Claire's words didn't surprise me. "I can't help you. Only you can help yourself," she said. A wave of disappointment washed over me, even though I felt I had given up on hope. But still, I held onto a flicker of it, as long as I was alive. "How can I help myself if I don't know how!? You're just playing with my feelings by giving me false hope!" I shouted at her.

  She fell silent, her gaze dropping to her knees as she seemed to think. Without a word, she turned and ran, fleeing from me. Driven by insatiable curiosity, I chased after her, needing answers. My body, however, was too weak to keep up for long. I collapsed, exhausted, onto the pavement.

  Everyone around me panicked. A few people tried to help, while others just looked on with pity, doing nothing. Some even seemed indifferent, even recording my pathetic state. Through the commotion, my eyes still searched for the one who had brought me to this point, Claire.

  But I lost interest in pursuing her. It wasn't because of my exhaustion, but for another reason. I saw her frown at me, a look I knew well. It was the face of worry, pity, or sympathy. It made me wonder what she was hiding behind that expression.

  One thing was certain: Claire still had human feelings. "Then why is she doing this to me?" The question lingered in my mind, unanswered.

  After a three-second stare, she turned and left, calmly and casually, as if knowing I could no longer chase her. If that's what she thought, she was right. I was utterly exhausted, barely able to breathe.

  I wanted to call out to her, but I remained silent. I wanted to pursue her, but my body was too weak. I wanted to understand her, but she didn't want to be understood.

  With a jumble of emotions swirling in my heart, I woke up in my room, unaware of the hours that had passed. Maria, already home from school, looked worried. She'd heard the bad news about me at school. My father, meanwhile, was trying to get information by chatting with the people who had brought me home. My mother, predictably, pampered me, letting me rest my head on her soft lap. She kept asking the same questions, which I wouldn't answer.

  Nothing else mattered. All I wanted was one simple thing: to understand my situation.

  After the commotion subsided and the family settled back into a quieter normalcy, I was still questioned about my fainting spell and why I seemed to be chasing someone. I couldn't answer them, afraid they'd misunderstand if I told them I was chasing a high school girl. Claire was still in her second year of high school and quite popular with guys her age. It shocked me that she was living a double life, leading a different life altogether until now.

  What was she trying to achieve? What was her goal? I didn't understand. I didn't know. I couldn't possibly know the answer. I realized I hadn't truly known her until now. I'd simply considered her a part of my past that I wanted to forget, the one person who made me feel guilty because it was solely my fault. Ultimately, I had always run away from problems.

  But...I think it's enough for me to hide now. It's time to deal with my problems, with her. At least I can die without regrets, like she asked me so many times before. "Do I still have regrets?" The answer was already in my mind. I just had to wait for the right time to act, to do what I wanted. This time, no more going around in circles or pretending to be clueless. I wanted to know her from the beginning. Because I realized after seeing her face that last time: she's still human, just like me.

  For now, I had to find her. I needed to see her again. After all, I wanted to tell her something, something I wanted to tell her the first time I learned the bitter truth from her. No matter what, I was determined to see her again. Though I knew it might be difficult, considering the expression I saw on her face last time.

  The loop kept repeating. There was no tomorrow; only today, endlessly repeating. Unconsciously, I had grown accustomed to this situation. No future for anyone. I had no future. I didn't even try to change anything. My only goal now was to find Claire.

  I couldn't call her because she had blocked me. I didn't know where she lived, even though we'd been dating. I didn't even know where she went to school now, because I only knew where she went when she was still in middle school.

  But I believed in myself, I believed I could solve this. I didn't want to give in to fate. So, I believed I could solve this. I visited all the high schools within my reach, continuously seeking information about her.

  Days kept repeating endlessly, making my sanity start to feel strange over time. The same day, the same conversations, the same events, I'd lived through them countless times. One day...three days...a week...a month...a year...three years...five years...a decade...two decades...until I had reached thousands, maybe tens of thousands of days, losing count due to overwhelming depression. Yet, for reasons I couldn't explain, I felt relieved.

  I started to forget the goal I wanted to achieve. Eventually, I spent my days relaxing, resting. Resting? For what? Why was I resting? Was I tired? Why was I tired? Was I doing something? What was I doing?

  I didn't know. I lost purpose, I lost sanity, I lost myself.

  A few times, I forgot about the loop and thought tomorrow would come. Each time it happened, I was initially shocked and tried to figure out why I was trapped in the loop. I tried various ways to end it, but gradually, my memories returned like déjà vu, as if I'd done the same things before.

  In the end, I realized, or perhaps more accurately, I remembered, that I didn't have what's called a "future."

  Occasionally, I remembered a name, the name of someone I should know but couldn't recall. I didn't know how long I'd been in the loop, but because of it, almost all my memories felt like shattered glass. I could see them in my head, but there were always some pieces cracked or missing.

  Claire, that was the name I remembered most often. It sounded like a woman's name. I also sometimes remembered her face. I realized I wanted something from her, but I couldn't recall what.

  My family was so harmonious; they always supported and accepted me. They were good people, my father, mother, and Maria. I was truly grateful to have them as family, even though I only knew them in the present. Even though I was starting to lose memories of them in the past, I still had them today.

  Because of that, I thought we were a harmonious family. I envied this body for having a family like theirs.

  I didn't even care how long I'd been trapped. I chose to relax, relax, and relax. I didn't even know what I wanted to do anymore.

  Even when I died, I always came back to the same situation. Always morning, when I should feel happy with the world around me. I didn't even understand why I felt happy seeing my harmonious family.

  Isn't it normal for a family to help each other and share smiles? Why did I feel happy about something so trivial? I couldn't understand. I couldn't remember why I should be happy, but I was happy. Even though I didn't understand why I had to be happy.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  That's when I became curious about myself. Who was I? What was I? What happened to me?

  All my family members had different opinions about me, but there was one commonality in their answers. They all loved and respected me wholeheartedly.

  My father said I was someone who was cowardly but also brave when needed. He also respected me as a man worthy of emulation. It made me wonder what I had actually done before the endless loop happened. What made me deserve so much respect from my father?

  My mother said I was someone she loved. She loved me not out of guilt, but because she wanted me to feel what love was. It made me realize that her love for me was a form of compassion towards me. It made me wonder what my mother had actually done to me, that she had to carry the guilt and responsibility of giving me love. What made me worthy of being loved?

  Maria said I was someone who helped her. I was her hero. I was someone she wanted to love, someone she wanted to respect. But she was also honest with me, saying she still hadn't been able to develop those feelings for me.

  After that, Maria cried, crying endlessly while trying to continue her words, making me confused because I didn't know what to do. The only thing I could think of was to wipe the wet tears on her cheeks with my hand directly and try to calm her down.

  "Calm down, it's okay, I'm not angry," I said, although I didn't know why I should be angry with her.

  "B-but! It's my fault! I'm sorry! Sorry! Brother, I'm sorry!"

  "I forgive you, so stop crying. Your face looks ugly with tears around your cheeks, you know?"

  She chuckled at that and gently pushed my shoulder in response to my teasing. Then, she said, "Do you want to know the real truth?"

  Of course, I wanted to know. I couldn't possibly refuse what I'd wanted from the start. Because I wanted to understand myself.

  She then told me about my past from her perspective. It started before I was adopted by their family, which surprised me a little because I and they were a harmonious family, even though I was from an orphanage.

  At first, she was a happy child with her small family. But one day, accidentally, because of her ignorance, she played with a knife and accidentally stabbed herself in the left eye. It wasn't a deliberate incident, but it happened due to parental negligence.

  But Maria didn't think like that. Seeing her mother and father cry every day, regretting their negligence and foolishness, made Maria feel guilty. She started to think she was making her parents cry. She felt a pain she had never imagined when her eye was pierced. She also felt how difficult it was to have only one eye. But that pain was nothing compared to her guilt towards her parents.

  It made her more withdrawn, turning her into a quiet child. The smiles she used to radiate were gone. She felt unworthy of smiling.

  But as she slowly grew up, she realized it wasn't her fault. She started to blame her parents and grew a desire to rebel against them. It was then, unknowingly, that she unknowingly created the first cracks in her family. A distance formed between her and her parents. It was then that I came into their family, welcomed as her brother.

  Not as a child of that family, but as a sacrifice so Maria could become normal again.

  In the beginning, Maria didn't know. She thought I was just her brother who stealing her parent's affection from her. She was even told to act like a cheerful little sister to make me smile. It made her rebellious attitude towards her parents grow even stronger.

  Until one day, the family was shattered by my actions, which were very forceful. She said it wasn't my fault, she said nothing was wrong at the time, but I never thought like her.

  Old memories came back like déjà vu, slowly bringing back some long-buried memories of the past. It was a memory full of pain, loneliness, and hatred.

  I realized I should hate myself. But now, I couldn't feel that hatred anymore. I no longer hated myself like I used to.

  Was this wrong? Shouldn't I hate myself? Because I was the guilty one, I should hate the person who destroyed my relationship with my family. I should hate myself.

  But I can't. I couldn't possibly. Because after hearing Maria's story, I didn't feel like I was the one who should be blamed.

  Then why did I want to hate myself? What did I actually want in the past? What was I actually thinking at the time? Who was I from the beginning? Was I him? Was he me? Am I still me now?

  I couldn't quite grasp that kind of thing. Because I didn't understand. I couldn't understand someone else's feelings.

  This body may be me. But me in the past was a different person. Me now is just a lonely soul borrowing someone else's body.

  I can no longer feel like I am me. Because the longer I'm trapped in the loop, the more I feel like I'm not me anymore.

  But even though it's like that, I still have hope. Based only on the unstable déjà vu, I managed to gather bits and pieces of memory. But the longer I'm trapped in the loop, the easier it is for those memories to fade. That's why I quickly made a habit in my routine of creating clues for myself in the future. Every time the loop happens, I make it a habit to write something on my hand. The writing says, "Find Claire."

  With a clear goal in mind, I continued my search for someone named Claire.

  Until one day, I finally found a clue about her whereabouts. The school where she went to school. I felt like I'd been to this school looking for Claire, though I couldn't remember which loop it was. But back then, I was only looking for Claire, not seeking information about her.

  But this time, I succeeded after asking other people around. I wondered why my past self couldn't do something so simple. All I had to do was ask directly. What a fool my past self was.

  Claire was reportedly sick and not at school that day. I felt like I already knew that was going to happen. That's why I remained calm and asked about her home address. But her teacher said Claire had given a message not to reveal her home address if anyone asked for it today.

  Oddly, I wasn't surprised. I wasn't disappointed in the least. Instead, I went to a random class and mingled with the kids there, getting information while the break was still ongoing.

  I kept gathering information here and there. But in the midst of my efforts, I was always confused by what was in my head.

  I felt like there was someone else in my head controlling my body without my knowing. I didn't understand, but I knew it wasn't me who had been controlling my body all this time. It was something else, something I should have known perfectly. No, only I could know that. Because it was part of me.

  I thought it was me in the past. He was like he wanted to take back this body who i borrowed from him all this time. I didn't fight back. I just acted naturally, as I should. I didn't feel pressured or forced by someone. Because the person controlling me was myself. It's just that I didn't understand why I existed in his body. I felt empty. I felt hollow. I felt like an empty soul without memories, riding on the body of a human.

  Why did he just let his body be taken over by me until now? I don't know. But I felt he knew the answer. But I didn't know. It's strange, because he's me.

  After gathering enough information, I finally managed to get Claire's home address.

  But when I visited her house, I didn't find her. I was able to get in with the permission of her parents after lying that I was her worried classmate. They said Claire was in her room and would call her soon. Her mother quickly went to the room, while her father told me Claire was just pretending to be sick.

  I wasn't surprised. I felt like I already knew that was going to happen. Even when her mother screamed in panic after realizing Claire wasn't in her room alone, I didn't feel uneasy. Even though her father looked angry and immediately ignored me to find his own daughter, I didn't care.

  It's strange, so strange, but I understand. After all, I'm slowly starting to realize the changes within me.

  I've lost my fear. Because I have no future to be afraid of. I don't need to feel anxious about every human action around me. Because I know that in the end, everything will end up the same way, the repetition of time.

  The more humans know, the more they realize how small they are. I felt like a grain of sand among trillions of other grains of sand. Just silent, watching the world go by, with no desire to do anything, because there's nothing else to do but be silent. Maybe that's why, unconsciously, I've lost my sanity as a human.

  After all, what is sanity? If a human who has no sympathy is insane, then I'm truly insane. But isn't it nice to be someone who's insane? After all, I can't feel the pain in my heart anymore. But somehow, my life feels empty without the pain I should be feeling.

  Sadness and disappointment have vanished from my heart. But along with them, happiness and hope have also disappeared. It seems unfair, but it's actually very fair. It doesn't seem fair because I've also lost things that should be valuable to me. But isn't it selfish to get something without sacrificing something? Then why do I feel regretful about this fair thing?

  It seems like I'm suffering, but I don't feel that way. It's just...so empty.

  I don't understand. I can't understand. After all, why do I always feel regretful every second?

  I was just created, and I was unconsciously in this body. Slowly losing memories that were maybe precious to me, feeling like I'm losing myself. But why do I always regret things?

  I know those feelings aren't mine, but belong to the owner of this body. After all, he isn't me.

  I never saved my little sister. I'm not her hero. Because the one who saved her is the original owner of this body. I'm just an empty soul who suddenly appeared in this world and got trapped in an endless loop.

  I never tried to save my family. Because I don't have anyone I can consider as such. I'm not part of this family. I'm just an intruder pretending to be.

  I never experienced what the owner of this body experienced. Because it was him not me who did it. He's the one who did all those amazing things.

  I feel like the owner of this body is a great person. Everything he's achieved until now has proven what I think of him now.

  It's just that, why do I have to be trapped in this great person's body?

  He has a warm family that welcomed him not out of luck. But because he deserves it as a reward after successfully achieving what he wanted.

  It's so strange when I think that I can understand what the owner of this body wants when I hear Maria's story about him.

  After all, anyone would be able to know the owner of this body's motives, how he could do something so brave.

  His sincerity is evident in his actions. I don't know what he's thinking, but I can see that sincerity clearly. All he wants is one thing: to love himself.

  Everything he does is for that one thing. That's why he's trying to fix everything. Because if so, maybe he can forgive himself after that.

  Has he forgiven himself?

  I don't know. there's no way I know. I'm not him.

  His life path is full of twists and turns, but the guilt he bears is so clear, it's visible. Even though Maria told the story from her own perspective, I feel like I can understand the owner of this body.

  Does that prove I am him? I don't know. I don't understand. Because I have no memory of being him.

  What does he actually want now? What do I actually want now? I don't know. I don't understand. Even when I try to find Claire, it's actually just a reason I want to create so that I still have a reason to do something.

  After all, I no longer have a reason to live. Even though it's like that, I'll keep living like this forever. Like an empty shell without anything inside it. There's an endless void in my heart. But that's me, like it or not, I'm still me. Even if I want to be someone else, I was born as me, and I'll forever remain as me.

  But even as the loop keeps happening, I still can't find the answer that's been spinning in my head since I realized I'm starting to become someone else.

  What am I actually chasing in this empty world all this time?

  I don't know. don't know anything anymore.