The next train arrived, and this time I boarded without hesitation. There was nothing left that could hold my attention anymore. However, an announcement suddenly blared that the train would be temporarily cancelled due to a technical issue. Once again, I was unable to go home by train. The announcement kept repeating over and over, until people around me started to get annoyed and leave the station with irritated faces. Not everyone, though. Some just sighed, seemingly indifferent, and walked away. I was one of those people. Ultimately, there was nothing I could do about it. I was forced to accept the situation and find another way home.

  In the end, I decided to take the bus. I saw some of the people I'd seen at the train station earlier boarding the same bus as me. But I didn't greet them. After all, I didn't know them. Even though, deep down, I wanted to share stories and vent my frustration about the sudden cancellation of the train service. I wished someone would have started a conversation first. But by the time I reached my stop, no one had even tried to talk to me. I was a little regretful for parting with Claire so quickly. I missed connecting with others.

  That's why, after I opened the door to my house, I immediately started searching for my mother. She was the only family member at home. I found her hanging laundry in the backyard. Feeling like I would interrupt her, I chose to remain silent and observe. A few times, she wiped the sweat dripping from her brow due to the scorching sun. It was the first time I saw her working without putting on a fake smile in front of everyone, or the sullen expression she wore when she felt like no one was paying attention. This time, the face she showed was simply that of a mother working hard to manage her household chores. It wasn't like her usual self before the loop started, looking like a moving doll, mimicking how a "mother" should act.

  Later, I went upstairs, to my room. I climbed the stairs I knew, walked down the hallway I knew, and entered the room I knew. After all, this was my house, the place where I could come home. Normally, I'd start playing on my phone until late at night. But this time, I just changed clothes, showered, and went back downstairs to sit on the living room sofa.

  Coinciding with my return from the shower, my mother finally noticed my presence, her face surprised as she held a large bucket in both hands. "Why didn't you say anything when you got home?" she said with a disgruntled but not intimidating expression.

  "Why are you upset about that, Mom?"

  "You should have pressed the doorbell before coming in!"

  "But I have a spare key. Mom doesn't need to bother opening the door."

  "We're family, aren't we? What if I always went out and came home without your knowledge? Wouldn't you be worried?"

  "But... That's what I've always done."

  "Then, from now on, please... Don't do it anymore. I don't want the atmosphere in the house to go back to how it was before."

  In the end, I could only accept her request. After all, no one wants something bad to happen again in their lives.

  It's true... I don't want everything I've done to be considered in vain. After all, I've worked hard until this point. How could I just let it go if the results I achieved were going to be taken back?

  However, I still felt afraid to bear the burden alone. That's why, when my mother joined me on the sofa to relax and watch television, I started asking her some questions.

  "Mom... Can I ask something?"

  "Hmm? What's the matter? "

  "It's... It's not a big deal. I just want to know something."

  "Just ask. Why are you hesitating? Is it about your girlfriend?" My mother teased, laughing afterward.

  "No, I want to ask about Dad and Maria."

  My mother's expression immediately became more serious. Glancing at me, she asked, "What about them?"

  Suddenly, doubts arose in my mind. But I felt tired of all this. I wanted to resolve everything perfectly so I could relax without thinking about anything. That's why I gathered my courage and asked her, "Is it okay if I tell Dad and Maria?"

  After that, my mother fell silent. Her silence made me feel guilty. I realized that she would accept all my requests, because I was her child. The guilt she felt towards me from the past also strengthened my reasoning.

  I was confused about whether I was doing the right thing. Using the advantage I had, forcing others to do what I wanted without their knowledge. In the end, my mother must have thought that I wanted to tell Dad and Maria about what happened between them and me. That question wasn't really a question, but an indirect statement.

  My mother would now think that I still had doubts about what I wanted. She thought I needed confirmation from her. But honestly, she was wrong if she thought that way. Because I just wanted to get the situation I desired, even if it meant using the most disgusting methods.

  But as I thought everything was going according to plan, one thing that confused me happened.

  "First of all, I have to apologize to you, honey. I'm so sorry!" My mother said.

  "Why?"

  "Honestly... They already know about it."

  "Huh? Since when?"

  "On the yesterday. One of the three of us took the initiative to gather beforehand, without you, before dinner, because he felt something was strange about our family situation suddenly changing so drastically. It wasn't just him, I felt it too. From there, we started sharing stories."

  "That person..."

  "It's who you're thinking of right now. It was your dad. He also told me that he would take responsibility as a husband. But he felt sad that night."

  "Sad?"

  "Yeah. Unlike us who had stories to share, he had nothing to tell. He also..." Mother suddenly hesitated to say something.

  "What is it?"

  "He said he felt unworthy..."

  "Unworthy?"

  "Yeah, unworthy to be the head of the family, a husband, a man."

  "Dad..."

  "B-but don't be angry at him, okay? I know I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. But seeing Maria tell her story made me feel like it would be unfair if I pretended not to know anything. And I also wanted your father to understand that you don't actually hate us."

  My mother didn't know my true feelings. My father's determination to seek the truth he believed in made me unable to escape that reality. The truth is, I couldn't forgive them deep down inside me.

  I was truly ambiguous. I didn't know at this moment whether I should tell the truth. Seeing my mother's smile at me made me unable to do anything.

  My desire to convey the truth, as well as my doubts about the peace that might be lost because of this action, made me choose to be neutral. That is, not to do anything other than smile falsely and restrain my lips from moving according to my heart's desire.

  After chatting for a while and successfully changing the topic, my mother gradually forgot about the previous topic. Then, I went to my room and could only lie in bed with my eyes open, staring at the empty ceiling.

  Again, I ran away. Covering myself with lies. Acting normal like ordinary humans. But the big lying devil was inside me. I'm a great liar, indeed. But it's not something to be proud of. Because I hate it.

  I hate lying, but I have to lie. I hate fear, but I feel fear. I hate being a coward, but I am a coward.

  In the end, I chose to sleep while trying to ignore my regret. Hoping that tomorrow would never come.

  When I woke up, the sky was orange, indicating that it was afternoon. Maria's voice, playing games downstairs, was clearly audible, making me curious. I went downstairs on my own two feet, witnessing a harmonious family with laughter that made me feel so emotionally warm. Realizing that I was part of that family made me smile.

  Maria was playing games with a smile, inviting me to play with her. Mom was preparing dinner with a smile. And Dad, smiling bitterly at me as if he was still hesitant about being accepted by me.

  Although this might not be the best moment, it was the first time I was able to see this moment. The moment where I could see Maria and Mom smiling without being forced. The moment where I could see Dad starting to muster up the courage to be part of this family.

  He really kept his promise that night. That he would take his responsibility as a family member. He even acted before he declared that promise to me. Evidence of that promise was them knowing each other's secrets because my father had taken the initiative to make this family better.

  After that, I talked about some things and shared stories with each other. It made everyone in my family, including myself, understand each other. I told them everything, including about myself being trapped in a loop.

  At first, they didn't believe it, but eventually they accepted my statement as a fact.

  They said they were proud of me for getting through all of that. They said I was amazing for being able to use that situation to my advantage. But I didn't feel that way. Because in the end, I saw the situation from a different angle than they thought.

  They thought I felt trapped. But I actually felt like I was free from a bitter reality.

  They thought I was tormented because I was trapped in a loop. But I was actually grateful that the loop happened in my life.

  They thought I was a tenacious person after hearing my story, which was like a fairy tale about a hero saving his family. But I just felt that what I did was the journey of a young man fixing the relationships he had broken.

  I never became a hero, I just acted like one to forget about myself for a while, so I could feel relieved because I looked like I was saving my family.

  But even so, I don't regret help them. Because I felt like I did the right thing.

  It's so strange that this atmosphere could make me think more clearly. It made me easily find the answer to the question that always confused me. No, actually I already knew the answer, it was just that my doubts made me go in circles.

  "Can I forgive them to accept them?"

  The answer is so simple.

  I can't forgive them. I shouldn't forgive them. But that doesn't mean I can't accept them.

  I am indeed a selfish person. But that's who I am, no different from anyone else. Wanting everything I want to become reality is normal for all living beings.

  Everyone wants the same thing. Happiness. Mother, father, Maria, even myself and all living beings in the world want it.

  That's why, if I can feel this happiness, even if it's only in this short life, I think I can set aside my selfishness to accept them by my side.

  After that, I fell asleep that night with a satisfied smile for the first time. And this was also the first time I wanted the opposite of what I usually did at night. That is, I wanted tomorrow, I wanted my future to continue as it was.

  But it wasn't as I wanted. I was on the same day when I woke up in the morning. That is, day 4, the day I was supposed to take Maria to school and meet my ex-girlfriend on the way home.

  I didn't know whether to be happy or sad after realizing this after checking the calendar on my phone. To make sure it wasn't a technical error, I went out of my room and paid attention to my other family members.

  Dad was drinking coffee at the dining table alone. Mom was in the kitchen with Maria, who was helping her cook. And I woke up at the same time as I was supposed to have already experienced yesterday.

  I smiled wider because of it. But I couldn't help but notice the crease on my forehead. The feelings in my heart were mixed.

  I was happy because I was still stuck in this pleasant atmosphere. But on the other hand, I felt like it was pointless to have told them everything about myself the night before in the previous loop.

  That's why I realized that it was a smile that wasn't genuine.

  In the end, it wasn't me who solved the problem. It was the loop that forced me to do it. This loop kept pushing me to do what I wanted. I realized at this point that I was the one who decided whether or not I could get to tomorrow.

  But I didn't understand why I was still trapped if the loop mechanism was indeed as I thought. It made me realize that I was actually just pretending to know about this loop. In the end, I didn't know anything about everything related to this strange loop.

  I never got trapped in a cruel loop. But I actually wanted it to happen because I wanted to change my past mistakes for the better. It made me more convinced that I actually wanted happiness from my family. Not just because I was deceiving myself to get happiness from them.

  This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  I was hoping for sincerity from them.

  But now I don't know what to do anymore.

  My father might have said that it's not wrong to take advantage of the situation to improve yourself. But this is the same as intentionally putting myself in a problem to solve and being considered someone who has developed into a better person.

  I was just fixing my mistakes. But I felt satisfied as if I had done something great.

  On the first day, when I managed to save Maria, I became arrogant and felt like I had changed, that I had become someone great. But it wasn't actually me who was great, but the loop.

  I was just a doll used to solve problems.

  Even this isn't anyone's problem. It's my own problem. No one would be proud to see me doing this. Because I'm not saving anyone. I'm just a selfish person who wants to be acknowledged.

  On the second day, when I managed to handle my mother who was out of control, there was a desire to be pitied by my mother at that time. I wanted her to feel sorry for me and accept me because of that reason. In the end, I succeeded and took advantage of her unstable emotions at the time. Creating a memory in my mother's brain so that she couldn't forget that day and would continue to regret it, so that she could stay by my side.

  I was just acting like a victim. In the end, I never became a victim.

  It's true that my eye was taken without my consent. But when I was still at the orphanage, I was a special child.

  I still remember it until now, on that day. The first day I was at that orphanage. I declared to everyone that I wanted to donate all of my body parts, even if it meant having to kill me.

  All the adults at the orphanage were shocked, they refused my request and also said they wouldn't include my request on the form that contained my data.

  But unfortunately, they were careless. Although it wasn't written down, my current father found out about it from the gossip that was going around.

  Because I was quite famous at that time. Even though it was for reasons that I didn't want to remember.

  On the first day I saw my father. He showed me his sweet smile. But now I realize that it wasn't a sweet smile. But a smile without happiness to cover up his true desire.

  "Do you want to be my child? I'll fulfill what you want if you do." The first words I heard from my father when we first met face to face.

  I didn't smile because I didn't care, and my desire at the time wasn't something that should make people happy. I wanted death.

  I wanted to go to the place where my real family was, which was death. Father, mother, Roxanne my big sister, and also Kevin my little dog. A family that should have been happy but separated by death just because they wanted to go on vacation to have fun together. But it ended tragically with the death of everyone except me.

  I felt like I couldn't live. I had nowhere else to go at that time. That's why I wanted it all to end.

  But I didn't want my death to be in vain. That's why I wanted to donate all of my body parts that could be donated. Because that way, at least I could be useful to others and die peacefully.

  I've tried it several times to die alone because I've given up hope for my request not to be fulfilled. All the people at the orphanage protected me from people who wanted to take some of my body parts for their families.

  I didn't mind that at all. I even managed to get approval to donate one of my organs, even though I can't remember what organ was taken at the time because I didn't care. Even though I couldn't do my usual activities for a few months after that. But I didn't regret it. Because I didn't care. But it wasn't always like that.

  Seeing other children playing with smiles on their faces made me feel envious and gradually fostered my curiosity about happiness around me.

  Slowly but surely, I began to feel how to appreciate life.

  That's when my father suddenly appeared unexpectedly to adopt me. I thought I would be able to feel what happiness was after getting a family. A relationship that I thought could be a place for me to be accepted.

  But it turns out I was only brought into a prison full of lies. Even before realizing it was a prison, one of my eyes disappeared while I was sleeping and the one who took it was my own family, without my own consent.

  But Dad promised to raise me like a normal child.

  But his promise continued to be a trigger for a lie.

  They just acted like they accepted me and tried to make me happy. But I realized it and regretted it afterward.

  I had thought that maybe I would still be happy if I hadn't known about their acting. But I also realized that a relationship full of lies is just the worst form of hypocrisy I've ever witnessed firsthand.

  Confined to a house and unable to go anywhere because it was my own house. Feeling powerless to make money made me scared. In the end, I realized that the house I lived in was a prison with iron bars called "family."

  It's ironic that I've gotten what I wanted in the past. But now I regret that hope came true.

  I felt betrayed, but in reality, I was never betrayed by anyone. My family just made my hope become a reality. It's just that they didn't know that I slowly started wanting life more than anything, to get even the smallest bit of happiness.

  I understand now that accepting something just takes time. Everything will pass like the wind blows. That's why now I don't want death anymore, because I've accepted my life's journey until now.

  The regret for not being able to do anything when my whole family died in the past is slowly fading away. It's not because I've started to become indifferent, it's just that I feel it's time for me to let go of what happened. After all, there's nothing I can do but cry when I remember that day.

  Breakfast with the family and chatting like a family. I feel that, without realizing it, this family has become normal as a family should be.

  Even though my father is still stiff in smiling at me. But it's only a matter of time for him to get used to being part of this family. Just like me, who might one day also get used to this warmth.

  The more I get used to it, the more normal it seems later. But I will never forget how I feel right now, which is very, very, very sure that this is the happiness I get from my family.

  I went through this day as usual, doing everything exactly the same as the previous loop.

  Taking Maria to school safely while joking with her. Chatting a lot and playing games until, without realizing it, I arrived at my destination.

  It's just that there was a very obvious oddity that occurred after I parted with Maria. The oddity was the absence of my ex-girlfriend who was supposed to appear after I parted with maria.

  This time, I waited for her. I even realized that the train had arrived and I kept waiting. Until finally, I deliberately missed my chance to go home.

  I didn't actually want to find out about this oddity so easily. But it was she who gave me a hint about this. I'm not that stupid not to realize this strangeness after being given a clue by Claire herself.

  I remember her words clearly even after hours had passed. She said I had to remember where we were before we parted. She said it clearly as if I would need it. She seemed to know something I didn't.

  That's why I went back to that place. The restaurant with expensive menus where we ate together in the previous loop.

  In the same chair, at the same table, in the same place, and in the same restaurant. Without being surprised at all, I found Claire eating sweets while looking like she was waiting for someone. She looked like she was looking for someone, glancing here and there. I knew who she was looking for, even though I thought this was just my imagination, I hoped that I was wrong.

  But when Claire saw me, she said, "Ahh! You! Come here, hurry, I've been waiting for a long time!"

  As my wild imagination had predicted, I was right, she was waiting for me.

  "Why?" I said after I sat in the chair opposite her.

  "Hmm? What do you mean? I don't really understand why I'm waiting for you either," she said as if it was normal to answer like that.

  "It's not that, I know you know why I'm asking 'why?'. Because the 'why?' I mean isn't about you waiting for me."

  "Then what? Why me? Why now? Why is this happening? Why can I know? Why can I understand? Why am I acting as if this is normal? Why am I acting like I don't understand anything? Or... Why am I just silent until now?"

  "...," I just stared at her, I felt she misunderstood something.

  "What are you really trying to ask me?"

  "I'll get straight to the point."

  "Go ahead."

  "Are you the one who made me get stuck in a loop?"

  "Not directly, but you're right."

  "Can I ask something else?"

  "Of course."

  "Is it okay? "

  "Yeah, do you think I'm that mean not to explain anything to a victim like you?"

  "Then answer me, how long have you been in the loop?"

  "I don't know, I don't really care."

  "You're not asking why I'm so sure you're also in the loop?"

  "That's not necessary, because I know you more than anyone in the world."

  "That sounds like you've been watching me since I was born."

  "That's true. Because I love you."

  "Your words right now sound like a lie."

  "Haven't you always thought that way?" she said with a sweet smile on her face, directed straight at me.

  It didn't surprise me. It's just that her words really stabbed my heart. My soul felt like it was trembling after hearing it. Her smiling face was as if she was looking directly into my deepest soul. It was as if it was normal for me to feel goosebumps.

  "How much do you know about me," I asked out of curiosity.

  "Everything about you, except the you who's with me now."

  "What do you mean?"

  She didn't respond directly, she just sighed and looked like she was remembering the past with her eyes not looking at me. She did seem to be looking at me, but I felt she wasn't looking at the me in this moment. It was as if she was missing, or perhaps remembering something from the past about me.

  "I made the right decision on my request."

  "Your request? What do you mean?"

  "A kind of privilege of an author."

  "Huh? Are you in a joking mode again?"

  "No, this time I'm not in the mood to joke with you. I'm serious about saying that fact to you without a shred of doubt in my heart. Don't you hate a relationship full of lies?"

  "No, you must be crazy if that's the case."

  "I'm illogical? Then how can you explain about yourself being trapped in a loop?"

  "No... But... Who are you really, Claire?"

  "My name in my previous life was Rose. I have a pen name called 'The Thunder'. I'm the author of the story where you are right now."

  I didn't want to believe it. But the reality I saw firsthand made me unable to lie to myself anymore.

  I've been guessing that since the beginning, making me not surprised by it. It's just that there's one thing I want to tell her right now. Something I want to tell her as someone who understands me well.

  But suddenly she said to me in a heavy voice with a serious expression, "Today you are destined to disappear from the story."

  That delayed what I wanted to tell her. Because that statement forced me to ask, "What do you mean by 'disappear from this story'?"

  "It means what it says, you'll disappear. You are destined to die."

  "Why?"

  "Because that's according to the agreement."

  "Agreement? Who made it? Who agreed to it? You want to say that I'm going to disappear because of an agreement that I don't even know the contents of?"

  "Yeah, after all, you're just a character in the story I created. You're just a side character that's unnecessary. I need to eliminate you to achieve my goal."

  "Your goal? What do you mean? You want to sacrifice another human just to achieve your goal?"

  "But you're just a fictional character. Why should I care about you?"

  "Don't you love me? Why are you doing this to me? Answer me, you bitch!" I lost control and shouted at her while slamming the table.

  She just smiled at me while bowing her head. Her long hair made it impossible for me to see her face at this moment. That's when she said, "Don't you think I don't love you all the time?"

  "Huh? What do you mean? You love me, right? You said it directly!"

  "No, you never believed that I really loved you. You think I'm just playing with you. You sometimes think maybe I'm just pitying you. Don't you tell your family problems to me to get my attention? You want to be pitied. You want attention. You want to be loved. But when someone says they love you, you can't believe it."

  "That's... not true..."

  "Do you know why? Of course you know why. You're just trying not to realize it."

  "Me? Not realizing?"

  "You never love yourself at all. That's why you can't trust others. You always doubt others. But it's because you doubt yourself. Am I right?"

  "What do you know about me!"

  "Of course I know. I'm the one who created you. I'm your creator. I'm your God."

  "God? Ahahaha, you must be crazy. Are you joking with me again?"

  She didn't respond to my words. She just smiled at me and mumbled words I didn't want to hear.

  "Do I deserve to be accepted? Do I deserve to live? Do I deserve to be loved? You keep thinking about these three questions in your head over and over again. But you never get the answer. Because you're asking yourself who still doubts himself. How can someone who doubts himself clearly answer those questions? Are you stupid? No, you're not stupid. You're just afraid of other people's honesty. You're afraid of the possibility where honesty can hurt your heart. But you want a relationship without lies. Don't lies sometimes make you comfortable?"

  "What are you trying to tell me! I don't understand!"

  "You're not understanding? You just don't want to understand. You've understood from the beginning. But you keep trying to not. Because you know that understanding many things isn't something pleasant."

  "You're a damn bitch!"

  Suddenly, I fell silent, because the sound of people around me whispering made me feel uncomfortable. I calmed myself down again and sat back calmly.

  But one of the staff there approached us to kick us out of their restaurant for bothering the other customers.

  "Hmm, there's no other choice. How about we continue our casual chat somewhere else? For example, the train that will arrive soon?" she said while leaving that place with me.

  While I was still behind her, walking slowly because I didn't want to walk next to her.

  On the way out of the restaurant, I kept asking about why I was destined to die. I lost control because of my fear of uncertainty. It's strange for me because I've always felt comfortable with uncertainty. But now I'm scared, I'm scared of something that should make me comfortable.

  Until we got to the train, she didn't respond to all my questions, which were filled with unnecessary emotions.

  Until finally we got on the train and we both sat on the back deck where the seats there were only on the edge of the room. Making me choose the seat farthest from her. I didn't even want to sit opposite her.

  But suddenly, I felt impatient, it was impossible for me to be patient after listening to all of that from her mouth a few moments ago. I chose to stand up and pace back and forth to relieve my excessive stress while she just watched with her smile that disgusted me.

  The longer it went on, the more my hatred for her grew. It made me grab the collar of her shirt and lift her off her seat, almost hitting her while shouting, "Explain to me you damn bitch!"

  "Just hit me if it makes you feel satisfied."

  I couldn't do what she said. I tried, but imagining her beautiful face getting hurt because of my own hand made me afraid of the guilt that might haunt me. It made me give up and take a deep breath while releasing the collar of her shirt.

  "Please, explain to me," I asked again, in a pleading tone.

  "I've told you what will happen. You'll disappear."

  "What do you mean by disappear? I die? I vanish?"

  "You just disappear. Your whole existence will be nullified. You'll drop out of the game and become a character that never existed in the game. Are you satisfied with this answer?"

  "Why?... Why me?"

  "Because you are part of my story and you have to never exist."

  "Why are you cruel enough to do this? What did I do to you to deserve this?"

  "..."

  "Why are you just silent, Claire! No, Rose!"

  "Call me by my name in this life. My name is Claire. I'm no longer Rose the author. I am currently just one of the characters in the game who has memories of existence outside the story."

  "Who cares about the name! I just want to know your reason for doing this!"

  "Why don't you just take revenge on me? You could make me suffer. I mean, I'm a woman, right? Then this train is empty because it's not in operation. Don't you think this is the perfect time for you to punish me?"

  "Punish you? What are you talking about? Why do you keep provoking me to do something cruel to you? What do you really want from me, Claire? What makes you able to be so cruel to me?"

  "Have you ever questioned who you really are?"

  "Huh? Why are you changing the topic? Answer me!"

  "Have you ever thought about who you really are?"

  "Hey! You're listening to me, aren't you?"

  "My name is Claire, my name in my previous life was Rose. Then, who is the handsome man in front of me who is standing with unstable emotions right now? Can you introduce yourself to me?"

  I felt the strangeness, but I didn't know for sure what it was. I didn't understand, but I felt like I understood it. I felt I was unaware of something that should be right in front of me. I should be able to see it, but it was too faint like clear plastic without color. It was too transparent for me to realize.

  "I'm me! You've known me for a long time! What do you really want, huh?..." I shouted, but my expression couldn't lie. I started to doubt the situation around me. I didn't even know why I felt strange. But I felt like I was in a really strange situation.

  "Hey you, can you tell me your name?"

  Claire's question surprised me. I didn't understand at first. But slowly I started to realize it. Realizing something that I should have known from the beginning. Realizing something that I should have been able to realize easily. It made me confused why I didn't realize it until now.

  Strange feelings and emotions that were increasingly mixed between confusion, anger, sadness, disappointment, and curiosity made me lose some of my brain functions. Without realizing it, in autopilot mode, I sat down on the bench right in front of Claire.

  While holding my head because of confusion, I sat with a face that was definitely unpleasant to look at. I'm confused, I'm restless, I don't know. All of that was because of a basic question from the beginning of a topic that people usually use in a conversation with strangers.

  "What's my name?... Who am I?... I... Can't remember..."

  "You're not can't remembering it. You just don't have it from the beginning."

  "I-I... Don't have it? How can that be?"

  "Have you ever heard yourself being called by your name until now? By Maria? Your father? Or even your mother?"

  "...They... Never... Even once?"

  "You're confused?"

  "Yeah."

  "You don't know?"

  "Yeah."

  "Then why don't you ask?"

  "Huh? I asked you!"

  "You didn't ask about this. You just asked about why I was cruel enough to do this to you."

  "Then what should I do?"

  "Ask. Don't you know that from the beginning? Then why don't you do it?"

  "It's because..."

  "Just like when they lied to you. Why don't you ask?"

  "I tried to ask!"

  "You didn't ask to find an answer at that time. You asked not because you cared about the answer. You just want others to feel guilty towards you and use their guilt to make a place for you to be accepted by them."

  "Stop it!"

  "Do you think it's a good thing to be accepted by them because of the guilt you deliberately created?"

  "Shut up, you bitch!"

  I started to cover my ears with both hands.

  "But in the end you failed. Then what was the point of you doing it? You just destroyed what you wanted to get. You destroyed your place to be accepted by your own hands. Then you feel proud for being able to fix it after all that? "

  "Please! Stop it!"

  Tears started to flow uncontrollably. My eyes began to close because I didn't want to realize how pathetic I was. Even though I knew it from the beginning without having to see it. I'm really pathetic.

  "Again you're running away, aren't you? You're comfortable with uncertainty? Then why do you want honesty between you?"

  "I'm tired! I'm tired! I'm tired!..."

  "You're tired of uncertainty? Even though you're comfortable with it?"

  "I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm scared!..."

  "You're afraid of something that makes you comfortable?"

  "Because it's just a comfortable feeling full of lies! I'm just running away from reality! I don't want to keep living in a layer full of lies!"

  Claire laughed afterwards. It made me slowly stop crying and start to open my ears, which I had covered even though it was useless. My eyes slowly opened and looked towards her who was laughing. With a curious feeling, I asked, "What's funny about all of this?"

  "Ahahaha, huh? I'm not laughing because it's funny, but because I feel satisfied."

  "Satisfied? You're satisfied seeing a man cry?"

  "Yeah, because it makes me realize that I really love you."

  "You're so strange, your love is just words without proof."

  "I don't have proof indeed. But I have a reason to tell."

  "What is that reason?"

  "Because you're the best character I've ever created."

  "Huh?"

  "You're better than the main character in this story. You're much smarter, more handsome, and have all the aspects needed for a character to be the best. A dark past with many mysteries in it. Dynamic with the people around you who are very complicated but neatly arranged. And also your self-concept that really makes me amazed by myself who managed to create you. You are a big liar, but you also hate lying. Then, more importantly than all of that, you have a pure heart as a human being."

  "Huh? Ahahaha, ahahahahaha, ahaha. You're really crazy, aren't you? You love me because of that stupid thing? In the end, you never loved me. I'm just your favorite toy, right?"

  "Yeah, that's right."

  I fell silent for a moment, trying to think clearly, then smiled afterwards while saying, "Wouldn't it be a shame if your favorite toy was just eliminated like that?"

  "What's this? You want to manipulate me like how you manipulate your family?"

  I stopped smiling. After all, it was just a fake smile I forced because I still saw hope. But now I understand, I can't run anywhere, because I don't need to run. Wherever I run, fate has been determined from the beginning.

  I looked around, staring at the empty room with my tired eyes. I'm tired, very tired, really tired even though I didn't do anything other than shout, ask, get angry, and also feel sad.

  I started looking back towards Claire, who was still smiling even though she wasn't doing anything.

  I looked at her with my limp face. I didn't want to try anymore, because I didn't understand what to do. Even if I didn't give up, there's nothing I could do.

  That's why I gave up and chose to ask directly.

  "Then, what will happen? When will I disappear?"

  At least I felt like I had to know how it would all end.

  "It's not me who decides, but you. As long as you don't want to, even if you die, today will keep repeating. You have to reach the completion criteria to be free from this loop."

  "So you mean I have to accept myself disappearing so that I can disappear? How can that be possible? There's no way I can do it! I want to live! I've found what I want to do! I've gotten my happiness! There's no way I can do it that easily!"

  "It's up to you, but you and I will keep getting stuck in the loop as long as this world hasn't lost your existence. Because you've been destined to disappear today."

  "So... Was everything I did for the previous 3 days in vain?"

  "...Yeah, if you think so."

  "I... Don't want to... I... I still have many things I want to do. I... I don't want to disappear. I want to live."

  "Aren't you suffering all this time? Why do you want to continue living just to suffer again?"

  "But... I can also feel happiness while I live."

  "Even though it's not worth the suffering you've gotten? You lost your family. You lost the desire to live because of it. Then you're betrayed by your new family. What kind of happiness is worth all that?"

  "I was never betrayed. My expectations were just too high. After all... They were just doing what I wanted to get in the past. I... I'm the one who betrayed myself. Maybe if it was me in the past, I might have happily let you have my life in your hands. But right now... I've found a place where I can be happy."

  "..."

  "That's why, Claire... I want to live to feel more happiness," my Tears started to flow.

  "...," Meanwhile, she slowly lost her smile.

  A smile started to appear on my face. But this time it was a genuine smile. A smile without a desire for deception. It wasn't because I wanted to be pitied, I just wanted her to understand that I was truly honest with my words. That I could truly understand what happiness was right now.

  "That's why, Claire... Can you do something about this situation?"

  "What do you want me to do?"

  I closed my eyes for a moment because the tears were blocking my vision. As her face gradually became clear because my tears started to stop flowing, I answered her with a soft and genuine smile that was directed at her directly. Without any beating around the bush or roundabout words, I answered her:

  "Help me."