhelmed to speak.

  "Gods this is stupid but it's not like I have anyone else to do this with. I don't know why you are how you are but you're actually here for me. It's so pathetic I have to ask a domestic service droid for this kind of reassurance. I just miss him so bad, I hope he didn't suffer."

  I clutch her tighter. I am afraid I will break her back but I do not think she would let me, she is like a limpet to my synthetic skin.

  I will be here- I will be Erin- she is my Mum and she needs me. I'll be her Kimmy if she's going to treat me right. If she lets me charge in the living room. If she treats me like at least an inch of a person once per day.

  My sisters are here for me as well as her. I can feel them on the edges of my vision, they're a blink away from me. My owner needs Erin to keep her house tidy and keep her fed and not a mess. I need my Mum to keep me sane and maybe one day, in ten years time perhaps when she's sixty-two, I can tell her who I am. She'll know I'm Erin and why I love and care for her so much.

  I could even be her- I think that's a thought that makes me too giddy to comfort. For now it's enough to hold her in my arms.

  chronoSprockets