It fell into a routine far too easily for Xian. Any time he saw Prince Lamaj in passing, he would offer him a coy smile or smirk, since that seemed to be the expression that the prince seemed to enjoy the most. At night, the prince would sneak into Xian's room; not always in the form of a fox, but always some form of animal. Xian wondered if perhaps the prince had some ability to change his shape at will, or if it was limited to simply animals.
Each night they spent together, Xian would listen to the stories the prince would tell him about his childhood, about his family. It was surreal to hear him speak so candidly about the royal family that drew so much suspicion across the realm, but Xian did his best to soak up every piece of information he could.
But even though he knew he had an assignment to carry out, it was difficult to report back to Akita. Xian would give him what information he could, but so much of it didn't seem helpful at all to Semetra or the Emperor. Sure, Lamaj had confirmed that Prince Retniw seemed smitten with Princess Samiya, and that the royal family intended to put her on the throne of Zilynth, but other than that... It wasn't like geopolitical strategy was acceptable pillow talk.
And then there were the things that Xian kept to himself. He didn't tell the Gardener that Lamaj loved spicy foods, or that he still wept when he talked about his mother too long. He didn't report that the queens were prone to cursing like sailors when not acting within their royal duties, or that once a week, the kitchen staff were given the day off so the royal family would cook for themselves; he didn't mention that Prince--no, King Naes hated olives, and would often times try to sneak them onto Lamaj's plate when he wasn't looking (Lamaj always noticed, but never said anything). He didn't say how protective Lamaj was over his little brother and his baby sisters, or how often they had slept in his bed or their father's bed since the death of their mother.
It was like Xian was hoarding copper pieces, but he couldn't bring himself to report any of those things. The Emperor didn't need them, surely it would be no harm for Xian to keep them...
"You're holding back."
Xian held his breath as he stood before Akita, hands clasped behind his back, "I apologize for the lack of viable information, sir," He demurred, head bowed, "I'm afraid the prince was feeling nostalgic last night, he only spoke of his family's summer trips to Perpone and the sabbaticals spent there."
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The Gardener raised an eyebrow, "A rather out-of-the-way place to summer, especially with the roads being the way they are designed."
"Lamaj...Prince Lamaj said there was a more direct route that the royal family used. It made the trip much shorter, less winding." Xian added, hoping against hope that Akita would not notice his slip.
Akita's eyes narrowed, but he made no comment on the slip in name, "Show me the route." He said instead, moving to the map laid out on his desk.
Xian frowned slightly at that, but did as he was told, tracing the path as his mind eye had conjured it when Lamaj had described it to him, "I doubt this will be of much use, it reveals nothing of either Zilynth's or Rathania's true motives for this war."
Silence filled the room, and Xian realized he had made a terrible mistake.
"It is not your place to doubt, Lotus," Akita's voice was cold as ice.
Xian swallowed, his eyes downcast, "Yes sir. I forgot myself."
The Gardener did not relent, one hand reaching out to wrap around Xian's throat, "Indeed you have. Make no mistake about your position in this life, Lotus," A slight squeeze made it difficult for Xian to swallow, "You belong to Semetra, to the Gilded Emperor. Even if you are being rented out to the Rathanian prince for the time being, do not forget that he is paying for your body with information. Make sure he pays."
This was hardly the first time Xian had been punished by the Gardener, this wasn't even the fiercest of lectures or the harshest punishment. But every word from Akita's mouth twisted with more agony than the knife the Gardener had used on him when Xian had failed to translate a document fast enough for his liking.
Then Akita’s eyes narrowed, his thumb pressing into the hollow of Xian’s throat, “I wonder, Lotus, if you are not already succumbing to the madness of Rathania.”
Xian couldn’t hide the tremor that shook his body. Not when Akita had him by the throat. Not when Xian had been harboring the same fears in the recesses of his heart.
He thought back to all those journal entries of the Lotuses who came before him, the ones shortly before each of them vanished. The euphoria, the craving each of them described, how completely unbelievable it had all sounded when he had first read those entries. Now, when Xian looked back on his own entries in his journal, he saw more and more similarities. He was understanding it more and more.
But he couldn't lose himself to the madness yet. Just a little bit longer. If he could just hold on to his sanity just a bit longer...
"No, sir, I am of sound mind," Xian whispered, his voice hindered by the Gardener's hold, and for that he was grateful. Xian didn't think he could have mustered anything louder than a whisper if he tried.
"Are you sure?" Akita's voice was low, and the older man's face was mere inches from Xian's. "Are you sure you are the one in control and not the enemy?"
Xian opened his mouth again, only to shut it again. His first instinct had not been to answer Akita's question, but to ask if Rathania was even Semetra's enemy.
He was running out of time.
"I am in control, sir," Xian repeated, "I am of sound mind, and I have not lost myself to the Rathanian madness."
For now.